Enforcer
Page 42
“People have failed me my entire life, Lex. The only constant I’ve had was myself. I’m not proud of the things I’ve done. I know they were wrong. But it was all I knew how to do. Maybe I should have let us go into foster care. I don’t know. All I had was myself.” Her voice broke as she repeated it.
“I believed in you. I allowed myself to believe that for once in my f**king life I was with someone who might take care of me every once in a while. Or at the very least, take care of themselves so I wouldn’t have to.”
Her entire body began to tremble at the effort to free all of the things she’d kept inside. “I trusted you. I trusted Cade. I don’t know how to get back from this place where I feel so betrayed.”
Lex leaned over her and turned on the lamp, casting a low golden light into the room. He sat next to her, searching her face.
“Oh, baby. My poor wounded bird.” He kissed her fingertips and realized he could scent her wolf and he had to close his eyes for a moment as the intensity of the feeling passed through him.
“Why, Lex? Why would you all stand there and watch someone kill me? You don’t think issuing a challenge to the death was a bit of an overreaction for a nick on the forehead? Could you really just watch as he killed me, Lex? You had a gun, you could have shot him first. Do I really mean so little that an entire room of people would do nothing to stop him from killing me?” Nina’s voice was a mere whisper, laden with emotional turmoil.
Lex took a deep breath. “Werewolves have existed, hidden from humans, for thousands of years. We’ve only just come out in the last hundred years. All that’s kept us safe, free from persecution and being hunted to extinction, was the Pack.
“The Pack is life, Nina. Our rules create order. A Pack is a unit. You have to trust everyone in that unit to get your back if you’re attacked. Our rules aren’t just words and ceremony—they’re wired into our very existence.
“You felt it when Cade spoke earlier, I know you did. It’s biological determinism for werewolves. But in order for a hierarchy to exist unchallenged—to avoid infighting and backstabbing—every wolf has to rely on the absolute of the rules that govern us.
“We can’t obey the rules only when it suits us. If Cade had stopped the challenge, the Pack would have torn him apart. Literally. They would have lost confidence in his leadership. That would have thrown the Pack into total chaos.
“Cade was born to lead this Pack. Just as I was born to be the Enforcer. It’s my job to enforce our laws.” His voice hitched with deep emotion. “I would have killed Carter if he’d killed you. But they took my guns, I couldn’t have shot him. Challenge or no, I would have ripped him apart with my bare hands and then I’d have withered away without you.”
Tears were running down her face and he reached out and took the teardrops with the tips of his fingers. They clung there like diamonds. He put them to his lips—taking her inside of him.
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be what you needed. I’m not making excuses for it. Carter betrayed the Pack by misusing his position. It’s one reason why the rest were so quick to demote him so severely. But Cade couldn’t have stepped in. He had to weigh your life against the existence of the Pack he was born to protect. It wasn’t easy for him, but there was no other choice.”
She looked into his face for several long minutes. She didn’t speak, she just studied his features as she drank him in. Aside from being incredibly handsome, there was something about the shape of his eyes, the curve of his bottom lip, the fuzz of his day-old beard—something about the sight of him that calmed her.
She reached out and touched his bottom lip and they both shivered at the contact. So much existed between them that there weren’t words adequate to express it all. Love and hope, hurt and anger, disapproval and betrayal, but above all, connection. Love is not simple, it is not easy. But between them, it simply existed.
It was like slow motion as Lex brought a hand up to enfold her hand in his larger one. “You’re still recovering. We should wait.”
Her eyes narrowed and he laughed. She shook her head. “I need a shower.”
“Dr. Molinari said that would be fine. Do you need help?” He got up gingerly. His c**k was so hard it ached. His wolf was barely leashed, wanting to mark her, excited that she now had a wolf. It took their bond to a completely new level. Where before he’d been able to keep his wolf suppressed because Nina was human, there were no such restraints now and his wolf knew it.
He walked into their bathroom and turned on the water to let it run and get it warm. His back was turned but he felt when she walked into the room. Not just with his more sensitive hearing and sense of smell, but deep inside.
Turning, he caught her eye and their wolves caught scent of each other.
Her eyes widened as her breathing quickened. “What is that?” Her hand gripped the bathroom counter.
“Our wolves. They scented each other.” He moved to her and pulled her shirt off, tossing it in the hamper, and then shoved her panties down. One of her hands rested on his shoulder as she stepped out of them, kicking them aside.
He groaned and her hand tightened. “Lex,” she said in a purr.
“No. Don’t tempt me, Nina. You need a shower and then you need to get back in bed. You were so hurt…” His voice broke and he turned quickly, opening the shower enclosure and she sashayed in.
The warm water sluicing down her body felt really good and she sighed at the pleasure.
“I believed in you. I allowed myself to believe that for once in my f**king life I was with someone who might take care of me every once in a while. Or at the very least, take care of themselves so I wouldn’t have to.”
Her entire body began to tremble at the effort to free all of the things she’d kept inside. “I trusted you. I trusted Cade. I don’t know how to get back from this place where I feel so betrayed.”
Lex leaned over her and turned on the lamp, casting a low golden light into the room. He sat next to her, searching her face.
“Oh, baby. My poor wounded bird.” He kissed her fingertips and realized he could scent her wolf and he had to close his eyes for a moment as the intensity of the feeling passed through him.
“Why, Lex? Why would you all stand there and watch someone kill me? You don’t think issuing a challenge to the death was a bit of an overreaction for a nick on the forehead? Could you really just watch as he killed me, Lex? You had a gun, you could have shot him first. Do I really mean so little that an entire room of people would do nothing to stop him from killing me?” Nina’s voice was a mere whisper, laden with emotional turmoil.
Lex took a deep breath. “Werewolves have existed, hidden from humans, for thousands of years. We’ve only just come out in the last hundred years. All that’s kept us safe, free from persecution and being hunted to extinction, was the Pack.
“The Pack is life, Nina. Our rules create order. A Pack is a unit. You have to trust everyone in that unit to get your back if you’re attacked. Our rules aren’t just words and ceremony—they’re wired into our very existence.
“You felt it when Cade spoke earlier, I know you did. It’s biological determinism for werewolves. But in order for a hierarchy to exist unchallenged—to avoid infighting and backstabbing—every wolf has to rely on the absolute of the rules that govern us.
“We can’t obey the rules only when it suits us. If Cade had stopped the challenge, the Pack would have torn him apart. Literally. They would have lost confidence in his leadership. That would have thrown the Pack into total chaos.
“Cade was born to lead this Pack. Just as I was born to be the Enforcer. It’s my job to enforce our laws.” His voice hitched with deep emotion. “I would have killed Carter if he’d killed you. But they took my guns, I couldn’t have shot him. Challenge or no, I would have ripped him apart with my bare hands and then I’d have withered away without you.”
Tears were running down her face and he reached out and took the teardrops with the tips of his fingers. They clung there like diamonds. He put them to his lips—taking her inside of him.
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be what you needed. I’m not making excuses for it. Carter betrayed the Pack by misusing his position. It’s one reason why the rest were so quick to demote him so severely. But Cade couldn’t have stepped in. He had to weigh your life against the existence of the Pack he was born to protect. It wasn’t easy for him, but there was no other choice.”
She looked into his face for several long minutes. She didn’t speak, she just studied his features as she drank him in. Aside from being incredibly handsome, there was something about the shape of his eyes, the curve of his bottom lip, the fuzz of his day-old beard—something about the sight of him that calmed her.
She reached out and touched his bottom lip and they both shivered at the contact. So much existed between them that there weren’t words adequate to express it all. Love and hope, hurt and anger, disapproval and betrayal, but above all, connection. Love is not simple, it is not easy. But between them, it simply existed.
It was like slow motion as Lex brought a hand up to enfold her hand in his larger one. “You’re still recovering. We should wait.”
Her eyes narrowed and he laughed. She shook her head. “I need a shower.”
“Dr. Molinari said that would be fine. Do you need help?” He got up gingerly. His c**k was so hard it ached. His wolf was barely leashed, wanting to mark her, excited that she now had a wolf. It took their bond to a completely new level. Where before he’d been able to keep his wolf suppressed because Nina was human, there were no such restraints now and his wolf knew it.
He walked into their bathroom and turned on the water to let it run and get it warm. His back was turned but he felt when she walked into the room. Not just with his more sensitive hearing and sense of smell, but deep inside.
Turning, he caught her eye and their wolves caught scent of each other.
Her eyes widened as her breathing quickened. “What is that?” Her hand gripped the bathroom counter.
“Our wolves. They scented each other.” He moved to her and pulled her shirt off, tossing it in the hamper, and then shoved her panties down. One of her hands rested on his shoulder as she stepped out of them, kicking them aside.
He groaned and her hand tightened. “Lex,” she said in a purr.
“No. Don’t tempt me, Nina. You need a shower and then you need to get back in bed. You were so hurt…” His voice broke and he turned quickly, opening the shower enclosure and she sashayed in.
The warm water sluicing down her body felt really good and she sighed at the pleasure.
