Falling Under
Page 47
“I thought they were divorced. Isn’t she remarried?”
Carmella’s laugh was bitter. “She married two other dudes, but every time Steven gets out of jail or prison, he comes for her and she drops whatever to be with him. Surprise surprise, turns out most people don’t like it when their spouse lets her ex-husband who also happens to be an ex-con take up residence in the living room. Or worse, takes off with him for weeks at a time.”
Her mother sounded like a real piece of work.
“So he’s out and back in Seattle? Your mother is with him again?”
“She called my uncle to tell him they were together again and could he let me know. It’s fine. I’ll handle it like I always do. But tonight I guess I just hit a wall. I know you were having fun. I’m sorry you have to leave.”
“Oh my god, shut up about that. There are no shortages of opportunities to drive fast machines and drink with my friends afterward. I’m here now because I want to be. I’d rather be with you. And I’m sort of proud that you finally told me all this even though it sucks and I’m sorry you’re experiencing it. What are you going to do?”
“I’ll keep on monitoring her medication and emotional health the best I can. She’ll hide from me awhile because she knows she’s making a bad choice and I won’t lie to her. Him? Who knows? It depends on what version of a guy fresh out of the joint he’s on. Like, is this the ‘I found God’ version? I’ve been through that one a time or two. There’s angry and resentful guy, he’s good at that one. Fake penitent twelve-step guy too. He may even believe what he’s saying when he says it. But eventually he’ll break her heart and I’ll pick up the pieces and put her back together.”
“Why is that your job?” What a fucked-up, upside-down dynamic. Something like that could bleed a person dry. He really didn’t like that Carmella had to deal with it.
“Because there’s no one else to do it. That’s how things work sometimes.”
Fair enough. And true enough too.
“No one else can help you? Or her? Your uncle is her brother, right?”
Carmella sighed. “She won’t listen to him. He tries. I’m the only one she listens to really.”
“What the hell, Carm? Why are you trying to mother your own mother? You can’t go on like this. She’s taking advantage.”
She made a sound, an unhappy sound.
“What? Are you mad at me?” Duke asked, pissed off at the situation enough for both of them. A parent was supposed to do the taking care of, not the kid. People took advantage when someone had a heart as big as Carmella’s.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. It is what it is. You can wish it was something else, but wishes don’t do anything. Wishes won’t change the situation. If I don’t help her, who will? Would you let your mother suffer?”
“Well, no. But …” Duke didn’t speak the next words he’d been thinking.
Instead, she did. “But she’s a nice, upper-middle-class woman who doesn’t run off with ex-cons who have bigger problems than her own? Your mom isn’t broken and doesn’t use pills to soften that? Good for you. Good for her. But these are my shoes. I didn’t ask for them, but I walk in them nonetheless. You don’t know my life so how can you judge it that way?”
He wasn’t used to people pushing back. Or if he was being truly fair, he avoided getting into heavy conversations with women he was sleeping with. But she wasn’t a woman he fucked. Carmella was so much more and she had a whole lot on her plate. Way more than he’d imagined, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her or make her regret sharing with him.
“You’re right. I don’t know your life. I’m learning and thank you for sharing with me. I’m sorry if I was a jerk. I care about you and got pissed that you had to shoulder this. I didn’t mean to make it worse.”
She was quiet awhile. “Apology accepted.”
“Good. To be honest, my mother is indeed upper middle class. She worked very hard to smooth out anything but that in her accent. You’d never know she started out working in a factory at fifteen. But I would help her, yes. And no, I wouldn’t let her suffer.” He’d shed blood for his family, biological and otherwise. He should have known Carmella would be the same. “Can I help you? Take some of the weight off your shoulders?”
“Thanks, but no. You have a business to run. You don’t need to worry about this stuff. It’s happened before. It’ll happen again. I keep hoping she’ll get past this. Finally break it off with him for real. Or that he really did change this time. But I’m old enough to know that’s not going to happen. So I deal in the reality I have.”
“I have big shoulders. You can use them any time you need them. Got me? I understand you have this dynamic with your mother. And I accept that you know best in how to handle it. But I’m not too busy for you. Ever.”
She sucked in a breath and then exhaled slowly. “Thanks.”
The rest of the drive she was quiet, but the tension of earlier had passed, and by the time he parked at her place, she’d perked up a little and he just wanted to hold her until everything was better.
And fix the timing and check the transmission on her truck.
“Come on. Let’s get you home and tucked in.” He led her up to her doorstep and went in first. Ginger didn’t seem alarmed so Duke relaxed a little. Carmella had said her father wasn’t interested in her, but if she was a way to get to the mother, or if Carmella was being far kinder than she should be to the man, Duke wanted to be vigilant.
Carmella’s laugh was bitter. “She married two other dudes, but every time Steven gets out of jail or prison, he comes for her and she drops whatever to be with him. Surprise surprise, turns out most people don’t like it when their spouse lets her ex-husband who also happens to be an ex-con take up residence in the living room. Or worse, takes off with him for weeks at a time.”
Her mother sounded like a real piece of work.
“So he’s out and back in Seattle? Your mother is with him again?”
“She called my uncle to tell him they were together again and could he let me know. It’s fine. I’ll handle it like I always do. But tonight I guess I just hit a wall. I know you were having fun. I’m sorry you have to leave.”
“Oh my god, shut up about that. There are no shortages of opportunities to drive fast machines and drink with my friends afterward. I’m here now because I want to be. I’d rather be with you. And I’m sort of proud that you finally told me all this even though it sucks and I’m sorry you’re experiencing it. What are you going to do?”
“I’ll keep on monitoring her medication and emotional health the best I can. She’ll hide from me awhile because she knows she’s making a bad choice and I won’t lie to her. Him? Who knows? It depends on what version of a guy fresh out of the joint he’s on. Like, is this the ‘I found God’ version? I’ve been through that one a time or two. There’s angry and resentful guy, he’s good at that one. Fake penitent twelve-step guy too. He may even believe what he’s saying when he says it. But eventually he’ll break her heart and I’ll pick up the pieces and put her back together.”
“Why is that your job?” What a fucked-up, upside-down dynamic. Something like that could bleed a person dry. He really didn’t like that Carmella had to deal with it.
“Because there’s no one else to do it. That’s how things work sometimes.”
Fair enough. And true enough too.
“No one else can help you? Or her? Your uncle is her brother, right?”
Carmella sighed. “She won’t listen to him. He tries. I’m the only one she listens to really.”
“What the hell, Carm? Why are you trying to mother your own mother? You can’t go on like this. She’s taking advantage.”
She made a sound, an unhappy sound.
“What? Are you mad at me?” Duke asked, pissed off at the situation enough for both of them. A parent was supposed to do the taking care of, not the kid. People took advantage when someone had a heart as big as Carmella’s.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. It is what it is. You can wish it was something else, but wishes don’t do anything. Wishes won’t change the situation. If I don’t help her, who will? Would you let your mother suffer?”
“Well, no. But …” Duke didn’t speak the next words he’d been thinking.
Instead, she did. “But she’s a nice, upper-middle-class woman who doesn’t run off with ex-cons who have bigger problems than her own? Your mom isn’t broken and doesn’t use pills to soften that? Good for you. Good for her. But these are my shoes. I didn’t ask for them, but I walk in them nonetheless. You don’t know my life so how can you judge it that way?”
He wasn’t used to people pushing back. Or if he was being truly fair, he avoided getting into heavy conversations with women he was sleeping with. But she wasn’t a woman he fucked. Carmella was so much more and she had a whole lot on her plate. Way more than he’d imagined, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her or make her regret sharing with him.
“You’re right. I don’t know your life. I’m learning and thank you for sharing with me. I’m sorry if I was a jerk. I care about you and got pissed that you had to shoulder this. I didn’t mean to make it worse.”
She was quiet awhile. “Apology accepted.”
“Good. To be honest, my mother is indeed upper middle class. She worked very hard to smooth out anything but that in her accent. You’d never know she started out working in a factory at fifteen. But I would help her, yes. And no, I wouldn’t let her suffer.” He’d shed blood for his family, biological and otherwise. He should have known Carmella would be the same. “Can I help you? Take some of the weight off your shoulders?”
“Thanks, but no. You have a business to run. You don’t need to worry about this stuff. It’s happened before. It’ll happen again. I keep hoping she’ll get past this. Finally break it off with him for real. Or that he really did change this time. But I’m old enough to know that’s not going to happen. So I deal in the reality I have.”
“I have big shoulders. You can use them any time you need them. Got me? I understand you have this dynamic with your mother. And I accept that you know best in how to handle it. But I’m not too busy for you. Ever.”
She sucked in a breath and then exhaled slowly. “Thanks.”
The rest of the drive she was quiet, but the tension of earlier had passed, and by the time he parked at her place, she’d perked up a little and he just wanted to hold her until everything was better.
And fix the timing and check the transmission on her truck.
“Come on. Let’s get you home and tucked in.” He led her up to her doorstep and went in first. Ginger didn’t seem alarmed so Duke relaxed a little. Carmella had said her father wasn’t interested in her, but if she was a way to get to the mother, or if Carmella was being far kinder than she should be to the man, Duke wanted to be vigilant.
