Eversea
Page 57
“Keri Ann!” Colt’s voice called out after me as I bolted out the door Devon had just exited. I didn’t stop.
“Devon,” I called. He paused in the dark courtyard. The same courtyard where I first saw Jack.
“What?” he asked, turning around, his hands shoved in his pockets. My heart pounded so loud in my head it was making me dizzy. I didn’t know why I’d run after him. I didn’t know what to say.
“Did ... did you need to speak to me?” I sounded breathy and awful.
“Keri Ann?” Colt’s voice was behind me again.
Damn it!
Devon’s eyes cut over my shoulder. “Your boyfriend?”
“No!” I yelled vehemently. God. Colt heard that. I turned around to his shocked eyes, but I couldn’t do this right now. I needed to know why Devon was here. “I’m sorry, Colt. Please go on without me, I’ll be home when I’m done talking to Devon.”
“Fine,” he said through gritted teeth. “But, I’m not leaving. I’ll wait inside. Come get me when you’re,” his eyes flicked up and down Devon, “done here.”
But Devon had turned and started walking again. “Wait, please.” My voice caught over the last word.
Devon stopped and turned back. “I don’t think he knew he wasn’t your boyfriend.”
I shook my head. “It’s not like that. I mean, I know he likes me, but he’s also just a friend. I don’t ... I can’t ... ” Why were we talking about Colt, when I wanted to talk about Jack? And I did want to talk about Jack. I’d chased Devon out here because, before my head could catch up, my gut had instinctively reacted to my last lifeline walking out the door.
“Please. Is Jack ... Is he ... ” God, I didn’t know where to start.
Devon blew out a deep breath, and then nodded his head toward the closest table and chairs. We sat down in the dim lamplight. I shivered slightly in just my T-shirt and no sweater. I folded my arms across my chest, willing Devon to just start talking so I didn’t have to figure out what to ask. He did.
“Jack’s messed up,” he said quietly. “I don’t know if you read about it. The shit’s been all over the fucking internet already.”
I swallowed and tried to recall all the stuff Jazz had been trying to tell me that I didn’t want to listen to.
Devon looked at me as if trying to work out what to say. “Jack and Audrey are definitely over. It was a nightmare. Even Andy’s been fired. His agent.” I nodded. I knew who Andy was. “Something ... something happened. Audrey and his agent deceived him about something pretty big. They totally blindsided him.”
I knew how few people Jack felt he could trust, and my stomach flipped over for him.
“I ... ” my voice was scratchy. I tried again. “I didn’t read the story, a friend tried to explain today, but I didn’t believe it. Is ... is he okay?” My heart hurt.
Devon shifted forward, and resting his elbows on his knees, scrubbed a hand down his face. “Jack was devastated. We were all sitting around at their house when Andy just let slip—shit, I can’t tell you anything else. It’s not my place. But my God, the look on Jack’s face ... I mean I know he’s been acting a little off but,” Devon let out a rough breath, “I’ve never seen anything like it. It was eerie as shit.”
“Poor Jack,” I said, pained. God, I couldn’t imagine what a shock that must have been to learn your girlfriend and your agent were conspiring against you and treating you like some puppet. And for what? For money? I didn’t know what they could have done, but for Jack to fire his agent and break up with the mother of his baby, it must have been huge.
Jack and Audrey had clearly been back together for real. That Devon had said ‘their house’ wasn’t lost on me. I was glad I was sitting down, because my body was having trouble dealing with all of the reactions I was having to Devon’s words. I felt nauseous, weak, and again that feeling of dread was spreading through me like an oil slick.
“What did you mean, Jack’s been acting a little off?” While Devon was here, I felt like I needed to get as much information as I could. It was idiotic, I knew. I had avoided any news about Jack for so long as a way to try and get past him, and now I was doing the exact opposite. It didn’t make sense. And why was Devon here? “And why are you here?”
Devon looked up at me long and appraisingly. “I really shouldn’t be having this conversation with you. I haven’t told you anything you couldn’t have read about, though. To be honest, I’m not sure why I came. I was curious, that’s all.”
“Curious? About what?” I twisted my fingers, nervously.
Devon’s eyes dropped to my hands, then came back up to mine. I had the feeling he had just edited what he was about to say. “I was curious about whether Jack would come back here.”
My breath left me, involuntarily. “Why ... why would you think he would come back here?” I tried really hard to take any kind of emotion out of that question, and it only left a whisper.
Devon was looking at me hard, as if trying to answer that for himself. It made me uncomfortable, and it made me feel like ... less. He took a deep breath as if reaching a decision.
“Jack left right after he fired Andy. He could have been here by now.” He looked at me straight in the eyes. “This is where I heard him tell Katie he needed to go.” My heart hammered harder. “And this is, based on some of the things he’s shared with me, where I expected him to go.”
I hadn’t realized how tightly I was wound until Devon said those words, and a small sob tore out of me. I took a deep, unsteady lungful of air and tried to blink back the tears pooling in my eyes.
Devon immediately grabbed my hand and hung on, squeezing tight, as I breathed through it and brought myself under control. “Shit,” I blew out another breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I needed to know it wasn’t one-sided. That it was real for you. And I think you’ve just set my mind at ease.”
I could feel the elation, the confirmation I had meant something to Jack, trying to spread its rays through me, but the scared and terrified dark part of me I had been fighting with since Jazz’s text this morning wouldn’t let go.
What if it wasn’t enough? What if I wasn’t enough? It was one thing to fixate on a girl you thought embodied all you felt like you were missing in your life. Especially when you were trapped there. But when all the bars had gone, and all the steel doors had been unlocked, did you really need the girl? What if she was just a symbol of hope and not a destination?
“But he didn’t come here, did he?” I asked Devon.
He looked at me, sadly, and my heart plummeted. “No, he didn’t. Not yet, anyway. But, Keri Ann—” he seemed to struggle with what to say or maybe how to say it. “I feel pretty sure he will.”
I swiped at my eye. “How?” How on earth could Devon be sure? Or was he just trying to spare my feelings? If Jack was coming right away, why wasn’t he here yet?
He let out a deep chuckle. “Well, now I’ve met you, I guess. I don’t know how I know. I just do. And the fact that, when I told you about the shit that went down, your first reaction was compassion for Jack and not happiness he was free, means you have definitely earned my trust. I ... ” He stood up and I followed suit. “I hope you two manage to work it out somehow. I can’t imagine it’s going to be easy.”
“Devon,” I called. He paused in the dark courtyard. The same courtyard where I first saw Jack.
“What?” he asked, turning around, his hands shoved in his pockets. My heart pounded so loud in my head it was making me dizzy. I didn’t know why I’d run after him. I didn’t know what to say.
“Did ... did you need to speak to me?” I sounded breathy and awful.
“Keri Ann?” Colt’s voice was behind me again.
Damn it!
Devon’s eyes cut over my shoulder. “Your boyfriend?”
“No!” I yelled vehemently. God. Colt heard that. I turned around to his shocked eyes, but I couldn’t do this right now. I needed to know why Devon was here. “I’m sorry, Colt. Please go on without me, I’ll be home when I’m done talking to Devon.”
“Fine,” he said through gritted teeth. “But, I’m not leaving. I’ll wait inside. Come get me when you’re,” his eyes flicked up and down Devon, “done here.”
But Devon had turned and started walking again. “Wait, please.” My voice caught over the last word.
Devon stopped and turned back. “I don’t think he knew he wasn’t your boyfriend.”
I shook my head. “It’s not like that. I mean, I know he likes me, but he’s also just a friend. I don’t ... I can’t ... ” Why were we talking about Colt, when I wanted to talk about Jack? And I did want to talk about Jack. I’d chased Devon out here because, before my head could catch up, my gut had instinctively reacted to my last lifeline walking out the door.
“Please. Is Jack ... Is he ... ” God, I didn’t know where to start.
Devon blew out a deep breath, and then nodded his head toward the closest table and chairs. We sat down in the dim lamplight. I shivered slightly in just my T-shirt and no sweater. I folded my arms across my chest, willing Devon to just start talking so I didn’t have to figure out what to ask. He did.
“Jack’s messed up,” he said quietly. “I don’t know if you read about it. The shit’s been all over the fucking internet already.”
I swallowed and tried to recall all the stuff Jazz had been trying to tell me that I didn’t want to listen to.
Devon looked at me as if trying to work out what to say. “Jack and Audrey are definitely over. It was a nightmare. Even Andy’s been fired. His agent.” I nodded. I knew who Andy was. “Something ... something happened. Audrey and his agent deceived him about something pretty big. They totally blindsided him.”
I knew how few people Jack felt he could trust, and my stomach flipped over for him.
“I ... ” my voice was scratchy. I tried again. “I didn’t read the story, a friend tried to explain today, but I didn’t believe it. Is ... is he okay?” My heart hurt.
Devon shifted forward, and resting his elbows on his knees, scrubbed a hand down his face. “Jack was devastated. We were all sitting around at their house when Andy just let slip—shit, I can’t tell you anything else. It’s not my place. But my God, the look on Jack’s face ... I mean I know he’s been acting a little off but,” Devon let out a rough breath, “I’ve never seen anything like it. It was eerie as shit.”
“Poor Jack,” I said, pained. God, I couldn’t imagine what a shock that must have been to learn your girlfriend and your agent were conspiring against you and treating you like some puppet. And for what? For money? I didn’t know what they could have done, but for Jack to fire his agent and break up with the mother of his baby, it must have been huge.
Jack and Audrey had clearly been back together for real. That Devon had said ‘their house’ wasn’t lost on me. I was glad I was sitting down, because my body was having trouble dealing with all of the reactions I was having to Devon’s words. I felt nauseous, weak, and again that feeling of dread was spreading through me like an oil slick.
“What did you mean, Jack’s been acting a little off?” While Devon was here, I felt like I needed to get as much information as I could. It was idiotic, I knew. I had avoided any news about Jack for so long as a way to try and get past him, and now I was doing the exact opposite. It didn’t make sense. And why was Devon here? “And why are you here?”
Devon looked up at me long and appraisingly. “I really shouldn’t be having this conversation with you. I haven’t told you anything you couldn’t have read about, though. To be honest, I’m not sure why I came. I was curious, that’s all.”
“Curious? About what?” I twisted my fingers, nervously.
Devon’s eyes dropped to my hands, then came back up to mine. I had the feeling he had just edited what he was about to say. “I was curious about whether Jack would come back here.”
My breath left me, involuntarily. “Why ... why would you think he would come back here?” I tried really hard to take any kind of emotion out of that question, and it only left a whisper.
Devon was looking at me hard, as if trying to answer that for himself. It made me uncomfortable, and it made me feel like ... less. He took a deep breath as if reaching a decision.
“Jack left right after he fired Andy. He could have been here by now.” He looked at me straight in the eyes. “This is where I heard him tell Katie he needed to go.” My heart hammered harder. “And this is, based on some of the things he’s shared with me, where I expected him to go.”
I hadn’t realized how tightly I was wound until Devon said those words, and a small sob tore out of me. I took a deep, unsteady lungful of air and tried to blink back the tears pooling in my eyes.
Devon immediately grabbed my hand and hung on, squeezing tight, as I breathed through it and brought myself under control. “Shit,” I blew out another breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I needed to know it wasn’t one-sided. That it was real for you. And I think you’ve just set my mind at ease.”
I could feel the elation, the confirmation I had meant something to Jack, trying to spread its rays through me, but the scared and terrified dark part of me I had been fighting with since Jazz’s text this morning wouldn’t let go.
What if it wasn’t enough? What if I wasn’t enough? It was one thing to fixate on a girl you thought embodied all you felt like you were missing in your life. Especially when you were trapped there. But when all the bars had gone, and all the steel doors had been unlocked, did you really need the girl? What if she was just a symbol of hope and not a destination?
“But he didn’t come here, did he?” I asked Devon.
He looked at me, sadly, and my heart plummeted. “No, he didn’t. Not yet, anyway. But, Keri Ann—” he seemed to struggle with what to say or maybe how to say it. “I feel pretty sure he will.”
I swiped at my eye. “How?” How on earth could Devon be sure? Or was he just trying to spare my feelings? If Jack was coming right away, why wasn’t he here yet?
He let out a deep chuckle. “Well, now I’ve met you, I guess. I don’t know how I know. I just do. And the fact that, when I told you about the shit that went down, your first reaction was compassion for Jack and not happiness he was free, means you have definitely earned my trust. I ... ” He stood up and I followed suit. “I hope you two manage to work it out somehow. I can’t imagine it’s going to be easy.”
