Find You in the Dark
Page 46
I felt the strain in our friendship and I hated it. But I would be damned if I would stand there and justify my feelings for Clay to him or to anyone. “That's not fair. I have never blown my lid like that and you know it.” Daniel reasoned.
I sighed, letting my shoulders drop. “Maybe you've just never cared enough about anyone to feel the way Clay does about me.” I sounded like an idiot, even I knew that. But I knew that Clay cared about me pretty damn deeply, even if I knew on some level that that didn't give him an excuse to act the way he had.
“Well, that's a shitty way of showing someone you care, if you ask me.” Daniel quipped, following me out the door and onto the sidewalk outside of the school. I stopped and turned around, wrapping my arms around Danny in a hug. “I appreciate your concern. I love you so much for it. But trust me when I tell you that everything will be fine. Clay and I will work it out and I can't have you being all big brother around me all the time. I want the two of you to get along. You're two of the most important people in my life. So, please, for me...just let it go.” I pleaded.
Daniel looked torn. I knew this went against his protective instincts where I was concerned. We got out to the parking lot and I looked over to where Clay's car was parked. My heart picked up when I saw him standing there, leaning against his BMW, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets, looking at me with apprehension.
Daniel followed my stare. “I don't like this, Mags. I'm serious. Just be careful.” I nodded, making my way over to Clay. Danny followed me and we both stopped when we got to the car. Clay looked at me as though I would run away. His eyes were sad and I felt a twinge of guilt for my part in making him feel that way.
Why I felt any guilt was beyond me. But, I felt it nonetheless. “Hey, Maggie.” He said quietly, my name a breath on his lips. “Hey.” I said back, just as quietly. “Look, Clay. I'm not sure what the hell your deal was at lunch. But I don't want to see that shit again. Maggie is special and I will break your legs if you hurt her.” Daniel broke in harshly.
I wanted to elbow him. Hadn't I just told him to check the protective bit?
Clay didn't take his eyes from mine, even as he answered Daniel. “I understand. I was an ass. I'm sorry. If I hurt her, I would want you to break my legs, man. I swear it!” My throat felt tight.
Daniel grunted from beside me, but neither Clay or I took our eyes off of each other. “Well, as long as we understand each other, I'll see you guys later.” Daniel said grudgingly. I looked at Danny quickly. “Thanks, Danny. I'll call you later.” I assured him. Daniel gave me a smile. “Okay. Talk to you then.” Daniel eyed Clay again and then walked away.
Clay reached out and took my hands in his. He pulled me close to him and I went willingly. “I'm so sorry, Maggie. You have no idea how much.” He whispered, putting his arms around me and holding me to his chest. I laid my cheek on the rough fabric of his jacket and closed my eyes.
“I just don't understand. What did I do?” I asked softly. I felt Clay shudder. “It's not you! It's me and my stupid insecurities. I saw you talking...touching another guy and I just lost it. I'm so scared of losing you that it makes me crazy!” He said hurriedly. His fingers kneading the back of my neck and I felt him bury his face in my hair.
I pulled away and looked at him. He looked miserable and I hated it. “You can't act like that every time I talk to a guy, Clay. It's irrational and a little scary. I'm with you! Only you! I don't know how to make you see that!” I implored, cupping his face with my hands.
Clay closed his eyes and covered one of my hands with his own and pulled it to his mouth, kissing the palm. “I know that! I do! I never want you to be scared of me. Ever.” He choked out. He seemed as though he were barely holding it together.
I hated to see him so broken. I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. “I love you, Clay.” I murmured against his mouth. His eyes opened wide in surprise. Then a happy sort of contentment took the place of the angst on his face. He crushed his mouth to mine, his hands sweeping over my body in a desperate sort of possession.
“I love you too, Maggie. God, I love you so much!” He strangled out. We clutched together, trying to get as close as possible. “I'm yours' Clay.” I said softly as he kissed my cheeks, my neck, my hair. “Mine.” He growled before taking my mouth with his again.
Chapter Twelve
To say that things were tense for the next few days was a bit of an understatement. Clay had joined Rachel, Daniel and I again at lunch. The next day after his meltdown over Jake, he had awkwardly apologized to my friends for his behavior.
Rachel had accepted his apology, mostly I knew, out of consideration for me. Daniel was still cool toward Clay, but after a week, he had started to let up on his aloofness. A tentative sort of peace descended over our small circle and I was finally able to breathe a little easier.
Clay was going over the top to prove he was a kind and loving boyfriend. He left me beautiful drawings in my locker almost every day. Each one depicted a butterfly in varying degrees of detail. Each one was more unbelievable than the next.
When I asked him as to why he only drew the butterflies he had kissed me softly on the mouth. “Because you make me feel free.” He had answered simply. My heart melted into a puddle at my feet. He could say and do the most romantic things.
Clay had broached the topic of Lisa's cabin again at the lunch table. I knew he was trying really hard to change Rachel and Daniel's idea of him. My friends seemed less enthusiastic about it than they had been before. But after some pleading on my part, they each agreed that it could be fun.
I sighed, letting my shoulders drop. “Maybe you've just never cared enough about anyone to feel the way Clay does about me.” I sounded like an idiot, even I knew that. But I knew that Clay cared about me pretty damn deeply, even if I knew on some level that that didn't give him an excuse to act the way he had.
“Well, that's a shitty way of showing someone you care, if you ask me.” Daniel quipped, following me out the door and onto the sidewalk outside of the school. I stopped and turned around, wrapping my arms around Danny in a hug. “I appreciate your concern. I love you so much for it. But trust me when I tell you that everything will be fine. Clay and I will work it out and I can't have you being all big brother around me all the time. I want the two of you to get along. You're two of the most important people in my life. So, please, for me...just let it go.” I pleaded.
Daniel looked torn. I knew this went against his protective instincts where I was concerned. We got out to the parking lot and I looked over to where Clay's car was parked. My heart picked up when I saw him standing there, leaning against his BMW, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets, looking at me with apprehension.
Daniel followed my stare. “I don't like this, Mags. I'm serious. Just be careful.” I nodded, making my way over to Clay. Danny followed me and we both stopped when we got to the car. Clay looked at me as though I would run away. His eyes were sad and I felt a twinge of guilt for my part in making him feel that way.
Why I felt any guilt was beyond me. But, I felt it nonetheless. “Hey, Maggie.” He said quietly, my name a breath on his lips. “Hey.” I said back, just as quietly. “Look, Clay. I'm not sure what the hell your deal was at lunch. But I don't want to see that shit again. Maggie is special and I will break your legs if you hurt her.” Daniel broke in harshly.
I wanted to elbow him. Hadn't I just told him to check the protective bit?
Clay didn't take his eyes from mine, even as he answered Daniel. “I understand. I was an ass. I'm sorry. If I hurt her, I would want you to break my legs, man. I swear it!” My throat felt tight.
Daniel grunted from beside me, but neither Clay or I took our eyes off of each other. “Well, as long as we understand each other, I'll see you guys later.” Daniel said grudgingly. I looked at Danny quickly. “Thanks, Danny. I'll call you later.” I assured him. Daniel gave me a smile. “Okay. Talk to you then.” Daniel eyed Clay again and then walked away.
Clay reached out and took my hands in his. He pulled me close to him and I went willingly. “I'm so sorry, Maggie. You have no idea how much.” He whispered, putting his arms around me and holding me to his chest. I laid my cheek on the rough fabric of his jacket and closed my eyes.
“I just don't understand. What did I do?” I asked softly. I felt Clay shudder. “It's not you! It's me and my stupid insecurities. I saw you talking...touching another guy and I just lost it. I'm so scared of losing you that it makes me crazy!” He said hurriedly. His fingers kneading the back of my neck and I felt him bury his face in my hair.
I pulled away and looked at him. He looked miserable and I hated it. “You can't act like that every time I talk to a guy, Clay. It's irrational and a little scary. I'm with you! Only you! I don't know how to make you see that!” I implored, cupping his face with my hands.
Clay closed his eyes and covered one of my hands with his own and pulled it to his mouth, kissing the palm. “I know that! I do! I never want you to be scared of me. Ever.” He choked out. He seemed as though he were barely holding it together.
I hated to see him so broken. I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. “I love you, Clay.” I murmured against his mouth. His eyes opened wide in surprise. Then a happy sort of contentment took the place of the angst on his face. He crushed his mouth to mine, his hands sweeping over my body in a desperate sort of possession.
“I love you too, Maggie. God, I love you so much!” He strangled out. We clutched together, trying to get as close as possible. “I'm yours' Clay.” I said softly as he kissed my cheeks, my neck, my hair. “Mine.” He growled before taking my mouth with his again.
Chapter Twelve
To say that things were tense for the next few days was a bit of an understatement. Clay had joined Rachel, Daniel and I again at lunch. The next day after his meltdown over Jake, he had awkwardly apologized to my friends for his behavior.
Rachel had accepted his apology, mostly I knew, out of consideration for me. Daniel was still cool toward Clay, but after a week, he had started to let up on his aloofness. A tentative sort of peace descended over our small circle and I was finally able to breathe a little easier.
Clay was going over the top to prove he was a kind and loving boyfriend. He left me beautiful drawings in my locker almost every day. Each one depicted a butterfly in varying degrees of detail. Each one was more unbelievable than the next.
When I asked him as to why he only drew the butterflies he had kissed me softly on the mouth. “Because you make me feel free.” He had answered simply. My heart melted into a puddle at my feet. He could say and do the most romantic things.
Clay had broached the topic of Lisa's cabin again at the lunch table. I knew he was trying really hard to change Rachel and Daniel's idea of him. My friends seemed less enthusiastic about it than they had been before. But after some pleading on my part, they each agreed that it could be fun.
