Find You in the Dark
Page 42
I stood there completely floored by his behavior. I turned to Luke who was trying to calm down. “Was that your boyfriend or something?” He asked. I shook my head. I didn't know who that was. “Sorry.” I muttered, leaving the dance floor.
Rachel intercepted me as I headed over to grab my purse. “What was that about? Clay just stormed out of here like his ass was on fire.” I didn't know how to answer her, and I needed to find Clay. “Which way did he go?” I asked her. “No way. He seemed really pissed off. Give him time to cool down.” Rachel reasoned. She looked worried.
I got my purse and headed toward the exit. “I'm going after him, Rach. I need to talk to him.” Rachel let me go, shaking her head. “I don't like this, Maggie. He didn't seem all there. I really think you need to leave it be.” I didn't want to hear her advice. My single focus was on finding Clay.
I pushed past Rachel and went through the gym doors and looked down the darkened hallway. No Clay. I left the building and went out into the cool night air. “Clay?” I yelled. I looked toward the parking lot and didn't see anything. On some half brained instinct, I went around the back of the school toward the football field and bleachers.
I heard a loud slam followed by a bellow of rage. Shit, I think I found him. Turning the corner, I saw Clay beneath the metal bleachers, holding his left hand against his chest, breathing heavily. “Clay?” I called out. He looked up and then turned away from me.
“Go away, Maggie. Seriously. I can't be around you right now.” He sounded so angry and I just didn't understand where it was coming from. Well, he couldn't tell me what to do, so I continued to walk toward him.
Seeing me coming, Clay yelled at the top of his lungs. “I said get the f**k out of here!” I stopped short. Okay, he was freaking me out now. “Why are you mad at me? What did I do?” I asked him over the distance of fifteen feet.
Clay shook his head and gave a gurgling cry as he slammed his hand into the bleacher. Shit. I rushed over to him and took his injured hand in mine. It looked as though he might have broken two of his knuckles. They were turning a nasty purple and there was the unmistakable yellow of marrow. “What are you doing?” I cried.
The tremors in Clay's body were causing me to shake too. “I just want to be alone. Please just leave.” The anger had left his voice and he sounded extremely tired. I pulled a tissue out of my purse and dabbed the back of his hand, where blood had started to ooze out of his skin.
“Not until you tell me why you're so angry.” I insisted. Clay tried to pull his hand away but I refused to let go. “Stop shutting me out, Clay.” I warned him. Clay hung his head, the fight leaving him. “You stopped taking them didn't you.” I stated more than asked.
Clay sunk to the ground, not caring about the dust and dirt getting on his clothes. “Yes, all right. I stopped taking them three days ago. Happy?” He asked me with venom. Okay, now I was pissed. “Happy? Happy!?!” I yelled at him. “Oh, I'm just ecstatic that you're not taking the medication that stops you from becoming a raging lunatic. I'm over the moon here.” I said with sarcasm. I turned to leave, sick and tired of his drama. My night had been ruined by him on multiple fronts and I was ready to go home.
I started to walk away when I heard him get to his feet and run after me. “Don't go, Maggie. Please. I need you here.” He pleaded with me. There was that word again. Need. He needed me. And some annoying girlie part of me thrilled at his words as much as the rational part of me was terrified of them.
“You just told me to go, Clay.” I said, not letting him pull me back. He sighed. “I know I said that. I just didn't want you to see my like this...again.” “Then take your medication, Clay. Then we won't have this issue.” I said harshly. I tried to move away from him again but he grabbed my hand. “Stay with me. Please.” He sounded so broken and I hated how swayed I was by him, even when I knew I should get the hell out of there.
“Why did you do that back there? It was humiliating.” I told him, still refusing to face him. “Look at me.” He begged, pulling on my shoulders until I was facing him. His eyes were frantic and he was breathing rapidly, as though he were about to have a panic attack. “I couldn't stand seeing you dance with that guy. He had his hands on you and I thought I would lose it. Well I guess I did lose it.” He chuckled humorlessly.
His words pissed me off. “Who the hell do you think you are? You had just spent the entire night dancing with other girls! But I'm not allowed to dance with other guys? What a bullshit double standard!” He flinched at my anger. Good. He had made me mad and he needed to see that.
“You're right. But I didn't want to dance with those other girls. You think I give a shit about Dana, or anyone else? Because I don't! I could never care about them because they aren't you! But you are constantly throwing me into the friend pile. I thought you didn't want to be with me! Did I misread something here?” He sounded desperate. Where the heck did he get the idea that I wanted him to be with other girls? Hadn't I been making it very obvious for the past few months that I was crazy about him? Maybe he was more delusional than I thought.
I shook my head, my thoughts were fuzzy and my chest felt tight. This roller coaster we were on needed to stop. I wrenched backwards, away from Clay's grip. Clay looked panicked and tried to reach for me again. I shook my head and he dropped his hands to his side. He looked at me as though I were breaking his heart, which was nuts because I had no idea I even had it. “When you're in a room, Maggie, all I see is you. You make everything better. Clearer. You stop the crazy noise in my head. I can think, hell, I can breathe when we're together What you make me feel is the most unbelievable and scary thing I've ever felt.” My eyes went wide at his confession. I didn't want to say anything, not wanting to break the spell we found ourselves in.
Rachel intercepted me as I headed over to grab my purse. “What was that about? Clay just stormed out of here like his ass was on fire.” I didn't know how to answer her, and I needed to find Clay. “Which way did he go?” I asked her. “No way. He seemed really pissed off. Give him time to cool down.” Rachel reasoned. She looked worried.
I got my purse and headed toward the exit. “I'm going after him, Rach. I need to talk to him.” Rachel let me go, shaking her head. “I don't like this, Maggie. He didn't seem all there. I really think you need to leave it be.” I didn't want to hear her advice. My single focus was on finding Clay.
I pushed past Rachel and went through the gym doors and looked down the darkened hallway. No Clay. I left the building and went out into the cool night air. “Clay?” I yelled. I looked toward the parking lot and didn't see anything. On some half brained instinct, I went around the back of the school toward the football field and bleachers.
I heard a loud slam followed by a bellow of rage. Shit, I think I found him. Turning the corner, I saw Clay beneath the metal bleachers, holding his left hand against his chest, breathing heavily. “Clay?” I called out. He looked up and then turned away from me.
“Go away, Maggie. Seriously. I can't be around you right now.” He sounded so angry and I just didn't understand where it was coming from. Well, he couldn't tell me what to do, so I continued to walk toward him.
Seeing me coming, Clay yelled at the top of his lungs. “I said get the f**k out of here!” I stopped short. Okay, he was freaking me out now. “Why are you mad at me? What did I do?” I asked him over the distance of fifteen feet.
Clay shook his head and gave a gurgling cry as he slammed his hand into the bleacher. Shit. I rushed over to him and took his injured hand in mine. It looked as though he might have broken two of his knuckles. They were turning a nasty purple and there was the unmistakable yellow of marrow. “What are you doing?” I cried.
The tremors in Clay's body were causing me to shake too. “I just want to be alone. Please just leave.” The anger had left his voice and he sounded extremely tired. I pulled a tissue out of my purse and dabbed the back of his hand, where blood had started to ooze out of his skin.
“Not until you tell me why you're so angry.” I insisted. Clay tried to pull his hand away but I refused to let go. “Stop shutting me out, Clay.” I warned him. Clay hung his head, the fight leaving him. “You stopped taking them didn't you.” I stated more than asked.
Clay sunk to the ground, not caring about the dust and dirt getting on his clothes. “Yes, all right. I stopped taking them three days ago. Happy?” He asked me with venom. Okay, now I was pissed. “Happy? Happy!?!” I yelled at him. “Oh, I'm just ecstatic that you're not taking the medication that stops you from becoming a raging lunatic. I'm over the moon here.” I said with sarcasm. I turned to leave, sick and tired of his drama. My night had been ruined by him on multiple fronts and I was ready to go home.
I started to walk away when I heard him get to his feet and run after me. “Don't go, Maggie. Please. I need you here.” He pleaded with me. There was that word again. Need. He needed me. And some annoying girlie part of me thrilled at his words as much as the rational part of me was terrified of them.
“You just told me to go, Clay.” I said, not letting him pull me back. He sighed. “I know I said that. I just didn't want you to see my like this...again.” “Then take your medication, Clay. Then we won't have this issue.” I said harshly. I tried to move away from him again but he grabbed my hand. “Stay with me. Please.” He sounded so broken and I hated how swayed I was by him, even when I knew I should get the hell out of there.
“Why did you do that back there? It was humiliating.” I told him, still refusing to face him. “Look at me.” He begged, pulling on my shoulders until I was facing him. His eyes were frantic and he was breathing rapidly, as though he were about to have a panic attack. “I couldn't stand seeing you dance with that guy. He had his hands on you and I thought I would lose it. Well I guess I did lose it.” He chuckled humorlessly.
His words pissed me off. “Who the hell do you think you are? You had just spent the entire night dancing with other girls! But I'm not allowed to dance with other guys? What a bullshit double standard!” He flinched at my anger. Good. He had made me mad and he needed to see that.
“You're right. But I didn't want to dance with those other girls. You think I give a shit about Dana, or anyone else? Because I don't! I could never care about them because they aren't you! But you are constantly throwing me into the friend pile. I thought you didn't want to be with me! Did I misread something here?” He sounded desperate. Where the heck did he get the idea that I wanted him to be with other girls? Hadn't I been making it very obvious for the past few months that I was crazy about him? Maybe he was more delusional than I thought.
I shook my head, my thoughts were fuzzy and my chest felt tight. This roller coaster we were on needed to stop. I wrenched backwards, away from Clay's grip. Clay looked panicked and tried to reach for me again. I shook my head and he dropped his hands to his side. He looked at me as though I were breaking his heart, which was nuts because I had no idea I even had it. “When you're in a room, Maggie, all I see is you. You make everything better. Clearer. You stop the crazy noise in my head. I can think, hell, I can breathe when we're together What you make me feel is the most unbelievable and scary thing I've ever felt.” My eyes went wide at his confession. I didn't want to say anything, not wanting to break the spell we found ourselves in.
