Fear Us
Page 73
I cleared my throat, but that proved to be another mistake. The lost look in her eyes fucking broke me.
“Keenan… what is this?”
Didn’t she remember? She’d seen the sketch before. I woke her up to show her that night. It was when I found out how much of a grumpy sleeper she was.
“You know what it is.”
“It’s much bigger and it’s here. Why?”
“Why not? I drew it. It’s a good picture.”
“Don’t do this, Keenan. Tell me why.”
“My goal was to hate you and never remember why I ever loved you. Looking at the sketch helped. It reminded me how you took away the one person who ever wanted me and the first love I ever felt was real.”
“Keenan, please try to understand… you hurt me so much. Every time you were with them, I ached.”
“Well, then you should feel satisfied. You paid me back in full.”
* * * * *
The dim club lights and pounding music from all sides were exactly what I needed to hide in plain sight. Drinks came and went from shameless female suitors. Many I had no clue where they came from, but I didn’t want to care. I wanted to lose myself to the feeling of being wrong. The club was part dance and part sex with everything in between.
Everything goes.
Even murder.
I had my arm around the nearest brunette. I avoided blondes and anything that reminded me of the traitorous bitch who plagued my every thought.
After taking Sheldon back to my apartment and locking her in my bedroom again, I avoided her and as soon as night fell, I fled.
“Baby, you’re so tense,” the brunette cooed. Her hand trailed up my thigh and stopped just below my dick. “How about a blowjob?”
Four years ago, I would have found that type of slutty behavior appealing and dived right in. Now I only wondered why the fuck I ever looked her way.
Her long nails played with my zipper, and when I gave her a nod of approval, she lowered it and stuck her hand inside. When her fingers wrapped around my cock, I felt my skin crawl. I ignored her and sipped from my drink as she worked to make my dick hard.
Maybe I had whiskey dick.
Or maybe I wanted Sheldon.
Fuck it. I can’t have her anyway.
She made it pretty clear.
A part of me nagged to just let her go again, but knew it would be impossible to let her go and stay away this time. How could I, knowing she had my kid?
Shit. Kennedy.
I looked down at the woman who was still working to get me hard. “Enough.”
I checked the time and high tailed it out of the club, hoping I could catch her before bedtime.
The city was alive with people looking to have a good time to close out the weekend. Thirty minutes later, I was walking through the front door. I found Di and Kennedy camped out in the living room watching Jaws and eating ice cream.
“Seriously, Di?” She nearly jumped out her skin at the sound of my voice.
“Keenan!” Kennedy ran to me with her face covered in chocolate syrup. I caught her just in time and lifted her in my arms. “How are you, princess?”
“Fine. Where’s mama?”
Guilt over my lie returned full force, and I felt like an even bigger ass. Keeping them apart had officially topped the list of worst things I’d ever done. I may have been angry over missing three years of Kennedy’s life, but I knew Sheldon hadn’t purposely kept me away. I made that mistake alone by leaving.
“She’s waiting to tuck you in so I came to get you.”
“Really?” Di asked, earning my glare. “Look who grew a conscience.”
“Stay out of it.”
“I can’t. There’s no one else to tell you when you’re being a dick… and by the way, if that wasn’t clear, you’re being a dick.”
“What’s that?” Kennedy asked.
“Princess, go sit in the living room while I talk to Di.” She ran off, and as soon as she was out of sight, Di started to back toward the front door. “Don’t even think about it. You and I need to talk.”
“Really?” she squealed and feigned ignorance. “About that?”
“First, why is my kid watching Jaws and eating ice cream this late at night. Speaking of late, why isn’t she in bed?”
“Whoa, super dad. Calm down. I think the better question is why doesn’t she know she’s your kid?”
“It’s complicated. Now answer the question.”
“You had me help you basically kidnap them by setting up all these locks so you could ‘stake your claim’ and now you’re chickening out?”
“Keenan… what is this?”
Didn’t she remember? She’d seen the sketch before. I woke her up to show her that night. It was when I found out how much of a grumpy sleeper she was.
“You know what it is.”
“It’s much bigger and it’s here. Why?”
“Why not? I drew it. It’s a good picture.”
“Don’t do this, Keenan. Tell me why.”
“My goal was to hate you and never remember why I ever loved you. Looking at the sketch helped. It reminded me how you took away the one person who ever wanted me and the first love I ever felt was real.”
“Keenan, please try to understand… you hurt me so much. Every time you were with them, I ached.”
“Well, then you should feel satisfied. You paid me back in full.”
* * * * *
The dim club lights and pounding music from all sides were exactly what I needed to hide in plain sight. Drinks came and went from shameless female suitors. Many I had no clue where they came from, but I didn’t want to care. I wanted to lose myself to the feeling of being wrong. The club was part dance and part sex with everything in between.
Everything goes.
Even murder.
I had my arm around the nearest brunette. I avoided blondes and anything that reminded me of the traitorous bitch who plagued my every thought.
After taking Sheldon back to my apartment and locking her in my bedroom again, I avoided her and as soon as night fell, I fled.
“Baby, you’re so tense,” the brunette cooed. Her hand trailed up my thigh and stopped just below my dick. “How about a blowjob?”
Four years ago, I would have found that type of slutty behavior appealing and dived right in. Now I only wondered why the fuck I ever looked her way.
Her long nails played with my zipper, and when I gave her a nod of approval, she lowered it and stuck her hand inside. When her fingers wrapped around my cock, I felt my skin crawl. I ignored her and sipped from my drink as she worked to make my dick hard.
Maybe I had whiskey dick.
Or maybe I wanted Sheldon.
Fuck it. I can’t have her anyway.
She made it pretty clear.
A part of me nagged to just let her go again, but knew it would be impossible to let her go and stay away this time. How could I, knowing she had my kid?
Shit. Kennedy.
I looked down at the woman who was still working to get me hard. “Enough.”
I checked the time and high tailed it out of the club, hoping I could catch her before bedtime.
The city was alive with people looking to have a good time to close out the weekend. Thirty minutes later, I was walking through the front door. I found Di and Kennedy camped out in the living room watching Jaws and eating ice cream.
“Seriously, Di?” She nearly jumped out her skin at the sound of my voice.
“Keenan!” Kennedy ran to me with her face covered in chocolate syrup. I caught her just in time and lifted her in my arms. “How are you, princess?”
“Fine. Where’s mama?”
Guilt over my lie returned full force, and I felt like an even bigger ass. Keeping them apart had officially topped the list of worst things I’d ever done. I may have been angry over missing three years of Kennedy’s life, but I knew Sheldon hadn’t purposely kept me away. I made that mistake alone by leaving.
“She’s waiting to tuck you in so I came to get you.”
“Really?” Di asked, earning my glare. “Look who grew a conscience.”
“Stay out of it.”
“I can’t. There’s no one else to tell you when you’re being a dick… and by the way, if that wasn’t clear, you’re being a dick.”
“What’s that?” Kennedy asked.
“Princess, go sit in the living room while I talk to Di.” She ran off, and as soon as she was out of sight, Di started to back toward the front door. “Don’t even think about it. You and I need to talk.”
“Really?” she squealed and feigned ignorance. “About that?”
“First, why is my kid watching Jaws and eating ice cream this late at night. Speaking of late, why isn’t she in bed?”
“Whoa, super dad. Calm down. I think the better question is why doesn’t she know she’s your kid?”
“It’s complicated. Now answer the question.”
“You had me help you basically kidnap them by setting up all these locks so you could ‘stake your claim’ and now you’re chickening out?”
