Eternally North
Page 53
His eyes squinted shut, his jaw muscle clenching over and over. “Tash, it’s complicated. You make this complicated for me. You don’t understand!” he shook his head losing his temper.
I swallowed hard, trying not to show my hurt. “Then help me understand! It’s not complicated Tudor, or at least it shouldn’t be. If you want someone and they want you back its simple. It’s the simplest thing in the whole friggin’ world. I’ve had enough of complicated. I want simple, I want normal. You’re anything but.”
He expelled a venomous laugh. “You mean like him?”
“What? Who?” I answered confused.
“That hippy, pansy-looking guy out there? The one who was practically drooling all over you!”
“Gage?” I questioned, my headache now thumping to an almost unbearable rate. I really wasn’t feeling right.
“Oh, Gage is it?” he said sarcastically. “Did you agree to go out with him? I heard him ask you?”
What the–? Has he been watching me all this time?
I tilted my chin up in defiance. “So what if I did?”
He sucked in a sharp breath, eyes wild, hitting a clenched fist against the wall repeatedly a few feet above my head.
“You can’t!” he stated evenly through gritted teeth, shaking his head as he loomed over my smaller frame.
How dare he?!
“Too bloody right I can and I am. What’s it to you anyway? You don’t want me, remember? ‘We are nothing!’ I’m not going to shag you now, against this wall, just to have you regret it because I'm not good enough for you.” I prodded my finger against his chest. It didn’t even make him flinch.
He let out a humourless snort. “‘What’s it to me?’ she says. I won’t allow it, that’s what! I f**king forbid it! Tash, you can’t do this to me. I can’t stomach the thought of you with him!”
That hit a nerve. “Do this to you? You won’t allow it? You forbid it! What the hell are you going on about Tudor? You are an absolute mind-fuck. You can’t have me, you don’t want me, but nor can any other man? Do you see how royally screwed-up that is? You’re sounding insane!”
He moved closer, an inch from my lips. He licked and rubbed his, hypnotising with the movement of his tongue. “I can’t watch you be like that with other men.”
“Be like what?” I asked, in total shock at his admission.
“All flirty… wanting them… you only do that for me, you’re only meant to do that for me.”
I physically crumpled against the wall, my head in my hands. “Tudor, I can’t take this! What do you want from me? First, you’re all over me like a rash, even though it’s against what you want, then you reject me and now you forbid me from going for coffee with a guy who doesn’t bloody hide his interest towards me. Who can be seen with me in public. Who seems genuinely interested in me. Who doesn’t seduce me while all the time telling me he doesn’t want to be with me. Who is f**king normal! Have I missed anything? Please, let me know? Make me understand all this shit you’re putting me through!” I cried.
He just stood there, panting harshly and not moving, for what seemed like an eternity. He dipped his forehead to mine, allowing us to touch and sending an electric current shooting through my body straight to my heart.
“You’re right,” he whispered, resigned.
He backed away and leaned against the opposite wall. I felt exposed and empty by the loss of his physical proximity.
“I have absolutely no say in what or who you do. Forget I said anything. Forget tonight, it was a mistake, a f**king huge mistake.” He crossed his bulging arms over his chest and looked down at the floor.
For a moment, my heart fell; the look on his face was utterly heart-breaking. Like a child who had just been told that Santa wasn’t real – completely shattered.
I went to move towards him, but he stood and shook his head and began backing up towards the emergency exit, hands out in surrender.
I clenched my fists and shrieked, hurt lacing my voice. “Tudor! What are you doing to me? Why? Tell me why you’re doing this? Did you mean what you said? Was all this tonight a big mistake?”
He stood completely still and lifted his head to the side, not quite looking back. “Go on your date, Tash, enjoy yourself. Forget about me. Go get married, have kids, have a good life with a normal guy… God knows you wouldn’t get that with me.”
He walked away from me once more and this time, I was sure, completely out of my life.
I swallowed hard, trying not to show my hurt. “Then help me understand! It’s not complicated Tudor, or at least it shouldn’t be. If you want someone and they want you back its simple. It’s the simplest thing in the whole friggin’ world. I’ve had enough of complicated. I want simple, I want normal. You’re anything but.”
He expelled a venomous laugh. “You mean like him?”
“What? Who?” I answered confused.
“That hippy, pansy-looking guy out there? The one who was practically drooling all over you!”
“Gage?” I questioned, my headache now thumping to an almost unbearable rate. I really wasn’t feeling right.
“Oh, Gage is it?” he said sarcastically. “Did you agree to go out with him? I heard him ask you?”
What the–? Has he been watching me all this time?
I tilted my chin up in defiance. “So what if I did?”
He sucked in a sharp breath, eyes wild, hitting a clenched fist against the wall repeatedly a few feet above my head.
“You can’t!” he stated evenly through gritted teeth, shaking his head as he loomed over my smaller frame.
How dare he?!
“Too bloody right I can and I am. What’s it to you anyway? You don’t want me, remember? ‘We are nothing!’ I’m not going to shag you now, against this wall, just to have you regret it because I'm not good enough for you.” I prodded my finger against his chest. It didn’t even make him flinch.
He let out a humourless snort. “‘What’s it to me?’ she says. I won’t allow it, that’s what! I f**king forbid it! Tash, you can’t do this to me. I can’t stomach the thought of you with him!”
That hit a nerve. “Do this to you? You won’t allow it? You forbid it! What the hell are you going on about Tudor? You are an absolute mind-fuck. You can’t have me, you don’t want me, but nor can any other man? Do you see how royally screwed-up that is? You’re sounding insane!”
He moved closer, an inch from my lips. He licked and rubbed his, hypnotising with the movement of his tongue. “I can’t watch you be like that with other men.”
“Be like what?” I asked, in total shock at his admission.
“All flirty… wanting them… you only do that for me, you’re only meant to do that for me.”
I physically crumpled against the wall, my head in my hands. “Tudor, I can’t take this! What do you want from me? First, you’re all over me like a rash, even though it’s against what you want, then you reject me and now you forbid me from going for coffee with a guy who doesn’t bloody hide his interest towards me. Who can be seen with me in public. Who seems genuinely interested in me. Who doesn’t seduce me while all the time telling me he doesn’t want to be with me. Who is f**king normal! Have I missed anything? Please, let me know? Make me understand all this shit you’re putting me through!” I cried.
He just stood there, panting harshly and not moving, for what seemed like an eternity. He dipped his forehead to mine, allowing us to touch and sending an electric current shooting through my body straight to my heart.
“You’re right,” he whispered, resigned.
He backed away and leaned against the opposite wall. I felt exposed and empty by the loss of his physical proximity.
“I have absolutely no say in what or who you do. Forget I said anything. Forget tonight, it was a mistake, a f**king huge mistake.” He crossed his bulging arms over his chest and looked down at the floor.
For a moment, my heart fell; the look on his face was utterly heart-breaking. Like a child who had just been told that Santa wasn’t real – completely shattered.
I went to move towards him, but he stood and shook his head and began backing up towards the emergency exit, hands out in surrender.
I clenched my fists and shrieked, hurt lacing my voice. “Tudor! What are you doing to me? Why? Tell me why you’re doing this? Did you mean what you said? Was all this tonight a big mistake?”
He stood completely still and lifted his head to the side, not quite looking back. “Go on your date, Tash, enjoy yourself. Forget about me. Go get married, have kids, have a good life with a normal guy… God knows you wouldn’t get that with me.”
He walked away from me once more and this time, I was sure, completely out of my life.
