Fearless In Love
Page 13
It was the school principal, not his father, not even his mother, who had ended up sending Matt to the doctor, where an X-ray revealed the break in his arm. His dad had been hugely pissed about that bill. He’d even demanded the school pay for it since they were the ones who’d sent Matt to the hospital. He’d stopped only when they mentioned Social Services.
It was the Mavericks who finally saved Matt—along with Susan and Bob, who looked out for him and turned him into a worthwhile human being. Never his parents. And now he would do anything to protect Noah, spend every penny. He would never let his son be bullied, never let him get hurt.
But what if Matt couldn’t always rescue Noah, just like he hadn’t rescued himself when he was a kid and the other Mavericks had needed to protect him? What if he wasn’t capable of stepping up when push really came to shove? What if he wasn’t there when his son needed him most?
As if she could sense his inner turmoil, the doctor said again, “He’s fine. Your wife is taking care of him too.”
He focused on Ari still rubbing Noah’s leg while the nurse pressed the square SpongeBob bandage to Noah’s forehead as his son chattered cheerfully. And the words he’d been about to say—she’s not my wife—never made it past his lips.
The doctor squeezed his arm. “Take your family home and spend some quality time together. And stop worrying about Noah.”
Didn’t she get it? He would never stop worrying about his son.
Never.
Chapter Seven
They’d both long since changed out of the scrubs the nursing staff had given them as Ari and Matt got Noah ready for bed. The little boy’s color was back, and the SpongeBob bandage on his forehead was a badge of honor.
“I was real brave, wasn’t I?” He stood on the small stool in his bathroom so he could reach the sink as he brushed his teeth.
“You sure were,” Ari said. She turned to Matt with a smile, but his features were strained, his mouth a flat line.
Nothing she’d said had eased his guilt. Tonight definitely wasn’t the time to talk about getting rid of the water wings. At this point, she was half afraid he’d say Noah couldn’t swim at all anymore. Matt would wrap his son in cotton wool if he thought it would keep him safe.
Her heart split in two for him. She ached for his pain, his self-recrimination, but she also wanted to show him how resilient little kids were. Yes, you had to watch out for them, but you had to let them run free too, or they suffocated. Kids bounced back—she knew this for a fact, having bounced plenty during her own childhood. Heck, Matt had too. He’d come from a terrible childhood—and look how he’d thrived.
She wished she could help him get over what had happened. It was beyond painful to watch Matt silently visualize every horror, imagine all the what-ifs—and beat himself up for what had almost happened.
But it hadn’t happened. That was key. How could she make him understand? Not only that all was well, but that it was okay not to hold Noah quite so tightly.
He’d eaten SpaghettiOs with Noah tonight, laughing whenever his son said something funny. But he couldn’t mask the strain around his eyes when Noah wasn’t looking.
“What would you like to read tonight, sweetie?” With Noah’s hand in hers, she hunkered down by the bookshelves, the colorful choices calling out to them. Books truly did open up worlds—all those times when she’d felt alone, without a family, she’d taken temporary refuge in the books she devoured.
Noah grabbed a book and held it up for his father. “This one.” James and the Giant Peach.
“I can’t wait to hear your daddy read it to you.”
When Matt’s eyes met hers, Ari saw utter bleakness. There would be other scrapes, bumps, and bruises, because Noah was full of energy and would keep on running, because that’s what little boys did. How would Matt handle it?
She didn’t have any answers tonight, only knew that he needed to relax enough to read to his happy son. She almost grabbed his hand and shoved the book into it, but finally Matt curled his fingers around the spine.
Ari took her usual spot. And despite his mood, Matt got into voice, reading with exaggeration, big highs and low lows, Noah hanging on every word.
Her heart overflowed. She hugged her knees, letting the sight of father and son become part of her.
She hoped to someday sit watching her beautiful children with their father. Maybe it was having a mom who wanted her next fix more than she needed new shoes for her daughter—but Ari had always vowed to be a great mother, giving them everything she’d never had herself. She knew it was exactly how Matt felt about his son.
When Noah finally fell asleep, Matt laid the book on the table, then slid out from the bed covers so he wouldn’t wake him. Pulling the covers over Noah’s shoulder, Matt leaned down to kiss him, lingering as if he needed to breathe in his son’s little-boy smell.
After Ari kissed Noah, Matt followed her out, pausing at the door to take one last long look at his sleeping child. Finally, he flipped out the light, leaving the door half open as usual. But instead of their nightly ritual of discussing the day, Matt mumbled a good night and turned away.
Maybe she should let him brood. Maybe anyone else would leave him alone in his sorrow. But Ari just couldn’t.
“He’s safe, you know,” she said quietly. “Perfectly safe and sound with only a scratch that’s already healing.”
He stopped, his back stiff, his hand on the wall as if to brace himself. “It could have been so much worse.”
She took two steps closer. “Do you blame me?”
He turned sharply, his dark, bleak eyes meeting hers. “Of course not. He saw me and he ran. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I shouldn’t have surprised you both. I should have taught him never to run by the pool. I should have done something, anything, to make sure he didn’t fall.”
One more step, close enough to breathe in his scent, to feel his heat, to touch his face. She wanted to surround him with her warmth, as if that could ease his tension. Cupping his jaw, she forced him to look at her. “Can’t you see that if I’m not to blame, then you aren’t either?”
His muscles rippled under her fingers as he clenched his teeth and gritted out, “Protecting him is my job. The most important thing I do. And I let him down.”
“No.” She couldn’t bear to watch him tear himself up any longer. “You were there for him. You caught him. And he knows you love him every single second.”
It was the Mavericks who finally saved Matt—along with Susan and Bob, who looked out for him and turned him into a worthwhile human being. Never his parents. And now he would do anything to protect Noah, spend every penny. He would never let his son be bullied, never let him get hurt.
But what if Matt couldn’t always rescue Noah, just like he hadn’t rescued himself when he was a kid and the other Mavericks had needed to protect him? What if he wasn’t capable of stepping up when push really came to shove? What if he wasn’t there when his son needed him most?
As if she could sense his inner turmoil, the doctor said again, “He’s fine. Your wife is taking care of him too.”
He focused on Ari still rubbing Noah’s leg while the nurse pressed the square SpongeBob bandage to Noah’s forehead as his son chattered cheerfully. And the words he’d been about to say—she’s not my wife—never made it past his lips.
The doctor squeezed his arm. “Take your family home and spend some quality time together. And stop worrying about Noah.”
Didn’t she get it? He would never stop worrying about his son.
Never.
Chapter Seven
They’d both long since changed out of the scrubs the nursing staff had given them as Ari and Matt got Noah ready for bed. The little boy’s color was back, and the SpongeBob bandage on his forehead was a badge of honor.
“I was real brave, wasn’t I?” He stood on the small stool in his bathroom so he could reach the sink as he brushed his teeth.
“You sure were,” Ari said. She turned to Matt with a smile, but his features were strained, his mouth a flat line.
Nothing she’d said had eased his guilt. Tonight definitely wasn’t the time to talk about getting rid of the water wings. At this point, she was half afraid he’d say Noah couldn’t swim at all anymore. Matt would wrap his son in cotton wool if he thought it would keep him safe.
Her heart split in two for him. She ached for his pain, his self-recrimination, but she also wanted to show him how resilient little kids were. Yes, you had to watch out for them, but you had to let them run free too, or they suffocated. Kids bounced back—she knew this for a fact, having bounced plenty during her own childhood. Heck, Matt had too. He’d come from a terrible childhood—and look how he’d thrived.
She wished she could help him get over what had happened. It was beyond painful to watch Matt silently visualize every horror, imagine all the what-ifs—and beat himself up for what had almost happened.
But it hadn’t happened. That was key. How could she make him understand? Not only that all was well, but that it was okay not to hold Noah quite so tightly.
He’d eaten SpaghettiOs with Noah tonight, laughing whenever his son said something funny. But he couldn’t mask the strain around his eyes when Noah wasn’t looking.
“What would you like to read tonight, sweetie?” With Noah’s hand in hers, she hunkered down by the bookshelves, the colorful choices calling out to them. Books truly did open up worlds—all those times when she’d felt alone, without a family, she’d taken temporary refuge in the books she devoured.
Noah grabbed a book and held it up for his father. “This one.” James and the Giant Peach.
“I can’t wait to hear your daddy read it to you.”
When Matt’s eyes met hers, Ari saw utter bleakness. There would be other scrapes, bumps, and bruises, because Noah was full of energy and would keep on running, because that’s what little boys did. How would Matt handle it?
She didn’t have any answers tonight, only knew that he needed to relax enough to read to his happy son. She almost grabbed his hand and shoved the book into it, but finally Matt curled his fingers around the spine.
Ari took her usual spot. And despite his mood, Matt got into voice, reading with exaggeration, big highs and low lows, Noah hanging on every word.
Her heart overflowed. She hugged her knees, letting the sight of father and son become part of her.
She hoped to someday sit watching her beautiful children with their father. Maybe it was having a mom who wanted her next fix more than she needed new shoes for her daughter—but Ari had always vowed to be a great mother, giving them everything she’d never had herself. She knew it was exactly how Matt felt about his son.
When Noah finally fell asleep, Matt laid the book on the table, then slid out from the bed covers so he wouldn’t wake him. Pulling the covers over Noah’s shoulder, Matt leaned down to kiss him, lingering as if he needed to breathe in his son’s little-boy smell.
After Ari kissed Noah, Matt followed her out, pausing at the door to take one last long look at his sleeping child. Finally, he flipped out the light, leaving the door half open as usual. But instead of their nightly ritual of discussing the day, Matt mumbled a good night and turned away.
Maybe she should let him brood. Maybe anyone else would leave him alone in his sorrow. But Ari just couldn’t.
“He’s safe, you know,” she said quietly. “Perfectly safe and sound with only a scratch that’s already healing.”
He stopped, his back stiff, his hand on the wall as if to brace himself. “It could have been so much worse.”
She took two steps closer. “Do you blame me?”
He turned sharply, his dark, bleak eyes meeting hers. “Of course not. He saw me and he ran. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I shouldn’t have surprised you both. I should have taught him never to run by the pool. I should have done something, anything, to make sure he didn’t fall.”
One more step, close enough to breathe in his scent, to feel his heat, to touch his face. She wanted to surround him with her warmth, as if that could ease his tension. Cupping his jaw, she forced him to look at her. “Can’t you see that if I’m not to blame, then you aren’t either?”
His muscles rippled under her fingers as he clenched his teeth and gritted out, “Protecting him is my job. The most important thing I do. And I let him down.”
“No.” She couldn’t bear to watch him tear himself up any longer. “You were there for him. You caught him. And he knows you love him every single second.”
