Fear Me
Page 110
“I – I should go.”
“But then Keiran wouldn’t like that would he?” My feet were rooted to the spot and I mentally shook off my nervousness. “Don’t worry, girl. I’m not going to hurt you. I am never home and my nephew barely spares me a glance.” He looked at me curiously before he asked, “How old are you?”
“Eighteen,” I answered while wondering why my age mattered.
“I don’t believe I know your parents,” he said but it was more of a question.
You wouldn’t. I don’t know them either. I thought I did. “Carissa Anderson is my aunt and guardian.” A look of pity crossed his faced and I hated that. I hated when someone pitied my parents or me. They didn’t deserve it…neither did I because sometimes I did hate them.
“I see. Well that’s something you and Keiran have in common.” He walked off towards the kitchen, leaving me confused.
The encounter was strange, making me feel nervous and awkward. I practically ran up the stairs and quickly locked myself in Keiran’s room. Pulling out my phone I sent a quick text to Keiran letting him know his uncle was here. My headache had only worsened since leaving the gym so I slipped under Keiran’s covers and let sleep overcome me. I’d worry about the rest later.
* * *
I heard the first light thud followed by a second and I automatically wiggled my now free toes still covered by socks. My eyes refused to open as I came awake but when I felt the familiar scent I’ve come to love my eyes finally flew open. Keiran was standing over me, still dressed in his practice uniform. He usually showered before he left practice so I figured he rushed here. Most likely to see if I obeyed him and came to his house.
“What did he say to you?” I blinked a few times before I fully comprehended what he was asking me. John was here earlier and our conversation rushed back to me
“Well, he was a lot more pleasant than you were when we first met.”
“Lake…”
“No, Keiran. He didn’t. We talked for a little while but that was it.”
“What did he say?” he gritted.
“Nothing much. He just wanted to know who the strange girl was walking into his house with a key. Why didn’t you tell me he was here?”
He ran a hand over his head. “I didn’t know. Apparently they called him to schedule an interview since Keenan is still seventeen.”
“Oh. Right.” Sometimes I forget that I was a few months older than Keenan. I sat up in his bed and ran a self-conscious hand over my hair. I didn’t get the sexy bed hair that Keiran did. I was thankful my voice wasn’t as croaky as usual when I woke up. “Is he still here?”
He nodded and opened a dresser drawer. His back was turned to me so I didn’t see his face when I asked him but I did notice his back muscles tense. “He is talking with Keenan right now about school and all the other fatherly shit I have no interest in.” The bitterness in his tone did not escape me.
“Why aren’t you and John close?”
“Why would we be?”
“He’s your uncle.”
He shrugged and lifted a fresh shirt out of the drawer. “Not my problem.”
“I don’t think it’s good for you to be so distant.”
“Why do you care?”
“Because I care about you.” My voiced was now raised from the frustration I felt.
He blew out an annoyed breath. “You shouldn’t. Why would you?”
“You have to let people care about you. You can’t just keep your emotions bottled up and ignore them. Sooner or later they will come out.”
“I told you that I do feel emotion. I feel anger and I feel hatred. Isn’t that enough?”
“No. You have to stop punishing yourself.”
He shook his head. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew why I punished myself, as you put it.”
“Try me,” I challenged. Sheldon thought I could get him talk. I wanted to test that theory.
“I’ll pass.” He picked up my forgotten burger and walked to the door. I was totally busted, I thought as I watched his retreating form.
“Keiran?” He stopped at the door but kept his back turned, his head turned to the side. “How is anyone supposed to love you if you can’t even love yourself?”
His jaw clenched and his hand fisted around the knob before he answered. “I don’t want anyone to” he said coldly. He walked out and slammed the bedroom door and I felt like he just slammed the one keeping my heart as well.
For once his words didn’t make me cry but that doesn’t mean it didn’t piss me off. I sulked on his bed with my arms crossed, tapping my foot on the mattress. That’s how he found me when he returned from his shower wearing only a towel. I could see his bulge pressing against the material. Oh God, stay focused.
“What do you mean you don’t want anyone to love you?” I asked as soon as he cleared the doorway.
“Do you?” He asked dryly.
“I – what?”
“Are you planning to fall in love with me?” His voice was harsh as he glared at me from across the bedroom.
“I’m not sure that’s possible for us,” I answered truthfully.
“Then what are we talking about?” he asked and turned away, letting me know he wasn’t interested in an answer. Nonetheless, I struggled over what to say and most importantly why I cared so much that he didn’t believe in love. Keiran wasn’t a forever person and neither was I because neither of us believed in happy ever after.
“But then Keiran wouldn’t like that would he?” My feet were rooted to the spot and I mentally shook off my nervousness. “Don’t worry, girl. I’m not going to hurt you. I am never home and my nephew barely spares me a glance.” He looked at me curiously before he asked, “How old are you?”
“Eighteen,” I answered while wondering why my age mattered.
“I don’t believe I know your parents,” he said but it was more of a question.
You wouldn’t. I don’t know them either. I thought I did. “Carissa Anderson is my aunt and guardian.” A look of pity crossed his faced and I hated that. I hated when someone pitied my parents or me. They didn’t deserve it…neither did I because sometimes I did hate them.
“I see. Well that’s something you and Keiran have in common.” He walked off towards the kitchen, leaving me confused.
The encounter was strange, making me feel nervous and awkward. I practically ran up the stairs and quickly locked myself in Keiran’s room. Pulling out my phone I sent a quick text to Keiran letting him know his uncle was here. My headache had only worsened since leaving the gym so I slipped under Keiran’s covers and let sleep overcome me. I’d worry about the rest later.
* * *
I heard the first light thud followed by a second and I automatically wiggled my now free toes still covered by socks. My eyes refused to open as I came awake but when I felt the familiar scent I’ve come to love my eyes finally flew open. Keiran was standing over me, still dressed in his practice uniform. He usually showered before he left practice so I figured he rushed here. Most likely to see if I obeyed him and came to his house.
“What did he say to you?” I blinked a few times before I fully comprehended what he was asking me. John was here earlier and our conversation rushed back to me
“Well, he was a lot more pleasant than you were when we first met.”
“Lake…”
“No, Keiran. He didn’t. We talked for a little while but that was it.”
“What did he say?” he gritted.
“Nothing much. He just wanted to know who the strange girl was walking into his house with a key. Why didn’t you tell me he was here?”
He ran a hand over his head. “I didn’t know. Apparently they called him to schedule an interview since Keenan is still seventeen.”
“Oh. Right.” Sometimes I forget that I was a few months older than Keenan. I sat up in his bed and ran a self-conscious hand over my hair. I didn’t get the sexy bed hair that Keiran did. I was thankful my voice wasn’t as croaky as usual when I woke up. “Is he still here?”
He nodded and opened a dresser drawer. His back was turned to me so I didn’t see his face when I asked him but I did notice his back muscles tense. “He is talking with Keenan right now about school and all the other fatherly shit I have no interest in.” The bitterness in his tone did not escape me.
“Why aren’t you and John close?”
“Why would we be?”
“He’s your uncle.”
He shrugged and lifted a fresh shirt out of the drawer. “Not my problem.”
“I don’t think it’s good for you to be so distant.”
“Why do you care?”
“Because I care about you.” My voiced was now raised from the frustration I felt.
He blew out an annoyed breath. “You shouldn’t. Why would you?”
“You have to let people care about you. You can’t just keep your emotions bottled up and ignore them. Sooner or later they will come out.”
“I told you that I do feel emotion. I feel anger and I feel hatred. Isn’t that enough?”
“No. You have to stop punishing yourself.”
He shook his head. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew why I punished myself, as you put it.”
“Try me,” I challenged. Sheldon thought I could get him talk. I wanted to test that theory.
“I’ll pass.” He picked up my forgotten burger and walked to the door. I was totally busted, I thought as I watched his retreating form.
“Keiran?” He stopped at the door but kept his back turned, his head turned to the side. “How is anyone supposed to love you if you can’t even love yourself?”
His jaw clenched and his hand fisted around the knob before he answered. “I don’t want anyone to” he said coldly. He walked out and slammed the bedroom door and I felt like he just slammed the one keeping my heart as well.
For once his words didn’t make me cry but that doesn’t mean it didn’t piss me off. I sulked on his bed with my arms crossed, tapping my foot on the mattress. That’s how he found me when he returned from his shower wearing only a towel. I could see his bulge pressing against the material. Oh God, stay focused.
“What do you mean you don’t want anyone to love you?” I asked as soon as he cleared the doorway.
“Do you?” He asked dryly.
“I – what?”
“Are you planning to fall in love with me?” His voice was harsh as he glared at me from across the bedroom.
“I’m not sure that’s possible for us,” I answered truthfully.
“Then what are we talking about?” he asked and turned away, letting me know he wasn’t interested in an answer. Nonetheless, I struggled over what to say and most importantly why I cared so much that he didn’t believe in love. Keiran wasn’t a forever person and neither was I because neither of us believed in happy ever after.
