Fear Me
Page 38
“That’s where you got it wrong,” he gritted and slowly unzipped his jeans. He gripped my hair in his hands and tilted my head back, slightly so he could look into my eyes. “I was the one doing the hurting.”
My lips opened on their own accord, enveloping his hard cock and I found myself once again gagging around him as he grabbed the back of my head and thrust slowly in and out of my mouth. His reluctant groan was animalistic as he gritted his teeth and tilted his head back. He seemed to catch himself quickly and lifted his head to peer down at me. I struggled to take all of him when the tip of him breached my throat.
“Don’t pretend for a fucking second that you know anything about me.” Thrust. “Or what I’ve done.” Thrust. “Or who I am.” Thrust. “The only thing you need to know is that I will destroy you.”
When he finally drew back, I sucked in the much-needed air but as soon as I managed to catch my breath, my lips greedily latched onto his cock again. I watched his eyes widen slightly in surprise before he narrowed them.
I kept my eyes on his and tried to take as much of him as I could and then I pulled back until my lips were wrapped around only the head. I stared at the incredibly long length of his cock in amazement while I suckled on the tip and ran my tongue up and down his length. I had no clue what I was doing; I just knew I had to calm him somehow. His hand was still in my hair but his grip wasn’t as tight as few seconds ago.
For a moment, I thought I had succeeded. For a moment, I thought I had won. It was the growl that erupted from his throat should have warned me but I was too caught in my own pleasure. I liked forcing a reaction from him, just as he’d done to me for ten years. It made me feel like I was the one in control. But that control, as imaginary as it was, was short-lived.
“If you’re going to suck me then suck me. Don’t tease my dick, Monroe. You won’t like the consequences.”
It was amazing how he could make me feel shame from an act that he initiated. I started to remove my mouth from his cock and save some of my dignity while I still could but he gripped the back of my head tight and pressed forward. I felt the tip of his cock touch the back of my throat once more so I opened up more for him but when he started to slide down my throat, I gagged and sputtered.
“I want you to remember this moment,” he said in a controlled tone while I struggled against him for air. “How I am now, how you are now.” He took his cock out of my mouth and shoved me back. “I want you to remember that there is nothing good about me and there never will be.”
I believed him. God help me, I believed him.
“You really enjoyed that didn’t you?” he snickered. “You thought you were pleasing me? Controlling me even?”
He was playing me the whole time. “Why are you doing this?” I could hear the bitterness in my own voice. He ignored my question and fixed his jeans. I swallowed nervously and tasted the remnants of him and felt a moment of disgust, keeping my gaze rooted to the floor. “You wanted this so why are you so angry?” I asked again.
“I’m not angry. That would mean I cared.” He moved for the door, intending to leave me tied apparently, but he turned back and asked, “Did you really think you could manipulate me?”
“No.”
“No?”
“That’s not why you’re angry.” My gaze lifted to meet his dead-on. “You’re angry because it was working and I did please you.”
“Well then that would be stupid of you.”
“Why?” I asked curiously.
“Because then I would be forced to keep you. And you don’t want that,” he replied, ominously. A loud crash and the sound of running footsteps and screams filtered through the door and then a guy’s voice could be heard on the other side.
“Keiran man, get out here. Dash and Keenan are fighting some guys who crashed the party. Shit is trashed.”
He stalked toward the door, shirtless and left as quietly as he came. To someone who didn’t recognize the signs he seemed calm but I glimpsed the rage simmering in his eyes. I was left on the floor still bound by his belt and helpless. Moments later the loud noise and screaming ended and the house grew eerily quiet and then all at once I could hear the sound of running footsteps again followed by screeching tires and cars departing.
I pushed myself up until I was standing. My legs were sleep from being stuck in one position. I licked my lips and immediately recognized the taste of him lingering on my lips and curious, I licked them again, before I realized what I was doing.
Some sick part of me liked the taste of him despite being manipulated. I tried to tell myself that I had no choice, that I didn’t enjoy being violated by him. But I didn’t fight him either. If I fought Keiran, I would lose one way or the other.
Chapter Ten
I thought about my journal. I needed my journal. It was where I kept all my pain and told all my secrets and it spoke of only two things—my parents and him.
I haven’t thought about that journal since last year when he went away and I no longer had anything to write about. The journal was old and something I kept to deal with the pain of losing my parents. I started it a year after they disappeared and Keiran’s bullying got worse.
The first entry about him was in the fourth grade after he got some girls to stick used gum in my hair and had everyone call me spit head at lunch. I locked myself inside the bathroom and immediately pulled out my journal to write. It was mistake but it soon became my salvation and way of coping.
My lips opened on their own accord, enveloping his hard cock and I found myself once again gagging around him as he grabbed the back of my head and thrust slowly in and out of my mouth. His reluctant groan was animalistic as he gritted his teeth and tilted his head back. He seemed to catch himself quickly and lifted his head to peer down at me. I struggled to take all of him when the tip of him breached my throat.
“Don’t pretend for a fucking second that you know anything about me.” Thrust. “Or what I’ve done.” Thrust. “Or who I am.” Thrust. “The only thing you need to know is that I will destroy you.”
When he finally drew back, I sucked in the much-needed air but as soon as I managed to catch my breath, my lips greedily latched onto his cock again. I watched his eyes widen slightly in surprise before he narrowed them.
I kept my eyes on his and tried to take as much of him as I could and then I pulled back until my lips were wrapped around only the head. I stared at the incredibly long length of his cock in amazement while I suckled on the tip and ran my tongue up and down his length. I had no clue what I was doing; I just knew I had to calm him somehow. His hand was still in my hair but his grip wasn’t as tight as few seconds ago.
For a moment, I thought I had succeeded. For a moment, I thought I had won. It was the growl that erupted from his throat should have warned me but I was too caught in my own pleasure. I liked forcing a reaction from him, just as he’d done to me for ten years. It made me feel like I was the one in control. But that control, as imaginary as it was, was short-lived.
“If you’re going to suck me then suck me. Don’t tease my dick, Monroe. You won’t like the consequences.”
It was amazing how he could make me feel shame from an act that he initiated. I started to remove my mouth from his cock and save some of my dignity while I still could but he gripped the back of my head tight and pressed forward. I felt the tip of his cock touch the back of my throat once more so I opened up more for him but when he started to slide down my throat, I gagged and sputtered.
“I want you to remember this moment,” he said in a controlled tone while I struggled against him for air. “How I am now, how you are now.” He took his cock out of my mouth and shoved me back. “I want you to remember that there is nothing good about me and there never will be.”
I believed him. God help me, I believed him.
“You really enjoyed that didn’t you?” he snickered. “You thought you were pleasing me? Controlling me even?”
He was playing me the whole time. “Why are you doing this?” I could hear the bitterness in my own voice. He ignored my question and fixed his jeans. I swallowed nervously and tasted the remnants of him and felt a moment of disgust, keeping my gaze rooted to the floor. “You wanted this so why are you so angry?” I asked again.
“I’m not angry. That would mean I cared.” He moved for the door, intending to leave me tied apparently, but he turned back and asked, “Did you really think you could manipulate me?”
“No.”
“No?”
“That’s not why you’re angry.” My gaze lifted to meet his dead-on. “You’re angry because it was working and I did please you.”
“Well then that would be stupid of you.”
“Why?” I asked curiously.
“Because then I would be forced to keep you. And you don’t want that,” he replied, ominously. A loud crash and the sound of running footsteps and screams filtered through the door and then a guy’s voice could be heard on the other side.
“Keiran man, get out here. Dash and Keenan are fighting some guys who crashed the party. Shit is trashed.”
He stalked toward the door, shirtless and left as quietly as he came. To someone who didn’t recognize the signs he seemed calm but I glimpsed the rage simmering in his eyes. I was left on the floor still bound by his belt and helpless. Moments later the loud noise and screaming ended and the house grew eerily quiet and then all at once I could hear the sound of running footsteps again followed by screeching tires and cars departing.
I pushed myself up until I was standing. My legs were sleep from being stuck in one position. I licked my lips and immediately recognized the taste of him lingering on my lips and curious, I licked them again, before I realized what I was doing.
Some sick part of me liked the taste of him despite being manipulated. I tried to tell myself that I had no choice, that I didn’t enjoy being violated by him. But I didn’t fight him either. If I fought Keiran, I would lose one way or the other.
Chapter Ten
I thought about my journal. I needed my journal. It was where I kept all my pain and told all my secrets and it spoke of only two things—my parents and him.
I haven’t thought about that journal since last year when he went away and I no longer had anything to write about. The journal was old and something I kept to deal with the pain of losing my parents. I started it a year after they disappeared and Keiran’s bullying got worse.
The first entry about him was in the fourth grade after he got some girls to stick used gum in my hair and had everyone call me spit head at lunch. I locked myself inside the bathroom and immediately pulled out my journal to write. It was mistake but it soon became my salvation and way of coping.
