Fighting to Be Free
Page 132
I knew I needed to leave. I fiddled with the keys and pulled his one off of the ring, setting it on top of the note. I turned and was just about to walk out, when I decided that I could probably cross the line a little more. So before I left, I grabbed his hoodie from the bed and walked out as I slipped it on, zipping it up tightly around me. Maybe his smell would help me get through the next couple of hours without me losing my mind. As I closed his front door behind me I whimpered when I realised that the last time I’d walked out of his apartment, I had the perfect future all lined up. Last time I walked away from this place I’d been so happy that I’d practically skipped to my car, all because of him. Now though my shoulders were slumped, my heart hurt and I actually felt a little dead inside. As I forced myself to walk away from his apartment, I sent up a little prayer that he’d come home in time to see my note and would decide to give me another shot.
….........................................
The hoodie didn’t help much. I still felt empty inside, tears were just making my eyes prickle the whole time I waited and spent the last of the time with my family. Stacey came over too, she was crying all over me which didn’t help my jangled nerves in the slightest. I still hadn’t told anyone which was a feat in itself. The truth was bursting to come out of me, I wanted to confide in Stacey and have her tell me it was okay, but I couldn’t do that because I was still waiting to hear from Jamie.
My cellphone went off a couple of times, each time my heart would leap into my throat as I immediately thought it was him, only to be disappointed when it was friends calling or texting to wish me a good time.
When it was finally time to leave and the cab driver had loaded all of my cases into the trunk, I stood on my front lawn bidding a teary farewell to my family and Stacey. I’d told them that something had come up with Jamie’s family and that he was meeting me at the airport instead of picking me up. Again they bought the lie - they obviously had no reason to doubt me or him. As we hugged, my mom lost her battle against the dust that was in her eye, and all out sobbed, begging me to write often and call. I swallowed, trying to remain in control, trying not to think about the fact that if Jamie didn’t turn up at the airport I’d be hailing a cab home again in a couple of hours. My goodbyes were shadowed with grief as in the back of my mind all I could think about was him and the last words he’d said to me on the phone.
After I’d hugged everyone a billion times and made watery promises to call as soon as we landed, I finally got to climb into the solitude of the cab. As the driver sped us away from the house I didn’t look back, instead I pulled out the tickets that I had in my hand luggage and looked at the names that were printed on them. I smiled weakly at Jamie’s one silently praying that we got our happy ending.
“So where you off to?” the driver asked.
I looked up to see he was smiling at me politely in the rear-view mirror. “Um…. All over really.
Rome first, but my boyfriend and I are planning on backpacking around for a bit,” I replied. I noticed how my voice trembled on the word boyfriend and I prayed he didn’t notice.
He raised one eyebrow and nodded. “Sounds great. I went to Rome once….” I tuned out as he started telling me about all the sights that I needed to see when we got there. I nodded along, pretending to listen as he drove. Thankfully he was one of those cabbies that rambled on and on with no real interaction needed from me, so I’d gotten away with not really listening to him.
When we pulled up outside the airport I dug in my purse and paid the fare before pushing open the door and stepping out. Dread washed over me as I looked at the bustle of the busy airport. People were walking in and out in a constant stream but I couldn’t really see their faces as I looked.
Nothing seemed to matter to me apart from the fact that none of them were Jamie. Something bumped my leg so I snapped out of my daydream and looked around to see that the cab driver had got me a cart and had already loaded my luggage on for me.
I smiled gratefully as a wave of loneliness washed over me. I’d never been to this kind of place alone before, I had no idea where to go or what I had to do. “Thanks.”
He nodded. “No problem. Have a great time, and remember what I said about the Colosseum,” he called as he headed back around to his side of the cab. I nodded in agreement but actually had no idea what he’d said about it at all.
After standing on the curb for a couple of seconds plucking up the courage, I lifted my chin, gripped the handles and pushed the luggage cart into the airport. Jamie would turn up, I knew he would. He was an incredible person and he’d give me a second shot, I was sure of it.
As I walked in I was a little taken aback by the shear vastness of the airport. The place was huge and I had no idea how Jamie would even find me when he did come in. I decided to stay fairly close to the entrance just in case. I manoeuvred myself over to the side, taking a seat on one of the hard metal chairs, discreetly checking the monitors to see that our flight was still on time and that we had to check in at gate C. My eyes scanned everywhere. Every time I saw a guy walk past that had brown hair my heart took off in overdrive, only to be disappointed over and over again. I chewed on my lip as a middle-aged couple sat down in the empty seats next to me; both of them were grinning and laughing, obviously happy to be going on vacation. Their happy smiled made me die a little inside while I was waiting there for a guy who might not even turn up.
I could imagine the look on my parents faces when I turned up home again today, I could practically hear the sympathetic words of support that would mean nothing because of the heartbreak I’d be feeling.
….........................................
The hoodie didn’t help much. I still felt empty inside, tears were just making my eyes prickle the whole time I waited and spent the last of the time with my family. Stacey came over too, she was crying all over me which didn’t help my jangled nerves in the slightest. I still hadn’t told anyone which was a feat in itself. The truth was bursting to come out of me, I wanted to confide in Stacey and have her tell me it was okay, but I couldn’t do that because I was still waiting to hear from Jamie.
My cellphone went off a couple of times, each time my heart would leap into my throat as I immediately thought it was him, only to be disappointed when it was friends calling or texting to wish me a good time.
When it was finally time to leave and the cab driver had loaded all of my cases into the trunk, I stood on my front lawn bidding a teary farewell to my family and Stacey. I’d told them that something had come up with Jamie’s family and that he was meeting me at the airport instead of picking me up. Again they bought the lie - they obviously had no reason to doubt me or him. As we hugged, my mom lost her battle against the dust that was in her eye, and all out sobbed, begging me to write often and call. I swallowed, trying to remain in control, trying not to think about the fact that if Jamie didn’t turn up at the airport I’d be hailing a cab home again in a couple of hours. My goodbyes were shadowed with grief as in the back of my mind all I could think about was him and the last words he’d said to me on the phone.
After I’d hugged everyone a billion times and made watery promises to call as soon as we landed, I finally got to climb into the solitude of the cab. As the driver sped us away from the house I didn’t look back, instead I pulled out the tickets that I had in my hand luggage and looked at the names that were printed on them. I smiled weakly at Jamie’s one silently praying that we got our happy ending.
“So where you off to?” the driver asked.
I looked up to see he was smiling at me politely in the rear-view mirror. “Um…. All over really.
Rome first, but my boyfriend and I are planning on backpacking around for a bit,” I replied. I noticed how my voice trembled on the word boyfriend and I prayed he didn’t notice.
He raised one eyebrow and nodded. “Sounds great. I went to Rome once….” I tuned out as he started telling me about all the sights that I needed to see when we got there. I nodded along, pretending to listen as he drove. Thankfully he was one of those cabbies that rambled on and on with no real interaction needed from me, so I’d gotten away with not really listening to him.
When we pulled up outside the airport I dug in my purse and paid the fare before pushing open the door and stepping out. Dread washed over me as I looked at the bustle of the busy airport. People were walking in and out in a constant stream but I couldn’t really see their faces as I looked.
Nothing seemed to matter to me apart from the fact that none of them were Jamie. Something bumped my leg so I snapped out of my daydream and looked around to see that the cab driver had got me a cart and had already loaded my luggage on for me.
I smiled gratefully as a wave of loneliness washed over me. I’d never been to this kind of place alone before, I had no idea where to go or what I had to do. “Thanks.”
He nodded. “No problem. Have a great time, and remember what I said about the Colosseum,” he called as he headed back around to his side of the cab. I nodded in agreement but actually had no idea what he’d said about it at all.
After standing on the curb for a couple of seconds plucking up the courage, I lifted my chin, gripped the handles and pushed the luggage cart into the airport. Jamie would turn up, I knew he would. He was an incredible person and he’d give me a second shot, I was sure of it.
As I walked in I was a little taken aback by the shear vastness of the airport. The place was huge and I had no idea how Jamie would even find me when he did come in. I decided to stay fairly close to the entrance just in case. I manoeuvred myself over to the side, taking a seat on one of the hard metal chairs, discreetly checking the monitors to see that our flight was still on time and that we had to check in at gate C. My eyes scanned everywhere. Every time I saw a guy walk past that had brown hair my heart took off in overdrive, only to be disappointed over and over again. I chewed on my lip as a middle-aged couple sat down in the empty seats next to me; both of them were grinning and laughing, obviously happy to be going on vacation. Their happy smiled made me die a little inside while I was waiting there for a guy who might not even turn up.
I could imagine the look on my parents faces when I turned up home again today, I could practically hear the sympathetic words of support that would mean nothing because of the heartbreak I’d be feeling.
