Falling Under
Page 68
“I’m out of fucks to give for your mother. Kids shouldn’t raise parents.”
“Of course they shouldn’t. But for heaven’s sake, Duke, when you were in Iraq, weren’t you faced at least a few times with the least horrible of a bunch of horrible choices? You’ve never done something for love that you wish you didn’t have to? Never?”
He closed his eyes as pain crossed over his face. It was gone when he opened them to look at her once more. “Fair enough. But I still hate it on your behalf.”
“Do you want to tell me about it? Whatever you were thinking just now?” she asked.
“We’re talking about something else right now. You were saying that you kept your mom’s secrets.”
Since he’d let her avoid the subject more than once, she let him do the same. For the time being. He had a preference toward being the one people came to for help instead of asking for it himself. It was one of the things she loved about him. He was a man she’d grown to count on.
“I don’t know how to be good at this relationship thing. Pretty much since day one I’ve broken my rules for you. And … sometimes I’m worried you’re going to look at what I come with and realize it’s not worth it—the fights in parking lots and interactions with all types of law enforcement. I’m shitty at being someone’s anything.”
He shook his head. “You’re not my anything. You’re my everything. Honey, I’m fights in parking lots. Just so we’re clear on this. I’m barely respectable.”
“Bullshit. You’re incredibly honorable.”
He grinned. “Thank you. But that’s not the same as respectable. But you look at me and you see the honorable. That’s why I love you.”
Carmella’s heart stuttered as she tried not to burst into tears or react in a way that would freak him out.
“I didn’t mean to say that yet. Cat’s out of the bag. I didn’t say it so you would feel compelled to respond. I said it because I want you to understand the Carmella I see is the one I’m looking at right now. I will slay your fucking dragons. I will have your back when you need to be the one slaying. I’m all in. You dig?”
It was the you dig at the end that did it. She nodded. “I’ve been pressing my nose against the window just to look at you on the other side a long time.”
“That’s a winner of a compliment.”
She smiled at him for a moment.
“I don’t need your shame. All I want is everything but your shame and guilt. I want it all when you want to give it.”
Carmella blew out a breath. “No big deal, then.”
“You can wrangle a shop full of meatheads on a daily basis. You got this.”
“Ha. That’s a work in progress. And Duke? You don’t get to tell me when I can be sorry.”
“You’re one hundred percent right.”
“Okay. I’m suddenly exhausted. I need to get up early tomorrow,” Carmella said around a yawn. “Being someone’s girlfriend is really tiring.”
He snickered. “I like to keep you on your toes. But why get up so early? We don’t have to be at breakfast until ten thirty. If we shower together, which is the green way to do it, we don’t have to wake up until nine thirty. Don’t tell me you’re going to work.”
“I need to drop off medication and some groceries at my mom’s house. I’ll run over there first thing and get back in time for that shower and then breakfast.”
“We’ll go on the way to breakfast.”
“No, really. It’s cool. I’ll handle it.”
“Carmella, didn’t I just say I didn’t want your shame? I won’t even go in if you don’t want me to. I would like to meet them both at some point, though. Maybe if they know you’ve got people around you who aren’t going to let you get taken advantage of, they’ll ease back.”
“That sounds like an awesome Sunday morning. I’ll devote a whole scrapbook to it.”
Laughing, he pulled her into a hug and she turned in his arms, scooting back into his body.
“I just get worried for you. And I know how much you do for your mother, so naturally I’m curious and want to meet her. I want them both to know I’m around. And if I meet them, I can make my own judgments. I want to try to understand.”
“Stop being so perfect.”
“You’re so fucking adorable when you’re grumpy.”
“Good night, Duke.”
“Are we getting up at eight? If we stop off on the way to breakfast, how long do you usually spend there?”
“This is messing with my calm,” she mumbled.
“It’s my gift. Answer me and then we can go to sleep.”
“Fine. We can go on the way. I’ll bring her out to meet you if she’s in an okay state of mind. I haven’t seen him yet, so if he’s there, I’ll play it by ear. We don’t have to get up until nine. Now hush and let me sleep or I really will get grumpy.”
CHAPTER Twenty-three
Duke parked at the curb, turning the car off. Carmella turned to him. “I’ll be back shortly.”
“I’m here whenever and however you need me.” He kissed her when she leaned his way and then got out.
He watched her walk up the steps, and before she could use a key, the door opened. Duke tensed, his hand on the door as Carmella jumped, but it appeared to be from surprise.
“Of course they shouldn’t. But for heaven’s sake, Duke, when you were in Iraq, weren’t you faced at least a few times with the least horrible of a bunch of horrible choices? You’ve never done something for love that you wish you didn’t have to? Never?”
He closed his eyes as pain crossed over his face. It was gone when he opened them to look at her once more. “Fair enough. But I still hate it on your behalf.”
“Do you want to tell me about it? Whatever you were thinking just now?” she asked.
“We’re talking about something else right now. You were saying that you kept your mom’s secrets.”
Since he’d let her avoid the subject more than once, she let him do the same. For the time being. He had a preference toward being the one people came to for help instead of asking for it himself. It was one of the things she loved about him. He was a man she’d grown to count on.
“I don’t know how to be good at this relationship thing. Pretty much since day one I’ve broken my rules for you. And … sometimes I’m worried you’re going to look at what I come with and realize it’s not worth it—the fights in parking lots and interactions with all types of law enforcement. I’m shitty at being someone’s anything.”
He shook his head. “You’re not my anything. You’re my everything. Honey, I’m fights in parking lots. Just so we’re clear on this. I’m barely respectable.”
“Bullshit. You’re incredibly honorable.”
He grinned. “Thank you. But that’s not the same as respectable. But you look at me and you see the honorable. That’s why I love you.”
Carmella’s heart stuttered as she tried not to burst into tears or react in a way that would freak him out.
“I didn’t mean to say that yet. Cat’s out of the bag. I didn’t say it so you would feel compelled to respond. I said it because I want you to understand the Carmella I see is the one I’m looking at right now. I will slay your fucking dragons. I will have your back when you need to be the one slaying. I’m all in. You dig?”
It was the you dig at the end that did it. She nodded. “I’ve been pressing my nose against the window just to look at you on the other side a long time.”
“That’s a winner of a compliment.”
She smiled at him for a moment.
“I don’t need your shame. All I want is everything but your shame and guilt. I want it all when you want to give it.”
Carmella blew out a breath. “No big deal, then.”
“You can wrangle a shop full of meatheads on a daily basis. You got this.”
“Ha. That’s a work in progress. And Duke? You don’t get to tell me when I can be sorry.”
“You’re one hundred percent right.”
“Okay. I’m suddenly exhausted. I need to get up early tomorrow,” Carmella said around a yawn. “Being someone’s girlfriend is really tiring.”
He snickered. “I like to keep you on your toes. But why get up so early? We don’t have to be at breakfast until ten thirty. If we shower together, which is the green way to do it, we don’t have to wake up until nine thirty. Don’t tell me you’re going to work.”
“I need to drop off medication and some groceries at my mom’s house. I’ll run over there first thing and get back in time for that shower and then breakfast.”
“We’ll go on the way to breakfast.”
“No, really. It’s cool. I’ll handle it.”
“Carmella, didn’t I just say I didn’t want your shame? I won’t even go in if you don’t want me to. I would like to meet them both at some point, though. Maybe if they know you’ve got people around you who aren’t going to let you get taken advantage of, they’ll ease back.”
“That sounds like an awesome Sunday morning. I’ll devote a whole scrapbook to it.”
Laughing, he pulled her into a hug and she turned in his arms, scooting back into his body.
“I just get worried for you. And I know how much you do for your mother, so naturally I’m curious and want to meet her. I want them both to know I’m around. And if I meet them, I can make my own judgments. I want to try to understand.”
“Stop being so perfect.”
“You’re so fucking adorable when you’re grumpy.”
“Good night, Duke.”
“Are we getting up at eight? If we stop off on the way to breakfast, how long do you usually spend there?”
“This is messing with my calm,” she mumbled.
“It’s my gift. Answer me and then we can go to sleep.”
“Fine. We can go on the way. I’ll bring her out to meet you if she’s in an okay state of mind. I haven’t seen him yet, so if he’s there, I’ll play it by ear. We don’t have to get up until nine. Now hush and let me sleep or I really will get grumpy.”
CHAPTER Twenty-three
Duke parked at the curb, turning the car off. Carmella turned to him. “I’ll be back shortly.”
“I’m here whenever and however you need me.” He kissed her when she leaned his way and then got out.
He watched her walk up the steps, and before she could use a key, the door opened. Duke tensed, his hand on the door as Carmella jumped, but it appeared to be from surprise.
