Fallen Crest Alternative Version
Page 75
It stung. It hurt every day. I swallowed it. It’s what I had been doing every day. It’s what I would have to keep doing.
“I’ll stop asking questions about them.”
I nodded, unable to talk. The emotion was right there. It was still fresh and it was still overpowering. Feeling the tears again, I left and escaped into the bathroom. Crying in the back booth was normal for me now. I’m sure people knew who was in the stall crying, but I didn’t care. No one said a word. Whenever I left the bathroom, I kept my head down. I went from class to class and the only person who ventured to talk to me was Emily. Becky wrote me a note. She explained that Adam was hurt by my choice and she needed to be his friend and support him. I didn’t have the strength to explain what really happened, nor did I care anymore. Surviving was my first priority. Emily didn’t put any demands on me. This last conversation was the closest she had come to questioning my decision.
After an hour in the bathroom, I waited for the bell to ring and then I left. It was the last class of the day. I could go home. I could escape and wallow all by myself. Hoping to avoid Emily, even though she kept her distance from me if she knew I had been in the bathroom, I didn’t see him until I was already at my locker.
I saw his feet first.
I stopped, paralyzed, and then I snapped out of it. My head jerked up and there he was. Logan.
He was waiting for me, and his gaze pierced through me.
He was furious.
“Hey.”
“Shut up,” he growled at me. “Don’t talk. You don’t get that right anymore.”
My eyes widened. He had never used that tone with me. He was shaking, and he said without waiting for a response, “I don’t know where you get off making decisions for my brother and me. If you’re going to dump him, then dump him, but don’t do it because of me, or because of my relationship with my brother.”
“Logan,”
“Shut up.” His eyes were fierce. “Like I said, you don’t get a voice here. Not after the shit you pulled.”
Everything went flat in me. All of it. He reached in, took hold of every last reserve I had, every decision I had made, and he yanked it out of me. It happened in one instant. I was left shattered. Again.
Logan continued, “Whatever feelings I MIGHT have for you are only an issue if I make them. Whatever I feel for you and trust me, right now they aren’t nice, are mine and mine alone. They are not your problem. You have no right to decide for me. You hear me?”
I flinched as if he had slapped me. Every word from him was a knife into me. He kept stabbing.
He said, “Furthermore, your f**king dad slapped Mason with a restraining order. He can’t come here or near your house. Good for him for finally deciding to grow a pair, but f**k, it’s the wrong f**king timing right now. Mason’s hurting, Sam. That’s your fault. Fix it. Fix all of this mess.”
I was trying. “Logan,” I whispered.
“No. I don’t want to hear some weak ass excuse. Your reasons are wrong. I’m an adult, for the most part. I can make my own decisions, especially when it comes to my brother. So is Mason. You’re family. You can’t undo that shit with us.”
Family. That word soared through me. He still considered me family.
Logan stepped closer. I glanced around, realizing the audience we were attracting. He lowered his voice. “I don’t know what you wrote in that note, but it killed him. I couldn’t even be f**king mad at him for what he did to me, but trust me, what you did to him trumps whatever he did to me. You broke him.”
I was broken too.
“I love you, Sam. You’re my brother’s girlfriend. You’re going to be my stepsister and maybe one day, my sister-in-law. I have no clue, but I know my brother loves you. Whatever I may or may not feel for you can’t compare, but that’s my decision. Not yours. It’s not in your court unless I decide it goes there. You understand?”
Relief, hope, terror all slammed into me. What did this mean?
“I love you because you’re family, okay? That’s all there is between us.”
I was huddled against my locker now and he leaned over me. He was close, studying my face. Then he cupped the side of my face and pressed a kiss to my forehead. His lips brushed against my skin as he murmured, “Go to my brother. He’s the one that needs you.” Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me in tight for a hug. Then he pressed another kiss to my forehead. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I almost miss hearing the two of you screw.”
A weak laugh left me. “Shut up.” We were not loud. We never had been.
Logan’s chest shook as he laughed, still hugging me close. “Yeah, but I like giving you crap about it. Get your ass going.”
“Where is he?”
“He’s running.”
“He’s running?”
“Your old trail.” He lifted his head and spoke over my shoulder, “I hear you’ve been good to Sam?”
Emily replied to him, laughing at something, but I tuned out. The need to get to Mason was the only thing I could think about. I wasn’t going to analyze what Logan said. I left before I changed my mind. Logan said I was family. No matter what happened, he was right. I couldn’t f**k up my family like my mother had. I just hadn’t realized that’s what I had done.
*
My heart was pounding in rhythm with my feet. Each step I took, a loud thud sounded in my ears. I lifted my arms higher and higher with each stride. Logan said Mason was running my trail. As soon as I had parked where I normally got on the trail, I hit the ground running. My keys were still in my hand, but I took off. Logan was right. I was an idiot. I had f**ked up our family and I hadn’t realized it.
At the reminder, I gritted my teeth and pushed forward with a new burst of speed. I had to get to Mason. Rounding a clearing, I kept going. When I ran, I ran. I never jogged, but this had been a full sprint since the car. My lungs were straining. The slap of the air was hitting my skin. I kept going. I didn’t feel any of it.
Then I saw him.
The trail turned, he was there, and then he was gone. There was another curve up ahead.
“Mason!” I yelled and pumped my knees harder.
The trail came to a clearing and straightened out in front of me. Nothing.
I braked, pitching forward from the sudden stop, but I gasped, frowning. Where had he gone?
“I’ll stop asking questions about them.”
I nodded, unable to talk. The emotion was right there. It was still fresh and it was still overpowering. Feeling the tears again, I left and escaped into the bathroom. Crying in the back booth was normal for me now. I’m sure people knew who was in the stall crying, but I didn’t care. No one said a word. Whenever I left the bathroom, I kept my head down. I went from class to class and the only person who ventured to talk to me was Emily. Becky wrote me a note. She explained that Adam was hurt by my choice and she needed to be his friend and support him. I didn’t have the strength to explain what really happened, nor did I care anymore. Surviving was my first priority. Emily didn’t put any demands on me. This last conversation was the closest she had come to questioning my decision.
After an hour in the bathroom, I waited for the bell to ring and then I left. It was the last class of the day. I could go home. I could escape and wallow all by myself. Hoping to avoid Emily, even though she kept her distance from me if she knew I had been in the bathroom, I didn’t see him until I was already at my locker.
I saw his feet first.
I stopped, paralyzed, and then I snapped out of it. My head jerked up and there he was. Logan.
He was waiting for me, and his gaze pierced through me.
He was furious.
“Hey.”
“Shut up,” he growled at me. “Don’t talk. You don’t get that right anymore.”
My eyes widened. He had never used that tone with me. He was shaking, and he said without waiting for a response, “I don’t know where you get off making decisions for my brother and me. If you’re going to dump him, then dump him, but don’t do it because of me, or because of my relationship with my brother.”
“Logan,”
“Shut up.” His eyes were fierce. “Like I said, you don’t get a voice here. Not after the shit you pulled.”
Everything went flat in me. All of it. He reached in, took hold of every last reserve I had, every decision I had made, and he yanked it out of me. It happened in one instant. I was left shattered. Again.
Logan continued, “Whatever feelings I MIGHT have for you are only an issue if I make them. Whatever I feel for you and trust me, right now they aren’t nice, are mine and mine alone. They are not your problem. You have no right to decide for me. You hear me?”
I flinched as if he had slapped me. Every word from him was a knife into me. He kept stabbing.
He said, “Furthermore, your f**king dad slapped Mason with a restraining order. He can’t come here or near your house. Good for him for finally deciding to grow a pair, but f**k, it’s the wrong f**king timing right now. Mason’s hurting, Sam. That’s your fault. Fix it. Fix all of this mess.”
I was trying. “Logan,” I whispered.
“No. I don’t want to hear some weak ass excuse. Your reasons are wrong. I’m an adult, for the most part. I can make my own decisions, especially when it comes to my brother. So is Mason. You’re family. You can’t undo that shit with us.”
Family. That word soared through me. He still considered me family.
Logan stepped closer. I glanced around, realizing the audience we were attracting. He lowered his voice. “I don’t know what you wrote in that note, but it killed him. I couldn’t even be f**king mad at him for what he did to me, but trust me, what you did to him trumps whatever he did to me. You broke him.”
I was broken too.
“I love you, Sam. You’re my brother’s girlfriend. You’re going to be my stepsister and maybe one day, my sister-in-law. I have no clue, but I know my brother loves you. Whatever I may or may not feel for you can’t compare, but that’s my decision. Not yours. It’s not in your court unless I decide it goes there. You understand?”
Relief, hope, terror all slammed into me. What did this mean?
“I love you because you’re family, okay? That’s all there is between us.”
I was huddled against my locker now and he leaned over me. He was close, studying my face. Then he cupped the side of my face and pressed a kiss to my forehead. His lips brushed against my skin as he murmured, “Go to my brother. He’s the one that needs you.” Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me in tight for a hug. Then he pressed another kiss to my forehead. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I almost miss hearing the two of you screw.”
A weak laugh left me. “Shut up.” We were not loud. We never had been.
Logan’s chest shook as he laughed, still hugging me close. “Yeah, but I like giving you crap about it. Get your ass going.”
“Where is he?”
“He’s running.”
“He’s running?”
“Your old trail.” He lifted his head and spoke over my shoulder, “I hear you’ve been good to Sam?”
Emily replied to him, laughing at something, but I tuned out. The need to get to Mason was the only thing I could think about. I wasn’t going to analyze what Logan said. I left before I changed my mind. Logan said I was family. No matter what happened, he was right. I couldn’t f**k up my family like my mother had. I just hadn’t realized that’s what I had done.
*
My heart was pounding in rhythm with my feet. Each step I took, a loud thud sounded in my ears. I lifted my arms higher and higher with each stride. Logan said Mason was running my trail. As soon as I had parked where I normally got on the trail, I hit the ground running. My keys were still in my hand, but I took off. Logan was right. I was an idiot. I had f**ked up our family and I hadn’t realized it.
At the reminder, I gritted my teeth and pushed forward with a new burst of speed. I had to get to Mason. Rounding a clearing, I kept going. When I ran, I ran. I never jogged, but this had been a full sprint since the car. My lungs were straining. The slap of the air was hitting my skin. I kept going. I didn’t feel any of it.
Then I saw him.
The trail turned, he was there, and then he was gone. There was another curve up ahead.
“Mason!” I yelled and pumped my knees harder.
The trail came to a clearing and straightened out in front of me. Nothing.
I braked, pitching forward from the sudden stop, but I gasped, frowning. Where had he gone?
