Fear Me
Page 99
I laughed at her comment. Willow had curves but fat she was not. “No simpleton. Because you’re beautiful in a way he has never known and will never know again. Guys like him only have this opportunity once and he is smart enough to seize it.”
“Can I ask you something?” She asked.
“Sure.”
“How could you forgive Keiran so easily?”
“You think I forgave him?” She shrugged and I sighed.
“I don’t know what I’m doing with him. I’ve been hurt by him, Willow. I was hurt too many times and still I feel something for him and it confuses me.”
“You’re still afraid of him,” she stated.
I nodded and felt a pang of guilt admitting it. In truth, I was his proverbial punching bag. He took the frustration of his past out on me and I was afraid that any moment he could slip back because no one knew just how buried his past really was but him. I knew I couldn’t survive that again after knowing him so intimately. There was more between us than attraction but I wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud.
“You’re right, Lake. Something is haunting him. It’s there in his eyes. Guilt. Shame. Anger. It’s all there. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I don’t know what else to do, Willow.”
“You survive, Lake. That’s all you can do. If he loves you, he will do what it takes to make sure you do.”
* * *
If he loves you…She’d said love. I was sure she did. I was numbed into silence and haven’t spoken a word since Willow’s last statement. She took my silence as an opportunity to retreat back into her own thoughts.
Keiran and I had never discussed love. I was still coming to terms with the fact that we even had sex with each other. There wasn’t any space for love was there? Our relationship was on shaky ground already without adding love into the equation. I couldn’t help but think of what it could be like to have someone as sinful and dangerous as Keiran to love you. The powerful feeling that swept through my body made me shiver with delight.
Oh God.
I shook off the feeling and checked the time. It was after ten and getting later. Willow’s parents had taken a trip for their honeymoon. Willow said it took them forever to save for. I knew they wouldn’t mind me being here so late as I have slept over many times. Buddy was nowhere to be found as usual on a Friday night so we were here alone. I was beyond tired but I knew what I was waiting for. Dash had told me Keiran would come for me. Two hours passed but he still wasn’t here.
I briefly wondered what they did with Trevor and Anya. Trevor was dangerous but Anya was little more than a simple bitch. She didn’t have the mental capacity to be anything more. Maybe that was a little harsh.
I got comfortable on the couch, prepared to fall asleep. Willow had long turned on a movie but her attention was currently directed at the ceiling as she glared at the smooth cream surface above. I really wished I could help her overcome this love triangle between her, dash, and her mom’s past. I checked my cell phone once more before giving in to sleep and dozing off.
The doorbell awoke me some time later and a quick check of the time told me it was just after midnight. I had a good idea of who might be on the other side of the door. Willow began stirring from her place on the couch with a grumble. I hated being around Willow when she first awakens. That girl was a straight up grouch when sleepy.
“Who is it?” she asked with her eyes still closed.
“I don’t know. It’s your door.” The doorbell rang again at the same time Willow’s cell began ringing. She picked it up and answered without looking. “Hell – What are you doing here? I am not answering the door. I don’t care. No! Do you know how late it is? Go away!”
Willow was fully awake now and pacing the living room floor as she argued with the person on the other end of the line. I got up to peek out the window and saw Dash and Keiran standing on the porch.
Keiran was leaning against the pillar, dressed in a black, long-sleeve Henley and black jeans that hung low on his hips. His arms were bulging as they rested against his chest, crossed. His stance was casual but his face was hard.
His head slowly turned to the window and his eyes connected with mine, holding my gaze. “Open the door,” he mouthed.
I bit my lip and moved away from the window, not knowing what to do. I knew Keiran would be mad about what happened at the fair but that didn’t make the reality any less intimidating.
“Willow we have to open the door.” I whispered to her across the room.
“No, we don’t. They will go away.”
“And when they catch us later?”
We had a stare down and Dash proceeded to pound on the door. Any minute now the neighbors would wake up and maybe call the police. The last thing I needed was for Keiran to think I called the police on him…again.
“Fuck! Fine.”
She moved to unlock the door and as soon as the lock was switched the door flew open letting in an enraged Dash. Willow backed away before turning to flee up the stairs with Dash hot on her heels. I heard a door slam, then a squeal, and a second door slam. I instantly regretted making Willow open the door and moved to help her.
“I wouldn’t worry about what he is going to do to her. I would worry about what I am going to do to you.”
I stood with my back facing him, listening to the furious pounding of my heart. He was so still and quiet behind me and it made my nervousness increase.
“Can I ask you something?” She asked.
“Sure.”
“How could you forgive Keiran so easily?”
“You think I forgave him?” She shrugged and I sighed.
“I don’t know what I’m doing with him. I’ve been hurt by him, Willow. I was hurt too many times and still I feel something for him and it confuses me.”
“You’re still afraid of him,” she stated.
I nodded and felt a pang of guilt admitting it. In truth, I was his proverbial punching bag. He took the frustration of his past out on me and I was afraid that any moment he could slip back because no one knew just how buried his past really was but him. I knew I couldn’t survive that again after knowing him so intimately. There was more between us than attraction but I wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud.
“You’re right, Lake. Something is haunting him. It’s there in his eyes. Guilt. Shame. Anger. It’s all there. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I don’t know what else to do, Willow.”
“You survive, Lake. That’s all you can do. If he loves you, he will do what it takes to make sure you do.”
* * *
If he loves you…She’d said love. I was sure she did. I was numbed into silence and haven’t spoken a word since Willow’s last statement. She took my silence as an opportunity to retreat back into her own thoughts.
Keiran and I had never discussed love. I was still coming to terms with the fact that we even had sex with each other. There wasn’t any space for love was there? Our relationship was on shaky ground already without adding love into the equation. I couldn’t help but think of what it could be like to have someone as sinful and dangerous as Keiran to love you. The powerful feeling that swept through my body made me shiver with delight.
Oh God.
I shook off the feeling and checked the time. It was after ten and getting later. Willow’s parents had taken a trip for their honeymoon. Willow said it took them forever to save for. I knew they wouldn’t mind me being here so late as I have slept over many times. Buddy was nowhere to be found as usual on a Friday night so we were here alone. I was beyond tired but I knew what I was waiting for. Dash had told me Keiran would come for me. Two hours passed but he still wasn’t here.
I briefly wondered what they did with Trevor and Anya. Trevor was dangerous but Anya was little more than a simple bitch. She didn’t have the mental capacity to be anything more. Maybe that was a little harsh.
I got comfortable on the couch, prepared to fall asleep. Willow had long turned on a movie but her attention was currently directed at the ceiling as she glared at the smooth cream surface above. I really wished I could help her overcome this love triangle between her, dash, and her mom’s past. I checked my cell phone once more before giving in to sleep and dozing off.
The doorbell awoke me some time later and a quick check of the time told me it was just after midnight. I had a good idea of who might be on the other side of the door. Willow began stirring from her place on the couch with a grumble. I hated being around Willow when she first awakens. That girl was a straight up grouch when sleepy.
“Who is it?” she asked with her eyes still closed.
“I don’t know. It’s your door.” The doorbell rang again at the same time Willow’s cell began ringing. She picked it up and answered without looking. “Hell – What are you doing here? I am not answering the door. I don’t care. No! Do you know how late it is? Go away!”
Willow was fully awake now and pacing the living room floor as she argued with the person on the other end of the line. I got up to peek out the window and saw Dash and Keiran standing on the porch.
Keiran was leaning against the pillar, dressed in a black, long-sleeve Henley and black jeans that hung low on his hips. His arms were bulging as they rested against his chest, crossed. His stance was casual but his face was hard.
His head slowly turned to the window and his eyes connected with mine, holding my gaze. “Open the door,” he mouthed.
I bit my lip and moved away from the window, not knowing what to do. I knew Keiran would be mad about what happened at the fair but that didn’t make the reality any less intimidating.
“Willow we have to open the door.” I whispered to her across the room.
“No, we don’t. They will go away.”
“And when they catch us later?”
We had a stare down and Dash proceeded to pound on the door. Any minute now the neighbors would wake up and maybe call the police. The last thing I needed was for Keiran to think I called the police on him…again.
“Fuck! Fine.”
She moved to unlock the door and as soon as the lock was switched the door flew open letting in an enraged Dash. Willow backed away before turning to flee up the stairs with Dash hot on her heels. I heard a door slam, then a squeal, and a second door slam. I instantly regretted making Willow open the door and moved to help her.
“I wouldn’t worry about what he is going to do to her. I would worry about what I am going to do to you.”
I stood with my back facing him, listening to the furious pounding of my heart. He was so still and quiet behind me and it made my nervousness increase.
