Falling for Rachel
Page 38
Nick broke the gaze first, staring over Zack’s shoulder at the shadowy wall. “I don’t know how I feel. You came back because you had to. I stayed because there was no place else to go.”
There was no arguing with the truth. As far as Zack could see, Nick had summed it up perfectly. “We never had much of a shot before.”
“You didn’t hang around very long.”
“I couldn’t get along with the old man—”
“You were the only one he cared about,” Nick blurted out. “Every day I’d have to hear about how great you were, how you were making something out of yourself. What a hero you were. And how I was nothing.” He caught himself, swallowed the need. “But that’s cool. You were his blood, and I was just something that got dumped on him when my mother died.”
“He didn’t feel that way. He didn’t,” Zack insisted. “For God’s sake, Nick, when I lived with him, he was never satisfied with me, either. I was here, and my mother wasn’t. That was enough to make him miserable every time he looked at me. Hell, he didn’t mean it.” Zack closed his eyes and missed the flicker of surprise that passed over Nick’s face. “It was just the way he was. It took me years to realize he was always on my back because it was the only way he knew to be a father. It was the same with you.”
“He wasn’t my…” But this time Nick trailed off without finishing the sentence, or the thought.
“Toward the end, he asked for you. He really wanted to see you, Nick. Most of the times he came around like that, he thought you were still a little kid. And sometimes—most times, really—he just got the two of us mixed up together. Then he’d yell at me for both of us.” He said it with a smile—a smile that Nick didn’t return. “I’m not blaming you for staying away, or for holding all those years of criticism and complaints against him. I understand that it was too late for him, Nick. It doesn’t have to be too late for you.”
“What does it matter to you?”
“You’re all the family I’ve got.” He rose and laid a hand on Nick’s shoulder, relaxing when it wasn’t shoved off. “Maybe, when it comes right down to the bottom line, you’re all the family I’ve ever had. I don’t want to lose that.”
“I don’t know how to be family,” Nick murmured.
“Me either. Maybe we can figure it out together.”
Nick glanced up, then away. “Maybe. We’re stuck with each other a few more weeks, anyway.”
It would do, Zack thought as he gave Nick’s shoulder a quick squeeze. It would do for now. “Thanks for the drink, kid. Do me a favor and don’t mention the nightmare business to anyone.”
“I can dig it.” Nick watched Zack start back toward the bedroom. “Zack?”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t know what he wanted to say—just that it felt good, that he felt good. “Nothing. Night.”
“Good night.” Zack eased back into bed with a sigh, certain he’d sleep like a baby.
CHAPTER NINE
Something had changed. Rachel couldn’t put her finger on it, but as she sat between Zack and Nick on the subway to Brooklyn she knew there was something going on between them. Something different.
It made her nerves hum. It made her wonder if she’d made a mistake in bringing the problems of the men who flanked her into her parents’ home.
And her problem, as well, she admitted. After all, she wouldn’t deny she cared about both of them more than what could be considered professional. She felt a kinship with Nick—the younger-sibling syndrome, she supposed. Added to that, she’d been telling the simple truth when she confessed to Zack that she had a weakness for bad boys.
She wanted to do more for Nick LeBeck than help him stay out of jail.
As for Nick’s big brother, she’d long since crossed all professional boundaries with him, in to what could only be termed a full-blown affair. Even sitting beside him in the rumbling car, she thought about the last time they’d been together, alone. And it took no effort at all to imagine what it would be like the next time they could steal a few hours.
Her mother was bound to sense it, Rachel mused. Nothing got past Nadia Stanislaski when it came to her children. She wondered what her mother would think of him. What she would think of the fact that her baby girl had taken a lover.
For two people who had vowed not to complicate matters, she and Zack had done a poor job of it, Rachel decided. She’d been so certain she could keep her priorities well in line, accept the physical aspects of a relationship with a man she liked and respected without dwelling on the thorny issue of what-happens-next.
But she was thinking about Zack too much, already slotting herself as part of a couple when she’d always been perfectly content to go along single.
Now, when she imagined moving along without him, the picture turned dull and listless.
Her problem, Rachel reminded herself. After all, they had made a pact, and she never went back on her word. It was something she would have to deal with when the time came. Much more immediate was the nagging sensation that the relationship of the men beside her had taken a fast turn without her being aware of it.
To offset the feeling, she kept up a steady stream of conversation until they reached their stop.
“It’s only a few blocks,” Rachel said, dragging her hair back as a brisk autumn wind swirled around them. “I hope you don’t mind the walk.”
Zack lifted a brow. “I think we can handle it. You seem nervous, Rachel. She seem nervous to you, Nick?”
“Pretty jumpy.”
“That’s ridiculous.” She headed into the wind, and the men fell in beside her.
“It’s probably the thought of having a criminal type sit down to Sunday dinner,” Zack commented. “Now she’s going to have to count all the silverware.”
Shocked at the statement, Rachel started to respond, but Nick merely snorted and answered for himself. “If you ask me, she’s worried about inviting some Irish sailor. She has to worry if he’ll drink all the booze and pick a fight.”
“I can handle my liquor, pal. And I don’t plan on picking a fight. Unless it’s with the cop.”
Nick crunched a dry leaf as it skittered across the sidewalk. “I’ll take the cop.”
There was no arguing with the truth. As far as Zack could see, Nick had summed it up perfectly. “We never had much of a shot before.”
“You didn’t hang around very long.”
“I couldn’t get along with the old man—”
“You were the only one he cared about,” Nick blurted out. “Every day I’d have to hear about how great you were, how you were making something out of yourself. What a hero you were. And how I was nothing.” He caught himself, swallowed the need. “But that’s cool. You were his blood, and I was just something that got dumped on him when my mother died.”
“He didn’t feel that way. He didn’t,” Zack insisted. “For God’s sake, Nick, when I lived with him, he was never satisfied with me, either. I was here, and my mother wasn’t. That was enough to make him miserable every time he looked at me. Hell, he didn’t mean it.” Zack closed his eyes and missed the flicker of surprise that passed over Nick’s face. “It was just the way he was. It took me years to realize he was always on my back because it was the only way he knew to be a father. It was the same with you.”
“He wasn’t my…” But this time Nick trailed off without finishing the sentence, or the thought.
“Toward the end, he asked for you. He really wanted to see you, Nick. Most of the times he came around like that, he thought you were still a little kid. And sometimes—most times, really—he just got the two of us mixed up together. Then he’d yell at me for both of us.” He said it with a smile—a smile that Nick didn’t return. “I’m not blaming you for staying away, or for holding all those years of criticism and complaints against him. I understand that it was too late for him, Nick. It doesn’t have to be too late for you.”
“What does it matter to you?”
“You’re all the family I’ve got.” He rose and laid a hand on Nick’s shoulder, relaxing when it wasn’t shoved off. “Maybe, when it comes right down to the bottom line, you’re all the family I’ve ever had. I don’t want to lose that.”
“I don’t know how to be family,” Nick murmured.
“Me either. Maybe we can figure it out together.”
Nick glanced up, then away. “Maybe. We’re stuck with each other a few more weeks, anyway.”
It would do, Zack thought as he gave Nick’s shoulder a quick squeeze. It would do for now. “Thanks for the drink, kid. Do me a favor and don’t mention the nightmare business to anyone.”
“I can dig it.” Nick watched Zack start back toward the bedroom. “Zack?”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t know what he wanted to say—just that it felt good, that he felt good. “Nothing. Night.”
“Good night.” Zack eased back into bed with a sigh, certain he’d sleep like a baby.
CHAPTER NINE
Something had changed. Rachel couldn’t put her finger on it, but as she sat between Zack and Nick on the subway to Brooklyn she knew there was something going on between them. Something different.
It made her nerves hum. It made her wonder if she’d made a mistake in bringing the problems of the men who flanked her into her parents’ home.
And her problem, as well, she admitted. After all, she wouldn’t deny she cared about both of them more than what could be considered professional. She felt a kinship with Nick—the younger-sibling syndrome, she supposed. Added to that, she’d been telling the simple truth when she confessed to Zack that she had a weakness for bad boys.
She wanted to do more for Nick LeBeck than help him stay out of jail.
As for Nick’s big brother, she’d long since crossed all professional boundaries with him, in to what could only be termed a full-blown affair. Even sitting beside him in the rumbling car, she thought about the last time they’d been together, alone. And it took no effort at all to imagine what it would be like the next time they could steal a few hours.
Her mother was bound to sense it, Rachel mused. Nothing got past Nadia Stanislaski when it came to her children. She wondered what her mother would think of him. What she would think of the fact that her baby girl had taken a lover.
For two people who had vowed not to complicate matters, she and Zack had done a poor job of it, Rachel decided. She’d been so certain she could keep her priorities well in line, accept the physical aspects of a relationship with a man she liked and respected without dwelling on the thorny issue of what-happens-next.
But she was thinking about Zack too much, already slotting herself as part of a couple when she’d always been perfectly content to go along single.
Now, when she imagined moving along without him, the picture turned dull and listless.
Her problem, Rachel reminded herself. After all, they had made a pact, and she never went back on her word. It was something she would have to deal with when the time came. Much more immediate was the nagging sensation that the relationship of the men beside her had taken a fast turn without her being aware of it.
To offset the feeling, she kept up a steady stream of conversation until they reached their stop.
“It’s only a few blocks,” Rachel said, dragging her hair back as a brisk autumn wind swirled around them. “I hope you don’t mind the walk.”
Zack lifted a brow. “I think we can handle it. You seem nervous, Rachel. She seem nervous to you, Nick?”
“Pretty jumpy.”
“That’s ridiculous.” She headed into the wind, and the men fell in beside her.
“It’s probably the thought of having a criminal type sit down to Sunday dinner,” Zack commented. “Now she’s going to have to count all the silverware.”
Shocked at the statement, Rachel started to respond, but Nick merely snorted and answered for himself. “If you ask me, she’s worried about inviting some Irish sailor. She has to worry if he’ll drink all the booze and pick a fight.”
“I can handle my liquor, pal. And I don’t plan on picking a fight. Unless it’s with the cop.”
Nick crunched a dry leaf as it skittered across the sidewalk. “I’ll take the cop.”
