Eversea
Page 53
“All of it?” I whispered.
“God, Keri Ann, what do you want me to say? I’m sorry I’m so fucked up I sold my life, my soul, and my future to the devil?”
His hand left mine, and he pressed it palm down in the center of my chest. “If I’d known you were in my future, I would have chosen differently.”
His skin was hot against mine, and we both stood, each of us pressing a hand on the other’s heart. It could have been ridiculous and childish if it hadn’t been so Goddamn tragic. Not he may have chosen differently, he would have chosen differently.
I hung onto his words like a life raft. I felt a tear slide out of the corner of my eye. No! I would not cry now.
Jack stepped forward, our arms folding up to allow his advance, and I held my breath as his face came close to mine. His breath was cold where it touched my wet cheek, and then his warm tongue and lips were on my skin just like when we’d made love. I gritted my teeth against the onslaught of emotion the tender move caused, but my breathing hitched, giving me away. I gave in and turned my face, meeting his lips with mine. They were salty from my tears, tangy from whiskey, and hungry for me. The taste of bittersweet.
I accepted the slide of his tongue and returned it, pouring into my kiss words I would never say. I took his beautiful soft hair in my hands, trying to capture the memory of it, and then slid them down his muscled back, memorizing every nuance. Finally, breaking my mouth away from his, I pressed my face to his neck and kissed his throat. My mouth moved over the Adams apple I had been so focused on the night he had almost kissed me. I tasted his skin and heard and felt the vibration of his groan beneath my mouth. And I inhaled the scent from his skin, deeply.
Then I brought my mouth close to his ear. “If you had chosen differently, you would have never found me,” I whispered. That was the worst irony of all. And there was only one thing to do.
“Good bye, Jack,” I said and stepped sideways out of his arms.
Jack watched me, wordlessly. I eased open the door and slid through the opening into the arms of Joey, who had obviously been waiting for me.
One last look saw Jack closing his eyes and sinking to his knees before Joey took the door and closed it behind me.
T H I R T Y – F O U R
I couldn’t believe it was possible to wake up and feel any worse than I did the day Audrey Lane arrived in Butler Cove and bomb shelled the snugged up little love fest I had going with Jack. But, it was. It wasn’t like anything had changed or gotten worse. Jack was still gone. Knowing he was suffering because of it should have given me a small amount of gratification, but all it really did was make the pain keener. Made the situation more tragic.
I wanted him to walk through the door and tell me I had rocked his world and that he’d never be the same. I wanted him to tell me that while he’d be there for Audrey and his child, it was me he wanted to be with. I hated myself for thinking that. For wanting that baby to grow up wondering where his daddy was all the time.
I was the other woman. I never wanted to be the other woman. Nana always said at the end of a day, a person’s integrity was all they had to recommend them. I’d knowingly participated in every moment with Jack, and I hated my weakness. And what? Was I expecting him to move to Butler Cove, or me to California?
After Joey hustled me out of the room at the club, and away from Jack, we found Colt sitting on a barstool, next to Jazz, a bag of ice on his face. He handed his keys to Joey, and the four of us left in his BMW.
We dropped Colt home at his townhouse, Joey promising to return his car the next day. Colt didn’t say a word to me.
Now Joey sat at the foot of my bed as I wallowed.
“You need to follow me to Colt’s so I can drop his car. And we need to check on him.” He pulled at the blonde tufts of his hair. “Dammit, Keri Ann. Is Jack Eversea always like that? I mean, I know he’d been drinking, and he saw you with Colt, but that’s no excuse to hit someone.”
I just shook my head without answering. The truth was I didn’t know. The night I’d met Jack, he was drinking whiskey. But I’d never seen him drunk, apart from last night. His father was violent. I shook my head again to clear that thought.
Joey pursed his lips at my silence. “What? No? He’s not like that, or you don’t know?”
“I don’t know,” I croaked. My tongue felt like wool.
“Well, either way, you shouldn’t have any contact with him. I know I’m not really entitled to tell you not to, I’m just asking you. Please, as your brother. He’s not good for you. That kind of intensity is just ... it can suck you down.”
I watched as Joey struggled with his overbearing personality. Even if I wanted to refute him, I didn’t have the energy.
“Look, this probably doesn’t help, but ... ” He placed a hand on my foot over the covers, presumably to soften the blow he was about to deliver. “I mean, even if his girlfriend had never shown up or whatever, I don’t understand the two of you. Were you going to try and do the whole girlfriend of a movie star thing? Going to his premieres, parties, and not seeing him while he does God knows what on location?”
I flinched. “Stop, Joey. I don’t need to hear this right now. I didn’t think about it, ok?” Stupidly, I hadn’t. I didn’t know what I was expecting when Jack invited me to see him in California. I thought we were both kind of taking it one day at a time.
“I mean, that’s just not you. I can’t imagine you in that environment. And what about your plans? What do you want to do with your life?”
“Why are you going on about this now, Joey?” I couldn’t keep the irritation and defensiveness out of my tone. “I feel like shit already. Why are you making me feel worse?”
“I’m sorry, kiddo. I guess I only realized last night how serious this was. I mean, he doesn’t have the best reputation. I knew you were upset before, but after seeing the two of you together last night, and the way you looked at each other ... ”
“How did he look at me?” I whispered, suddenly craving validation of Jack’s feelings from anyone but myself and my subjective imagination.
Joey sighed, resigned. “Like you were the last chopper out of Baghdad, the last IV in the field hospital, the last funnel cake at the fair, Jesus, I don’t know.”
I held my breath. Joey was usually more prosaic. His words were soothing my battered pride. It felt good.
“I just know that the way he was looking at you, he’s coming back someday. I need you to be prepared for that and to know I won’t let him mess with you again.”
I swallowed. What would I do if Jack came back? Joey was right. I wasn’t cut out to be a sometime girlfriend to a movie star and sometime mother to his baby. I needed to be me. Discover who I was. Jack’s invasion into my life had at least shown me that. I had no direction, and I needed to find it.
I was like a piece of that sea glass lying forgotten in a jar upstairs. A discarded shard that had been washed and tumbled back and forth by the momentum of the sea, only to wash up in Butler Cove and stay stuck and forgotten without any hope of becoming something more. Something more beautiful. I needed to find my potential. Jack wasn’t going to help with that. If anything, he would have completely eclipsed any chance I had of discovering what I was meant to do. The feelings I had for Jack were so strong they would have sucked me into a whirlpool straight down to the ocean floor.
“God, Keri Ann, what do you want me to say? I’m sorry I’m so fucked up I sold my life, my soul, and my future to the devil?”
His hand left mine, and he pressed it palm down in the center of my chest. “If I’d known you were in my future, I would have chosen differently.”
His skin was hot against mine, and we both stood, each of us pressing a hand on the other’s heart. It could have been ridiculous and childish if it hadn’t been so Goddamn tragic. Not he may have chosen differently, he would have chosen differently.
I hung onto his words like a life raft. I felt a tear slide out of the corner of my eye. No! I would not cry now.
Jack stepped forward, our arms folding up to allow his advance, and I held my breath as his face came close to mine. His breath was cold where it touched my wet cheek, and then his warm tongue and lips were on my skin just like when we’d made love. I gritted my teeth against the onslaught of emotion the tender move caused, but my breathing hitched, giving me away. I gave in and turned my face, meeting his lips with mine. They were salty from my tears, tangy from whiskey, and hungry for me. The taste of bittersweet.
I accepted the slide of his tongue and returned it, pouring into my kiss words I would never say. I took his beautiful soft hair in my hands, trying to capture the memory of it, and then slid them down his muscled back, memorizing every nuance. Finally, breaking my mouth away from his, I pressed my face to his neck and kissed his throat. My mouth moved over the Adams apple I had been so focused on the night he had almost kissed me. I tasted his skin and heard and felt the vibration of his groan beneath my mouth. And I inhaled the scent from his skin, deeply.
Then I brought my mouth close to his ear. “If you had chosen differently, you would have never found me,” I whispered. That was the worst irony of all. And there was only one thing to do.
“Good bye, Jack,” I said and stepped sideways out of his arms.
Jack watched me, wordlessly. I eased open the door and slid through the opening into the arms of Joey, who had obviously been waiting for me.
One last look saw Jack closing his eyes and sinking to his knees before Joey took the door and closed it behind me.
T H I R T Y – F O U R
I couldn’t believe it was possible to wake up and feel any worse than I did the day Audrey Lane arrived in Butler Cove and bomb shelled the snugged up little love fest I had going with Jack. But, it was. It wasn’t like anything had changed or gotten worse. Jack was still gone. Knowing he was suffering because of it should have given me a small amount of gratification, but all it really did was make the pain keener. Made the situation more tragic.
I wanted him to walk through the door and tell me I had rocked his world and that he’d never be the same. I wanted him to tell me that while he’d be there for Audrey and his child, it was me he wanted to be with. I hated myself for thinking that. For wanting that baby to grow up wondering where his daddy was all the time.
I was the other woman. I never wanted to be the other woman. Nana always said at the end of a day, a person’s integrity was all they had to recommend them. I’d knowingly participated in every moment with Jack, and I hated my weakness. And what? Was I expecting him to move to Butler Cove, or me to California?
After Joey hustled me out of the room at the club, and away from Jack, we found Colt sitting on a barstool, next to Jazz, a bag of ice on his face. He handed his keys to Joey, and the four of us left in his BMW.
We dropped Colt home at his townhouse, Joey promising to return his car the next day. Colt didn’t say a word to me.
Now Joey sat at the foot of my bed as I wallowed.
“You need to follow me to Colt’s so I can drop his car. And we need to check on him.” He pulled at the blonde tufts of his hair. “Dammit, Keri Ann. Is Jack Eversea always like that? I mean, I know he’d been drinking, and he saw you with Colt, but that’s no excuse to hit someone.”
I just shook my head without answering. The truth was I didn’t know. The night I’d met Jack, he was drinking whiskey. But I’d never seen him drunk, apart from last night. His father was violent. I shook my head again to clear that thought.
Joey pursed his lips at my silence. “What? No? He’s not like that, or you don’t know?”
“I don’t know,” I croaked. My tongue felt like wool.
“Well, either way, you shouldn’t have any contact with him. I know I’m not really entitled to tell you not to, I’m just asking you. Please, as your brother. He’s not good for you. That kind of intensity is just ... it can suck you down.”
I watched as Joey struggled with his overbearing personality. Even if I wanted to refute him, I didn’t have the energy.
“Look, this probably doesn’t help, but ... ” He placed a hand on my foot over the covers, presumably to soften the blow he was about to deliver. “I mean, even if his girlfriend had never shown up or whatever, I don’t understand the two of you. Were you going to try and do the whole girlfriend of a movie star thing? Going to his premieres, parties, and not seeing him while he does God knows what on location?”
I flinched. “Stop, Joey. I don’t need to hear this right now. I didn’t think about it, ok?” Stupidly, I hadn’t. I didn’t know what I was expecting when Jack invited me to see him in California. I thought we were both kind of taking it one day at a time.
“I mean, that’s just not you. I can’t imagine you in that environment. And what about your plans? What do you want to do with your life?”
“Why are you going on about this now, Joey?” I couldn’t keep the irritation and defensiveness out of my tone. “I feel like shit already. Why are you making me feel worse?”
“I’m sorry, kiddo. I guess I only realized last night how serious this was. I mean, he doesn’t have the best reputation. I knew you were upset before, but after seeing the two of you together last night, and the way you looked at each other ... ”
“How did he look at me?” I whispered, suddenly craving validation of Jack’s feelings from anyone but myself and my subjective imagination.
Joey sighed, resigned. “Like you were the last chopper out of Baghdad, the last IV in the field hospital, the last funnel cake at the fair, Jesus, I don’t know.”
I held my breath. Joey was usually more prosaic. His words were soothing my battered pride. It felt good.
“I just know that the way he was looking at you, he’s coming back someday. I need you to be prepared for that and to know I won’t let him mess with you again.”
I swallowed. What would I do if Jack came back? Joey was right. I wasn’t cut out to be a sometime girlfriend to a movie star and sometime mother to his baby. I needed to be me. Discover who I was. Jack’s invasion into my life had at least shown me that. I had no direction, and I needed to find it.
I was like a piece of that sea glass lying forgotten in a jar upstairs. A discarded shard that had been washed and tumbled back and forth by the momentum of the sea, only to wash up in Butler Cove and stay stuck and forgotten without any hope of becoming something more. Something more beautiful. I needed to find my potential. Jack wasn’t going to help with that. If anything, he would have completely eclipsed any chance I had of discovering what I was meant to do. The feelings I had for Jack were so strong they would have sucked me into a whirlpool straight down to the ocean floor.
