Fallen Crest Forever
Page 44
“You can’t lie about me? I can’t lie to you.” I brushed my lips over his. “I don’t know how it might happen, but I’m scared. I couldn’t handle losing you.”
“Sam,” Mason whispered, raising one of his hands to cup the side of my face. His thumb rubbed over my cheek. “You might’ve seen your mother at her worst, but you also watched David. He stayed. He held on because he loved you. She left him, but he never left her.”
“But he did. One time.”
Mason cursed again, his lips falling to my shoulder. He lightly nipped me there, tightening his hold around my back. “I’m sorry. I forgot the time she . . .”
Killed her babies.
He couldn’t say it. Neither could I.
I rested my head on his shoulder and hugged him. I didn’t know what the future would hold. I was sure there’d be challenges, but I was sure there’d be good times as well. There was a layer of strength and belief in us, but underneath it, I couldn’t deny there was a layer of fear.
I felt tears forming, and before they shed, I whispered, “Let’s get married now.”
“What?” He pulled back to gaze down at me.
Those tears fell. “Let’s do it now. Before—”
Before it was too late. Before we built walls around our hearts, because that was what my mother taught me to do.
I finally figured it out, and the realization spread through me at breakneck speed. I guarded myself. At first it was against her, but it’d be against Mason eventually. It was part of my DNA, a part of me. I wouldn’t know I was doing it until it was too late.
That couldn’t happen. I couldn’t safeguard myself against him.
My fingers gripped his skin. “Let’s go now. Let’s do it before we fuck up and something horrible happens.”
“Sam.”
He was going to say no. He was going to say everything would be all right. He was going to say all the right things, that we’d be fine, that we loved each other, that we’d never do what our parents did. Maybe he was right, but I still felt there would be a time when neither of us would realize what was happening. Something would put us on opposite sides of each other, and that would be the end.
“Please, Mason.”
He began threading his fingers through my hair, tucking my strands behind my ear. “Do you trust me?”
I nodded. I didn’t trust myself.
“If you trust me, believe me when I say that we’re going to be fine. I’ve never done anything to hurt you. You’ve never hurt me. We will be fine. I promise.”
My hand wrapped around his wrist where he cupped the side of my face. I clung to him, wanting to accept what he was saying, but my gut was saying otherwise. Something was going to happen. Something neither of us would foresee, and whatever it was—it was going to rip us apart.
I closed my eyes and rested my forehead to his shoulder.
“Sam.” He smoothed my hair down my back. “Everything will be all right. I promise.”
I trusted him. I was the problem.
All I murmured was, “Okay.”
“Okay?” He was smiling, searching my face, and his eyes darkened. His lips found mine, resting there softly. “It’ll be fine. I won’t let anything happen to you or me. I promise.”
Again, that word.
I was starting to hate that word, just like when Analise would promise me. She made all sorts of commitments. She failed on all of them.
But I nodded and breathed out. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
I nodded again, closing my eyes. I felt his lips on mine again, and this time they didn’t pull away. They held there and applied pressure. They took me away on a different journey, and when Mason slid inside of me, I moved with him, but I couldn’t shake what my gut was saying.
We were on borrowed time.
MASON
Sam fell asleep on the short drive home.
I didn’t have the heart to wake her, so I was carrying her inside when Logan stepped into the hallway. I held a hand up before he could start and gestured to her. I held up a finger. One minute. That’s all I was asking for, and his eyes fell to Sam before he nodded. He stepped back into the living room while I slipped into the bedroom.
Sam and I had rinsed off before leaving the pool, and I’d done my thing, going back and making sure the cameras were wiped during our time slot there. When I got back, she’d had the Escalade running, the heat turned up, and was curled into a ball in the back. I knew she was asleep even before hearing her deep breathing.
And as I placed her under the covers now, she didn’t even stir.
I grabbed new clothes and moved into the hallway bathroom to change before going to find Logan. I didn’t want to wake her.
He’d poured himself a drink while waiting for me. I smelled the aroma of bourbon, and he waved toward the liquor cabinet with his glass. “Have at it. I’m in the mood to get ripped tonight.”
Even if Sam hadn’t told me, I would’ve known instantly. Logan was furious, more hurt than anything else.
I poured myself a glass, then turned around. “I’m sorry.”
“For what, big brother?” His face showed no emotion. But his eyes were raging. “For going to self-sacrifice without me? Or asking Sam to marry you and not telling me the news?” He flung a hand toward the television. “I heard about it on the fucking TV! Like everyone else!”
“I’m sorry.”
He grunted, sipping from his glass. “You better damn well be. You cut me out. I’m not everyone else. I’m the one who’s never left your side.”
“I know.”
“Do you?!” he spat. “I’d tell you before I asked Taylor to marry me. Fuck. You’d be in on the planning. And if you weren’t, you’d be my first phone call after she said yes.” He laughed, and the sound was bitter. “You’d be my first phone call if she said no too.” His eyes grew wary. “How long ago?”
“When I asked her?”
He nodded. “How long have you been engaged and you haven’t told me?”
“A month.”
His head tipped back. “Are you serious? A whole month.”
I sat down at the table. Logan kept the lights off, which I was grateful for, and he followed me. He brought the bourbon with him, placing it on the table between us.
“She didn’t say yes.”
He went still, and his eyes lifted to mine. “You shitting me?”
I shook my head, finishing my glass and refilling it. I had practice in the afternoon tomorrow—or I hoped I still did—but I didn’t care now. Logan was right. I should’ve told him right away, and admitting Sam’s reluctance was like a weight off my shoulders.
I leaned back in my chair. “She’s scared, and she wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t even prepared. I just decided that day, and I did it. I lit a bunch of those fake-candle things girls like, and I put them all around on this path Sam likes to run.”
“Ah . . .” Logan mocked me, grinning. “How romantic of you.”
“Shut up. You’ll do something twice as romantic for Taylor, and you know it.”
“Yeah,” he conceded, reaching for the bourbon again. “You’re right. I’ll blow your proposal out of the water.”
I cringed, hearing that word. I remembered holding Sam in the pool, moving inside of her. She was with me. She had felt all the sensations I did, but she wasn’t quite there. I could feel her doubt. It clung to her like a blanket sometimes, and marrying me—she was nervous. I felt a knife inside every time I admitted that to myself.
I was ready.
I could wait, but I was ready. There was no doubt for me. No fear.
I’d do anything for her, but the woman I placed on a pedestal above me wasn’t sure about marrying me. She said she was, she whispered the words, but I knew she wasn’t. Even though I said on television we were engaged, a part of her wasn’t my fiancée at all. A part of her wanted to run from me.
I downed my glass and filled it for a third time.
“You okay?”
I looked over, hearing Logan’s concern. “You still pissed at me?”
“Sam,” Mason whispered, raising one of his hands to cup the side of my face. His thumb rubbed over my cheek. “You might’ve seen your mother at her worst, but you also watched David. He stayed. He held on because he loved you. She left him, but he never left her.”
“But he did. One time.”
Mason cursed again, his lips falling to my shoulder. He lightly nipped me there, tightening his hold around my back. “I’m sorry. I forgot the time she . . .”
Killed her babies.
He couldn’t say it. Neither could I.
I rested my head on his shoulder and hugged him. I didn’t know what the future would hold. I was sure there’d be challenges, but I was sure there’d be good times as well. There was a layer of strength and belief in us, but underneath it, I couldn’t deny there was a layer of fear.
I felt tears forming, and before they shed, I whispered, “Let’s get married now.”
“What?” He pulled back to gaze down at me.
Those tears fell. “Let’s do it now. Before—”
Before it was too late. Before we built walls around our hearts, because that was what my mother taught me to do.
I finally figured it out, and the realization spread through me at breakneck speed. I guarded myself. At first it was against her, but it’d be against Mason eventually. It was part of my DNA, a part of me. I wouldn’t know I was doing it until it was too late.
That couldn’t happen. I couldn’t safeguard myself against him.
My fingers gripped his skin. “Let’s go now. Let’s do it before we fuck up and something horrible happens.”
“Sam.”
He was going to say no. He was going to say everything would be all right. He was going to say all the right things, that we’d be fine, that we loved each other, that we’d never do what our parents did. Maybe he was right, but I still felt there would be a time when neither of us would realize what was happening. Something would put us on opposite sides of each other, and that would be the end.
“Please, Mason.”
He began threading his fingers through my hair, tucking my strands behind my ear. “Do you trust me?”
I nodded. I didn’t trust myself.
“If you trust me, believe me when I say that we’re going to be fine. I’ve never done anything to hurt you. You’ve never hurt me. We will be fine. I promise.”
My hand wrapped around his wrist where he cupped the side of my face. I clung to him, wanting to accept what he was saying, but my gut was saying otherwise. Something was going to happen. Something neither of us would foresee, and whatever it was—it was going to rip us apart.
I closed my eyes and rested my forehead to his shoulder.
“Sam.” He smoothed my hair down my back. “Everything will be all right. I promise.”
I trusted him. I was the problem.
All I murmured was, “Okay.”
“Okay?” He was smiling, searching my face, and his eyes darkened. His lips found mine, resting there softly. “It’ll be fine. I won’t let anything happen to you or me. I promise.”
Again, that word.
I was starting to hate that word, just like when Analise would promise me. She made all sorts of commitments. She failed on all of them.
But I nodded and breathed out. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
I nodded again, closing my eyes. I felt his lips on mine again, and this time they didn’t pull away. They held there and applied pressure. They took me away on a different journey, and when Mason slid inside of me, I moved with him, but I couldn’t shake what my gut was saying.
We were on borrowed time.
MASON
Sam fell asleep on the short drive home.
I didn’t have the heart to wake her, so I was carrying her inside when Logan stepped into the hallway. I held a hand up before he could start and gestured to her. I held up a finger. One minute. That’s all I was asking for, and his eyes fell to Sam before he nodded. He stepped back into the living room while I slipped into the bedroom.
Sam and I had rinsed off before leaving the pool, and I’d done my thing, going back and making sure the cameras were wiped during our time slot there. When I got back, she’d had the Escalade running, the heat turned up, and was curled into a ball in the back. I knew she was asleep even before hearing her deep breathing.
And as I placed her under the covers now, she didn’t even stir.
I grabbed new clothes and moved into the hallway bathroom to change before going to find Logan. I didn’t want to wake her.
He’d poured himself a drink while waiting for me. I smelled the aroma of bourbon, and he waved toward the liquor cabinet with his glass. “Have at it. I’m in the mood to get ripped tonight.”
Even if Sam hadn’t told me, I would’ve known instantly. Logan was furious, more hurt than anything else.
I poured myself a glass, then turned around. “I’m sorry.”
“For what, big brother?” His face showed no emotion. But his eyes were raging. “For going to self-sacrifice without me? Or asking Sam to marry you and not telling me the news?” He flung a hand toward the television. “I heard about it on the fucking TV! Like everyone else!”
“I’m sorry.”
He grunted, sipping from his glass. “You better damn well be. You cut me out. I’m not everyone else. I’m the one who’s never left your side.”
“I know.”
“Do you?!” he spat. “I’d tell you before I asked Taylor to marry me. Fuck. You’d be in on the planning. And if you weren’t, you’d be my first phone call after she said yes.” He laughed, and the sound was bitter. “You’d be my first phone call if she said no too.” His eyes grew wary. “How long ago?”
“When I asked her?”
He nodded. “How long have you been engaged and you haven’t told me?”
“A month.”
His head tipped back. “Are you serious? A whole month.”
I sat down at the table. Logan kept the lights off, which I was grateful for, and he followed me. He brought the bourbon with him, placing it on the table between us.
“She didn’t say yes.”
He went still, and his eyes lifted to mine. “You shitting me?”
I shook my head, finishing my glass and refilling it. I had practice in the afternoon tomorrow—or I hoped I still did—but I didn’t care now. Logan was right. I should’ve told him right away, and admitting Sam’s reluctance was like a weight off my shoulders.
I leaned back in my chair. “She’s scared, and she wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t even prepared. I just decided that day, and I did it. I lit a bunch of those fake-candle things girls like, and I put them all around on this path Sam likes to run.”
“Ah . . .” Logan mocked me, grinning. “How romantic of you.”
“Shut up. You’ll do something twice as romantic for Taylor, and you know it.”
“Yeah,” he conceded, reaching for the bourbon again. “You’re right. I’ll blow your proposal out of the water.”
I cringed, hearing that word. I remembered holding Sam in the pool, moving inside of her. She was with me. She had felt all the sensations I did, but she wasn’t quite there. I could feel her doubt. It clung to her like a blanket sometimes, and marrying me—she was nervous. I felt a knife inside every time I admitted that to myself.
I was ready.
I could wait, but I was ready. There was no doubt for me. No fear.
I’d do anything for her, but the woman I placed on a pedestal above me wasn’t sure about marrying me. She said she was, she whispered the words, but I knew she wasn’t. Even though I said on television we were engaged, a part of her wasn’t my fiancée at all. A part of her wanted to run from me.
I downed my glass and filled it for a third time.
“You okay?”
I looked over, hearing Logan’s concern. “You still pissed at me?”
