Fate
Page 35
“This is why I don’t wear these pajamas here.”
“That’s what they made blankets for,” Jack laughed.
“What do you use blankets for anyway?” I asked, and he looked at me like I was a total idiot. “No, I mean, you guys love it cold. Why do you need to cover up?”
“Force of habit, I guess,” he shrugged. “I don’t know. I never really thought about it. I only do it when I go to bed. Why? Does it bother you?”
“Why would it bother me?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know why anything bothers you!” Jack sighed.
“Oh, whatever. You know why everything bothers me.” My chill was fading away, but I pulled the covers up to my neck anyway.
“Okay, fine.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “What’s bothering you about tonight? What are you actually getting at?”
“I’m not…” I decided just to spit it out. “Did you sleep with any of them?”
“That’s what you’re getting at?”
“Yeah,” I blushed at his surprise. He seemed to think it was obviously stupid, and I couldn’t see why. “I mean… you’re still… you still… I don’t know.” I buried myself further under the covers, wishing I could disappear completely. “Do vampires even have sex?”
“Yeah,” Jack laughed, and he sat up a little. “We do. I have, yes. Both as a human and as a vampire, although probably not as much as you’re thinking.”
“I don’t know how much I’m thinking,” I admitted. My mind vacillated somewhere between one and a million, but none of the numbers sounded right. “How much do you think I’m thinking?”
“Do you actually wanna have this conversation?” He looked at me earnestly. “I’m willing to, if you are, but… do you actually wanna talk about this?”
“I don’t know anything about your relationship history at all, and I’d like to,” I said, peering at him over the top of the blankets.
“You just look so terrified by it.”
“Cause I don’t know what I’ll find out.” My eyes met his for a moment before I dropped them.
“It’s not bad,” he said, but the pit in my stomach only seemed to grow. It didn’t help that this topic made him nervous.
“Well… how about a ballpark figure?” I asked.
“Oh,” Jack groaned. “I don’t know about that.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s misleading.”
“Misleading?” I raised an eyebrow, and he leaned back on the couch, relenting.
“Fine.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “The thing is, I dated this girl from the time I was 14 until I was 20. I mean, she was the only girl I was with for all of high school. After we broke up, I went out with one other girl for like four months, and that’s it. I mean, as a mortal guy, I had tons of girls that were friends, but like no action at all. So, two girls as a human. That’s it.”
“And then?” I asked nervously.
“When I turned… suddenly hot girls wanted me, and even some hot vampires, which you know, when you’re new to this, vampires look really hot.” He scratched at his head and shifted uneasily.
“You know how we said that in the beginning, you’re hungrier than normal? Like Milo thinks he needs to eat every hour when he really doesn’t? And all your emotions are right at the top? Well… so…” He trailed off.
“No, I don’t wanna talk about this,” Jack decided, rubbing his eye and shaking his head. “It’s really not that bad. Honest. But I don’t want you to think of me like that. Cause I’m not.
“I mean, I never was. Human, I only ever had sex in relationships, and the past fourteen years I’ve barely done anything. So I don’t want to be judged on the first year or two when I was stupid and young. Okay?”
“Its scaring me more that you won’t tell me,” I said. “Is it like a thousand girls or something?”
“No, no, god, no!” Jack insisted with wide eyes. “It was like… twenty girls. I think it was like fifteen girls and six vampires. I think. I mean. I’m sorry.” His cheeks flushed with shame.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t… I don’t know.” He looked away from me and shook his head. “That’s not who I am now. That was just me coming to terms with being a vampire, and being cool and sexy in a way I never was before.”
“I see.” I swallowed. It wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t as good as I had hoped. Like under five would’ve been an acceptable number for me.
“I’m really sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I wrapped my arms tightly around myself and I couldn’t meet his gaze. “So… did you… have you like actually had relationships since you turned?”
“Kinda, once,” Jack said, looking more comfortable with this. “A couple years ago. But other than that, for the past like fourteen years I’ve been celibate. So I think that counts for something.”
“Mmm.” I refused to confirm or deny that, because I wasn’t sure. “Why did you stop?”
“Stop what?”
“You had sex with a lot of girls, and then you became celibate. Why?” I tried to concentrate on the fact that that was a long time ago, and he stopped. He wasn’t still some kind of rich playboy that just went out and hooked up with hot girls just because he could.
“It was boring. It wasn’t who I was, and it didn’t feel right,” he shrugged. “What about you? What’s your story?”
“I don’t have a story,” I said, and he laughed. “What? I don’t.”
“Really?” Jack gave me a stern look. “Cause I’m pretty sure I just picked you up the other night, and you had been making out with some guy.”
“Well, that’s it. That’s all there is to tell.”
I grimaced at the thought of it and felt even worse talking about it sober. Regardless of what our actual status was, it felt like cheating, and it was stupid and pointless. I vowed to never drink alcohol again.
“That’s the only time you’ve ever kissed a guy? I mean, other than me… or Peter.” He was dubious, and my hesitation made him nervous, but he didn’t understand that there really wasn’t anything to tell.
“That’s what they made blankets for,” Jack laughed.
“What do you use blankets for anyway?” I asked, and he looked at me like I was a total idiot. “No, I mean, you guys love it cold. Why do you need to cover up?”
“Force of habit, I guess,” he shrugged. “I don’t know. I never really thought about it. I only do it when I go to bed. Why? Does it bother you?”
“Why would it bother me?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know why anything bothers you!” Jack sighed.
“Oh, whatever. You know why everything bothers me.” My chill was fading away, but I pulled the covers up to my neck anyway.
“Okay, fine.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “What’s bothering you about tonight? What are you actually getting at?”
“I’m not…” I decided just to spit it out. “Did you sleep with any of them?”
“That’s what you’re getting at?”
“Yeah,” I blushed at his surprise. He seemed to think it was obviously stupid, and I couldn’t see why. “I mean… you’re still… you still… I don’t know.” I buried myself further under the covers, wishing I could disappear completely. “Do vampires even have sex?”
“Yeah,” Jack laughed, and he sat up a little. “We do. I have, yes. Both as a human and as a vampire, although probably not as much as you’re thinking.”
“I don’t know how much I’m thinking,” I admitted. My mind vacillated somewhere between one and a million, but none of the numbers sounded right. “How much do you think I’m thinking?”
“Do you actually wanna have this conversation?” He looked at me earnestly. “I’m willing to, if you are, but… do you actually wanna talk about this?”
“I don’t know anything about your relationship history at all, and I’d like to,” I said, peering at him over the top of the blankets.
“You just look so terrified by it.”
“Cause I don’t know what I’ll find out.” My eyes met his for a moment before I dropped them.
“It’s not bad,” he said, but the pit in my stomach only seemed to grow. It didn’t help that this topic made him nervous.
“Well… how about a ballpark figure?” I asked.
“Oh,” Jack groaned. “I don’t know about that.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s misleading.”
“Misleading?” I raised an eyebrow, and he leaned back on the couch, relenting.
“Fine.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “The thing is, I dated this girl from the time I was 14 until I was 20. I mean, she was the only girl I was with for all of high school. After we broke up, I went out with one other girl for like four months, and that’s it. I mean, as a mortal guy, I had tons of girls that were friends, but like no action at all. So, two girls as a human. That’s it.”
“And then?” I asked nervously.
“When I turned… suddenly hot girls wanted me, and even some hot vampires, which you know, when you’re new to this, vampires look really hot.” He scratched at his head and shifted uneasily.
“You know how we said that in the beginning, you’re hungrier than normal? Like Milo thinks he needs to eat every hour when he really doesn’t? And all your emotions are right at the top? Well… so…” He trailed off.
“No, I don’t wanna talk about this,” Jack decided, rubbing his eye and shaking his head. “It’s really not that bad. Honest. But I don’t want you to think of me like that. Cause I’m not.
“I mean, I never was. Human, I only ever had sex in relationships, and the past fourteen years I’ve barely done anything. So I don’t want to be judged on the first year or two when I was stupid and young. Okay?”
“Its scaring me more that you won’t tell me,” I said. “Is it like a thousand girls or something?”
“No, no, god, no!” Jack insisted with wide eyes. “It was like… twenty girls. I think it was like fifteen girls and six vampires. I think. I mean. I’m sorry.” His cheeks flushed with shame.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t… I don’t know.” He looked away from me and shook his head. “That’s not who I am now. That was just me coming to terms with being a vampire, and being cool and sexy in a way I never was before.”
“I see.” I swallowed. It wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t as good as I had hoped. Like under five would’ve been an acceptable number for me.
“I’m really sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I wrapped my arms tightly around myself and I couldn’t meet his gaze. “So… did you… have you like actually had relationships since you turned?”
“Kinda, once,” Jack said, looking more comfortable with this. “A couple years ago. But other than that, for the past like fourteen years I’ve been celibate. So I think that counts for something.”
“Mmm.” I refused to confirm or deny that, because I wasn’t sure. “Why did you stop?”
“Stop what?”
“You had sex with a lot of girls, and then you became celibate. Why?” I tried to concentrate on the fact that that was a long time ago, and he stopped. He wasn’t still some kind of rich playboy that just went out and hooked up with hot girls just because he could.
“It was boring. It wasn’t who I was, and it didn’t feel right,” he shrugged. “What about you? What’s your story?”
“I don’t have a story,” I said, and he laughed. “What? I don’t.”
“Really?” Jack gave me a stern look. “Cause I’m pretty sure I just picked you up the other night, and you had been making out with some guy.”
“Well, that’s it. That’s all there is to tell.”
I grimaced at the thought of it and felt even worse talking about it sober. Regardless of what our actual status was, it felt like cheating, and it was stupid and pointless. I vowed to never drink alcohol again.
“That’s the only time you’ve ever kissed a guy? I mean, other than me… or Peter.” He was dubious, and my hesitation made him nervous, but he didn’t understand that there really wasn’t anything to tell.
