Everywhere and Every Way
Page 77
“We alone?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Good.” Cal reached out and snagged her around the waist, dragging her into his arms. His lips feasted on hers with a raw hunger that still held an edge, as if he’d never get enough of her. She clung to his hard strength, enjoying the scent of male sweat and spice that drifted from his skin. She kissed him back with open enthusiasm that ripped a growl from his mouth.
“We doing dinner tonight?” he asked.
“Yes. I told your brothers they could join us.”
He groaned and nipped at the curve of her neck. She shivered. “Princess, I’m sick of those bozos eating with us all the time. I have a great idea. Let’s go back to your hotel and order room service. Let them fend for themselves.”
She laughed. Funny, she was rarely at the Hilton anymore. Her nights were spent over at Cal’s, along with weekends when they could catch a few hours of downtime. They’d gotten in a routine, including his family, that made her soul happy. “I promised. The Rosenthals come in tomorrow, so tonight is our last dinner for a while. I’ll be tied up with them finalizing details, completing paperwork, and making sure they’re settled in Harrington.”
He blew out a breath. “Fine. But I’m kicking them out early.”
“Fair enough.” They gazed at one another for a moment, and she caught an odd light in his eye. “What’s the matter? Is something wrong?”
Cal cocked his head, as if wondering if he should say something. “Yeah. I don’t want you to go when this project is over, Morgan. I want you to stay with me. Do you want that, too?”
Her heart surged at the same time that guilt struck her. She remembered his words to Sydney. He wanted a big family. He was owed the truth before they promised each other anything. “Yes. I’m in love with you, Cal. I want to work something out, because everything about us feels good and right.”
He tried to pull her back into his arms, but she backed off. Wrapping her arms around her chest, Morgan gathered her courage to tell him her story. “What’s the matter, baby? You don’t look happy. Are you worried about work? I don’t intend to tell you to stop doing something you love. Look at this house. It’s amazing, and you put your whole heart and soul into it. It’s not just a house anymore. You actually made it a home without one person living in it yet.”
She blinked back the sting of tears. Damn the man. “Thank you for that. No, I have to tell you something I’ve been holding back. It never seemed like the right time, and I wasn’t sure what would happen between us. I never expected to fall in love with you.” She gave a half laugh, trying to gather her thoughts. “I don’t want you to think I deliberately kept this from you for any other reason than I just wasn’t ready.”
“Okay. I’m listening.”
Morgan dragged in a breath. “I can’t have any children, Cal.”
A frown creased his brow. He scratched his head and probed her face with his gaze. “Baby, of course you don’t want children now. Did I scare you when I told Sydney I wanted a football team?” He grinned. “I’m sorry, I was talking about the future. Way in the future. Nothing to worry about now, I swear.”
“No, you don’t understand.” She fought her nerves and pushed forward. “I can’t have children. I’m not able to have children; I’m infertile.”
He shook his head as if trying to make sense of her declaration. “Okay. I’ve heard of this before. When it’s the right time and we decide we want to try and get pregnant, we can go to fertility experts. We’ll look into options together.”
“I had a hysterectomy, Cal. When I was eighteen, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. It spread fast, and my only option was the operation. I will never have your children.”
He jerked back. Shock filled his eyes, and she watched him try to process. “Wait. You were sick? You had cancer?”
She nodded. “It was a long battle, but I’m healthy and strong, and my regular checkups have been clean. There are no guarantees, but the doctors feel positive.”
“God, Morgan. I wish you’d told me sooner. That must have been such a horrible experience for you.”
“It was hard, but I got through it. I’m stronger now, and I learned a lot of valuable lessons along the way.”
Respect glinted in his eyes. But there was something more. A distance and worry that hadn’t been there before. Like he was unsure what his reaction should be to her news. “I’m not surprised. Another reason you’re incredible. I watch people give up every damn day. You? You’re a fighter.”
“I look at every day as a gift,” she said softly. “But I still lost something precious that I’ll never get back.”
“You think not being able to have children changes the fact that I love you?” Temper flickered over his face. “You think I’m that type of man?”
She grasped herself tighter. “No. I knew you’d try to understand and support me. I know you still love me. But my question is this: Are you willing to give up your dreams of a family forever? Because I can’t do this with you unless you’re sure. I can’t give my heart and soul to a man who’s one day going to realize he needs to have a family to be complete.”
“Has someone hurt you like that before?” he demanded.
“Yes, that’s the real reason my ex dumped me.”
“That’s what you meant by a serious issue,” he muttered. He turned and paced. She waited while he gathered his thoughts. “I don’t like you comparing me to that asshole, Morgan. Dammit, I’m not the type of man to run at the first challenge we get thrown. I thought you believed in me more.”
“I do believe in you,” she whispered. “I just know this has high stakes for me. I’m being realistic about what I can give you. I’ve made my peace with this a while ago, Cal. Sure, sometimes I get angry or feel depressed, but mostly I love my life. I don’t need my own children to be complete, but I understand if you do. That’s not a terrible thing, it’s just a fact. Have you really thought about what I can offer you?”
“We can adopt.”
“Yes. If we both want to. But adoption is a long process. It’s hard, and we have to be willing to love another child like our own.”
“Yeah.”
“Good.” Cal reached out and snagged her around the waist, dragging her into his arms. His lips feasted on hers with a raw hunger that still held an edge, as if he’d never get enough of her. She clung to his hard strength, enjoying the scent of male sweat and spice that drifted from his skin. She kissed him back with open enthusiasm that ripped a growl from his mouth.
“We doing dinner tonight?” he asked.
“Yes. I told your brothers they could join us.”
He groaned and nipped at the curve of her neck. She shivered. “Princess, I’m sick of those bozos eating with us all the time. I have a great idea. Let’s go back to your hotel and order room service. Let them fend for themselves.”
She laughed. Funny, she was rarely at the Hilton anymore. Her nights were spent over at Cal’s, along with weekends when they could catch a few hours of downtime. They’d gotten in a routine, including his family, that made her soul happy. “I promised. The Rosenthals come in tomorrow, so tonight is our last dinner for a while. I’ll be tied up with them finalizing details, completing paperwork, and making sure they’re settled in Harrington.”
He blew out a breath. “Fine. But I’m kicking them out early.”
“Fair enough.” They gazed at one another for a moment, and she caught an odd light in his eye. “What’s the matter? Is something wrong?”
Cal cocked his head, as if wondering if he should say something. “Yeah. I don’t want you to go when this project is over, Morgan. I want you to stay with me. Do you want that, too?”
Her heart surged at the same time that guilt struck her. She remembered his words to Sydney. He wanted a big family. He was owed the truth before they promised each other anything. “Yes. I’m in love with you, Cal. I want to work something out, because everything about us feels good and right.”
He tried to pull her back into his arms, but she backed off. Wrapping her arms around her chest, Morgan gathered her courage to tell him her story. “What’s the matter, baby? You don’t look happy. Are you worried about work? I don’t intend to tell you to stop doing something you love. Look at this house. It’s amazing, and you put your whole heart and soul into it. It’s not just a house anymore. You actually made it a home without one person living in it yet.”
She blinked back the sting of tears. Damn the man. “Thank you for that. No, I have to tell you something I’ve been holding back. It never seemed like the right time, and I wasn’t sure what would happen between us. I never expected to fall in love with you.” She gave a half laugh, trying to gather her thoughts. “I don’t want you to think I deliberately kept this from you for any other reason than I just wasn’t ready.”
“Okay. I’m listening.”
Morgan dragged in a breath. “I can’t have any children, Cal.”
A frown creased his brow. He scratched his head and probed her face with his gaze. “Baby, of course you don’t want children now. Did I scare you when I told Sydney I wanted a football team?” He grinned. “I’m sorry, I was talking about the future. Way in the future. Nothing to worry about now, I swear.”
“No, you don’t understand.” She fought her nerves and pushed forward. “I can’t have children. I’m not able to have children; I’m infertile.”
He shook his head as if trying to make sense of her declaration. “Okay. I’ve heard of this before. When it’s the right time and we decide we want to try and get pregnant, we can go to fertility experts. We’ll look into options together.”
“I had a hysterectomy, Cal. When I was eighteen, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. It spread fast, and my only option was the operation. I will never have your children.”
He jerked back. Shock filled his eyes, and she watched him try to process. “Wait. You were sick? You had cancer?”
She nodded. “It was a long battle, but I’m healthy and strong, and my regular checkups have been clean. There are no guarantees, but the doctors feel positive.”
“God, Morgan. I wish you’d told me sooner. That must have been such a horrible experience for you.”
“It was hard, but I got through it. I’m stronger now, and I learned a lot of valuable lessons along the way.”
Respect glinted in his eyes. But there was something more. A distance and worry that hadn’t been there before. Like he was unsure what his reaction should be to her news. “I’m not surprised. Another reason you’re incredible. I watch people give up every damn day. You? You’re a fighter.”
“I look at every day as a gift,” she said softly. “But I still lost something precious that I’ll never get back.”
“You think not being able to have children changes the fact that I love you?” Temper flickered over his face. “You think I’m that type of man?”
She grasped herself tighter. “No. I knew you’d try to understand and support me. I know you still love me. But my question is this: Are you willing to give up your dreams of a family forever? Because I can’t do this with you unless you’re sure. I can’t give my heart and soul to a man who’s one day going to realize he needs to have a family to be complete.”
“Has someone hurt you like that before?” he demanded.
“Yes, that’s the real reason my ex dumped me.”
“That’s what you meant by a serious issue,” he muttered. He turned and paced. She waited while he gathered his thoughts. “I don’t like you comparing me to that asshole, Morgan. Dammit, I’m not the type of man to run at the first challenge we get thrown. I thought you believed in me more.”
“I do believe in you,” she whispered. “I just know this has high stakes for me. I’m being realistic about what I can give you. I’ve made my peace with this a while ago, Cal. Sure, sometimes I get angry or feel depressed, but mostly I love my life. I don’t need my own children to be complete, but I understand if you do. That’s not a terrible thing, it’s just a fact. Have you really thought about what I can offer you?”
“We can adopt.”
“Yes. If we both want to. But adoption is a long process. It’s hard, and we have to be willing to love another child like our own.”
