Final Debt
Page 117
While there, I submitted to a full examination and the doctor’s instructions to take it easy. I was cleared of any concussion or long-term maladies. I also singlehandedly arranged the transfer of Kes’s body to the crematorium. As part of Cut’s meticulous upbringing, all his children had Last Wills and Testaments.
Kes was no different.
I’d found his file amongst the others in Cut’s study. The bones of his dog, Wrathbone, lay in the coffee table as I scattered paperwork and skimmed through Kestrel’s final wishes.
I already knew he wanted to be cremated and scattered on Hawksridge grounds. We’d shared many a late night conversations as young boys about how unappealing the thought of being buried and eaten by weevils and worms sounded. We were both slightly claustrophobic, and I understood his wish to be sprinkled as dust, prisoner to the breeze, and weightless as the sky.
I wanted the same ending.
However, what I wasn’t expecting was a note addressed to me—penned almost five years ago. The strangeness of holding a letter from the grave clutched my stomach.
There was also one for Jasmine and Daniel.
My heart suffered thinking of Daniel’s remains. He wouldn’t be buried or cremated, but perhaps, he would be happier away from Hawksridge and on his own with no delinquent comments of unwanted belonging.
Respecting Kestrel’s privacy, I burned Daniel’s letter. Never to be read. The words remaining between two dead brothers forever.
I delivered Jasmine’s to her room, leaving her to read on her own. And I took my envelope onto my Juliette balcony off my office where I’d spied on Kes and Nila as they’d galloped across the meadow.
Squinting in the winter sunshine, I slipped out the rich vellum and read my brother’s parting words.
Hello, Jet.
I’m guessing if you’re reading this, bad things happened.
I must admit, I didn’t see myself dying before you. After all, you’re the old bugger, not me. But if I died to protect you or help in some small way, then I’m glad. If I died from sickness or doing something stupid, then so be it. At least I’m free from whatever pain I was in.
I do need to ask something of you. And I need you to do it, Jet. Not just nod and pretend you will. I truly need you to do it.
Don’t mourn me.
Don’t think of me gone, but imagine I’m still with you because I am. We’re brothers and I have no intention of leaving you. I’ve been your support for too long to leave you in the lurch.
So even though I’m physically gone, I swear to you I won’t leave spiritually. Scatter my remains on the estate and whenever the wind blows, I’m there telling you a joke. Whenever it snows, I’m there covering you in frost. Whenever the sun shines, I’m there warming your chaotic soul.
And when you finally meet a girl worthy of your love, I’ll exist within her. I’ll teach her how to help you. I’ll guide her how to protect you like you’ll protect her. Because you’re the best goddamn friend a brother could ever ask for and whoever the girl is who steals your heart, I know she’s worth it.
I love her already. Just like I love you.
Never forget that friendships are forever.
I’ll see you again, Kite.
I’ll always be around.
I didn’t cry, even though my soul raged at the unjust and loss. My hands shook as I folded the letter and placed it carefully into its envelope. Kes had written the note before we claimed Nila. He’d sat alone one night and penned a letter to be delivered after his death.
How had he managed to pour so much into a few short paragraphs? How had he known exactly what to say?
If only he’d written it after he met Nila.
He would know what he predicted came true.
Nila was my everything.
She’d replaced Kes as my crutch, and I would never take her for granted like I did him.
Never.
The breeze blew gently, smelling sweetly of hay from the stables.
I closed my eyes and just rested in the moment. No thoughts. No concerns. I let life exist around me and stole a few short seconds to connect with my dead brother.
You’re still here, Kestrel.
I feel you.
Another few days passed and life found a new rhythm.
The Black Diamond brothers sorted out their own hierarchy. I put Flaw in charge as temporary president and he culled the members who didn’t want to walk on the right side of the law. Those we paid handsomely, made them sign non-disclosure agreement guaranteeing hefty punishments if they spoke out of turn, and let them leave the club.
As our membership was always about diamonds and business, no one had to be unpatched or excommunicated from the brotherhood. They were just employees searching for new work.
One night, once we’d all eaten—Weavers and Hawks sharing a table in the red dining room where so much pain had occurred—I took Nila by the hand to our quarters. Once upon a time, my rooms had been called the bachelor wing, but now, they were our matrimonial suite. A honeymoon before I made her my wife.
We entered the wing. However, instead of taking her to bed, I gave her a key.
Standing at the base of a small staircase leading to a storage floor above, her black eyes met mine with confusion. “What’s this?”
I smiled softly, wrapping her fingers around the key. “The past week I’ve managed to put some of my past behind me. It’s time for you to do the same.” Gathering her in a hug, I murmured, “Time to let the past go so we can all move on and heal.”
I didn’t want to think about what she’d find up there. She had to face it. Just like I’d faced Cut.
Kes was no different.
I’d found his file amongst the others in Cut’s study. The bones of his dog, Wrathbone, lay in the coffee table as I scattered paperwork and skimmed through Kestrel’s final wishes.
I already knew he wanted to be cremated and scattered on Hawksridge grounds. We’d shared many a late night conversations as young boys about how unappealing the thought of being buried and eaten by weevils and worms sounded. We were both slightly claustrophobic, and I understood his wish to be sprinkled as dust, prisoner to the breeze, and weightless as the sky.
I wanted the same ending.
However, what I wasn’t expecting was a note addressed to me—penned almost five years ago. The strangeness of holding a letter from the grave clutched my stomach.
There was also one for Jasmine and Daniel.
My heart suffered thinking of Daniel’s remains. He wouldn’t be buried or cremated, but perhaps, he would be happier away from Hawksridge and on his own with no delinquent comments of unwanted belonging.
Respecting Kestrel’s privacy, I burned Daniel’s letter. Never to be read. The words remaining between two dead brothers forever.
I delivered Jasmine’s to her room, leaving her to read on her own. And I took my envelope onto my Juliette balcony off my office where I’d spied on Kes and Nila as they’d galloped across the meadow.
Squinting in the winter sunshine, I slipped out the rich vellum and read my brother’s parting words.
Hello, Jet.
I’m guessing if you’re reading this, bad things happened.
I must admit, I didn’t see myself dying before you. After all, you’re the old bugger, not me. But if I died to protect you or help in some small way, then I’m glad. If I died from sickness or doing something stupid, then so be it. At least I’m free from whatever pain I was in.
I do need to ask something of you. And I need you to do it, Jet. Not just nod and pretend you will. I truly need you to do it.
Don’t mourn me.
Don’t think of me gone, but imagine I’m still with you because I am. We’re brothers and I have no intention of leaving you. I’ve been your support for too long to leave you in the lurch.
So even though I’m physically gone, I swear to you I won’t leave spiritually. Scatter my remains on the estate and whenever the wind blows, I’m there telling you a joke. Whenever it snows, I’m there covering you in frost. Whenever the sun shines, I’m there warming your chaotic soul.
And when you finally meet a girl worthy of your love, I’ll exist within her. I’ll teach her how to help you. I’ll guide her how to protect you like you’ll protect her. Because you’re the best goddamn friend a brother could ever ask for and whoever the girl is who steals your heart, I know she’s worth it.
I love her already. Just like I love you.
Never forget that friendships are forever.
I’ll see you again, Kite.
I’ll always be around.
I didn’t cry, even though my soul raged at the unjust and loss. My hands shook as I folded the letter and placed it carefully into its envelope. Kes had written the note before we claimed Nila. He’d sat alone one night and penned a letter to be delivered after his death.
How had he managed to pour so much into a few short paragraphs? How had he known exactly what to say?
If only he’d written it after he met Nila.
He would know what he predicted came true.
Nila was my everything.
She’d replaced Kes as my crutch, and I would never take her for granted like I did him.
Never.
The breeze blew gently, smelling sweetly of hay from the stables.
I closed my eyes and just rested in the moment. No thoughts. No concerns. I let life exist around me and stole a few short seconds to connect with my dead brother.
You’re still here, Kestrel.
I feel you.
Another few days passed and life found a new rhythm.
The Black Diamond brothers sorted out their own hierarchy. I put Flaw in charge as temporary president and he culled the members who didn’t want to walk on the right side of the law. Those we paid handsomely, made them sign non-disclosure agreement guaranteeing hefty punishments if they spoke out of turn, and let them leave the club.
As our membership was always about diamonds and business, no one had to be unpatched or excommunicated from the brotherhood. They were just employees searching for new work.
One night, once we’d all eaten—Weavers and Hawks sharing a table in the red dining room where so much pain had occurred—I took Nila by the hand to our quarters. Once upon a time, my rooms had been called the bachelor wing, but now, they were our matrimonial suite. A honeymoon before I made her my wife.
We entered the wing. However, instead of taking her to bed, I gave her a key.
Standing at the base of a small staircase leading to a storage floor above, her black eyes met mine with confusion. “What’s this?”
I smiled softly, wrapping her fingers around the key. “The past week I’ve managed to put some of my past behind me. It’s time for you to do the same.” Gathering her in a hug, I murmured, “Time to let the past go so we can all move on and heal.”
I didn’t want to think about what she’d find up there. She had to face it. Just like I’d faced Cut.
