Fear Us
Page 2
I wasn’t about to do this again.
I was already backing away, but before I could turn to leave, the door opened. Dash, dressed in a richly tailored dark gray suit, greeted me with first, surprise, and then a wary look before walking away, leaving the door open.
I stared through the open portal, taking in the extravagant foyer well aware of everyone’s uneasiness.
When did I become the bad guy?
I sensed my brother’s glare and the dangerous energy that traveled across the room. I would have returned it if she hadn’t chosen that moment to walk in.
I experienced what they called tunnel vision as I drank her in. She looked too fucking perfect, and even now, I could feel my anger abating.
Hurting her had become second place to the need to bend her over the nearest flat surface and restate my claim.
But why should I have to restate my claim? She was already mine and should have fucking stayed that way.
But she didn’t. She left me.
Can you imagine how much it fucking hurt to feel as if each breath you took might be your last but always using the little you had to beg the one person who claimed to love you unconditionally just to be there?
It fucked me up.
But most of all, it changed me.
And I hated her for it.
My conscience whispered to me that it wasn’t right to blame her, but the darkening part of my heart wanted to rip her apart and destroy her completely—and I would.
She had no idea what was coming.
“Keenan… How—how are you?”
* * * * *
There were moments when I believed surviving being shot and losing my lungs were a big mistake. I thought maybe I would have been better off by taking the plunge than spending the next sixty years or so wasting away.
It had been a few hours, and I managed to call myself every name in the book. There was no one at this moment who thought lower of me than myself.
Sheldon looked stunning.
Her hair had been glossed.
Her dress fit perfectly.
She looked ready for the fairytale night with a Prince Charming.
I had tried to ruin that by making her feel guilty. But of course, I couldn’t stop there. I was dead set on hurting everyone in my life, starting with the one person who would ensure that I couldn’t turn back.
“Keenan, why are you doing this?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Not to me,” Lake whispered demurely. I fought the urge to laugh. Despite the bravado that she’d shown over the last few months, she was still a scared little mouse. And now, my brother had her in his grasp and he would eat her alive.
“I’m jealous.”
“But why?”
“Because my brother doesn’t deserve a happily ever after.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Why don’t I?”
“Look, I know you’re hurting, and it was a lot to take in, but you have to remember Keiran was just a child. There is so much you don’t know. If you would just talk to him—”
“My brother,” I bit out, “had eleven years to tell me the truth.”
“Keenan, he didn’t know she was your mother. She was his mother, too.” Her lips trembled on the last, and I wondered who she felt sorrier for—him or me?
“It doesn’t really matter, does it? She’s dead. Nothing is going to change that. I hardly even remember her… I would say Keiran is the lucky one. He never had to look into his mother’s eyes every day and wonder why she didn’t love you, why she wouldn’t hug you, or what you did wrong. Most days, she barely acknowledged me. My father wasn’t any better. I was alone for seven years. There was no laughter or warmth. The silence was almost frightening. I think I hated it the most. When she left and never came back, I never even shed a tear. I almost wished she had been cruel, and then maybe it wouldn’t have meant as much that she left and never looked back.”
“But you had Keiran. You had each other.”
I shrugged. “Keiran was very much the same then as he is now—distant, moody, and violent. You were right that day you asked if I was afraid of him. I was for the longest time, and I guess I always was. He wanted nothing to do with me. I just wanted a friend.”
“But you got through to him.”
“Did I?”
“Your brother loves you, Keenan. He may not know how to show it in a healthy way, but it’s true, and I know you love him.”
“Neither one of us knows what love is. He’ll hurt you, Lake. It’s his nature to do so. He may think he wants this with you, but one day, he’ll crack under the pressure.”
I was already backing away, but before I could turn to leave, the door opened. Dash, dressed in a richly tailored dark gray suit, greeted me with first, surprise, and then a wary look before walking away, leaving the door open.
I stared through the open portal, taking in the extravagant foyer well aware of everyone’s uneasiness.
When did I become the bad guy?
I sensed my brother’s glare and the dangerous energy that traveled across the room. I would have returned it if she hadn’t chosen that moment to walk in.
I experienced what they called tunnel vision as I drank her in. She looked too fucking perfect, and even now, I could feel my anger abating.
Hurting her had become second place to the need to bend her over the nearest flat surface and restate my claim.
But why should I have to restate my claim? She was already mine and should have fucking stayed that way.
But she didn’t. She left me.
Can you imagine how much it fucking hurt to feel as if each breath you took might be your last but always using the little you had to beg the one person who claimed to love you unconditionally just to be there?
It fucked me up.
But most of all, it changed me.
And I hated her for it.
My conscience whispered to me that it wasn’t right to blame her, but the darkening part of my heart wanted to rip her apart and destroy her completely—and I would.
She had no idea what was coming.
“Keenan… How—how are you?”
* * * * *
There were moments when I believed surviving being shot and losing my lungs were a big mistake. I thought maybe I would have been better off by taking the plunge than spending the next sixty years or so wasting away.
It had been a few hours, and I managed to call myself every name in the book. There was no one at this moment who thought lower of me than myself.
Sheldon looked stunning.
Her hair had been glossed.
Her dress fit perfectly.
She looked ready for the fairytale night with a Prince Charming.
I had tried to ruin that by making her feel guilty. But of course, I couldn’t stop there. I was dead set on hurting everyone in my life, starting with the one person who would ensure that I couldn’t turn back.
“Keenan, why are you doing this?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Not to me,” Lake whispered demurely. I fought the urge to laugh. Despite the bravado that she’d shown over the last few months, she was still a scared little mouse. And now, my brother had her in his grasp and he would eat her alive.
“I’m jealous.”
“But why?”
“Because my brother doesn’t deserve a happily ever after.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Why don’t I?”
“Look, I know you’re hurting, and it was a lot to take in, but you have to remember Keiran was just a child. There is so much you don’t know. If you would just talk to him—”
“My brother,” I bit out, “had eleven years to tell me the truth.”
“Keenan, he didn’t know she was your mother. She was his mother, too.” Her lips trembled on the last, and I wondered who she felt sorrier for—him or me?
“It doesn’t really matter, does it? She’s dead. Nothing is going to change that. I hardly even remember her… I would say Keiran is the lucky one. He never had to look into his mother’s eyes every day and wonder why she didn’t love you, why she wouldn’t hug you, or what you did wrong. Most days, she barely acknowledged me. My father wasn’t any better. I was alone for seven years. There was no laughter or warmth. The silence was almost frightening. I think I hated it the most. When she left and never came back, I never even shed a tear. I almost wished she had been cruel, and then maybe it wouldn’t have meant as much that she left and never looked back.”
“But you had Keiran. You had each other.”
I shrugged. “Keiran was very much the same then as he is now—distant, moody, and violent. You were right that day you asked if I was afraid of him. I was for the longest time, and I guess I always was. He wanted nothing to do with me. I just wanted a friend.”
“But you got through to him.”
“Did I?”
“Your brother loves you, Keenan. He may not know how to show it in a healthy way, but it’s true, and I know you love him.”
“Neither one of us knows what love is. He’ll hurt you, Lake. It’s his nature to do so. He may think he wants this with you, but one day, he’ll crack under the pressure.”
