Eyes Wide Open
Page 20
“Oh, f**k!” The idea that she could be pregnant was enough to process at the moment, but even thinking about what Fred might be suggesting was even worse. “A termination, you mean?”
“Yes. She’s within her rights, and it is one option. Adoption is another,” he said softly.
I flopped down into a chair, set my elbows on my knees and leaned my forehead on my hands. I just sat there and breathed. As much as I was in shock, I knew that terminating the pregnancy was out of the question. Out of the f**king realm of possibility. No way would I allow my child to be killed or have it hushed away. I just hoped that Brynne felt the same way I did. What if she doesn’t?
“Well, you two need to have a talk and then she should have a test to confirm. If you want me to do one and speak to her I will, but you’re going to have to go there first, E, and discuss it together.”
I nodded into my hands and hauled arse up from the chair. Fred clapped a hand on my back in support. “But how? If she’s taking her pills, why would this happen?” I persisted. Maybe in some far reaches of my pathetic attempt at denial I hoped a bell would ring proclaiming it was time to wake up.
Freddy smiled and shook his head at me. “Things change, other medications can diminish the effects of contraception, condoms blow out, people get drunk and have a go, they get illnesses that alter their body’s ability to metabolize the drugs, and most important, nothing is one hundred percent effective. The only thing is celibacy.” He gave me a look. “Condoms?”
I shook my head and looked down at the floor.
“Ahh, well then, if you’ve made deposits in the bank, my man, it can happen very easily.”
I winced. “How do I go upstairs to her and tell her I think I’ve knocked her up and she needs to have a test? How?!”
Freddy went to the wet bar, poured me a vodka double and handed it over.
I gulped it down and he slapped me on the back a second time.
“I don’t think you’re going to have to go upstairs to do it,” Fred said.
I snapped my head up to ask him what he meant, and felt my knees go weak again.
Zara and Brynne walked into the room, hand in hand and smiling wide. She looked so happy . . . and beautiful . . . and . . . pregnant.
“Oh, hi.” I smiled at Ethan and wondered why he looked at me like I’d grown a second head. “What are you guys gossiping about in here? Man talk?”
Ethan chuckled nervously and looked a little pale. He looked terrified actually. Now that’s very weird.
“Is everything okay? Did you get a call from Neil?” I asked, starting to feel uneasy myself. “Did he find out who sent that text last night?” I put my free hand up to my neck and tried to still the panic suddenly rising up.
The thing with Ethan is he grounds us. He’s the sure one, exuding confidence at every turn. He makes me feel safe, so seeing him look like he did right then . . . worried . . . well, it scared the shit out of me.
He came right over and pulled me close up against his chest. “No. Nothing like that.” He kissed me on the forehead and held my face, looking much more like the Ethan I know and love. “He’s still working on your phone.” He shook his head. “Don’t even think about that damn text, okay? Are you thirsty? Would you like some water? How about you sit down and get off your feet.” He led us over to the couch and practically shoved me down onto it.
“Um . . . okay.” I shook my head and narrowed my eyes at him, mouthing, “What the hell?”
“Nothing, baby. You just look tired. How was your nap?” His voice sounded strange.
I frowned back at him. “My nap was great, but I didn’t sleep a terribly long time.” Zara crawled onto my lap and I began smoothing over her long curls. “While you were off having ice cream I got a tour of Hallborough and some pictures of Mallerton’s portrait of Sir Jeremy and his Georgina for Gaby . . . and sent them off.”
“That’s nice,” Ethan said, dragging a hand through his hair.
“Yeah . . . it was nice.” I looked over at Freddy and got a strange vibe from him too. We’d had a great conversation earlier while the rest of them were gone, and he’d given me a tour of the house. Now he looked like he just wanted to get the hell out of the room. “What is going on? Why are you both acting so weird?”
Ethan shrugged and held his hands up in helplessness. “Baby . . .”
Freddy came over to where I was and held out his hands for Zara. “Come with Daddy, little one. Uncle Ethan wants to talk to Brynne.”
“Oh, okay,” I said, reluctantly handing her over. “I wanted to hear all about your trip to get ice cream with Uncle Ethan.” I made a sad face at Zara.
“The ice cream was nice,” she said from up in her father’s arms. “Mummy told Uncle Ethan she would bet the house that you is very preggers and going to be parents whether you likes it or not.” She smiled sweetly. “I shared with Rags so Uncle Ethan and Mum could yell about your preggers.”
Several things happened all at once. I was on my feet instead of the couch, but had no idea how I got there. I could see myself standing up, right in the middle of Hallborough’s beautiful Georgian drawing room with its elegant furniture and paintings and rugs. I could see Ethan’s handsome face and the afternoon sun filtering in through the tall windows. And all those particles swirling in the air—the kind that are usually invisible, but when the sunlight hits just right, you can see them lazily floating, suspended as if by magic. Come to think of it, I was floating too. The ceiling held me back from drifting away into the sky and probably farther into outer space. I would have kept floating away. I know I would have if it weren’t for the ceiling.
Ethan cursed and stumbled toward me. I kept hearing my name. Over and over I heard my name called. I could see everything. I was standing there. Ethan was flying toward me. Freddy was running out of the room so fast with Zara it looked like a blur of movie footage that was sped up. The room suddenly felt warm; no, it felt hot. Like an oven. I looked down from the ceiling at Ethan rushing toward the “me” standing in the drawing room. He reached out his arms, but then everything slowed down. Real slow. Ethan kept moving but his speed reduced even further. I didn’t think he’d ever reach me. I blinked and tried to make sense of what Zara had said. Freddy had already taken her out of the room, though, so I couldn’t ask her about it. I even heard her little voice ask Freddy, “Daddy, what’s preggers?”
“Yes. She’s within her rights, and it is one option. Adoption is another,” he said softly.
I flopped down into a chair, set my elbows on my knees and leaned my forehead on my hands. I just sat there and breathed. As much as I was in shock, I knew that terminating the pregnancy was out of the question. Out of the f**king realm of possibility. No way would I allow my child to be killed or have it hushed away. I just hoped that Brynne felt the same way I did. What if she doesn’t?
“Well, you two need to have a talk and then she should have a test to confirm. If you want me to do one and speak to her I will, but you’re going to have to go there first, E, and discuss it together.”
I nodded into my hands and hauled arse up from the chair. Fred clapped a hand on my back in support. “But how? If she’s taking her pills, why would this happen?” I persisted. Maybe in some far reaches of my pathetic attempt at denial I hoped a bell would ring proclaiming it was time to wake up.
Freddy smiled and shook his head at me. “Things change, other medications can diminish the effects of contraception, condoms blow out, people get drunk and have a go, they get illnesses that alter their body’s ability to metabolize the drugs, and most important, nothing is one hundred percent effective. The only thing is celibacy.” He gave me a look. “Condoms?”
I shook my head and looked down at the floor.
“Ahh, well then, if you’ve made deposits in the bank, my man, it can happen very easily.”
I winced. “How do I go upstairs to her and tell her I think I’ve knocked her up and she needs to have a test? How?!”
Freddy went to the wet bar, poured me a vodka double and handed it over.
I gulped it down and he slapped me on the back a second time.
“I don’t think you’re going to have to go upstairs to do it,” Fred said.
I snapped my head up to ask him what he meant, and felt my knees go weak again.
Zara and Brynne walked into the room, hand in hand and smiling wide. She looked so happy . . . and beautiful . . . and . . . pregnant.
“Oh, hi.” I smiled at Ethan and wondered why he looked at me like I’d grown a second head. “What are you guys gossiping about in here? Man talk?”
Ethan chuckled nervously and looked a little pale. He looked terrified actually. Now that’s very weird.
“Is everything okay? Did you get a call from Neil?” I asked, starting to feel uneasy myself. “Did he find out who sent that text last night?” I put my free hand up to my neck and tried to still the panic suddenly rising up.
The thing with Ethan is he grounds us. He’s the sure one, exuding confidence at every turn. He makes me feel safe, so seeing him look like he did right then . . . worried . . . well, it scared the shit out of me.
He came right over and pulled me close up against his chest. “No. Nothing like that.” He kissed me on the forehead and held my face, looking much more like the Ethan I know and love. “He’s still working on your phone.” He shook his head. “Don’t even think about that damn text, okay? Are you thirsty? Would you like some water? How about you sit down and get off your feet.” He led us over to the couch and practically shoved me down onto it.
“Um . . . okay.” I shook my head and narrowed my eyes at him, mouthing, “What the hell?”
“Nothing, baby. You just look tired. How was your nap?” His voice sounded strange.
I frowned back at him. “My nap was great, but I didn’t sleep a terribly long time.” Zara crawled onto my lap and I began smoothing over her long curls. “While you were off having ice cream I got a tour of Hallborough and some pictures of Mallerton’s portrait of Sir Jeremy and his Georgina for Gaby . . . and sent them off.”
“That’s nice,” Ethan said, dragging a hand through his hair.
“Yeah . . . it was nice.” I looked over at Freddy and got a strange vibe from him too. We’d had a great conversation earlier while the rest of them were gone, and he’d given me a tour of the house. Now he looked like he just wanted to get the hell out of the room. “What is going on? Why are you both acting so weird?”
Ethan shrugged and held his hands up in helplessness. “Baby . . .”
Freddy came over to where I was and held out his hands for Zara. “Come with Daddy, little one. Uncle Ethan wants to talk to Brynne.”
“Oh, okay,” I said, reluctantly handing her over. “I wanted to hear all about your trip to get ice cream with Uncle Ethan.” I made a sad face at Zara.
“The ice cream was nice,” she said from up in her father’s arms. “Mummy told Uncle Ethan she would bet the house that you is very preggers and going to be parents whether you likes it or not.” She smiled sweetly. “I shared with Rags so Uncle Ethan and Mum could yell about your preggers.”
Several things happened all at once. I was on my feet instead of the couch, but had no idea how I got there. I could see myself standing up, right in the middle of Hallborough’s beautiful Georgian drawing room with its elegant furniture and paintings and rugs. I could see Ethan’s handsome face and the afternoon sun filtering in through the tall windows. And all those particles swirling in the air—the kind that are usually invisible, but when the sunlight hits just right, you can see them lazily floating, suspended as if by magic. Come to think of it, I was floating too. The ceiling held me back from drifting away into the sky and probably farther into outer space. I would have kept floating away. I know I would have if it weren’t for the ceiling.
Ethan cursed and stumbled toward me. I kept hearing my name. Over and over I heard my name called. I could see everything. I was standing there. Ethan was flying toward me. Freddy was running out of the room so fast with Zara it looked like a blur of movie footage that was sped up. The room suddenly felt warm; no, it felt hot. Like an oven. I looked down from the ceiling at Ethan rushing toward the “me” standing in the drawing room. He reached out his arms, but then everything slowed down. Real slow. Ethan kept moving but his speed reduced even further. I didn’t think he’d ever reach me. I blinked and tried to make sense of what Zara had said. Freddy had already taken her out of the room, though, so I couldn’t ask her about it. I even heard her little voice ask Freddy, “Daddy, what’s preggers?”
