Figure of Speech
Page 62
“Save the tigers and all that shit.” Artemis stood and stretched. “Anyway, we spoke to Carl, and he’s hella confused.”
“Like, totally,” Apollonia added.
“Who are they again?” Jim stared at the two people making themselves at home in his living room. Hell, Artemis was scratching his balls while his sister stretched out on his sofa and yawned, apparently ready to take a nap.
“They’re the Smiths. They’re also the best at what they do. Unfortunately.”
“Sleeping?”
“Hey, kitties sleep seventy percent…” Artemis blinked and looked at his sister. “That’s right, right? Seventy percent?”
“I think so,” Apollonia slurred. “Mm, I like this sofa.”
“Yeah? Let me try it.” Artemis shoved his sister off the sofa with one strong push, then flopped into her spot face first. “Oh, yeah, baby. Daddy likey.”
Apollonia glared at her brother before turning to glare at Jim. “You need a fireplace. And a rug.”
“A furry one,” Artemis added.
“Fake furry one.” Apollonia scowled harder at her brother, who seemingly ignored it.
“Can you two focus for two seconds?” Barney sounded frustrated as hell. “You said you spoke to Carl?”
Apollonia rolled her eyes and stood. “Yeah. And you’re no fun, Mr. Barnwell.”
“No fun,” Artemis intoned, his voice muffled by the fact that his face still in the sofa cushions.
“And you’re twenty-seven going on five.” Barney gestured for the two to get up. “Can you please take your meds and tell me what I need to know?”
“We left them at home,” Artemis sighed.
“Our meds, he means.” Apollonia sat on her brother.
“Yeah, those.” Artemis reached behind him and swatted his sister. “Get off me, heifer.”
“Are you calling me fat?” Apollonia swatted him back.
“Yes.”
“Children!” Barney walked over and grabbed each of them by an ear, yanking them off Jim’s sofa. “I swear, if you don’t start listening I’m going to ground you both.”
“Oww,” Apollonia whined.
Artemis rubbed his ear. “You’re mean.”
“Yeah, mean.” Apollonia stuck her tongue out at Barney.
“Who the fuck are you?” Jim roared, his vision changing as his Wolf surged to the fore.
“Artemis.” The male waved his hand, seemingly unconcerned that Jim had started to sprout fur from his arms.
“Apollonia.” The female ran her fingers through her hair and looked him up and down. “You’re cute.”
“And mated. Happily, I might add.” Barney smacked Apollonia upside the head, earning a halfhearted feline snarl. “This one is a Hunter, and her annoying brother is…annoying.”
Artemis grinned cheekily. “Aw, shucks. I knew you liked us.”
Barney shot a droll look at Artemis. “No. I don’t.”
“So…you two are here to help us with our problem?” Jim couldn’t see how, unless they decided to sleep it into submission.
“Sure, let’s go with that.” Artemis yawned again. “I’m hungry.”
“Me too.” Apollonia draped herself across the back of the sofa. “Not it.”
Artemis rolled his eyes. “Ugh. I hate cooking.”
“You hate working.” Barney shoved Apollonia off the back of the sofa. She landed on the floor with a rattling thump. “Tell me what Carl said.”
Artemis tilted his head. “Oh God, not you two?”
“I can believe that.” Jim shook his head. “Seriously, my mate is in danger and we don’t know why. Can you help us?”
The brother and sister stared at one another before Apollonia shrugged. “Sure.”
“It’s not like I have anything better to do.” Artemis stared at Jim. “Do you have donuts?”
“We’re still hungry.”
“And I really hate cooking.”
“Jim?” Chloe’s soft voice broke through the disbelief over the nonsense of the brother-sister pair. He glanced toward the stairway and saw Chloe descending, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She’d probably heard the voices of the others, because even though she hadn’t brushed her hair she’d put on pajamas. “Who’s here?”
The reaction of the brother and sister were immediate, and violent. Jim found himself shoved toward the door by the female, while the male, in a startling display of agility and speed, hurtled over the sofa and landed at the base of the stairway. He growled menacingly at Chloe for a second or two before he tilted his head. “You’re a Fox.”
Chloe, who’d stumbled at the sight of the strangers in her home, threatening her, slowly regained her feet. “Yes, I am.”
“The white Fox.” Artemis relaxed, going back to the sleepy man Jim had first met. “That’s cool.” He sauntered over to the sofa, climbed lazily over the back and slumped in his seat. “I think I want nachos.”
Chloe blinked. “Jim?”
He held out his hand, and she darted to his side. She looked far more awake now. “Chloe, this is Artemis and Apollonia Smith.” He gestured toward the female who was now sitting on the floor at his feet. “She’s a Hunter, believe it or not.”
“Yup.” Apollonia tilted her head backward and gave Chloe a lazy smile. “I’m, like, totally bad-ass.”
“She is,” Artemis added, putting his feet up on Jim’s coffee table.
“Nice digs, by the way.” Apollonia stretched. “Where’s my room?”
“Oh, good question,” Artemis crooned admiringly.
“I thought so.” Apollonia sounded smug.
“Oh hell no.” Jim crossed his arms over his chest. “No fucking way are you two staying here.”
“Aw, don’t be a meanie-head, Jimmy.” Apollonia pouted at him.
“Someone has to stay here and protect you two.” Artemis looked smug. “That would be us.”
“Like I said. Hell. No.” Jim glared at the annoying duo before shooting Barney a dirty look. “You did this. Fix it.”
“We’ve got someone moving in with them who can protect them. Your annoying asses are off to a motel.” When they both began whining, Barney barked, the sound very much Grizzly rather than human.
“Like, totally,” Apollonia added.
“Who are they again?” Jim stared at the two people making themselves at home in his living room. Hell, Artemis was scratching his balls while his sister stretched out on his sofa and yawned, apparently ready to take a nap.
“They’re the Smiths. They’re also the best at what they do. Unfortunately.”
“Sleeping?”
“Hey, kitties sleep seventy percent…” Artemis blinked and looked at his sister. “That’s right, right? Seventy percent?”
“I think so,” Apollonia slurred. “Mm, I like this sofa.”
“Yeah? Let me try it.” Artemis shoved his sister off the sofa with one strong push, then flopped into her spot face first. “Oh, yeah, baby. Daddy likey.”
Apollonia glared at her brother before turning to glare at Jim. “You need a fireplace. And a rug.”
“A furry one,” Artemis added.
“Fake furry one.” Apollonia scowled harder at her brother, who seemingly ignored it.
“Can you two focus for two seconds?” Barney sounded frustrated as hell. “You said you spoke to Carl?”
Apollonia rolled her eyes and stood. “Yeah. And you’re no fun, Mr. Barnwell.”
“No fun,” Artemis intoned, his voice muffled by the fact that his face still in the sofa cushions.
“And you’re twenty-seven going on five.” Barney gestured for the two to get up. “Can you please take your meds and tell me what I need to know?”
“We left them at home,” Artemis sighed.
“Our meds, he means.” Apollonia sat on her brother.
“Yeah, those.” Artemis reached behind him and swatted his sister. “Get off me, heifer.”
“Are you calling me fat?” Apollonia swatted him back.
“Yes.”
“Children!” Barney walked over and grabbed each of them by an ear, yanking them off Jim’s sofa. “I swear, if you don’t start listening I’m going to ground you both.”
“Oww,” Apollonia whined.
Artemis rubbed his ear. “You’re mean.”
“Yeah, mean.” Apollonia stuck her tongue out at Barney.
“Who the fuck are you?” Jim roared, his vision changing as his Wolf surged to the fore.
“Artemis.” The male waved his hand, seemingly unconcerned that Jim had started to sprout fur from his arms.
“Apollonia.” The female ran her fingers through her hair and looked him up and down. “You’re cute.”
“And mated. Happily, I might add.” Barney smacked Apollonia upside the head, earning a halfhearted feline snarl. “This one is a Hunter, and her annoying brother is…annoying.”
Artemis grinned cheekily. “Aw, shucks. I knew you liked us.”
Barney shot a droll look at Artemis. “No. I don’t.”
“So…you two are here to help us with our problem?” Jim couldn’t see how, unless they decided to sleep it into submission.
“Sure, let’s go with that.” Artemis yawned again. “I’m hungry.”
“Me too.” Apollonia draped herself across the back of the sofa. “Not it.”
Artemis rolled his eyes. “Ugh. I hate cooking.”
“You hate working.” Barney shoved Apollonia off the back of the sofa. She landed on the floor with a rattling thump. “Tell me what Carl said.”
Artemis tilted his head. “Oh God, not you two?”
“I can believe that.” Jim shook his head. “Seriously, my mate is in danger and we don’t know why. Can you help us?”
The brother and sister stared at one another before Apollonia shrugged. “Sure.”
“It’s not like I have anything better to do.” Artemis stared at Jim. “Do you have donuts?”
“We’re still hungry.”
“And I really hate cooking.”
“Jim?” Chloe’s soft voice broke through the disbelief over the nonsense of the brother-sister pair. He glanced toward the stairway and saw Chloe descending, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She’d probably heard the voices of the others, because even though she hadn’t brushed her hair she’d put on pajamas. “Who’s here?”
The reaction of the brother and sister were immediate, and violent. Jim found himself shoved toward the door by the female, while the male, in a startling display of agility and speed, hurtled over the sofa and landed at the base of the stairway. He growled menacingly at Chloe for a second or two before he tilted his head. “You’re a Fox.”
Chloe, who’d stumbled at the sight of the strangers in her home, threatening her, slowly regained her feet. “Yes, I am.”
“The white Fox.” Artemis relaxed, going back to the sleepy man Jim had first met. “That’s cool.” He sauntered over to the sofa, climbed lazily over the back and slumped in his seat. “I think I want nachos.”
Chloe blinked. “Jim?”
He held out his hand, and she darted to his side. She looked far more awake now. “Chloe, this is Artemis and Apollonia Smith.” He gestured toward the female who was now sitting on the floor at his feet. “She’s a Hunter, believe it or not.”
“Yup.” Apollonia tilted her head backward and gave Chloe a lazy smile. “I’m, like, totally bad-ass.”
“She is,” Artemis added, putting his feet up on Jim’s coffee table.
“Nice digs, by the way.” Apollonia stretched. “Where’s my room?”
“Oh, good question,” Artemis crooned admiringly.
“I thought so.” Apollonia sounded smug.
“Oh hell no.” Jim crossed his arms over his chest. “No fucking way are you two staying here.”
“Aw, don’t be a meanie-head, Jimmy.” Apollonia pouted at him.
“Someone has to stay here and protect you two.” Artemis looked smug. “That would be us.”
“Like I said. Hell. No.” Jim glared at the annoying duo before shooting Barney a dirty look. “You did this. Fix it.”
“We’ve got someone moving in with them who can protect them. Your annoying asses are off to a motel.” When they both began whining, Barney barked, the sound very much Grizzly rather than human.
