Fearless In Love
Page 66
“I did remake myself. With the help of my friends, and Susan and Bob.”
He wanted to press his mouth to hers and know that everything would be okay from this moment forward. But he still hadn’t explained why he’d caged Noah in with his own fears.
“The only thing I’ve ever wanted to do is protect Noah. I never wanted him bullied or hurt. I never wanted to be like my dad.”
Ari threw herself at him then, wrapping her arms around him, her warm breath at his ear. “You could never be like that.”
He held her tightly, closed his eyes, and breathed her in for a few perfect moments before he made himself draw back enough to face her. “I’ve never done that to Noah, but I went off on you today. My words hurt you. Words I didn’t mean, Ari. I wish I could take them back.”
“I know you were frightened for Noah.” Forgiveness shone in her pretty eyes. “It must have been like the day you fell off your bike. Maybe it even reminded you about what happened to Jeremy. You know that horrible things can happen, and you lashed out.”
He slipped both hands beneath the fall of her hair. “I never want to lash out at the people I love. Not you. Not Noah. Not any of the Mavericks. Can’t you see how wrong that is? How much like my father it is?”
She laid her hands over his. “I see a man who was pushed. You made a mistake. The same way I made a mistake. Can you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” he whispered. “I’m the one who needs your forgiveness, Ari.”
“You have it, Matt.”
He didn’t think, didn’t so much as pause before laying it out straight for her. “I love you. With all my heart.”
Her answering smile was a beautiful thing, brighter than the most perfect sunrise, and so warm that the last patches of ice his parents had filled him with finally melted away.
“I love you too,” she whispered.
“Remember that first night at dinner,” he said, “when you showed me how Noah stood up for himself against that little bully’s mom? I didn’t see how right you were until now. He’s stronger than I’d ever imagined.” He ran his finger over her lips, wanting to kiss her so badly. “Keep teaching me how to let Noah fly, Ari.”
“There’s nothing I want to do more.”
“Even if I climb the walls when he wants to do something truly crazy and terrifying, like getting his driver’s permit when he’s a teenager.” For so long he’d carried on alone, but he saw them together years from now, still unable to keep their hands off each other—still supporting each other through thick and thin.
“Even then,” she said with a smile. “It might not always be easy for you to listen to my opinions or take my suggestions. And sometimes I might be tempted to throttle your ex. But I want Noah and Irene to have the strongest relationship that she’s capable of.”
His ex was the only dark spot left. “I’ve always hated the pain Irene causes Noah when she leaves him.” He looked deeply inside himself. “I think I hated her too, because she was like my mother.” He’d wanted Irene to be everything to Noah that his own mother had never been for him. But Irene had no interest whatsoever in taking on that role.
“I believe she truly does love him, but she forgets she’s a mother when she’s out having fun.” Ari’s voice dipped low. “I also have a feeling Noah reacts to your unfulfilled expectations of her—and your anger—as much as he does to Irene herself. You’ll never be able to change her, but I wonder if you could help Noah value the love she is able to give him, even if it’s not everything you expect from her.”
Ari was so wise. Just like Susan. Hadn’t they both said virtually the same thing to him? His ex would never be a stable influence in Noah’s life. But Ari could give Noah everything his mother couldn’t. And he could shift his thinking enough to say, “She’s usually up for short conversations over Skype.”
“Thank you for proving that you’re willing to change.” Ari put her arms around his neck. “And thank you for coming to win me back. Just knowing that you love me, that I matter to you, makes me feel like I really am in a fairy tale.”
“I’m the one living the fairy tale. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. And the best thing that ever happened to Noah. He wants you back as much as I do. Everyone does.”
“Everyone?”
“At the barbecue, they were all over me to face what I’d done. They challenged me to be brave enough to go after you.”
“They did?” Her lips trembled as if she wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. And judging by the heat in her eyes, she wanted to kiss him senseless too.
“They’re all in your corner, Ari. They were pissed as hell I let you get away.” He kissed her, sweet, hot, and fast. “I can’t live without you. Noah can’t live without you either. Be his mother. Be my partner in all the decisions we make for him. Be my lover.” He stroked a finger down her cheek, then dropped to one knee and asked her the most important question of all. “Please, Ari, will you be my wife?”
Chapter Thirty-One
Ari felt as if her heart would burst as she gazed down at the beautiful man on one knee before her. Her beautiful man. The things his parents had done to him would have ruined a lesser man, but Matt had grown into a remarkable human being and an incredible father.
“I want to be your wife, Matt. I want to be part of your family.” She pulled him back up to his feet and kissed him with all the love in her heart before adding, “I want to be a mother to Noah, a mother to all our babies.”
It had been her ultimate dream. And now, her amazing new reality.
“I started falling for you that first day you let me play with Noah in the backyard of the youth home.” She laughed, admitting the truth from the warmth of his arms around her. “I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when you approached me at Charlie’s grand opening just to ask me to be his nanny.”
Matt chuckled with her, and she loved knowing he finally felt safe enough to let go of his fears and truly relax.
“I thought I had to fight my feelings for Noah’s sake. I didn’t want him to think you were going to be around forever when I expected that you’d eventually leave us. And I didn’t want either of us to be crushed the way we’ve always been with Irene.” He framed her face in his hands. “The real truth is that I never wanted to disappoint you. I wanted to step up, give you everything you need, find your brother, take care of you. But I let you down the way I’ve always been afraid I would.”
He wanted to press his mouth to hers and know that everything would be okay from this moment forward. But he still hadn’t explained why he’d caged Noah in with his own fears.
“The only thing I’ve ever wanted to do is protect Noah. I never wanted him bullied or hurt. I never wanted to be like my dad.”
Ari threw herself at him then, wrapping her arms around him, her warm breath at his ear. “You could never be like that.”
He held her tightly, closed his eyes, and breathed her in for a few perfect moments before he made himself draw back enough to face her. “I’ve never done that to Noah, but I went off on you today. My words hurt you. Words I didn’t mean, Ari. I wish I could take them back.”
“I know you were frightened for Noah.” Forgiveness shone in her pretty eyes. “It must have been like the day you fell off your bike. Maybe it even reminded you about what happened to Jeremy. You know that horrible things can happen, and you lashed out.”
He slipped both hands beneath the fall of her hair. “I never want to lash out at the people I love. Not you. Not Noah. Not any of the Mavericks. Can’t you see how wrong that is? How much like my father it is?”
She laid her hands over his. “I see a man who was pushed. You made a mistake. The same way I made a mistake. Can you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” he whispered. “I’m the one who needs your forgiveness, Ari.”
“You have it, Matt.”
He didn’t think, didn’t so much as pause before laying it out straight for her. “I love you. With all my heart.”
Her answering smile was a beautiful thing, brighter than the most perfect sunrise, and so warm that the last patches of ice his parents had filled him with finally melted away.
“I love you too,” she whispered.
“Remember that first night at dinner,” he said, “when you showed me how Noah stood up for himself against that little bully’s mom? I didn’t see how right you were until now. He’s stronger than I’d ever imagined.” He ran his finger over her lips, wanting to kiss her so badly. “Keep teaching me how to let Noah fly, Ari.”
“There’s nothing I want to do more.”
“Even if I climb the walls when he wants to do something truly crazy and terrifying, like getting his driver’s permit when he’s a teenager.” For so long he’d carried on alone, but he saw them together years from now, still unable to keep their hands off each other—still supporting each other through thick and thin.
“Even then,” she said with a smile. “It might not always be easy for you to listen to my opinions or take my suggestions. And sometimes I might be tempted to throttle your ex. But I want Noah and Irene to have the strongest relationship that she’s capable of.”
His ex was the only dark spot left. “I’ve always hated the pain Irene causes Noah when she leaves him.” He looked deeply inside himself. “I think I hated her too, because she was like my mother.” He’d wanted Irene to be everything to Noah that his own mother had never been for him. But Irene had no interest whatsoever in taking on that role.
“I believe she truly does love him, but she forgets she’s a mother when she’s out having fun.” Ari’s voice dipped low. “I also have a feeling Noah reacts to your unfulfilled expectations of her—and your anger—as much as he does to Irene herself. You’ll never be able to change her, but I wonder if you could help Noah value the love she is able to give him, even if it’s not everything you expect from her.”
Ari was so wise. Just like Susan. Hadn’t they both said virtually the same thing to him? His ex would never be a stable influence in Noah’s life. But Ari could give Noah everything his mother couldn’t. And he could shift his thinking enough to say, “She’s usually up for short conversations over Skype.”
“Thank you for proving that you’re willing to change.” Ari put her arms around his neck. “And thank you for coming to win me back. Just knowing that you love me, that I matter to you, makes me feel like I really am in a fairy tale.”
“I’m the one living the fairy tale. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. And the best thing that ever happened to Noah. He wants you back as much as I do. Everyone does.”
“Everyone?”
“At the barbecue, they were all over me to face what I’d done. They challenged me to be brave enough to go after you.”
“They did?” Her lips trembled as if she wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. And judging by the heat in her eyes, she wanted to kiss him senseless too.
“They’re all in your corner, Ari. They were pissed as hell I let you get away.” He kissed her, sweet, hot, and fast. “I can’t live without you. Noah can’t live without you either. Be his mother. Be my partner in all the decisions we make for him. Be my lover.” He stroked a finger down her cheek, then dropped to one knee and asked her the most important question of all. “Please, Ari, will you be my wife?”
Chapter Thirty-One
Ari felt as if her heart would burst as she gazed down at the beautiful man on one knee before her. Her beautiful man. The things his parents had done to him would have ruined a lesser man, but Matt had grown into a remarkable human being and an incredible father.
“I want to be your wife, Matt. I want to be part of your family.” She pulled him back up to his feet and kissed him with all the love in her heart before adding, “I want to be a mother to Noah, a mother to all our babies.”
It had been her ultimate dream. And now, her amazing new reality.
“I started falling for you that first day you let me play with Noah in the backyard of the youth home.” She laughed, admitting the truth from the warmth of his arms around her. “I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when you approached me at Charlie’s grand opening just to ask me to be his nanny.”
Matt chuckled with her, and she loved knowing he finally felt safe enough to let go of his fears and truly relax.
“I thought I had to fight my feelings for Noah’s sake. I didn’t want him to think you were going to be around forever when I expected that you’d eventually leave us. And I didn’t want either of us to be crushed the way we’ve always been with Irene.” He framed her face in his hands. “The real truth is that I never wanted to disappoint you. I wanted to step up, give you everything you need, find your brother, take care of you. But I let you down the way I’ve always been afraid I would.”
