Fallen Crest Alternative Version
Page 41
My heart thumped. It had slowed during the drive over, but my chest still heaved. I was restraining myself. Barely.
As my mother came closer and her face entered the light from the foyer, she frowned and braked. A hand went to her throat and her white pearls around her neck lifted up in a sigh.
She wore red.
My mother wore a red dress, made of lace, with white slippers on her feet. They were simple slippers, but it gave her a Cinderella look.
My eyes snapped to hers. They widened a fraction and she stepped back, but stopped. “Sam, really. What is it? Have the boys gotten in trouble again?”
“Sam?” James had followed behind her. He was still in a dark suit, and I realized they were leaving for dinner.
My voice came out mangled. “Where are you going?”
“Drinks and dinner in the city.” Analise frowned now. She swept a hand around in the air. “Really, honey. This is getting annoying. What is wrong?”
“You.”
I said it so simply and waited. I had to—I wanted to bash her head against the doorframe.
“Me?” There was amusement now in her voice.
“Sam? Where are Mason and Logan?”
I shook my head. They weren’t my concern then.
“Listen.” Her hand moved and rested on her hip. The bracelets on her wrists jangled from the movement. “Since you’re here and I never see you anymore, you are moving back on Sunday? Garrett had his time with you, for two weeks. Now that he’ll be here permanently, I think you should move home again. You need some consistency in your life, Sam. I worry about you.”
I laughed. It came out hollow. “Are you kidding me?”
She quieted. “What do you mean?”
“I might call Mason.” James moved away. His voice was heard farther away in a soft murmur.
“Sam.” Analise moved forward a step. Her arm lifted to grab me.
I snarled at her and shoved her backwards. It was violent, but it was done before I knew it. Her head bounced against the wall and she cried out in pain. As her hand rose to touch where she had been hit, she looked at me again. The annoyance was gone. This time a horror took its place. Her lips grew white around the edges. “What is wrong with you?”
“You.” I said it again.
“Me,” she scoffed. As she turned for James, she winced from the pain. “James, I’m the problem.”
He came back. Everything was a mask over his face, but he looked at me. “Mason said you went to your dad’s house.”
I held my breath. My heart pounded.
“She’s staying there. Why wouldn’t she?”
He didn’t look away from me. “What happened, Samantha?”
My eyes narrowed. “You’ve talked to me once. Don’t start now.”
“Sam!”
He flinched but backed away a step. Then he turned to Analise and his hand touched the back of her elbow. “Honey, we should leave.”
“No! My child assaulted me. I want to know why.”
“I think its best we go.”
“No!” She twisted her arm free and whirled back for me. Her chest heaved this time and her eyes were wild. “What is going on with you, Samantha?” She looked away. “Did you go to David’s house instead?”
I couldn’t speak. Everything pulsated inside of me. I was the bomb. I was ticking away.
“Analise, we should go.”
“No!” She glared at him for a beat before she turned back. “Samantha, tell me what is wrong. Please.”
“I hate you.”
It slipped out, like butter.
I continued, “It was my life too.”
Her mouth clamped shut. A stricken look entered, but her chin trembled. Her shoulders were so tense, and I laughed. “You don’t believe me?”
“Honey.”
“You threw away my life too! Because of what? Because you were bored? Because you fell out of love?” My voice rose with each statement. I yelled at her now, “That’s what life is! You make a vow and you stand by it. For better or worse, right? For better or worse, mom! You left. You left in the ‘or’ part. There weren’t any worse parts; there was just your boredom and your selfishness.”
“Sam.”
She spoke so quietly. I hated her all the more for it. I shook my head. “Don’t say anything. You don’t have that right anymore.”
She reared back, as if I had hit her.
I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything then. “I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to even know you exist. I think I hate you. I really do.”
Her eyes closed.
A sob tore from my throat, but I spoke the truth. “It was my life too. My memories. My mother. My father. My home. It was mine too. You can’t play with that. You’re not god. You’re not my mom right now. I don’t even think you’ve been in years.”
“I am too your mother.” She looked back up. A haunted emotion was in her depths. She was breathless. “I—”
“Everything changed!” I screamed and my hands shot to my hair. I wanted to yank it all out. I did, but I gasped for breath. I wanted to hurt her, not me. “Everything changed. I had friends when I lived there that I don’t anymore. I had a boyfriend when I lived there that I don’t anymore. Nothing’s the same. Everything changed. Everything is different. I don’t have parents anymore! Who disciplines me?! I am screwing your boyfriend’s son! And you don’t say anything. No one says anything.”
“Sam,” she choked out and fell back a step. She landed against the wall with a thump. Then her head went down and she whimpered.
“I have two dads. Who is it? Who is my real father? The sperm donor who showed up and is trying? Or the guy that was there all my life but not anymore? He dropped me when we moved, when you cheated. I call you all by first names!” I couldn’t stop shouting. Everything was off-kilter. It shouldn’t have been, but it was and it was her fault. I knew everything was her fault. “You didn’t bring my pictures, Analise. They were mine too. Those were things from my life too.”
“Sam,” she sobbed and reached a hand out.
I backed up and fell silent. There was no more. I was wrung out, but I saw that her dress was soaked from tears. “You might want to change before dinner. You look ridiculous.”
As my mother came closer and her face entered the light from the foyer, she frowned and braked. A hand went to her throat and her white pearls around her neck lifted up in a sigh.
She wore red.
My mother wore a red dress, made of lace, with white slippers on her feet. They were simple slippers, but it gave her a Cinderella look.
My eyes snapped to hers. They widened a fraction and she stepped back, but stopped. “Sam, really. What is it? Have the boys gotten in trouble again?”
“Sam?” James had followed behind her. He was still in a dark suit, and I realized they were leaving for dinner.
My voice came out mangled. “Where are you going?”
“Drinks and dinner in the city.” Analise frowned now. She swept a hand around in the air. “Really, honey. This is getting annoying. What is wrong?”
“You.”
I said it so simply and waited. I had to—I wanted to bash her head against the doorframe.
“Me?” There was amusement now in her voice.
“Sam? Where are Mason and Logan?”
I shook my head. They weren’t my concern then.
“Listen.” Her hand moved and rested on her hip. The bracelets on her wrists jangled from the movement. “Since you’re here and I never see you anymore, you are moving back on Sunday? Garrett had his time with you, for two weeks. Now that he’ll be here permanently, I think you should move home again. You need some consistency in your life, Sam. I worry about you.”
I laughed. It came out hollow. “Are you kidding me?”
She quieted. “What do you mean?”
“I might call Mason.” James moved away. His voice was heard farther away in a soft murmur.
“Sam.” Analise moved forward a step. Her arm lifted to grab me.
I snarled at her and shoved her backwards. It was violent, but it was done before I knew it. Her head bounced against the wall and she cried out in pain. As her hand rose to touch where she had been hit, she looked at me again. The annoyance was gone. This time a horror took its place. Her lips grew white around the edges. “What is wrong with you?”
“You.” I said it again.
“Me,” she scoffed. As she turned for James, she winced from the pain. “James, I’m the problem.”
He came back. Everything was a mask over his face, but he looked at me. “Mason said you went to your dad’s house.”
I held my breath. My heart pounded.
“She’s staying there. Why wouldn’t she?”
He didn’t look away from me. “What happened, Samantha?”
My eyes narrowed. “You’ve talked to me once. Don’t start now.”
“Sam!”
He flinched but backed away a step. Then he turned to Analise and his hand touched the back of her elbow. “Honey, we should leave.”
“No! My child assaulted me. I want to know why.”
“I think its best we go.”
“No!” She twisted her arm free and whirled back for me. Her chest heaved this time and her eyes were wild. “What is going on with you, Samantha?” She looked away. “Did you go to David’s house instead?”
I couldn’t speak. Everything pulsated inside of me. I was the bomb. I was ticking away.
“Analise, we should go.”
“No!” She glared at him for a beat before she turned back. “Samantha, tell me what is wrong. Please.”
“I hate you.”
It slipped out, like butter.
I continued, “It was my life too.”
Her mouth clamped shut. A stricken look entered, but her chin trembled. Her shoulders were so tense, and I laughed. “You don’t believe me?”
“Honey.”
“You threw away my life too! Because of what? Because you were bored? Because you fell out of love?” My voice rose with each statement. I yelled at her now, “That’s what life is! You make a vow and you stand by it. For better or worse, right? For better or worse, mom! You left. You left in the ‘or’ part. There weren’t any worse parts; there was just your boredom and your selfishness.”
“Sam.”
She spoke so quietly. I hated her all the more for it. I shook my head. “Don’t say anything. You don’t have that right anymore.”
She reared back, as if I had hit her.
I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything then. “I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to even know you exist. I think I hate you. I really do.”
Her eyes closed.
A sob tore from my throat, but I spoke the truth. “It was my life too. My memories. My mother. My father. My home. It was mine too. You can’t play with that. You’re not god. You’re not my mom right now. I don’t even think you’ve been in years.”
“I am too your mother.” She looked back up. A haunted emotion was in her depths. She was breathless. “I—”
“Everything changed!” I screamed and my hands shot to my hair. I wanted to yank it all out. I did, but I gasped for breath. I wanted to hurt her, not me. “Everything changed. I had friends when I lived there that I don’t anymore. I had a boyfriend when I lived there that I don’t anymore. Nothing’s the same. Everything changed. Everything is different. I don’t have parents anymore! Who disciplines me?! I am screwing your boyfriend’s son! And you don’t say anything. No one says anything.”
“Sam,” she choked out and fell back a step. She landed against the wall with a thump. Then her head went down and she whimpered.
“I have two dads. Who is it? Who is my real father? The sperm donor who showed up and is trying? Or the guy that was there all my life but not anymore? He dropped me when we moved, when you cheated. I call you all by first names!” I couldn’t stop shouting. Everything was off-kilter. It shouldn’t have been, but it was and it was her fault. I knew everything was her fault. “You didn’t bring my pictures, Analise. They were mine too. Those were things from my life too.”
“Sam,” she sobbed and reached a hand out.
I backed up and fell silent. There was no more. I was wrung out, but I saw that her dress was soaked from tears. “You might want to change before dinner. You look ridiculous.”
