Fallen Fourth Down
Page 53
Jackson said they were holding court. I understood. Even if I didn’t know Logan and saw him sitting there, I would know these guys were the top of the hierarchy. Confidence filled their shoulders, and as they spoke, it was heard in their voices as well. Even though they weren’t doing anything, they commanded attention from everyone surrounding them. More than few girls casted lustful looks to them. Some of the guys standing on the outskirts shifted on their feet and glanced around. Their hands gripped their beer cans tight before shoving a hand into their pocket. They shifted again, finally striking a cocky pose to cover any insecurity they had shown.
“You want another, Kade?” A guy stood from the log he was sitting on.
People shifted, watching as he said something else to his campfire comrades, then he was joined by another guy. Both lifted their legs, stepping over their benches and moved towards the groups surrounding them. The crowd shifted, automatically letting them through. As they passed by, they didn’t notice me.
In that moment, I felt like Jackson. I felt like I was in the shadows, not being seen, like I had before Mason and Logan came into my life. I felt the old loneliness settle back on my shoulders, weighing me down. A couple girls turned to me. They nudged each other, all moving so they could scan me up and down. I looked down at the ground, trying to hide a smile. The sense of anonymity was gone. It had been there for a split second, but I was recognized again. I let out a sigh. Being invisible and visible had pros and cons to it, but it didn’t matter.
Stepping forward, I rolled my shoulders back and raised my chin. Being in the limelight was how Mason and Logan lived. That meant that’s where I would be with them. As I moved closer, Logan’s friends saw my approach. Nothing was said to each other. They all stood and left, leaving Logan alone. As I got there, he glanced up. He had been sitting with his back to everyone. He said, “I figured it was you.” He gestured to the empty benches. “They wouldn’t have left for anyone else.”
I lifted my leg to climb over and sat next to him. My back was turned to everyone else too. “Even Kris?”
“Even Kris.” His head lowered and he closed his eyes. His shoulders dropped slightly. His hand was on his leg and it turned, opening.
He was hurting.
I didn’t think; my arm lifted and my hand slid into his. His hand wrapped around mine. He tightened the hold, our fingers laced together, and I squeezed.
He gave me a half-grin. “What’s this for?”
“For messing up. For being self-absorbed.” I bit down on my lip. “Because you’re hurting and that makes me hurt too.”
He closed his eyes. His head moved lower and his chest jerked up. A second later, he said, “Thank you, Sam.” His voice was hoarse. He squeezed my hand back. “Thank you.”
“I’m sorry.”
He nodded. “I know.” He lifted his arm, our hands still joined, and laid it across my shoulders. He pulled me into his side. His head bobbed down to rest on my free shoulder, his face right next to mine. He murmured, “I needed this.”
“Me too.”
“Mason left, and I lost him and you.” His eyes moved so he was watching me from the corner of his eye. “Are you back?”
“I’m back.” I nodded, grazing my cheek against his. “I promise.”
“Good.” His body had been tense, but as he said that word, all of it left him. He relaxed next to me, his arm sagging. It would’ve slipped off, but I kept my hold on his hand and tugged it back into place. We shared a grin and readjusted. I burrowed closer to his side and he propped his arm further over me, nearly blanketing me so our hands rested close to my lap. His head moved, against the top of mine, and he turned, pressing a soft kiss to my temple. He murmured, “I’ve missed you.”
I had missed him too, more than I realized. Regret filtered through me, but Tate’s words came back to me: “Logan’s in love with you.” I hadn’t tried to distance myself from Logan. I tried to distance myself from those words, but they came back. They were going to haunt me forever. I had to accept it.
“Sam?”
I moved an inch over so I could see him. “Yeah?”
“What’s been going on with you?”
Nerves sparked up in my stomach. A feeling of doom settled in my chest, but I had to tell him something. I had to let go of one of the secrets. “You know that Jackson guy?”
“Yeah?” He tensed against me.
“I don’t know if Mason ever told you, but I slept with another guy before him.”
“That guy?”
“He was my first, and I never saw him again until last Friday night.”
“For real?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, man.” He pulled me back to his side. “I’m sorry. I should’ve backed off. That’s why he went to see you.” The corner of his mouth dipped down. “I told him to stay the fuck away from you, or I was going to find his closest female relative and bang the hell out of her.”
Oh, god. Only Logan. “Well, you don’t have to.”
He grinned. “I wasn’t quiet either. I think people heard.”
“He said you were nice about it.”
“I wasn’t. I was an asshole.”
“He’s not a factor. It’s nice not to regret that night, but it’s over. Jackson’s not going to be a part of my life.” I lifted my eyes to hold his again. “You and Mason are.”
“Threesome Fearsome again?”
I nodded. “Threesome Fearsome going strong.”
“Damn straight.” He flicked the corner of my lip, grinning at me. “I love you, little sister.”
“Little?” I straightened up, moving so I could turn around and face him squarely. Our hands let go and his arm slipped down my back, resting behind me. I wrinkled my nose. “I believe I’m older than you.”
He shrugged. “Age doesn’t matter. It’s what’s in here.” He touched his chest.
“Your heart?”
“My lungs. They’re stronger than yours. I’m in better shape. That’s what’s important.” His grin stretched from ear to ear.
“Oh, god.” I punched him in the side and rolled my eyes. “But I’m older and wiser.”
“Not true.” Still grinning, he tugged me back and wrapped his arm around me. He moved so he was hugging me from the side. His forehead lowered to rest on my shoulder. He glanced up at me from the corner of his eye. “Thank you for telling me about Jackson.”
“You want another, Kade?” A guy stood from the log he was sitting on.
People shifted, watching as he said something else to his campfire comrades, then he was joined by another guy. Both lifted their legs, stepping over their benches and moved towards the groups surrounding them. The crowd shifted, automatically letting them through. As they passed by, they didn’t notice me.
In that moment, I felt like Jackson. I felt like I was in the shadows, not being seen, like I had before Mason and Logan came into my life. I felt the old loneliness settle back on my shoulders, weighing me down. A couple girls turned to me. They nudged each other, all moving so they could scan me up and down. I looked down at the ground, trying to hide a smile. The sense of anonymity was gone. It had been there for a split second, but I was recognized again. I let out a sigh. Being invisible and visible had pros and cons to it, but it didn’t matter.
Stepping forward, I rolled my shoulders back and raised my chin. Being in the limelight was how Mason and Logan lived. That meant that’s where I would be with them. As I moved closer, Logan’s friends saw my approach. Nothing was said to each other. They all stood and left, leaving Logan alone. As I got there, he glanced up. He had been sitting with his back to everyone. He said, “I figured it was you.” He gestured to the empty benches. “They wouldn’t have left for anyone else.”
I lifted my leg to climb over and sat next to him. My back was turned to everyone else too. “Even Kris?”
“Even Kris.” His head lowered and he closed his eyes. His shoulders dropped slightly. His hand was on his leg and it turned, opening.
He was hurting.
I didn’t think; my arm lifted and my hand slid into his. His hand wrapped around mine. He tightened the hold, our fingers laced together, and I squeezed.
He gave me a half-grin. “What’s this for?”
“For messing up. For being self-absorbed.” I bit down on my lip. “Because you’re hurting and that makes me hurt too.”
He closed his eyes. His head moved lower and his chest jerked up. A second later, he said, “Thank you, Sam.” His voice was hoarse. He squeezed my hand back. “Thank you.”
“I’m sorry.”
He nodded. “I know.” He lifted his arm, our hands still joined, and laid it across my shoulders. He pulled me into his side. His head bobbed down to rest on my free shoulder, his face right next to mine. He murmured, “I needed this.”
“Me too.”
“Mason left, and I lost him and you.” His eyes moved so he was watching me from the corner of his eye. “Are you back?”
“I’m back.” I nodded, grazing my cheek against his. “I promise.”
“Good.” His body had been tense, but as he said that word, all of it left him. He relaxed next to me, his arm sagging. It would’ve slipped off, but I kept my hold on his hand and tugged it back into place. We shared a grin and readjusted. I burrowed closer to his side and he propped his arm further over me, nearly blanketing me so our hands rested close to my lap. His head moved, against the top of mine, and he turned, pressing a soft kiss to my temple. He murmured, “I’ve missed you.”
I had missed him too, more than I realized. Regret filtered through me, but Tate’s words came back to me: “Logan’s in love with you.” I hadn’t tried to distance myself from Logan. I tried to distance myself from those words, but they came back. They were going to haunt me forever. I had to accept it.
“Sam?”
I moved an inch over so I could see him. “Yeah?”
“What’s been going on with you?”
Nerves sparked up in my stomach. A feeling of doom settled in my chest, but I had to tell him something. I had to let go of one of the secrets. “You know that Jackson guy?”
“Yeah?” He tensed against me.
“I don’t know if Mason ever told you, but I slept with another guy before him.”
“That guy?”
“He was my first, and I never saw him again until last Friday night.”
“For real?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, man.” He pulled me back to his side. “I’m sorry. I should’ve backed off. That’s why he went to see you.” The corner of his mouth dipped down. “I told him to stay the fuck away from you, or I was going to find his closest female relative and bang the hell out of her.”
Oh, god. Only Logan. “Well, you don’t have to.”
He grinned. “I wasn’t quiet either. I think people heard.”
“He said you were nice about it.”
“I wasn’t. I was an asshole.”
“He’s not a factor. It’s nice not to regret that night, but it’s over. Jackson’s not going to be a part of my life.” I lifted my eyes to hold his again. “You and Mason are.”
“Threesome Fearsome again?”
I nodded. “Threesome Fearsome going strong.”
“Damn straight.” He flicked the corner of my lip, grinning at me. “I love you, little sister.”
“Little?” I straightened up, moving so I could turn around and face him squarely. Our hands let go and his arm slipped down my back, resting behind me. I wrinkled my nose. “I believe I’m older than you.”
He shrugged. “Age doesn’t matter. It’s what’s in here.” He touched his chest.
“Your heart?”
“My lungs. They’re stronger than yours. I’m in better shape. That’s what’s important.” His grin stretched from ear to ear.
“Oh, god.” I punched him in the side and rolled my eyes. “But I’m older and wiser.”
“Not true.” Still grinning, he tugged me back and wrapped his arm around me. He moved so he was hugging me from the side. His forehead lowered to rest on my shoulder. He glanced up at me from the corner of his eye. “Thank you for telling me about Jackson.”
