Face-Off at the Altar
Page 58
“Sorry. I had to touch you.”
She smiled shyly while holding his gaze. “Oh.”
“I can’t help it.”
She blinked as she nodded. “It’s nice.”
Neither of them said anything, just held hands as Markus’s other hand drew circles on the back of hers. Her mouth moved and he thought she was going to say something, but apparently, she couldn’t get it out as she looked away, shaking her head.
He figured he should say something. “I’m sorry you had to find out the way you did. I wanted to tell you. Not like that, though.”
Sucking in a breath, she looked up. “No, it’s fine. I’m glad I know.”
“Me too.” He smiled as he rubbed the backs of her knuckles. “They don’t look bruised or damaged, so I’m assuming you didn’t kick her ass?”
She laughed, shaking her head. “No, not at all. I said some shitty things, told her she was dead to me and stuff like that, but like always, my parents are making excuses.”
“Excuses?”
“Yeah, apparently, my sister is addicted to pills.”
That made sense, and he wouldn’t doubt it. That was the only way she’d gotten high back in college, but he’d thought she was smarter than that. “Wow. I bet that was hard to hear.”
“Hearing she tried to rape you was hard to hear. Hearing her excuses for why wasn’t. They were just infuriating,” she seethed. He understood her anger, he felt the same, but he also knew how badly off people who suffered from addiction were.
“She’s sick, though. That crap changes people,” he tried, but she shook her head.
Giving him an incredulous look, she said, “I don’t care, she shouldn’t have done what she did.”
“Oh, I completely, one hundred percent agree with you on that.”
“I don’t get how you can defend her after all that.”
“Whoa, no way, not defending her, I’m just pointing out that addiction sucks and hurts people. But in the end, Mekena, she is your sister.”
“No, my sister wouldn’t do that to me,” she answered, and then she looked away. “I can’t believe she did this, and I’m so incredibly sorry, Markus.”
“It’s not your place to apologize.”
“Yeah, but I’m going to.”
“Okay,” he said with a smile, rubbing her knuckles. “Thank you.”
She didn’t smile back, though. Instead, her eyes filled with tears as she looked back down to the table, her shoulders slumping some. “I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me.”
His brows rose. “Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you?”
“Because of all this. I’m her sister, I’m a part of this, the pain,” she explained, but she still wouldn’t look at him.
Squeezing her hand, he cleared his throat. “You did nothing wrong, Mekena. If anything, I shouldn’t have put myself in that position. I shouldn’t have had that drink with her. I should have walked away.”
“You can’t do that, though. This isn’t your fault—you’re the victim.”
“So are you,” he explained when she finally looked up. “She fucked us both over. And, yeah, it sucks, but until we both accept that neither of us is at fault, we can’t move on.”
Biting into the inside of her lip, she held his gaze. “How do we do that?”
He shook his head. “I have no freaking clue. Baylor says I need to go to therapy.”
“Yeah, you probably do. Hell, I probably do too.”
He smiled. “We can go together. Hold each other’s hand and shit,” he said, and she grinned.
“You’re such a dork. You take nothing seriously,” she accused, but not with annoyance.
He shrugged. “Yeah, but then this would be really hard to take, you know?”
“True. It feels better to smile than to cry.”
“Amen to that,” he said, and she smiled as she looked away. Watching her profile as his fingers moved along her knuckles, he didn’t know what to say next. As much as he wanted to gather her in his arms and kiss her senseless, he wasn’t sure if she wanted that. He could tell everything was still weighing hard on her. It was all still so raw, but he had spent much more than a year without her, and he wasn’t sure he could go on any longer. “One thing is my fault, though.”
She looked back at him, her brow furrowed. “What?”
“I should have contacted you sooner. I should have gone to you and really apologized and explained that I had no clue what happened. I shouldn’t have let you go like that, but I think I did because I was embarrassed and scared. Please know that in no way was it easy, Mekena. There were nights when I couldn’t sleep ’cause I swore I could smell you, and it shattered me.”
Her eyes were wide as they started to fill with tears, but she held his gaze. “Me too. I missed you. I didn’t want to, but I did.”
He smiled at that. “I missed you too, and I’m sorry. Really sorry.”
“I mean, given the circumstances, I can’t blame you. I just wish I would have tried instead of running. Maybe then I would have been able to help, and then you wouldn’t have had to do it on your own. I feel like I failed you. Like I wasn’t there for you.”
“I can’t blame you for running, Mekena. I would have. If I’d walked in on that. I would have taken off and never talked to you again. It looked bad. It looked like I fucked up. I mean, she even had me believing it.”
She nodded. “I was just so hurt and broken.”
“I know,” he whispered, squeezing her hands. “I was too.”
They sat like that as the minutes passed, just holding each other’s hands, neither knowing what to say or do. There was so much that had happened, and he wondered if they could come back from it. If the love they had two years ago was still strong enough to live on. He prayed it was, but she wasn’t talking. She was just staring at the table, chewing on her lip.
“So what do we do now?” she asked, and he shrugged.
“What do you want to do?”
When she looked up, he held his breath as her eyes met his, a lone tear rolling down her cheek. “Earlier at my house, after it all went down, I told Libby all I wanted was to wrap you up in my arms and hold you.”
She smiled shyly while holding his gaze. “Oh.”
“I can’t help it.”
She blinked as she nodded. “It’s nice.”
Neither of them said anything, just held hands as Markus’s other hand drew circles on the back of hers. Her mouth moved and he thought she was going to say something, but apparently, she couldn’t get it out as she looked away, shaking her head.
He figured he should say something. “I’m sorry you had to find out the way you did. I wanted to tell you. Not like that, though.”
Sucking in a breath, she looked up. “No, it’s fine. I’m glad I know.”
“Me too.” He smiled as he rubbed the backs of her knuckles. “They don’t look bruised or damaged, so I’m assuming you didn’t kick her ass?”
She laughed, shaking her head. “No, not at all. I said some shitty things, told her she was dead to me and stuff like that, but like always, my parents are making excuses.”
“Excuses?”
“Yeah, apparently, my sister is addicted to pills.”
That made sense, and he wouldn’t doubt it. That was the only way she’d gotten high back in college, but he’d thought she was smarter than that. “Wow. I bet that was hard to hear.”
“Hearing she tried to rape you was hard to hear. Hearing her excuses for why wasn’t. They were just infuriating,” she seethed. He understood her anger, he felt the same, but he also knew how badly off people who suffered from addiction were.
“She’s sick, though. That crap changes people,” he tried, but she shook her head.
Giving him an incredulous look, she said, “I don’t care, she shouldn’t have done what she did.”
“Oh, I completely, one hundred percent agree with you on that.”
“I don’t get how you can defend her after all that.”
“Whoa, no way, not defending her, I’m just pointing out that addiction sucks and hurts people. But in the end, Mekena, she is your sister.”
“No, my sister wouldn’t do that to me,” she answered, and then she looked away. “I can’t believe she did this, and I’m so incredibly sorry, Markus.”
“It’s not your place to apologize.”
“Yeah, but I’m going to.”
“Okay,” he said with a smile, rubbing her knuckles. “Thank you.”
She didn’t smile back, though. Instead, her eyes filled with tears as she looked back down to the table, her shoulders slumping some. “I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me.”
His brows rose. “Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you?”
“Because of all this. I’m her sister, I’m a part of this, the pain,” she explained, but she still wouldn’t look at him.
Squeezing her hand, he cleared his throat. “You did nothing wrong, Mekena. If anything, I shouldn’t have put myself in that position. I shouldn’t have had that drink with her. I should have walked away.”
“You can’t do that, though. This isn’t your fault—you’re the victim.”
“So are you,” he explained when she finally looked up. “She fucked us both over. And, yeah, it sucks, but until we both accept that neither of us is at fault, we can’t move on.”
Biting into the inside of her lip, she held his gaze. “How do we do that?”
He shook his head. “I have no freaking clue. Baylor says I need to go to therapy.”
“Yeah, you probably do. Hell, I probably do too.”
He smiled. “We can go together. Hold each other’s hand and shit,” he said, and she grinned.
“You’re such a dork. You take nothing seriously,” she accused, but not with annoyance.
He shrugged. “Yeah, but then this would be really hard to take, you know?”
“True. It feels better to smile than to cry.”
“Amen to that,” he said, and she smiled as she looked away. Watching her profile as his fingers moved along her knuckles, he didn’t know what to say next. As much as he wanted to gather her in his arms and kiss her senseless, he wasn’t sure if she wanted that. He could tell everything was still weighing hard on her. It was all still so raw, but he had spent much more than a year without her, and he wasn’t sure he could go on any longer. “One thing is my fault, though.”
She looked back at him, her brow furrowed. “What?”
“I should have contacted you sooner. I should have gone to you and really apologized and explained that I had no clue what happened. I shouldn’t have let you go like that, but I think I did because I was embarrassed and scared. Please know that in no way was it easy, Mekena. There were nights when I couldn’t sleep ’cause I swore I could smell you, and it shattered me.”
Her eyes were wide as they started to fill with tears, but she held his gaze. “Me too. I missed you. I didn’t want to, but I did.”
He smiled at that. “I missed you too, and I’m sorry. Really sorry.”
“I mean, given the circumstances, I can’t blame you. I just wish I would have tried instead of running. Maybe then I would have been able to help, and then you wouldn’t have had to do it on your own. I feel like I failed you. Like I wasn’t there for you.”
“I can’t blame you for running, Mekena. I would have. If I’d walked in on that. I would have taken off and never talked to you again. It looked bad. It looked like I fucked up. I mean, she even had me believing it.”
She nodded. “I was just so hurt and broken.”
“I know,” he whispered, squeezing her hands. “I was too.”
They sat like that as the minutes passed, just holding each other’s hands, neither knowing what to say or do. There was so much that had happened, and he wondered if they could come back from it. If the love they had two years ago was still strong enough to live on. He prayed it was, but she wasn’t talking. She was just staring at the table, chewing on her lip.
“So what do we do now?” she asked, and he shrugged.
“What do you want to do?”
When she looked up, he held his breath as her eyes met his, a lone tear rolling down her cheek. “Earlier at my house, after it all went down, I told Libby all I wanted was to wrap you up in my arms and hold you.”
