Exploited
Page 64
Mason looked at me, disbelief clear on his face. “You were fired?”
I nodded. “Just after we met. I was embarrassed because it took me awhile to find work and I didn’t want you to see me as an unemployed schlub.”
Would he buy it? Did I sound genuine enough to fool him?
The pang of guilt was back.
Lying to Mason was harder than ever.
For a brief moment I thought about telling him the truth.
Maybe not all of it. Not the parts where I was a wanted hacktivist whom he was trying to bust, but the bits about where I worked. What I did for a living.
The real details about Charlotte.
“So you have a job now?”
Truth or new lie?
At this point the truth would be easier to keep track of. I was starting to lose all the threads.
“Yes. I got a job awhile ago at Holt IT Solutions. Nothing fancy.”
Mason shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I could tell he wasn’t entirely buying my story.
But he wanted to.
“Tell you what? That I was fired by my asshole boss? That it took me weeks to find something else? Why would I tell the incredibly sexy”—I took a step toward him—“successful”—one more step forward—“amazing man I had just met something like that?” I craned my neck to look up at him, appreciating his height. His strong shoulders. The chiseled curve of his jawline.
I wanted to touch him. The fire in my belly was burning hot. I reacted to him in such a physical way. It was overwhelming.
“I wanted to impress you.” I licked my lips. His eyes followed the movement. His cheeks were flushed and I knew that, in spite of his better judgment, in spite of that voice that told him not to trust me, he was caving.
He was affected by me.
He couldn’t help himself.
That’s what I had always counted on.
Yet I felt bad about it now. About using his feelings for me to ensure his pliability.
I wished that I hadn’t used machinations to make him so vulnerable to me.
I longed for something real.
It’s too late for that now. I’ve come too far to go back.
“You do impress me, Hannah. I don’t care about what you do for a living. I care about the person you are.”
I lowered my lashes and bit my bottom lip. “I was scared you’d walk away before I ever had a chance to know you.”
“Hannah,” he breathed. He gripped my upper arms in his hands. “You need to be honest with me. Always. This won’t work unless you are. You don’t need to hide things.”
“I’m so sorry.” I wrapped my hands around his. Holding him while he held me.
“Where were you today, then? If you weren’t working late, why did you cancel our plans?” The accusation was out of his tone. Now he just sounded worried. Perplexed.
Inquisitive.
I scrambled for a reason that would make sense. Something that wouldn’t lead to a dozen more questions, a hundred more lies to remember and keep straight.
“I planned to go see Charlotte,” I said quickly, saying the first thing that came to mind.
“You could have just said so. I would have understood,” Mason admonished. There was still a defensiveness there. I knew he was struggling with how much to believe. I had chipped away at his trust. I had to mend the rift. I couldn’t risk the chasm growing.
“I know. But I don’t always like talking about my sister. Especially since your brother…” I let my words trail off, their meaning clear.
He understood. His hands squeezed me. I felt the tension of his fingers under my hands.
“Come with me to see her,” I said without thinking. “Not tonight. But sometime soon.”
Mason gripped my chin and tilted my head up. He held me firmly. His eyes heated.
I saw the last of his doubts fall away.
“You want me to come meet your sister?” His blue eyes softened. He wasn’t angry. Not anymore. And while there was still a wall as a result of my deceit, I knew in time I could dismantle it again.
“Yes, I do. I think she’d like you.” I smiled, knowing it was true. Mason was just the sort of man Charlotte would adore. He was handsome. And kind. And smart.
“Hannah, I’m honored you’d want me to meet her.”
I touched his cheek. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Mason. It was wrong. And silly. My pride made me make a stupid decision. I hope you forgive me.”
Mason closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them again, he looked troubled. My stomach lurched. “I have to be able to trust you, Hannah. It’s the most important thing to me. With what I do for a living, I’m trained to be suspicious of everyone and everything. I’m always looking for ulterior motives. I can’t be looking for them in my girlfriend.” He dropped his hands from my arms and took a step back. “I need this to be safe. You and me. You get that, right?”
My chest felt tight.
This was wrong. So wrong.
How could I deceive him like this?
But I had come too far. I was in too deep. I couldn’t stop now. And looking up into his beautiful blue eyes, I didn’t want to.
Even with all the lies, I couldn’t walk away from him.
Because I cared about him.
So much.
He was more than the agent trying to find me.
He was my boyfriend.
And that mattered.
I wrapped my arms around his waist. “I’ll be your safe place, Mason. Or at least I’ll try to be. Will you be mine?”
I was having a hard time breathing.
Because I wasn’t feeding him a line. I wanted all of it. Every single, complicated piece of it.
And that was seriously messing with my evil Mata Hari side.
“If you want me to be,” Mason whispered, his voice cracking with emotion that surprised me.
I will destroy him.
The thought hurt.
And it thrilled me.
Without another word I led him through the house and back to the bedroom. He didn’t protest. He followed me without hesitation.
There were times to think about exploits and plans. Now wasn’t one of them.
This was about Mason.
About allowing something for myself. Even if it was a dream. Even if it was only for a little while.
I didn’t turn on the lights. We stood in the darkness. The blinds were drawn, so not even the light from the street penetrated the shadows.
I nodded. “Just after we met. I was embarrassed because it took me awhile to find work and I didn’t want you to see me as an unemployed schlub.”
Would he buy it? Did I sound genuine enough to fool him?
The pang of guilt was back.
Lying to Mason was harder than ever.
For a brief moment I thought about telling him the truth.
Maybe not all of it. Not the parts where I was a wanted hacktivist whom he was trying to bust, but the bits about where I worked. What I did for a living.
The real details about Charlotte.
“So you have a job now?”
Truth or new lie?
At this point the truth would be easier to keep track of. I was starting to lose all the threads.
“Yes. I got a job awhile ago at Holt IT Solutions. Nothing fancy.”
Mason shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I could tell he wasn’t entirely buying my story.
But he wanted to.
“Tell you what? That I was fired by my asshole boss? That it took me weeks to find something else? Why would I tell the incredibly sexy”—I took a step toward him—“successful”—one more step forward—“amazing man I had just met something like that?” I craned my neck to look up at him, appreciating his height. His strong shoulders. The chiseled curve of his jawline.
I wanted to touch him. The fire in my belly was burning hot. I reacted to him in such a physical way. It was overwhelming.
“I wanted to impress you.” I licked my lips. His eyes followed the movement. His cheeks were flushed and I knew that, in spite of his better judgment, in spite of that voice that told him not to trust me, he was caving.
He was affected by me.
He couldn’t help himself.
That’s what I had always counted on.
Yet I felt bad about it now. About using his feelings for me to ensure his pliability.
I wished that I hadn’t used machinations to make him so vulnerable to me.
I longed for something real.
It’s too late for that now. I’ve come too far to go back.
“You do impress me, Hannah. I don’t care about what you do for a living. I care about the person you are.”
I lowered my lashes and bit my bottom lip. “I was scared you’d walk away before I ever had a chance to know you.”
“Hannah,” he breathed. He gripped my upper arms in his hands. “You need to be honest with me. Always. This won’t work unless you are. You don’t need to hide things.”
“I’m so sorry.” I wrapped my hands around his. Holding him while he held me.
“Where were you today, then? If you weren’t working late, why did you cancel our plans?” The accusation was out of his tone. Now he just sounded worried. Perplexed.
Inquisitive.
I scrambled for a reason that would make sense. Something that wouldn’t lead to a dozen more questions, a hundred more lies to remember and keep straight.
“I planned to go see Charlotte,” I said quickly, saying the first thing that came to mind.
“You could have just said so. I would have understood,” Mason admonished. There was still a defensiveness there. I knew he was struggling with how much to believe. I had chipped away at his trust. I had to mend the rift. I couldn’t risk the chasm growing.
“I know. But I don’t always like talking about my sister. Especially since your brother…” I let my words trail off, their meaning clear.
He understood. His hands squeezed me. I felt the tension of his fingers under my hands.
“Come with me to see her,” I said without thinking. “Not tonight. But sometime soon.”
Mason gripped my chin and tilted my head up. He held me firmly. His eyes heated.
I saw the last of his doubts fall away.
“You want me to come meet your sister?” His blue eyes softened. He wasn’t angry. Not anymore. And while there was still a wall as a result of my deceit, I knew in time I could dismantle it again.
“Yes, I do. I think she’d like you.” I smiled, knowing it was true. Mason was just the sort of man Charlotte would adore. He was handsome. And kind. And smart.
“Hannah, I’m honored you’d want me to meet her.”
I touched his cheek. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Mason. It was wrong. And silly. My pride made me make a stupid decision. I hope you forgive me.”
Mason closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them again, he looked troubled. My stomach lurched. “I have to be able to trust you, Hannah. It’s the most important thing to me. With what I do for a living, I’m trained to be suspicious of everyone and everything. I’m always looking for ulterior motives. I can’t be looking for them in my girlfriend.” He dropped his hands from my arms and took a step back. “I need this to be safe. You and me. You get that, right?”
My chest felt tight.
This was wrong. So wrong.
How could I deceive him like this?
But I had come too far. I was in too deep. I couldn’t stop now. And looking up into his beautiful blue eyes, I didn’t want to.
Even with all the lies, I couldn’t walk away from him.
Because I cared about him.
So much.
He was more than the agent trying to find me.
He was my boyfriend.
And that mattered.
I wrapped my arms around his waist. “I’ll be your safe place, Mason. Or at least I’ll try to be. Will you be mine?”
I was having a hard time breathing.
Because I wasn’t feeding him a line. I wanted all of it. Every single, complicated piece of it.
And that was seriously messing with my evil Mata Hari side.
“If you want me to be,” Mason whispered, his voice cracking with emotion that surprised me.
I will destroy him.
The thought hurt.
And it thrilled me.
Without another word I led him through the house and back to the bedroom. He didn’t protest. He followed me without hesitation.
There were times to think about exploits and plans. Now wasn’t one of them.
This was about Mason.
About allowing something for myself. Even if it was a dream. Even if it was only for a little while.
I didn’t turn on the lights. We stood in the darkness. The blinds were drawn, so not even the light from the street penetrated the shadows.
