Fearless In Love
Page 30
The frustration of all those years welled up in her. But Matt’s hand was still on hers, warm, reassuring, the soft cadence of his voice soothing. “I’ve got a private investigator. Rafe Sullivan has access to special databases.” Before she could say she didn’t have the money for an investigator, he added, “He’s on retainer whether I use him or not.”
She still didn’t know how to thank him. “I tried everything. Gideon Jones. G. Jones. Gideon R. Jones. G.R. Jones. Gideon Randolph Jones.”
“Randolph?”
It was a relief to smile. She felt like she’d put too much emotion into the air, clouding everything. “My mom loved old Westerns, and Randolph Scott was her favorite cowboy.”
She’d watched with her mom, who usually wasn’t capable of doing more than lying on the couch. Ari loved books, and her mother loved movies. They couldn’t afford cable, so they’d watched TV on an ancient black and white that still had rabbit ears. That TV was the only thing they took with them when they left yet another apartment, and it had worked for years, even if it was a little snowy.
Oddly, those Saturday afternoon matinees had been some of their best times together. Her ribs squeezed tight around her heart. Gideon had watched too. He hadn’t been like regular brothers who found their little sisters totally annoying. Maybe it was because he was so much older. He was her big protector, watching over her. Always there. Until suddenly he wasn’t anymore. He’d been gone twice as long now as she’d even known him, but he would always be in her heart. And she would keep on looking for him, no matter what.
“It’ll be okay, Ari.” Matt looked deep into her eyes. “We’ll find him.”
Oh God, she was going to cry. He was so good to her. Without any strings attached. Not that she wouldn’t give him anything he asked for.
She needed a moment, alone, without his kind eyes on her, or the waterworks would really start flowing. “Popcorn. Noah needs popcorn. I’ll be right back.”
She dashed for the kitchen. There had to be microwave popcorn somewhere.
“Ari.”
Matt’s voice stilled her. Hands on the two open doors of the fully stocked pantry, she stared at shelves of canned goods, sacks of flour, sugar, oatmeal, boxes of cereal—enough food to feed an army. She felt him so close behind her that her hair ruffled with his breath.
“Family is the most important thing in the world. I want nothing more than to help you find your brother.”
“Thank you.” She sniffed softly as she turned to face him. “No one’s ever done anything like that for me.” She bit her lip as a tear slid down her cheek. In Matt’s arms, for a few wonderful hours, she’d felt like she mattered. But this was more. “Thank you,” she whispered again. From the bottom of her heart, from the well of her soul, and from her gut, which had suffered the worst. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”
He brushed the wetness from her cheeks. “We haven’t found him yet.”
“But you will.” She blinked through her tears into his breathtakingly handsome face and what she saw in his eyes made kissing him again completely unstoppable.
Up on her toes, she wound her arms around his neck and hung on through the storm raging inside her as she kissed him. No one had ever tasted like Matt. No one had ever felt so hard or so perfect against her. No one had ever consumed her. She wanted him ferociously.
Fearlessly.
Matt backed her up against the shelves. The cans wobbled, but he cupped her face and kissed her openmouthed, stealing her breath, making her knees weak. With her palms to the backs of his hands, she held him close. She didn’t hear the clatter of cans falling on the shelves or the doors banging against the wall—there was only him, his delicious scent, his roughened hands, his hard body pressed against her.
She couldn’t help herself. Didn’t even want to. Not when the only place that felt right anymore was in his arms.
She was his.
All he had to do was take her.
* * *
Matt wanted Ari so badly that he was almost beyond reason. She was so beautiful. So sweet. So perfect.
But somehow, some way he had to find the self-control to do the right thing…even if nothing had ever felt more wrong than the two of them going to separate bedrooms tonight.
It nearly killed him to step back from her. His breath was harsh and hard in his throat as she stared up at him with half-closed lids, her lips red and lush from his kiss, her skin flushed.
There was so much more to her than a typical twenty-four-year-old. She’d suffered, she’d overcome, and she’d kept her humanity.
Yet again he had to remind himself that she was not only his son’s nanny…but that he was a man who would inevitably suck all the joy out of her. Because while she had overcome her past, he still lived with all its vivid scars.
“Ari, I promised you I wouldn’t—” he began, but she shook her head to cut him off.
“I should probably go to bed now,” she said in a shaky voice.
She was right. It wasn’t safe for the two of them to sit in the family room on the couch together. Even with Noah in the room, Matt would drink her in. Want her. Need her.
God, yes, he needed her.
But he wasn’t good enough for her.
* * *
God, that kiss.
Ari put her fingers to her lips. Even after she’d made herself walk away, she still tasted him, still felt his hard body against her.
As she turned over in her dark bedroom, the covers tangled around her legs. The soft sheets caressed her skin, and she imagined his flesh on hers.
That kiss hadn’t been about comfort, or even gratitude. It was pure desire. Instinctive need. Hot emotion ready to boil over.
She knew all the arguments. He was her boss. She was Noah’s nanny. This was supposed to be business. He was paying her. She was a decade younger than he was. He couldn’t take advantage of her. She didn’t need to hear him say it all.
But after that kiss, none of it mattered. Not after the way he’d looked at her. As though he wanted to sink inside her right there against the shelves.
And as though helping her find her brother was now as important to him as it was to her. She was positive that Matt would find Gideon.
And she would help Matt find his way to her.
Chapter Fifteen
Over the next couple of weeks, Matt had to make two business trips, but he was home on the weekends. Ari took Noah to school, returned to set lunch and dinner menus with Cookie, then made up lesson plans for the afternoon.
She still didn’t know how to thank him. “I tried everything. Gideon Jones. G. Jones. Gideon R. Jones. G.R. Jones. Gideon Randolph Jones.”
“Randolph?”
It was a relief to smile. She felt like she’d put too much emotion into the air, clouding everything. “My mom loved old Westerns, and Randolph Scott was her favorite cowboy.”
She’d watched with her mom, who usually wasn’t capable of doing more than lying on the couch. Ari loved books, and her mother loved movies. They couldn’t afford cable, so they’d watched TV on an ancient black and white that still had rabbit ears. That TV was the only thing they took with them when they left yet another apartment, and it had worked for years, even if it was a little snowy.
Oddly, those Saturday afternoon matinees had been some of their best times together. Her ribs squeezed tight around her heart. Gideon had watched too. He hadn’t been like regular brothers who found their little sisters totally annoying. Maybe it was because he was so much older. He was her big protector, watching over her. Always there. Until suddenly he wasn’t anymore. He’d been gone twice as long now as she’d even known him, but he would always be in her heart. And she would keep on looking for him, no matter what.
“It’ll be okay, Ari.” Matt looked deep into her eyes. “We’ll find him.”
Oh God, she was going to cry. He was so good to her. Without any strings attached. Not that she wouldn’t give him anything he asked for.
She needed a moment, alone, without his kind eyes on her, or the waterworks would really start flowing. “Popcorn. Noah needs popcorn. I’ll be right back.”
She dashed for the kitchen. There had to be microwave popcorn somewhere.
“Ari.”
Matt’s voice stilled her. Hands on the two open doors of the fully stocked pantry, she stared at shelves of canned goods, sacks of flour, sugar, oatmeal, boxes of cereal—enough food to feed an army. She felt him so close behind her that her hair ruffled with his breath.
“Family is the most important thing in the world. I want nothing more than to help you find your brother.”
“Thank you.” She sniffed softly as she turned to face him. “No one’s ever done anything like that for me.” She bit her lip as a tear slid down her cheek. In Matt’s arms, for a few wonderful hours, she’d felt like she mattered. But this was more. “Thank you,” she whispered again. From the bottom of her heart, from the well of her soul, and from her gut, which had suffered the worst. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”
He brushed the wetness from her cheeks. “We haven’t found him yet.”
“But you will.” She blinked through her tears into his breathtakingly handsome face and what she saw in his eyes made kissing him again completely unstoppable.
Up on her toes, she wound her arms around his neck and hung on through the storm raging inside her as she kissed him. No one had ever tasted like Matt. No one had ever felt so hard or so perfect against her. No one had ever consumed her. She wanted him ferociously.
Fearlessly.
Matt backed her up against the shelves. The cans wobbled, but he cupped her face and kissed her openmouthed, stealing her breath, making her knees weak. With her palms to the backs of his hands, she held him close. She didn’t hear the clatter of cans falling on the shelves or the doors banging against the wall—there was only him, his delicious scent, his roughened hands, his hard body pressed against her.
She couldn’t help herself. Didn’t even want to. Not when the only place that felt right anymore was in his arms.
She was his.
All he had to do was take her.
* * *
Matt wanted Ari so badly that he was almost beyond reason. She was so beautiful. So sweet. So perfect.
But somehow, some way he had to find the self-control to do the right thing…even if nothing had ever felt more wrong than the two of them going to separate bedrooms tonight.
It nearly killed him to step back from her. His breath was harsh and hard in his throat as she stared up at him with half-closed lids, her lips red and lush from his kiss, her skin flushed.
There was so much more to her than a typical twenty-four-year-old. She’d suffered, she’d overcome, and she’d kept her humanity.
Yet again he had to remind himself that she was not only his son’s nanny…but that he was a man who would inevitably suck all the joy out of her. Because while she had overcome her past, he still lived with all its vivid scars.
“Ari, I promised you I wouldn’t—” he began, but she shook her head to cut him off.
“I should probably go to bed now,” she said in a shaky voice.
She was right. It wasn’t safe for the two of them to sit in the family room on the couch together. Even with Noah in the room, Matt would drink her in. Want her. Need her.
God, yes, he needed her.
But he wasn’t good enough for her.
* * *
God, that kiss.
Ari put her fingers to her lips. Even after she’d made herself walk away, she still tasted him, still felt his hard body against her.
As she turned over in her dark bedroom, the covers tangled around her legs. The soft sheets caressed her skin, and she imagined his flesh on hers.
That kiss hadn’t been about comfort, or even gratitude. It was pure desire. Instinctive need. Hot emotion ready to boil over.
She knew all the arguments. He was her boss. She was Noah’s nanny. This was supposed to be business. He was paying her. She was a decade younger than he was. He couldn’t take advantage of her. She didn’t need to hear him say it all.
But after that kiss, none of it mattered. Not after the way he’d looked at her. As though he wanted to sink inside her right there against the shelves.
And as though helping her find her brother was now as important to him as it was to her. She was positive that Matt would find Gideon.
And she would help Matt find his way to her.
Chapter Fifteen
Over the next couple of weeks, Matt had to make two business trips, but he was home on the weekends. Ari took Noah to school, returned to set lunch and dinner menus with Cookie, then made up lesson plans for the afternoon.
