Fear
Page 53
Sam started to say something angry. Instead his voice broke. “Drake’s out there!” He tried to say more but the words couldn’t get past the lump in his throat, so he pointed, jabbing his finger furiously toward the land.
“She’s doing the right thing,” Dekka said. “And you can’t send the girl I love to die in order to rescue the girl you love.”
Sam felt his lip quiver. He wanted to be furious, but raw emotion was making him weak. He swallowed hard and shook his head once, angrily shaking off the upwelling fear and loss. “I’ll go after her. I’ll bring her back.”
“No, boss.” It was Edilio. He stepped out from behind Dekka. “Kids wake up tomorrow morning and see you gone without even an explanation, that’s it, man. You gotta look strong and stay strong. You have the light, Sam, and that’s all that will keep people together.”
“You don’t understand,” Sam pleaded. “Drake is sick. He hates Astrid. You don’t know what he can do.”
“Drake hates everyone,” Edilio said.
Suddenly Sam found his anger. “You don’t understand a damned thing, Edilio; you don’t have anyone, you don’t have anyone you need or love or care about, it’s just you.”
He regretted the words as soon as he spoke them. But it was too late.
Edilio’s usually warm, sad eyes narrowed and went cold. He pushed his way around Dekka and stood face-to-face with Sam. He stabbed his finger in Sam’s face. “There’s a lot you don’t know, Sam. There’s a lot I don’t tell you. I know who I am,” he said with a ferocity to match Sam’s own anger. “I know what I do, and what I am to this place. I know what I am to you, and how much you depend on me. You may be the symbol, and you may be the one everyone turns to when something goes bad, and you are the big badass, but I’m the guy doing the day-in, day-out work of running things. So I don’t make this about me.”
He practically spit the word “me.”
“I don’t live my life so everyone pays attention to me. I do my job without making me the story, and without people having to wonder what’s going on with me.”
Sam blinked. He felt awash in feelings, none of which made any sense together. In the tornado of fear and fury he felt shame. Everything Edilio had said was true.
Edilio wasn’t finished. It was as if he’d held way too much inside and now that the dam had burst it was going to come out. “You and Astrid, you’re making a spectacle of yourselves. Kids are scared to death and what they’re seeing is you and Astrid having a great time. I’m not judging what you’re doing, that’s not my business, but you’re putting your personal life first and you can’t do that: you are Sam Temple. All these people look to us, to you and Dekka and me—and Astrid now that she’s back—and what do they see? You and Astrid rocking the houseboat every time you get a chance, and Dekka snapping at everyone because Brianna isn’t a lesbian and doesn’t want to be her girlfriend. The only one keeping his personal business personal is me. And you’re going to get nasty about it?”
He turned away and angrily shouldered Dekka aside.
“You two get it together, because we got problems enough,” Edilio said, and stomped away.
Brianna continued to snore.
Moonlight picked Orc out of a pile of jumbled rock. Astrid wondered if Sam knew that Orc had gone ashore. She wondered if she needed to send word.
No. This was the more important mission. She had to get to Perdido Beach. Maybe Caine and Albert knew what was coming. But maybe not. If the kids in town weren’t prepared they would panic and then they would all be lost.
An image came to mind, unbidden, unwelcome: a picture of kids in absolute darkness walking lost in the desert. They would walk until a hungry zeke, or a coyote, or Drake caught them. And those would be the luckier ones. Most would die an excruciating death of hunger and thirst.
Astrid steered clear of Orc. He was searching for someone or something. It had to be Drake, which could only be a good thing from her point of view.
She tried to think of something other than the image her mind had conjured of slow death by starvation in absolute darkness.
She needed to think.
Darkness wasn’t the end state, was it? Surely something was causing the barrier to darken. The stain had a reason if not a purpose. It meant something. But what?
Most likely it was linked to the gaiaphage, that unknowable evil. The FAYZ’s own personal Satan.
No one knew much about it. Lana didn’t like to talk about it. Little Pete had been in contact with it, manipulated by it. The chimera that called itself Nerezza had been its creature. It had co-opted Caine at one point, or so the story went, but Caine had broken free.
Astrid began to jog, careful to watch the path beneath her feet. As soon as she was well away from the lake she planned to stay just off the gravel road. She wasn’t sure if that was the smart thing to do or very stupid. But she reasoned that anyone looking for her would first check the main roads.
It would take her longer this way. But no one would expect her—of all people—to go overland through rough terrain.
Well, they didn’t know her. In the last four months she had become quite comfortable with rough terrain.
She loped along, glorying in the sense of power from overcoming fear. Yes, it was dark. Yes, evil forces were on the loose. But she would outrun them or outthink them or if necessary outfight them.
If she couldn’t do any of those, then she would endure.
“She’s doing the right thing,” Dekka said. “And you can’t send the girl I love to die in order to rescue the girl you love.”
Sam felt his lip quiver. He wanted to be furious, but raw emotion was making him weak. He swallowed hard and shook his head once, angrily shaking off the upwelling fear and loss. “I’ll go after her. I’ll bring her back.”
“No, boss.” It was Edilio. He stepped out from behind Dekka. “Kids wake up tomorrow morning and see you gone without even an explanation, that’s it, man. You gotta look strong and stay strong. You have the light, Sam, and that’s all that will keep people together.”
“You don’t understand,” Sam pleaded. “Drake is sick. He hates Astrid. You don’t know what he can do.”
“Drake hates everyone,” Edilio said.
Suddenly Sam found his anger. “You don’t understand a damned thing, Edilio; you don’t have anyone, you don’t have anyone you need or love or care about, it’s just you.”
He regretted the words as soon as he spoke them. But it was too late.
Edilio’s usually warm, sad eyes narrowed and went cold. He pushed his way around Dekka and stood face-to-face with Sam. He stabbed his finger in Sam’s face. “There’s a lot you don’t know, Sam. There’s a lot I don’t tell you. I know who I am,” he said with a ferocity to match Sam’s own anger. “I know what I do, and what I am to this place. I know what I am to you, and how much you depend on me. You may be the symbol, and you may be the one everyone turns to when something goes bad, and you are the big badass, but I’m the guy doing the day-in, day-out work of running things. So I don’t make this about me.”
He practically spit the word “me.”
“I don’t live my life so everyone pays attention to me. I do my job without making me the story, and without people having to wonder what’s going on with me.”
Sam blinked. He felt awash in feelings, none of which made any sense together. In the tornado of fear and fury he felt shame. Everything Edilio had said was true.
Edilio wasn’t finished. It was as if he’d held way too much inside and now that the dam had burst it was going to come out. “You and Astrid, you’re making a spectacle of yourselves. Kids are scared to death and what they’re seeing is you and Astrid having a great time. I’m not judging what you’re doing, that’s not my business, but you’re putting your personal life first and you can’t do that: you are Sam Temple. All these people look to us, to you and Dekka and me—and Astrid now that she’s back—and what do they see? You and Astrid rocking the houseboat every time you get a chance, and Dekka snapping at everyone because Brianna isn’t a lesbian and doesn’t want to be her girlfriend. The only one keeping his personal business personal is me. And you’re going to get nasty about it?”
He turned away and angrily shouldered Dekka aside.
“You two get it together, because we got problems enough,” Edilio said, and stomped away.
Brianna continued to snore.
Moonlight picked Orc out of a pile of jumbled rock. Astrid wondered if Sam knew that Orc had gone ashore. She wondered if she needed to send word.
No. This was the more important mission. She had to get to Perdido Beach. Maybe Caine and Albert knew what was coming. But maybe not. If the kids in town weren’t prepared they would panic and then they would all be lost.
An image came to mind, unbidden, unwelcome: a picture of kids in absolute darkness walking lost in the desert. They would walk until a hungry zeke, or a coyote, or Drake caught them. And those would be the luckier ones. Most would die an excruciating death of hunger and thirst.
Astrid steered clear of Orc. He was searching for someone or something. It had to be Drake, which could only be a good thing from her point of view.
She tried to think of something other than the image her mind had conjured of slow death by starvation in absolute darkness.
She needed to think.
Darkness wasn’t the end state, was it? Surely something was causing the barrier to darken. The stain had a reason if not a purpose. It meant something. But what?
Most likely it was linked to the gaiaphage, that unknowable evil. The FAYZ’s own personal Satan.
No one knew much about it. Lana didn’t like to talk about it. Little Pete had been in contact with it, manipulated by it. The chimera that called itself Nerezza had been its creature. It had co-opted Caine at one point, or so the story went, but Caine had broken free.
Astrid began to jog, careful to watch the path beneath her feet. As soon as she was well away from the lake she planned to stay just off the gravel road. She wasn’t sure if that was the smart thing to do or very stupid. But she reasoned that anyone looking for her would first check the main roads.
It would take her longer this way. But no one would expect her—of all people—to go overland through rough terrain.
Well, they didn’t know her. In the last four months she had become quite comfortable with rough terrain.
She loped along, glorying in the sense of power from overcoming fear. Yes, it was dark. Yes, evil forces were on the loose. But she would outrun them or outthink them or if necessary outfight them.
If she couldn’t do any of those, then she would endure.
