Face-Off at the Altar
Page 39
“Yup, I got ya,” Ryan said, his lips curving. She wished like hell her stomach did a flip for that. Instead, all she felt were Markus’s hands all over her.
She yearned for more of his touch.
As she glanced back to him, she saw a flash of hurt in his eyes as Markus nodded knowingly. “I can see that. Have fun.”
He skated off.
And while Ryan guided Mekena toward Elli, where any sane person should want to go, she wished she was falling all over the place while Markus caught her, instead.
In his large hands.
The same hands that had held her sister.
The same hands she still ached for.
“Wow, you look like you have a lot on your mind.”
Markus looked over his shoulder at his best friend and shrugged. “Something like that.”
Jace laughed as he sat on the stool beside him, leaning his arms on the bar. The room was quiet; no one was there yet. Everyone else wouldn’t arrive for another thirty minutes for the karaoke party Lucy and Benji were throwing, which was why Markus was surprised to see Jace. He thought he had a little longer to figure out how he felt, to stuff it all away and act like he wanted to be there. But the truth was, he wanted to find a hole and live in it.
As he took a long pull of his beer, he remembered he had said he would stop drinking. But after the day he’d had, he figured he needed a beer or two. Especially if he had to be all cheerful and party-like to deal with everything at the event. He didn’t mind hanging with them all, especially since he liked everyone. Most of the team would be there, which was good. He could do some team building. But that would also mean he had to talk to Shea again about his game, which he wasn’t ready for. He was still trying to figure out what he’d meant before about not playing when he didn’t have the puck. Something he thought he did, but apparently, he was wrong. That should worry him, but it didn’t. All he cared about was the fact that he might have to see Mekena and Ryan together.
That alone was going to make him lose it.
The whole day at the rink, he’d watched Mekena, waited for her to get up so he could come help her. Just for the chance to touch her, to be close to her. The moment came and he rushed in, but then she skated off with Ryan Justice. He should be thankful, though. Ryan was a sweet kid, someone who could actually be good for Mekena. But in his heart, he was the only one for her, and watching as they laughed and Ryan tried to teach Mekena to skate…it just shook Markus to the core.
She really wasn’t his, nor would she ever be.
And because of that, he was drinking.
“What’s up?”
“Shea Adler was talking about my game, saying I don’t play unless I have the puck.”
Jace’s eyes narrowed as he nodded thoughtfully. “Usually ’cause you are thinking the next play through.”
“Yeah, but he said I stop and wait for the puck to come to me.”
“Yeah, yeah, you do,” he said with a nod. “But now that you know that, you can change it.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking. Though, I didn’t realize I did that.”
“Eh, it’s not a big deal.”
“But maybe that’s why I went to the Ninjas.”
“Probably.”
“And that is a big deal.”
“Yeah, but now you know, so change it, fix it, and get it done.”
“Easy for the Rookie of the Year to say.”
“Hey, not all of us can be as awesome as me.” Markus rolled his eyes, and Jace laughed as he slapped Markus’s back. “But, really, you got this. No worries at all.”
“Yeah, I hope so.”
“I know so,” he said, leaning into him and grinning back at him. “So other than that, what’s got you all butthurt? Mekena and Ryan?”
He could try to lie and Jace would let him, but instead, he shrugged. “I really fucked that all up.”
“Yup,” he said, nodding his head. “But word is that Mekena isn’t interested.”
“Really?” he said, whipping his head to Jace as he went rigid. “Avery say that?”
“Yeah, she asked. Mekena said he’s too young.”
“He’s basically her age.”
“Yeah, apparently, she likes old men,” Jace teased.
“Hm. Interesting.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re still in there, slugger,” he said, and Markus rolled his eyes again.
“Shut it, dumbass.” Jace kept laughing as Markus grinned, feeling a lot better about that. He had, of course, wondered, and knowing she didn’t care for the guy made him feel a lot better. But it also made him want to apologize even more. “She won’t give me a chance to talk to her.”
Jace’s brows rose. “You’re sharing a cabin. I’m sure you can find a time.”
“She’s never there, and then when we’re out, she’s always doing something. I don’t know.”
“Well, you better do it before she flies off back home and you don’t see her.”
“Yeah. I’m pretty sure she wants me to move out on Friday, though, and then I’m damn sure I won’t see her.”
“Yeah, you probably won’t.”
“Yeah.”
Silence settled between the two men as they looked up to the TV, a baseball game on. Neither of them cared for the sport, but it allowed Markus a moment to gather his thoughts. He knew his time with Mekena was precious, that at any moment she would disappear and he wouldn’t get the closure he needed so badly. But every time he gathered his words and he was ready to apologize, all he could think was that that would be it. He’d walk away and she would too, when all he wanted was to be with her, love her. But how could that ever happen? She might never forgive him, and she sure as hell would never trust him again.
A part of him wanted to confront Skylar. Make her own up to what she did, but what would that do? Maybe he did need closure from her too. To know that he wasn’t really a douche, that she tricked him into it. It was killing him because he wasn’t that guy. He wanted to be the decent guy in a sea of douches. He wanted to be someone a woman wanted. He wanted to make people happy, and above all, love his life, but he couldn’t do that with a million pounds of guilt on him. No, he had to do something.
After talking to Baylor the night before, he realized he needed to talk. Which was probably why he had been thinking so much about the therapy the Assassins offered. He had to get all this crap off his chest. He had to talk about what happened, to give it light. While he still wouldn’t fully accept that it could have been rape, he felt better knowing that, while he shouldn’t have put himself in that position, at least he had people behind him and he wasn’t a bad guy. Dumb, but not a bad guy. On top of everything else, Baylor was right, one hundred percent. He had to apologize to Mekena, and he had to confront Skylar. He wasn’t sure when, he wasn’t even sure how or in what order, but for him to move on, to enjoy life once more, he had to do those things.
She yearned for more of his touch.
As she glanced back to him, she saw a flash of hurt in his eyes as Markus nodded knowingly. “I can see that. Have fun.”
He skated off.
And while Ryan guided Mekena toward Elli, where any sane person should want to go, she wished she was falling all over the place while Markus caught her, instead.
In his large hands.
The same hands that had held her sister.
The same hands she still ached for.
“Wow, you look like you have a lot on your mind.”
Markus looked over his shoulder at his best friend and shrugged. “Something like that.”
Jace laughed as he sat on the stool beside him, leaning his arms on the bar. The room was quiet; no one was there yet. Everyone else wouldn’t arrive for another thirty minutes for the karaoke party Lucy and Benji were throwing, which was why Markus was surprised to see Jace. He thought he had a little longer to figure out how he felt, to stuff it all away and act like he wanted to be there. But the truth was, he wanted to find a hole and live in it.
As he took a long pull of his beer, he remembered he had said he would stop drinking. But after the day he’d had, he figured he needed a beer or two. Especially if he had to be all cheerful and party-like to deal with everything at the event. He didn’t mind hanging with them all, especially since he liked everyone. Most of the team would be there, which was good. He could do some team building. But that would also mean he had to talk to Shea again about his game, which he wasn’t ready for. He was still trying to figure out what he’d meant before about not playing when he didn’t have the puck. Something he thought he did, but apparently, he was wrong. That should worry him, but it didn’t. All he cared about was the fact that he might have to see Mekena and Ryan together.
That alone was going to make him lose it.
The whole day at the rink, he’d watched Mekena, waited for her to get up so he could come help her. Just for the chance to touch her, to be close to her. The moment came and he rushed in, but then she skated off with Ryan Justice. He should be thankful, though. Ryan was a sweet kid, someone who could actually be good for Mekena. But in his heart, he was the only one for her, and watching as they laughed and Ryan tried to teach Mekena to skate…it just shook Markus to the core.
She really wasn’t his, nor would she ever be.
And because of that, he was drinking.
“What’s up?”
“Shea Adler was talking about my game, saying I don’t play unless I have the puck.”
Jace’s eyes narrowed as he nodded thoughtfully. “Usually ’cause you are thinking the next play through.”
“Yeah, but he said I stop and wait for the puck to come to me.”
“Yeah, yeah, you do,” he said with a nod. “But now that you know that, you can change it.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking. Though, I didn’t realize I did that.”
“Eh, it’s not a big deal.”
“But maybe that’s why I went to the Ninjas.”
“Probably.”
“And that is a big deal.”
“Yeah, but now you know, so change it, fix it, and get it done.”
“Easy for the Rookie of the Year to say.”
“Hey, not all of us can be as awesome as me.” Markus rolled his eyes, and Jace laughed as he slapped Markus’s back. “But, really, you got this. No worries at all.”
“Yeah, I hope so.”
“I know so,” he said, leaning into him and grinning back at him. “So other than that, what’s got you all butthurt? Mekena and Ryan?”
He could try to lie and Jace would let him, but instead, he shrugged. “I really fucked that all up.”
“Yup,” he said, nodding his head. “But word is that Mekena isn’t interested.”
“Really?” he said, whipping his head to Jace as he went rigid. “Avery say that?”
“Yeah, she asked. Mekena said he’s too young.”
“He’s basically her age.”
“Yeah, apparently, she likes old men,” Jace teased.
“Hm. Interesting.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re still in there, slugger,” he said, and Markus rolled his eyes again.
“Shut it, dumbass.” Jace kept laughing as Markus grinned, feeling a lot better about that. He had, of course, wondered, and knowing she didn’t care for the guy made him feel a lot better. But it also made him want to apologize even more. “She won’t give me a chance to talk to her.”
Jace’s brows rose. “You’re sharing a cabin. I’m sure you can find a time.”
“She’s never there, and then when we’re out, she’s always doing something. I don’t know.”
“Well, you better do it before she flies off back home and you don’t see her.”
“Yeah. I’m pretty sure she wants me to move out on Friday, though, and then I’m damn sure I won’t see her.”
“Yeah, you probably won’t.”
“Yeah.”
Silence settled between the two men as they looked up to the TV, a baseball game on. Neither of them cared for the sport, but it allowed Markus a moment to gather his thoughts. He knew his time with Mekena was precious, that at any moment she would disappear and he wouldn’t get the closure he needed so badly. But every time he gathered his words and he was ready to apologize, all he could think was that that would be it. He’d walk away and she would too, when all he wanted was to be with her, love her. But how could that ever happen? She might never forgive him, and she sure as hell would never trust him again.
A part of him wanted to confront Skylar. Make her own up to what she did, but what would that do? Maybe he did need closure from her too. To know that he wasn’t really a douche, that she tricked him into it. It was killing him because he wasn’t that guy. He wanted to be the decent guy in a sea of douches. He wanted to be someone a woman wanted. He wanted to make people happy, and above all, love his life, but he couldn’t do that with a million pounds of guilt on him. No, he had to do something.
After talking to Baylor the night before, he realized he needed to talk. Which was probably why he had been thinking so much about the therapy the Assassins offered. He had to get all this crap off his chest. He had to talk about what happened, to give it light. While he still wouldn’t fully accept that it could have been rape, he felt better knowing that, while he shouldn’t have put himself in that position, at least he had people behind him and he wasn’t a bad guy. Dumb, but not a bad guy. On top of everything else, Baylor was right, one hundred percent. He had to apologize to Mekena, and he had to confront Skylar. He wasn’t sure when, he wasn’t even sure how or in what order, but for him to move on, to enjoy life once more, he had to do those things.
