Fear
Page 24
“True,” Astrid acknowledged. “I was… I was doing penance.”
Edilio smiled affectionately. “Old-school, huh? Like a hermit. Or a monk. Holy men … women, too, I guess … going off to the wilderness to make peace with God.”
“I’m not a holy anything.”
“But you made peace?”
Astrid took a deep breath. “I’ve changed.”
“Ah. Like that?” Her silence was confirmation. “Lots of people, they go through bad times, they lose their faith. But they come back to it.”
“I didn’t lose my faith, Edilio: I killed it. I held it up to the light and I stared right at it and for the first time I didn’t hide behind something I’d read somewhere, or something I’d heard. I didn’t worry about what anyone would think. I didn’t worry about looking like a fool. I was all alone and I had no one to be right to. Except me. So I just looked. And when I looked…” She made a gesture with her fingers, like things blowing away, scattering in the wind. “There was nothing there.”
Edilio looked very sad.
“Edilio,” she said, “you have to believe what’s right for you, what you feel. But so do I. It’s hard for someone who has had to carry the nickname ‘Astrid the Genius’ to admit she was wrong.” She made a wry smile. “But I found out that I was … not happier, maybe; that’s not the right word.... Not about happy. But … honest. Honest with myself.”
“So you think I’m lying to myself?” Edilio asked softly.
Astrid shook her head. “Never. But I was.”
Edilio stood up. “I have to get back out there.” He came to stand beside her, put his arms around her shoulders, and she hugged him, too.
“It’s good to have you back, Astrid. You should get some sleep.” He nodded. “Use Sam’s bunk.”
Astrid felt weariness rise up and almost close her eyes where she sat. A nap. Just a brief one. She made her way to Sam’s bunk and flopped down.
The bed smelled of salt and Sam. The two smells had always been connected in her mind.
She wondered who he had found to be with. Surely someone by now. Well, good. Good. Sam needed someone to take care of him, and she hoped he’d found that.
She felt around, looking for a pillow. She hadn’t had a pillow in a long, long time, and now the idea of one seemed incredibly luxurious.
Instead of a pillow her hand touched sheer, silky fabric. She pulled it to her and ran the fabric against her cheek. She knew it. It was her old nightgown, the filmy white thing she used to wear back in the days when she didn’t need to sleep with her clothes on and a shotgun nestled to her breast.
Her old nightgown. Sam kept it with him, in his bed.
TEN
34 HOURS, 31 MINUTES
“I’M GOING TO risk some light,” Sam said.
“I think some light would be a great idea,” Dekka said.
Sam raised his hands, and a ball of light, like a pale greenish sun, began to form in midair. It created more shadows than illumination. So he leaned to his right as far as he could without moving his feet and hung a second light in midair. The two lights banished some of the shadows.
“Okay, everyone kneel down real slowly and check all around your feet,” Sam instructed.
“Aaahh!” Jack yelled.
“Don’t move!”
“I’m not moving, I’m not moving, my foot is underneath a wire, I’m not moving, Oh, God, I’m going to die!”
Sam formed a third light down by Jack’s feet. Now he could easily see the taut wire crossing the toe of Jack’s boot.
“Dekka, are you clear?” Sam asked.
“I think so. Anyway, I can see where the wire runs now.”
“Okay, then move back to a safe distance.”
“Any idea what a safe distance would be?”
“Far,” Sam said. “Okay, Jack, just stand still. I’m going to scoop the sand out from under your foot. That’ll take the pressure off the wire.”
Sam used his two index fingers to begin very, very delicately scooping sand. Then he used two fingers from each hand.
Jack’s shoe dropped half an inch. Then a bit more.
“Okay, now just move your foot back.”
“You sure?”
“I’m right here next to you, aren’t I?” Sam snapped.
Jack moved his foot. Nothing blew up.
“Now we all just back away.”
“Hey, what are you guys doing?” It was Brianna atop the bluff. “What’s with all the light? I thought we were being all—”
“Stay right there!” Dekka yelled.
“Okay, jeez, you don’t have to yell.”
Sam explained what was going on. “We can’t leave this thing booby-trapped. Some innocent person could stumble across this place. We either have to disarm it or blow it up.”
“Since I’m the tech guy, and disarming a booby trap is a sort of tech problem,” Jack said, “I vote we blow it up from a safe distance.”
“Oh, come on, Jack, don’t be a wimp,” Dekka teased.
“Breeze,” Sam called up to her. “Find us a rope or a long string.”
Brianna blurred out of view.
“Okay, let’s all go down to the water,” Sam said.
They did not have to wait long. In five minutes Brianna was vibrating to a stop next to them.
“I don’t guess you can outrun an explosion, right?” Sam asked doubtfully.
Edilio smiled affectionately. “Old-school, huh? Like a hermit. Or a monk. Holy men … women, too, I guess … going off to the wilderness to make peace with God.”
“I’m not a holy anything.”
“But you made peace?”
Astrid took a deep breath. “I’ve changed.”
“Ah. Like that?” Her silence was confirmation. “Lots of people, they go through bad times, they lose their faith. But they come back to it.”
“I didn’t lose my faith, Edilio: I killed it. I held it up to the light and I stared right at it and for the first time I didn’t hide behind something I’d read somewhere, or something I’d heard. I didn’t worry about what anyone would think. I didn’t worry about looking like a fool. I was all alone and I had no one to be right to. Except me. So I just looked. And when I looked…” She made a gesture with her fingers, like things blowing away, scattering in the wind. “There was nothing there.”
Edilio looked very sad.
“Edilio,” she said, “you have to believe what’s right for you, what you feel. But so do I. It’s hard for someone who has had to carry the nickname ‘Astrid the Genius’ to admit she was wrong.” She made a wry smile. “But I found out that I was … not happier, maybe; that’s not the right word.... Not about happy. But … honest. Honest with myself.”
“So you think I’m lying to myself?” Edilio asked softly.
Astrid shook her head. “Never. But I was.”
Edilio stood up. “I have to get back out there.” He came to stand beside her, put his arms around her shoulders, and she hugged him, too.
“It’s good to have you back, Astrid. You should get some sleep.” He nodded. “Use Sam’s bunk.”
Astrid felt weariness rise up and almost close her eyes where she sat. A nap. Just a brief one. She made her way to Sam’s bunk and flopped down.
The bed smelled of salt and Sam. The two smells had always been connected in her mind.
She wondered who he had found to be with. Surely someone by now. Well, good. Good. Sam needed someone to take care of him, and she hoped he’d found that.
She felt around, looking for a pillow. She hadn’t had a pillow in a long, long time, and now the idea of one seemed incredibly luxurious.
Instead of a pillow her hand touched sheer, silky fabric. She pulled it to her and ran the fabric against her cheek. She knew it. It was her old nightgown, the filmy white thing she used to wear back in the days when she didn’t need to sleep with her clothes on and a shotgun nestled to her breast.
Her old nightgown. Sam kept it with him, in his bed.
TEN
34 HOURS, 31 MINUTES
“I’M GOING TO risk some light,” Sam said.
“I think some light would be a great idea,” Dekka said.
Sam raised his hands, and a ball of light, like a pale greenish sun, began to form in midair. It created more shadows than illumination. So he leaned to his right as far as he could without moving his feet and hung a second light in midair. The two lights banished some of the shadows.
“Okay, everyone kneel down real slowly and check all around your feet,” Sam instructed.
“Aaahh!” Jack yelled.
“Don’t move!”
“I’m not moving, I’m not moving, my foot is underneath a wire, I’m not moving, Oh, God, I’m going to die!”
Sam formed a third light down by Jack’s feet. Now he could easily see the taut wire crossing the toe of Jack’s boot.
“Dekka, are you clear?” Sam asked.
“I think so. Anyway, I can see where the wire runs now.”
“Okay, then move back to a safe distance.”
“Any idea what a safe distance would be?”
“Far,” Sam said. “Okay, Jack, just stand still. I’m going to scoop the sand out from under your foot. That’ll take the pressure off the wire.”
Sam used his two index fingers to begin very, very delicately scooping sand. Then he used two fingers from each hand.
Jack’s shoe dropped half an inch. Then a bit more.
“Okay, now just move your foot back.”
“You sure?”
“I’m right here next to you, aren’t I?” Sam snapped.
Jack moved his foot. Nothing blew up.
“Now we all just back away.”
“Hey, what are you guys doing?” It was Brianna atop the bluff. “What’s with all the light? I thought we were being all—”
“Stay right there!” Dekka yelled.
“Okay, jeez, you don’t have to yell.”
Sam explained what was going on. “We can’t leave this thing booby-trapped. Some innocent person could stumble across this place. We either have to disarm it or blow it up.”
“Since I’m the tech guy, and disarming a booby trap is a sort of tech problem,” Jack said, “I vote we blow it up from a safe distance.”
“Oh, come on, Jack, don’t be a wimp,” Dekka teased.
“Breeze,” Sam called up to her. “Find us a rope or a long string.”
Brianna blurred out of view.
“Okay, let’s all go down to the water,” Sam said.
They did not have to wait long. In five minutes Brianna was vibrating to a stop next to them.
“I don’t guess you can outrun an explosion, right?” Sam asked doubtfully.
