Fighting Attraction
Page 79
24
Sadist in pain
PENNY “Don’t say anything.” I walk past Ray and pour my coffee, angling my body so he doesn’t see the bruises around my wrists. Although I’m wearing long sleeves, and I’ve tried to cover them with makeup, I’m not foolish enough to think Ray’s sharp eyes will give them a miss. I’ve also worn a longer skirt than usual today. Even I was a bit shocked at the bruises and welts on my inner thighs.
“That’s like asking me not to breathe.” He follows me into my office and slams the door.
With a sigh, I turn to face him, fortifying myself with liquid caffeine. Next time I’ll tell Jack to keep the bruising to where people can’t see—especially Ray.
“Motherfu—”
“Calm down.” I hold up my free hand. “Not that it is any of your business, but it was consensual. I’m good.”
His hands clench into fists. “Have you forgotten about Vetch Retch? You know how easy it is to fall into the cycle. It starts with one fucking blow. He apologizes. You forgive him, and he does it again. There’s something about you that attracts that kind of guy. You’ve been there. I don’t want to see you there again.”
I sip my coffee, considering. I’ve never tied it all together, but Ray is right. First my dad, then Adam, and then Vetch. But it’s not that I attract abusive men. Instead, I tolerated the abuse because I never felt I deserved better. But I’m not the same woman anymore. I have discovered other ways of dealing with my pain. I am strong, not weak; courageous, not a coward; cared for, not alone. I have found someone who accepts me, who takes what I give and returns it ten times over. And his kinky side just makes me feel free to express my kinky side, too.
“You won’t see me there again. I’m different now, Ray. I’m going to leave the past in the past and move into the future.”
“The past has a way of coming back to haunt you. Trust me. I know.”
“Don’t go there, and if you say anything to Jack or if you hurt him in any way, I will make your life a living hell, starting with the coffee and finishing with beating your sorry ass around Redemption.”
Ray’s lips twitch at the corners, and he pulls the door open. “Might be worth picking that fight to see you try.” And then his face softens. “You know I’m here for you, Pen. No matter what. Don’t feel like you can’t tell me if something’s going wrong. I’m your safety net.”
His words make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. “Thanks, Ray. That means a lot to me.”
“Good morning,” Amanda calls out from reception.
I follow Ray out of the office and feel a stab of jealousy when I see Amanda in a charcoal-gray suit and a cream blouse that have been perfectly tailored to her figure. When I got my acceptance letter to law school, the first thing I did was run out and buy a suit almost exactly the same. I never got a chance to wear it, and it’s been hanging in my closet for all these years with the tags still on.
We exchange good mornings and Ray jerks his chin to her door. “I got that information you asked me to get. You want to talk in your office?”
“You can talk in front of Penny,” Amanda says. “I’m not hiding anything from her.”
Ray twists his lips to the side, considering. “So you asked me to find out if that bastard set up cameras at Club Sin. The answer is, yeah, he did.”
My heart sinks into my stomach. Oh God. Jack.
“He was using old technology. No streaming. He had a digital recorder on site instead. But sometimes old technology doesn’t work so well. Wires fray. Cameras disappear. Digital files get erased…”
I steel myself not to react. We’ve been through this before. When someone beat Vetch Retch almost to death, Ray somehow knew about it before anyone else. But when I asked directly if he was involved, he just shrugged and looked away. Even Sia doesn’t know all the roads Ray travels.
They share a look, and Amanda nods. “I hope it failed in time.”
So do I.
We spend the rest of the day changing out the office stationery and briefing our web designer about the new branding. We put up new signs and flip through catalogs looking for some art pieces that reflect Amanda’s style. At closing time, after the rest of the staff have gone, Jake stops by to check out the new look and asks if I would be interested in helping a few of his Redemption friends rebrand their small businesses, too.
“You should charge for your work,” Ray says from the couch that Amanda now wants to replace.
“The whole ‘you should charge for something you love to do for fun’ thing is getting old.”
He grunts from behind his newspaper. “Just sayin’.”
Our front doorbell tinkles. A cold breeze gusts through the room. The office shakes when the door slams and Jack stalks into the reception area, his handsome face a mask of furious anger.
“What the fuck?” he shouts, filling the room with his rage.
My skin prickles, and I take a step back. Ray puts down his paper and slowly, carefully stands, positioning his body in front of me. Jake puts out one arm, pushing Amanda behind him.
“What’s up?” Ray’s voice is calm and even.
“Did you see the fucking news?” Jack pulls out his phone and punches his finger over the screen, holding it up for Ray to see.
Ray takes the phone, and his back stiffens. He shows it to Amanda and then to me.
My stomach sinks. Right under the headline “MMA Star Outed as Sadist” is a picture of Jack. We were too late. Gerry made good on his threat.
“We thought it was a joke,” Jack snaps. “He called me up last week and threatened to publish a picture. Damien and I went over the entire building and couldn’t find the cameras, so when he called Damien and threatened to go to the papers if he didn’t vacate the premises in twenty-four hours, Damien told him to fuck the hell off.”
Sadist in pain
PENNY “Don’t say anything.” I walk past Ray and pour my coffee, angling my body so he doesn’t see the bruises around my wrists. Although I’m wearing long sleeves, and I’ve tried to cover them with makeup, I’m not foolish enough to think Ray’s sharp eyes will give them a miss. I’ve also worn a longer skirt than usual today. Even I was a bit shocked at the bruises and welts on my inner thighs.
“That’s like asking me not to breathe.” He follows me into my office and slams the door.
With a sigh, I turn to face him, fortifying myself with liquid caffeine. Next time I’ll tell Jack to keep the bruising to where people can’t see—especially Ray.
“Motherfu—”
“Calm down.” I hold up my free hand. “Not that it is any of your business, but it was consensual. I’m good.”
His hands clench into fists. “Have you forgotten about Vetch Retch? You know how easy it is to fall into the cycle. It starts with one fucking blow. He apologizes. You forgive him, and he does it again. There’s something about you that attracts that kind of guy. You’ve been there. I don’t want to see you there again.”
I sip my coffee, considering. I’ve never tied it all together, but Ray is right. First my dad, then Adam, and then Vetch. But it’s not that I attract abusive men. Instead, I tolerated the abuse because I never felt I deserved better. But I’m not the same woman anymore. I have discovered other ways of dealing with my pain. I am strong, not weak; courageous, not a coward; cared for, not alone. I have found someone who accepts me, who takes what I give and returns it ten times over. And his kinky side just makes me feel free to express my kinky side, too.
“You won’t see me there again. I’m different now, Ray. I’m going to leave the past in the past and move into the future.”
“The past has a way of coming back to haunt you. Trust me. I know.”
“Don’t go there, and if you say anything to Jack or if you hurt him in any way, I will make your life a living hell, starting with the coffee and finishing with beating your sorry ass around Redemption.”
Ray’s lips twitch at the corners, and he pulls the door open. “Might be worth picking that fight to see you try.” And then his face softens. “You know I’m here for you, Pen. No matter what. Don’t feel like you can’t tell me if something’s going wrong. I’m your safety net.”
His words make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. “Thanks, Ray. That means a lot to me.”
“Good morning,” Amanda calls out from reception.
I follow Ray out of the office and feel a stab of jealousy when I see Amanda in a charcoal-gray suit and a cream blouse that have been perfectly tailored to her figure. When I got my acceptance letter to law school, the first thing I did was run out and buy a suit almost exactly the same. I never got a chance to wear it, and it’s been hanging in my closet for all these years with the tags still on.
We exchange good mornings and Ray jerks his chin to her door. “I got that information you asked me to get. You want to talk in your office?”
“You can talk in front of Penny,” Amanda says. “I’m not hiding anything from her.”
Ray twists his lips to the side, considering. “So you asked me to find out if that bastard set up cameras at Club Sin. The answer is, yeah, he did.”
My heart sinks into my stomach. Oh God. Jack.
“He was using old technology. No streaming. He had a digital recorder on site instead. But sometimes old technology doesn’t work so well. Wires fray. Cameras disappear. Digital files get erased…”
I steel myself not to react. We’ve been through this before. When someone beat Vetch Retch almost to death, Ray somehow knew about it before anyone else. But when I asked directly if he was involved, he just shrugged and looked away. Even Sia doesn’t know all the roads Ray travels.
They share a look, and Amanda nods. “I hope it failed in time.”
So do I.
We spend the rest of the day changing out the office stationery and briefing our web designer about the new branding. We put up new signs and flip through catalogs looking for some art pieces that reflect Amanda’s style. At closing time, after the rest of the staff have gone, Jake stops by to check out the new look and asks if I would be interested in helping a few of his Redemption friends rebrand their small businesses, too.
“You should charge for your work,” Ray says from the couch that Amanda now wants to replace.
“The whole ‘you should charge for something you love to do for fun’ thing is getting old.”
He grunts from behind his newspaper. “Just sayin’.”
Our front doorbell tinkles. A cold breeze gusts through the room. The office shakes when the door slams and Jack stalks into the reception area, his handsome face a mask of furious anger.
“What the fuck?” he shouts, filling the room with his rage.
My skin prickles, and I take a step back. Ray puts down his paper and slowly, carefully stands, positioning his body in front of me. Jake puts out one arm, pushing Amanda behind him.
“What’s up?” Ray’s voice is calm and even.
“Did you see the fucking news?” Jack pulls out his phone and punches his finger over the screen, holding it up for Ray to see.
Ray takes the phone, and his back stiffens. He shows it to Amanda and then to me.
My stomach sinks. Right under the headline “MMA Star Outed as Sadist” is a picture of Jack. We were too late. Gerry made good on his threat.
“We thought it was a joke,” Jack snaps. “He called me up last week and threatened to publish a picture. Damien and I went over the entire building and couldn’t find the cameras, so when he called Damien and threatened to go to the papers if he didn’t vacate the premises in twenty-four hours, Damien told him to fuck the hell off.”
