Falling Under
Page 45
“It’s about time you figured out how much better life is with a man like that.” Her aunt’s look made Carmella hug her.
“Anyway, it’s just a date. Nothing serious so let’s not obsess on it until I make a mess out of it.”
Her uncle indicated the table. “Hush you. You’re just fine. Sit down a minute. We need to talk.”
Carmella’s amusement slid away to dread. “Ugh. What? Just tell me in one quick burst. Like taking a wax strip off.”
“I got a call today from your mother.” Her uncle was trying to keep his features bland, but this wouldn’t be happening if there weren’t something big to say.
“Is she okay?” Her mom had been absent the last few times Carmella had come to drop off food and meds. But nothing had appeared to indicate she’d deteriorated to the point Carmella needed to worry. She figured there was a new man of the loserish variety keeping Virgie busy.
Her uncle waved a hand. “Your mother will always be okay. She knows how to land on her feet. It’s you I worry for.” He paused and then went on in a burst of words. “Steven is out of prison and she claims they’re reconciling. I wanted you to hear it from us first.”
Carmella sighed as her stomach dropped. “I should have known. She wasn’t home the last few times I went by to check on her. I figured she was just sucked up into some new guy. But really she’s avoiding me.”
Her uncle nodded. “I imagine so, yes. But she knows I’ll tell you so I did her dirty work for her. Burns me up when she does that. I got mad, told her she should be the one to give this info to you. If he’s around now, him too.”
Carmella shook her head. “You can’t make her grow up and face reality. Who knows about Steven?”
Her uncle rolled his eyes. “I can say the same to you, Carmella. And that doesn’t stop you from trying. Be aware. You know how she is when he’s around. Let her make her own mistakes for a change. You don’t need to swoop in and clean up the mess.”
“And you know there will be a mess when he’s done. The two of them are terrible for one another,” her aunt said to her husband and Carmella both. “How can she ever learn if you two are always taking care of her mistakes?”
“She’s my mother. For all her faults. For all her screwups. What if this time she makes a mistake too big to fix on her own and she ends up dead? Sure, I can tell myself that she brought it on herself. And I’d be right. But I’d also know I didn’t help her when I knew she was in trouble.”
She took her aunt’s and uncle’s hands in hers.
“I love her.” Carmella shrugged. “She’s not malicious. Just weak.”
“It’s not your job, though!” Craig nearly shouted and Carmella turned to face her cousin as he continued speaking. “Jesus, Carm. What will ever be enough for her? You can’t fix her. She’s just going to spill her crap into your life again. And those of us who love you will have to watch your heart get broken. Again. If you can’t do it for you, how about us, huh? She’s going to suck you dry and nothing will change for her. She used up her life a long time ago and now she’s stealing yours.”
“Is this an intervention or something like that?” Carmella looked to the three of them.
“No. We know you’re going to do what you want to do. And we love you for it even though we’re scared for you. Even though you deserve better from her.” Craig hugged her and sat back down.
Her uncle nodded, reaching out to pat his son’s arm before returning his attention to Carmella. “Will you please, please just try to remember to protect yourself? You can’t fix him either.”
Steven Hay was a fuckup just like Virgie was. In his way he adored Virgie, but in his way he was also a loser with a heavy hand, a problem with excesses of all sorts and a taste for gambling that led to interactions with law enforcement when he turned to crime to pay various people to keep himself afloat.
For a few short stretches of her childhood, he’d been good. Sober. He kept the bills paid as a mechanic, which was how he’d met Virgie originally. He was good with his hands.
He’d lived with them and things had been okay. They’d had real Christmases. Her mother’s emotional state had been fairly even. But eventually, he’d find his way to a bar with his buddies and then the gambling would start. He’d spiral, and as he did, Virgie would too.
He’d tried to con Carmella the last time he’d been out of prison. Full of promises that he wanted to be a father to her. Lots of apologies. Predictably he’d failed, which landed him a three-year stretch that apparently ended at two and a half or so.
Carmella really was so lucky to have her aunt and uncle in her life. It was nice to be protected. To know they watched out for her. “I gave him enough chances. I’m not her. I’m done with Steven. Her, I owe. Him I don’t. In any case, you warned me. I appreciate that you care about me and don’t want me to get hurt. Really, more than you guys can ever understand, your concern and love saves me all the time. I promise to be as careful as I can. I’m not trying to get between them. She’ll only close off and stop taking her medication. He’ll leave and she’ll spend months trying to find her way back to normal.”
“You’re wasted in an office. You should be a therapist,” Craig told her.
“Numbers make sense. Numbers have rules. I like that.” She had enough uncertainty in her life. Her job was one place in her life where things made sense.
“Anyway, it’s just a date. Nothing serious so let’s not obsess on it until I make a mess out of it.”
Her uncle indicated the table. “Hush you. You’re just fine. Sit down a minute. We need to talk.”
Carmella’s amusement slid away to dread. “Ugh. What? Just tell me in one quick burst. Like taking a wax strip off.”
“I got a call today from your mother.” Her uncle was trying to keep his features bland, but this wouldn’t be happening if there weren’t something big to say.
“Is she okay?” Her mom had been absent the last few times Carmella had come to drop off food and meds. But nothing had appeared to indicate she’d deteriorated to the point Carmella needed to worry. She figured there was a new man of the loserish variety keeping Virgie busy.
Her uncle waved a hand. “Your mother will always be okay. She knows how to land on her feet. It’s you I worry for.” He paused and then went on in a burst of words. “Steven is out of prison and she claims they’re reconciling. I wanted you to hear it from us first.”
Carmella sighed as her stomach dropped. “I should have known. She wasn’t home the last few times I went by to check on her. I figured she was just sucked up into some new guy. But really she’s avoiding me.”
Her uncle nodded. “I imagine so, yes. But she knows I’ll tell you so I did her dirty work for her. Burns me up when she does that. I got mad, told her she should be the one to give this info to you. If he’s around now, him too.”
Carmella shook her head. “You can’t make her grow up and face reality. Who knows about Steven?”
Her uncle rolled his eyes. “I can say the same to you, Carmella. And that doesn’t stop you from trying. Be aware. You know how she is when he’s around. Let her make her own mistakes for a change. You don’t need to swoop in and clean up the mess.”
“And you know there will be a mess when he’s done. The two of them are terrible for one another,” her aunt said to her husband and Carmella both. “How can she ever learn if you two are always taking care of her mistakes?”
“She’s my mother. For all her faults. For all her screwups. What if this time she makes a mistake too big to fix on her own and she ends up dead? Sure, I can tell myself that she brought it on herself. And I’d be right. But I’d also know I didn’t help her when I knew she was in trouble.”
She took her aunt’s and uncle’s hands in hers.
“I love her.” Carmella shrugged. “She’s not malicious. Just weak.”
“It’s not your job, though!” Craig nearly shouted and Carmella turned to face her cousin as he continued speaking. “Jesus, Carm. What will ever be enough for her? You can’t fix her. She’s just going to spill her crap into your life again. And those of us who love you will have to watch your heart get broken. Again. If you can’t do it for you, how about us, huh? She’s going to suck you dry and nothing will change for her. She used up her life a long time ago and now she’s stealing yours.”
“Is this an intervention or something like that?” Carmella looked to the three of them.
“No. We know you’re going to do what you want to do. And we love you for it even though we’re scared for you. Even though you deserve better from her.” Craig hugged her and sat back down.
Her uncle nodded, reaching out to pat his son’s arm before returning his attention to Carmella. “Will you please, please just try to remember to protect yourself? You can’t fix him either.”
Steven Hay was a fuckup just like Virgie was. In his way he adored Virgie, but in his way he was also a loser with a heavy hand, a problem with excesses of all sorts and a taste for gambling that led to interactions with law enforcement when he turned to crime to pay various people to keep himself afloat.
For a few short stretches of her childhood, he’d been good. Sober. He kept the bills paid as a mechanic, which was how he’d met Virgie originally. He was good with his hands.
He’d lived with them and things had been okay. They’d had real Christmases. Her mother’s emotional state had been fairly even. But eventually, he’d find his way to a bar with his buddies and then the gambling would start. He’d spiral, and as he did, Virgie would too.
He’d tried to con Carmella the last time he’d been out of prison. Full of promises that he wanted to be a father to her. Lots of apologies. Predictably he’d failed, which landed him a three-year stretch that apparently ended at two and a half or so.
Carmella really was so lucky to have her aunt and uncle in her life. It was nice to be protected. To know they watched out for her. “I gave him enough chances. I’m not her. I’m done with Steven. Her, I owe. Him I don’t. In any case, you warned me. I appreciate that you care about me and don’t want me to get hurt. Really, more than you guys can ever understand, your concern and love saves me all the time. I promise to be as careful as I can. I’m not trying to get between them. She’ll only close off and stop taking her medication. He’ll leave and she’ll spend months trying to find her way back to normal.”
“You’re wasted in an office. You should be a therapist,” Craig told her.
“Numbers make sense. Numbers have rules. I like that.” She had enough uncertainty in her life. Her job was one place in her life where things made sense.
