Fear Us
Page 11
Since I was done with school and only had graduation left, I mentally planned an entire day for us to pig out on snacks with a slew of Disney movies for company until I remembered Kennedy had an eye doctor appointment. My kid had been squinting enough times lately for me to worry that her eyesight was poor.
“Hey, brat!” I called to her from my bedroom.
“Yes, Mother?”
“Oh, so now I’m mother?” I knew what her game was. When she was upset with me, she called me mother instead of mama.
“We have somewhere to be. Can you get dressed for mama ?” I stressed the word for emphasis.
A stretch of silence greeted me before she begrudgingly answered with, “I suppose.” It came out more like ‘pose‘ but it made me laugh all the same. I shook my head and admitted to myself that sometimes I couldn’t believe she was really mine. She was a piece of work, which I fully blamed her sperm donor for it.
Somewhere where my conscious lived, I knew it wasn’t entirely his fault he wasn’t here for her, but the scorned woman in me disagreed. He made the decision to run away whether or not he knew what that night had created.
My parents had been away, and Dash never came home, so Keenan had been free and all too willing to bend me to his will repeatedly throughout the night. I couldn’t even remember ever using protection. He had taken me hard and unapologetically. It was brutal in more ways than one, and like a fool, I let him take out his frustrations and hatred between my thighs. But still, the only thing I regretted about that night was losing him forever after, but it had been my choice.
“Mama, can I wear my new leggings?” Kennedy’s voice brought me back to the present and called attention to the heated flush spreading over my skin. Nothing about that night was right or even could be called sane, but it never failed to warm me in places that hadn’t been touched… or claimed… in four years.
“That depends,” I teased as I pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, “will you need help putting them on?”
“Mommy, Uncle Keke said I was a big girl so I can do it by myself,” she fussed.
“I was just asking. Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” I muttered under my breath. I had to be careful of what I said around her. She paid attention and repeated almost everything she heard.
Not wanting to leave her alone for too long, I cleaned up the bathroom and showered as quickly as possible and dressed even quicker. The days of lingering showers and meticulous outfit selections were long over. Besides being so young, she could have a seizure at any moment.
Every second I was afraid for my daughter.
I lived for her, yet she terrified me.
I wondered if this was what true love really felt like.
After Kennedy had been dressed and fed, we headed thirty minutes into town to the family optometrist belting out lyrics along with Katy Perry.
Coming back to Six Forks always made me nervous. After finding out about Kennedy, my relationship with my parents had become strained for many reasons. My parents had never fully supported my dreams to become a fashion model, and until the day they found out I was pregnant, they held high hopes that they could talk me into a more respectable profession. One that required a four-year degree.
In a way, my parents got their wish, but not in a way they’d ever imagined.
Dash was disappointed in me and barely spoke to me throughout most of my pregnancy. He had helped Keiran search high and low for Keenan though I’m sure his motives were far more sinister. It was the first time in a long time Dash and I had been at odds with each other. Eventually, the fear and loss of love had begun to weigh on my emotions until I began to consider abortion.
But my fears and my final decision changed the day I heard my baby’s heartbeat. Keiran had all but kidnapped me and dragged me to the doctor when I told him my decision. But it wasn’t to the nearest clinic. He had taken me to an OBGYN minus an appointment and intimidated the flustered, elderly doctor into giving me an ultrasound. Thankfully, he had the conscience to wait outside, but it didn’t matter anyway.
The manipulative bastard had done the trick.
I wanted my baby.
I just didn’t realize how much until I found out how very much alive she was.
After that, Keiran stuck by my side as much as possible along with Lake, who, thankfully, had a gentler touch when it came to persuasion. If it weren’t for her, Keiran would have driven me insane. I would never understand how she dealt with his controlling and bossy tendencies on a daily basis.
Beyond his shortcomings, I had learned something about him during those nine months and the following years that a decade of school with him hadn’t shown me.
“Hey, brat!” I called to her from my bedroom.
“Yes, Mother?”
“Oh, so now I’m mother?” I knew what her game was. When she was upset with me, she called me mother instead of mama.
“We have somewhere to be. Can you get dressed for mama ?” I stressed the word for emphasis.
A stretch of silence greeted me before she begrudgingly answered with, “I suppose.” It came out more like ‘pose‘ but it made me laugh all the same. I shook my head and admitted to myself that sometimes I couldn’t believe she was really mine. She was a piece of work, which I fully blamed her sperm donor for it.
Somewhere where my conscious lived, I knew it wasn’t entirely his fault he wasn’t here for her, but the scorned woman in me disagreed. He made the decision to run away whether or not he knew what that night had created.
My parents had been away, and Dash never came home, so Keenan had been free and all too willing to bend me to his will repeatedly throughout the night. I couldn’t even remember ever using protection. He had taken me hard and unapologetically. It was brutal in more ways than one, and like a fool, I let him take out his frustrations and hatred between my thighs. But still, the only thing I regretted about that night was losing him forever after, but it had been my choice.
“Mama, can I wear my new leggings?” Kennedy’s voice brought me back to the present and called attention to the heated flush spreading over my skin. Nothing about that night was right or even could be called sane, but it never failed to warm me in places that hadn’t been touched… or claimed… in four years.
“That depends,” I teased as I pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, “will you need help putting them on?”
“Mommy, Uncle Keke said I was a big girl so I can do it by myself,” she fussed.
“I was just asking. Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” I muttered under my breath. I had to be careful of what I said around her. She paid attention and repeated almost everything she heard.
Not wanting to leave her alone for too long, I cleaned up the bathroom and showered as quickly as possible and dressed even quicker. The days of lingering showers and meticulous outfit selections were long over. Besides being so young, she could have a seizure at any moment.
Every second I was afraid for my daughter.
I lived for her, yet she terrified me.
I wondered if this was what true love really felt like.
After Kennedy had been dressed and fed, we headed thirty minutes into town to the family optometrist belting out lyrics along with Katy Perry.
Coming back to Six Forks always made me nervous. After finding out about Kennedy, my relationship with my parents had become strained for many reasons. My parents had never fully supported my dreams to become a fashion model, and until the day they found out I was pregnant, they held high hopes that they could talk me into a more respectable profession. One that required a four-year degree.
In a way, my parents got their wish, but not in a way they’d ever imagined.
Dash was disappointed in me and barely spoke to me throughout most of my pregnancy. He had helped Keiran search high and low for Keenan though I’m sure his motives were far more sinister. It was the first time in a long time Dash and I had been at odds with each other. Eventually, the fear and loss of love had begun to weigh on my emotions until I began to consider abortion.
But my fears and my final decision changed the day I heard my baby’s heartbeat. Keiran had all but kidnapped me and dragged me to the doctor when I told him my decision. But it wasn’t to the nearest clinic. He had taken me to an OBGYN minus an appointment and intimidated the flustered, elderly doctor into giving me an ultrasound. Thankfully, he had the conscience to wait outside, but it didn’t matter anyway.
The manipulative bastard had done the trick.
I wanted my baby.
I just didn’t realize how much until I found out how very much alive she was.
After that, Keiran stuck by my side as much as possible along with Lake, who, thankfully, had a gentler touch when it came to persuasion. If it weren’t for her, Keiran would have driven me insane. I would never understand how she dealt with his controlling and bossy tendencies on a daily basis.
Beyond his shortcomings, I had learned something about him during those nine months and the following years that a decade of school with him hadn’t shown me.
