Falling Under
Page 35
Carmella had felt like nothing he could have said would have excused his manner. But she’d been wrong. Because what he’d done, she realized, he’d done because he was worried.
“He nearly got booted from the army. Though in retrospect I wonder if that wouldn’t have been better for him. We managed to convince everyone it was a combo between the heat and the medication. They were his pills after all. He made up some story about how he’d forgotten he’d taken an earlier dose. It was stupid and he could have died because I kept my mouth shut. I saw your collection and it sent me back there. I honestly struggled with myself about saying something, and when I did, I came at you all wrong. I’m sorry I did that. But I’m not sorry I spoke up. I like you and I’m sure as hell not going to let anyone else I know end up nearly dead because I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.”
Carmella looked at him for what felt like forever. Not speaking, but clearly thinking.
“I should have asked you,” he continued. “And I should have believed you. All I ended up doing was hurting your feelings and making you mad at me. Next time—and okay, so I’m a dude so we both know I’ll fuck up again—I’ll do better. I’ll ask instead of accuse.”
“Next time?”
Duke wanted to touch her. Wanted to kiss her. And instead, she sat out of reach, aloof and sad.
Mad at him was one thing. But sad, well, that was unbearable.
He moved to her, kneeling at her feet, and still got eye to eye. “Next time.” He said it with utter certainty. “For now, I see sadness in your gaze and it tears at me. I want to make you smile. Or scream out my name as you come. Or if you want to say ‘Would you like pie?’ at the end of any sentence to me, I’d be okay with that too.”
One corner of her mouth tipped up and his heart seemed to hitch just a little too and then the ground at his knees seemed to fall away as he realized he was falling in love with Carmella Rossi.
Oh fuck.
Wisely, he kept this to himself. She was skittish as it was and he’d made it worse. It would take a while to rebuild what he’d messed up. In the meantime, he’d seduce her into falling in love with him right back.
“Will you tell me? About the pills?” He tried to keep his hunger for details out of his voice.
Carmella licked her lips and he had to swallow hard to keep from kissing her.
Finally she spoke. “I can let a lot go. I don’t care if you check out other women’s asses as long as you keep your wits and your manners. I don’t care if you have to work overtime on a project. I don’t mind that you go out and rabble-rouse with your friends. But trust is something super important to me. I don’t share my private life with very many people. And never with those I can’t trust.”
She sucked in a deep breath.
Duke saw yet another facet of what a huge mistake he’d made with her. Risking it, he slowly took her hand, entangling his fingers with hers.
“I’m a dumbass, but I am a good friend. And you can trust me not to reveal what you tell me if you don’t want me to. I won’t judge. Please tell me?”
“The truth is what I already told you. The pills are my mother’s. I make sure she takes what she needs.” There was a nearly desperate tone in her voice and he felt even worse.
As much as Duke wished he were closer to his biological family, he found the concept of a child taking care of a parent outside of real medical need pretty ridiculous. But he said he wouldn’t judge so he tried not to.
She didn’t add anything else. He wanted to know more, but he also understood he’d have to earn those details.
“All right. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you before.” He cupped her cheeks, relieved she hadn’t kicked him out yet. “I hurt you and I hate that.”
“You did it from a good place,” she said, her voice very small.
“In the end, the result is the same. I was careless with you. Do you think we can get past it? I promise to be worth it and make you come lots of times to make up for my mistakes.”
“Please don’t make me regret this.”
His heart nearly broke because she wasn’t teasing.
He let go of her to make an X over his heart. “I’ll do my very best. I’m a risk, but I’m a good one.”
“I think we can get past it.”
“Thank goodness because I was going to have to bug you incessantly with my charm to get you back and that’s exhausting,” Duke said, hoping this attempt at levity went over better than the earlier ones had.
Carmella rolled her eyes, looking down to where Ginger had worked her way between them. “What do you think?”
He fished a treat from his pocket and Ginger, to her credit, looked to Carmella for permission before she took it from his palm.
“She’s adorable, but loyal.” He pet the dog and then took a risk and kissed Carmella.
Just three days since he’d done that last but it soaked into him as if he’d been starving for it. A sound came from his gut, one he’d have been embarrassed making for anyone else. But he wanted Carmella to hear what she did to him, just from a kiss.
He wanted more but also realized he’d probably need to work his way back to that too. That and he found himself needing to make her better. And that should start with dinner and a beer.
“I guess she forgives me too.” Duke indicated the dog with a tip of his chin.
“I’d keep my bedroom door closed when she’s over there. She might leave you a present in a shoe.” Carmella’s smug smile made him laugh.
“He nearly got booted from the army. Though in retrospect I wonder if that wouldn’t have been better for him. We managed to convince everyone it was a combo between the heat and the medication. They were his pills after all. He made up some story about how he’d forgotten he’d taken an earlier dose. It was stupid and he could have died because I kept my mouth shut. I saw your collection and it sent me back there. I honestly struggled with myself about saying something, and when I did, I came at you all wrong. I’m sorry I did that. But I’m not sorry I spoke up. I like you and I’m sure as hell not going to let anyone else I know end up nearly dead because I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.”
Carmella looked at him for what felt like forever. Not speaking, but clearly thinking.
“I should have asked you,” he continued. “And I should have believed you. All I ended up doing was hurting your feelings and making you mad at me. Next time—and okay, so I’m a dude so we both know I’ll fuck up again—I’ll do better. I’ll ask instead of accuse.”
“Next time?”
Duke wanted to touch her. Wanted to kiss her. And instead, she sat out of reach, aloof and sad.
Mad at him was one thing. But sad, well, that was unbearable.
He moved to her, kneeling at her feet, and still got eye to eye. “Next time.” He said it with utter certainty. “For now, I see sadness in your gaze and it tears at me. I want to make you smile. Or scream out my name as you come. Or if you want to say ‘Would you like pie?’ at the end of any sentence to me, I’d be okay with that too.”
One corner of her mouth tipped up and his heart seemed to hitch just a little too and then the ground at his knees seemed to fall away as he realized he was falling in love with Carmella Rossi.
Oh fuck.
Wisely, he kept this to himself. She was skittish as it was and he’d made it worse. It would take a while to rebuild what he’d messed up. In the meantime, he’d seduce her into falling in love with him right back.
“Will you tell me? About the pills?” He tried to keep his hunger for details out of his voice.
Carmella licked her lips and he had to swallow hard to keep from kissing her.
Finally she spoke. “I can let a lot go. I don’t care if you check out other women’s asses as long as you keep your wits and your manners. I don’t care if you have to work overtime on a project. I don’t mind that you go out and rabble-rouse with your friends. But trust is something super important to me. I don’t share my private life with very many people. And never with those I can’t trust.”
She sucked in a deep breath.
Duke saw yet another facet of what a huge mistake he’d made with her. Risking it, he slowly took her hand, entangling his fingers with hers.
“I’m a dumbass, but I am a good friend. And you can trust me not to reveal what you tell me if you don’t want me to. I won’t judge. Please tell me?”
“The truth is what I already told you. The pills are my mother’s. I make sure she takes what she needs.” There was a nearly desperate tone in her voice and he felt even worse.
As much as Duke wished he were closer to his biological family, he found the concept of a child taking care of a parent outside of real medical need pretty ridiculous. But he said he wouldn’t judge so he tried not to.
She didn’t add anything else. He wanted to know more, but he also understood he’d have to earn those details.
“All right. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you before.” He cupped her cheeks, relieved she hadn’t kicked him out yet. “I hurt you and I hate that.”
“You did it from a good place,” she said, her voice very small.
“In the end, the result is the same. I was careless with you. Do you think we can get past it? I promise to be worth it and make you come lots of times to make up for my mistakes.”
“Please don’t make me regret this.”
His heart nearly broke because she wasn’t teasing.
He let go of her to make an X over his heart. “I’ll do my very best. I’m a risk, but I’m a good one.”
“I think we can get past it.”
“Thank goodness because I was going to have to bug you incessantly with my charm to get you back and that’s exhausting,” Duke said, hoping this attempt at levity went over better than the earlier ones had.
Carmella rolled her eyes, looking down to where Ginger had worked her way between them. “What do you think?”
He fished a treat from his pocket and Ginger, to her credit, looked to Carmella for permission before she took it from his palm.
“She’s adorable, but loyal.” He pet the dog and then took a risk and kissed Carmella.
Just three days since he’d done that last but it soaked into him as if he’d been starving for it. A sound came from his gut, one he’d have been embarrassed making for anyone else. But he wanted Carmella to hear what she did to him, just from a kiss.
He wanted more but also realized he’d probably need to work his way back to that too. That and he found himself needing to make her better. And that should start with dinner and a beer.
“I guess she forgives me too.” Duke indicated the dog with a tip of his chin.
“I’d keep my bedroom door closed when she’s over there. She might leave you a present in a shoe.” Carmella’s smug smile made him laugh.
