Fearless In Love
Page 43
“I’m sure she was one of the best,” Ari said softly.
She shifted to the next picture, this one of five soldiers in full gear. Ari picked out Karmen and Gideon immediately. Her heart stilled all over again.
“Your brother said that was his team, even if Karmen wasn’t actually under his command, and sometimes they were assigned other medics.”
God. His team—they were all gone except Gideon. One of the men looked a little older—probably the married one with children. And the other two, despite their gear, didn’t look much older than Gideon had been when he left. All of them gone.
The packet of photos trembled in Ari’s hand as she moved to the next one. The group was larger this time, maybe fifteen or so, and the backdrop was unidentifiable—the inside of a tent perhaps, she couldn’t be sure. Dressed in fatigues minus the gear and helmets, they all wore big smiles, laughing, arms thrown across each other’s shoulders. Once again, Karmen stood next to Gideon, his arm around her just as it was around the man next to him.
But he was turned slightly toward Karmen, looking down at her. Ari felt a hitch below her ribs, knowing without a doubt that Gideon had been in love with her. And when she’d died along with the rest of his team, he would have believed it was his fault.
It wasn’t true, of course. It was war.
But the woman he’d loved was still dead.
Ari gripped Matt’s hand more tightly, and when she looked into his eyes, she knew he’d seen the same thing in the picture. Thank God he was here with her and she didn’t have to do this alone.
More than ever, she needed to find her brother, to show him he wasn’t alone either.
Though Mrs. Sanchez obviously missed her daughter with all her heart, she managed to keep herself together where a lesser woman would have fallen apart. She showed them the wall of pictures along the upper hallway—Karmen as a baby, a young girl, a teenager, a prom queen, a soldier. She was obviously an only child, though in many of the photos she was surrounded by cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. There were pictures of her in dress uniform with her parents. She had her mother’s face and her father’s smile. She’d been a beautiful young woman full of promise, and she had given all that promise for her country.
“She never complained about the dust and dirt.” Mrs. Sanchez smiled, her eyes far away with memory. “She’d been such a girly-girl. Always the perfect party dress, the perfect hair, the perfect makeup. But Gideon said she was perfectly happy to be one of the guys.”
“I’m so glad he was able to share his stories with you.”
Ari barely held back tears. Only by reminding herself that she was on the same path her brother had walked, and that she might find him around the next corner, was she able to keep herself together.
When they’d finished the pot of coffee and the plate of pastries, Ari said, “Thank you—we’ve taken so much time.”
“You haven’t. You’ve helped me remember Karmen all over again. In the rush of the day, we sometimes forget to just sit and remember.”
“And you’ve helped me remember my brother.” Ari gave Mrs. Sanchez an impulsive hug.
“I hope you find him, dear. If he should ever call again, I’ll tell him how to reach you.”
“Thank you. For everything.”
After they’d said their good-byes and Matt had walked Ari down the steps to his car, she turned suddenly, went up on her toes, and threw her arms around him.
“Thank you,” she whispered against his neck as he rubbed his hands up and down her back. “He was just a boy when he left. Now I know the man he turned into.” She pulled back and looked into Matt’s eyes. “He’s out there.” Determination fueled her. “And we’re going to find him.”
“I’ll do everything in my power.” But he frowned slightly. “I’m concerned that he hasn’t called Mrs. Sanchez in two years, though.”
She understood his unease, but she couldn’t give in to it. “I was just a little girl the last time I saw my brother, but I know how deeply he would take the responsibility for his team—even when he couldn’t have saved them. If he’s gone into hiding, it’s because he hasn’t come out of the dark place he fell into when his friends died. He needs me to show him that it wasn’t his fault. That there’s someone out there who loves him unconditionally.” And she needed her brother too. “Look at Mrs. Sanchez. She’s lost so much, and yet what Gideon brought her has meaning for her to this day. I can show him that people still love him.”
“Any way I can help you, Ari, I will.”
She smiled up into Matt’s beautiful eyes. “You already have, more than you’ll ever know.”
* * *
After dinner at a local Italian restaurant, they’d just finished wishing Noah good night over the phone, when Rafe Sullivan texted again to say he’d had luck with another name on Zach Smith’s list. Ralph Esterhausen’s wife lived in Lancaster, about an hour and a half south. Ari’s stomach was jumpy with anticipation—and hope—that Mrs. Esterhausen might have heard from Gideon more recently than Karmen’s mother had.
Matt immediately called, leaving a message when no one answered. “If I don’t get a callback tonight,” he told Ari, “we’ll head down tomorrow morning and call again on the way.”
The hotel Matt found for them wasn’t a five-star Regent, but it was far better than the kind of roadside motel Ari could afford. And when he asked if she wanted separate rooms before they checked in, she answered him with a kiss that made words completely moot.
The past two days hadn’t been all sunshine and rainbows, but even the hard parts were bearable with Matt beside her. Seeing all those photographs, running her fingers over Gideon’s image, and knowing he’d called Mrs. Sanchez for years, made Ari believe more strongly than ever that they’d find him.
Just as she knew deep in her heart that Matt was so much more than a one-night stand.
His touch, his gaze—and especially his kisses—told her that she mattered to him. She loved the way he’d held her hand as they talked with Mrs. Sanchez, as if she belonged to him. As if he understood how badly she needed his solid presence beside her.
After seeing the pictures today, Ari was certain her brother had lost a woman he’d cared about deeply—and that it had devastated him. If Gideon had known how it all would end, would he have kept his heart safe? Or would he have fallen for Karmen anyway?
She shifted to the next picture, this one of five soldiers in full gear. Ari picked out Karmen and Gideon immediately. Her heart stilled all over again.
“Your brother said that was his team, even if Karmen wasn’t actually under his command, and sometimes they were assigned other medics.”
God. His team—they were all gone except Gideon. One of the men looked a little older—probably the married one with children. And the other two, despite their gear, didn’t look much older than Gideon had been when he left. All of them gone.
The packet of photos trembled in Ari’s hand as she moved to the next one. The group was larger this time, maybe fifteen or so, and the backdrop was unidentifiable—the inside of a tent perhaps, she couldn’t be sure. Dressed in fatigues minus the gear and helmets, they all wore big smiles, laughing, arms thrown across each other’s shoulders. Once again, Karmen stood next to Gideon, his arm around her just as it was around the man next to him.
But he was turned slightly toward Karmen, looking down at her. Ari felt a hitch below her ribs, knowing without a doubt that Gideon had been in love with her. And when she’d died along with the rest of his team, he would have believed it was his fault.
It wasn’t true, of course. It was war.
But the woman he’d loved was still dead.
Ari gripped Matt’s hand more tightly, and when she looked into his eyes, she knew he’d seen the same thing in the picture. Thank God he was here with her and she didn’t have to do this alone.
More than ever, she needed to find her brother, to show him he wasn’t alone either.
Though Mrs. Sanchez obviously missed her daughter with all her heart, she managed to keep herself together where a lesser woman would have fallen apart. She showed them the wall of pictures along the upper hallway—Karmen as a baby, a young girl, a teenager, a prom queen, a soldier. She was obviously an only child, though in many of the photos she was surrounded by cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. There were pictures of her in dress uniform with her parents. She had her mother’s face and her father’s smile. She’d been a beautiful young woman full of promise, and she had given all that promise for her country.
“She never complained about the dust and dirt.” Mrs. Sanchez smiled, her eyes far away with memory. “She’d been such a girly-girl. Always the perfect party dress, the perfect hair, the perfect makeup. But Gideon said she was perfectly happy to be one of the guys.”
“I’m so glad he was able to share his stories with you.”
Ari barely held back tears. Only by reminding herself that she was on the same path her brother had walked, and that she might find him around the next corner, was she able to keep herself together.
When they’d finished the pot of coffee and the plate of pastries, Ari said, “Thank you—we’ve taken so much time.”
“You haven’t. You’ve helped me remember Karmen all over again. In the rush of the day, we sometimes forget to just sit and remember.”
“And you’ve helped me remember my brother.” Ari gave Mrs. Sanchez an impulsive hug.
“I hope you find him, dear. If he should ever call again, I’ll tell him how to reach you.”
“Thank you. For everything.”
After they’d said their good-byes and Matt had walked Ari down the steps to his car, she turned suddenly, went up on her toes, and threw her arms around him.
“Thank you,” she whispered against his neck as he rubbed his hands up and down her back. “He was just a boy when he left. Now I know the man he turned into.” She pulled back and looked into Matt’s eyes. “He’s out there.” Determination fueled her. “And we’re going to find him.”
“I’ll do everything in my power.” But he frowned slightly. “I’m concerned that he hasn’t called Mrs. Sanchez in two years, though.”
She understood his unease, but she couldn’t give in to it. “I was just a little girl the last time I saw my brother, but I know how deeply he would take the responsibility for his team—even when he couldn’t have saved them. If he’s gone into hiding, it’s because he hasn’t come out of the dark place he fell into when his friends died. He needs me to show him that it wasn’t his fault. That there’s someone out there who loves him unconditionally.” And she needed her brother too. “Look at Mrs. Sanchez. She’s lost so much, and yet what Gideon brought her has meaning for her to this day. I can show him that people still love him.”
“Any way I can help you, Ari, I will.”
She smiled up into Matt’s beautiful eyes. “You already have, more than you’ll ever know.”
* * *
After dinner at a local Italian restaurant, they’d just finished wishing Noah good night over the phone, when Rafe Sullivan texted again to say he’d had luck with another name on Zach Smith’s list. Ralph Esterhausen’s wife lived in Lancaster, about an hour and a half south. Ari’s stomach was jumpy with anticipation—and hope—that Mrs. Esterhausen might have heard from Gideon more recently than Karmen’s mother had.
Matt immediately called, leaving a message when no one answered. “If I don’t get a callback tonight,” he told Ari, “we’ll head down tomorrow morning and call again on the way.”
The hotel Matt found for them wasn’t a five-star Regent, but it was far better than the kind of roadside motel Ari could afford. And when he asked if she wanted separate rooms before they checked in, she answered him with a kiss that made words completely moot.
The past two days hadn’t been all sunshine and rainbows, but even the hard parts were bearable with Matt beside her. Seeing all those photographs, running her fingers over Gideon’s image, and knowing he’d called Mrs. Sanchez for years, made Ari believe more strongly than ever that they’d find him.
Just as she knew deep in her heart that Matt was so much more than a one-night stand.
His touch, his gaze—and especially his kisses—told her that she mattered to him. She loved the way he’d held her hand as they talked with Mrs. Sanchez, as if she belonged to him. As if he understood how badly she needed his solid presence beside her.
After seeing the pictures today, Ari was certain her brother had lost a woman he’d cared about deeply—and that it had devastated him. If Gideon had known how it all would end, would he have kept his heart safe? Or would he have fallen for Karmen anyway?
