Find You in the Dark
Page 63
“I'm really messed up right now. I can't think.” He gripped his head with his hands like he had a headache. “Our friendship is really important to me. I don't know if I can ruin that.” He sounded vulnerable and I leaned over to kiss his cheek.
“Well, maybe for now, you just need to go in there and talk to her. Sort through your shit. Because I can't play middle man between the two of you much longer. It's exhausting.” I rubbed the back of his neck, trying to soothe him.
“You're pretty damn fantastic, Mags.” Daniel said, smiling his sad, drunk smile. “Yeah, I know.” I quipped, letting him pull me into a tight embrace, his hand coming up to stroke my hair. We stayed like that for awhile, hugging each other. Daniel seemed to cling to me like a life line. He pulled back finally and patted my cheek. “You're right. I should go talk to her. This has gotten out of hand.” I grabbed his other hand and squeezed.
I gave Daniel a nudge. “Okay, well go on.” I urged. Daniel got to his feet. “Wish me luck. If you hear my screams, know she's trying to kill me and come help. Okay?” Daniel was joking of course, but I could see how nervous he was. “Sure.” I said, smiling.
After Daniel left, I sat on the bench awhile longer. It was then I felt a strange prickle at the back of my neck. Turning around I could see Clay's dark form in the shadow of the trees. “Clay?” I called out. He didn't answer me, just stood there watching me. I got up and walked toward him, my stomach dropping at the look on his face.
Great, he was mad again.
“How long have you been out here?” I asked, shoving my hands into my pockets. His eyes met mine. “Long enough to see your touching little interlude there.” He spat out with disgust. I lifted my hands in the air and huffed. “Of course you'd say that. Because apparently all I do is go behind your back with other guys. I mean, that is what you're accusing me of, right?” I said bitterly, moving around him to go back in the house.
Clay grabbed my arm. “Well, if the shoe fits.” Clay said coldly. I whipped around and got in his face. “Well, I'm not the one out here like a damn stalker! Daniel is my friend, you moron! I'm through explaining myself to you!”
I ran back into the cabin and went straight upstairs.
Clay was right on my heels. “Maggie, stop. Please.” I could hear the change in his voice. He sounded worried, panicked even. “If it wasn't snowing, I'd tell you to take me home. This if ridiculous! You've been an ass**le all evening. I've had enough of your irrational insecurities.” I yelled at him as I ripped off my coat and threw it on the floor.
“Maggie! God! You know how I am. How hard it is...” I cut him off. “Stop with the goddamn excuses! I have been nothing but loving and supportive of you. But your shit will ruin us. You need to get it under control!” I could tell that was the wrong thing to say as Clay's eyes lit with a sudden anger.
“Nice, just throw my issues in my face, why don't you?! I'm trying here! Which is more than I can say for you. I think you're just looking for an excuse to get rid of me. Well, I'll make it easy for you. Get the f**k out!” He screamed at me. “You bastard.” I breathed, hardly able to believe he had just said that. After everything we'd been through. After all the times I had shown him how much I loved him. Well, if he wanted to act like a baby, I was getting off this rollercoaster.
Clay's eyes flashed at me. I shoved Clay solidly in the chest. He wasn't expecting it so he stumbled back a bit in surprise. “Fine. To hell with you!” I was out of breath as I shoved past him.
The rage drained from Clay's face and he looked stricken. The realization that I was leaving him sinking in hard and fast. I knew in that moment he hadn't meant what he said, that he was just trying to hurt me. But who does crap like that? I would not stand there and be his whipping post a moment longer. “Mags, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was saying.” He tried to reach out for me and I slapped him across the face. Hard.
His face swung with the force of my assault and a red splotch blossomed on his cheek. He put his hand to his face, stunned by my action. “You do not get to speak to me like!” I stormed to the bed and yanked off the top blanket, took a pillow and left the room.
Clay followed me. “What are you doing? Maggie, stop! I'm sorry!” He begged me, trying to stop me from leaving. I swung back around.. “I'm sleeping on the couch. I'd rather sleep alone than share a bed with someone who has no respect for me!” Clay's face crumpled as he tried to grab my arm. “Please, Maggie. I do respect you! So much! I was being stupid. I'm just so scared of you leaving me. I guess I push and push just to see if I'm right and that eventually you'll walk away. I say these horrible things just to know if you'll take it. If you'll stick by me no matter what. But I was wrong! I shouldn't treat you like that just to prove some sick, twisted theory in my head. Please, don't leave me! I can't live without you!” That was the closest to honest he had been about his feelings in weeks. But at that moment, it was too little too late. I was beyond hurt and angry and I just needed some space.
“Then I guess you should have thought about that before treating me like your emotional punching bag, huh?” I left him standing there alone and went down stairs. The house was quiet and I quickly made my nest on the couch. I laid down, trying to calm the rapid beat of my heart. I waited to see if Clay would follow me, but he didn't.
“Well, maybe for now, you just need to go in there and talk to her. Sort through your shit. Because I can't play middle man between the two of you much longer. It's exhausting.” I rubbed the back of his neck, trying to soothe him.
“You're pretty damn fantastic, Mags.” Daniel said, smiling his sad, drunk smile. “Yeah, I know.” I quipped, letting him pull me into a tight embrace, his hand coming up to stroke my hair. We stayed like that for awhile, hugging each other. Daniel seemed to cling to me like a life line. He pulled back finally and patted my cheek. “You're right. I should go talk to her. This has gotten out of hand.” I grabbed his other hand and squeezed.
I gave Daniel a nudge. “Okay, well go on.” I urged. Daniel got to his feet. “Wish me luck. If you hear my screams, know she's trying to kill me and come help. Okay?” Daniel was joking of course, but I could see how nervous he was. “Sure.” I said, smiling.
After Daniel left, I sat on the bench awhile longer. It was then I felt a strange prickle at the back of my neck. Turning around I could see Clay's dark form in the shadow of the trees. “Clay?” I called out. He didn't answer me, just stood there watching me. I got up and walked toward him, my stomach dropping at the look on his face.
Great, he was mad again.
“How long have you been out here?” I asked, shoving my hands into my pockets. His eyes met mine. “Long enough to see your touching little interlude there.” He spat out with disgust. I lifted my hands in the air and huffed. “Of course you'd say that. Because apparently all I do is go behind your back with other guys. I mean, that is what you're accusing me of, right?” I said bitterly, moving around him to go back in the house.
Clay grabbed my arm. “Well, if the shoe fits.” Clay said coldly. I whipped around and got in his face. “Well, I'm not the one out here like a damn stalker! Daniel is my friend, you moron! I'm through explaining myself to you!”
I ran back into the cabin and went straight upstairs.
Clay was right on my heels. “Maggie, stop. Please.” I could hear the change in his voice. He sounded worried, panicked even. “If it wasn't snowing, I'd tell you to take me home. This if ridiculous! You've been an ass**le all evening. I've had enough of your irrational insecurities.” I yelled at him as I ripped off my coat and threw it on the floor.
“Maggie! God! You know how I am. How hard it is...” I cut him off. “Stop with the goddamn excuses! I have been nothing but loving and supportive of you. But your shit will ruin us. You need to get it under control!” I could tell that was the wrong thing to say as Clay's eyes lit with a sudden anger.
“Nice, just throw my issues in my face, why don't you?! I'm trying here! Which is more than I can say for you. I think you're just looking for an excuse to get rid of me. Well, I'll make it easy for you. Get the f**k out!” He screamed at me. “You bastard.” I breathed, hardly able to believe he had just said that. After everything we'd been through. After all the times I had shown him how much I loved him. Well, if he wanted to act like a baby, I was getting off this rollercoaster.
Clay's eyes flashed at me. I shoved Clay solidly in the chest. He wasn't expecting it so he stumbled back a bit in surprise. “Fine. To hell with you!” I was out of breath as I shoved past him.
The rage drained from Clay's face and he looked stricken. The realization that I was leaving him sinking in hard and fast. I knew in that moment he hadn't meant what he said, that he was just trying to hurt me. But who does crap like that? I would not stand there and be his whipping post a moment longer. “Mags, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was saying.” He tried to reach out for me and I slapped him across the face. Hard.
His face swung with the force of my assault and a red splotch blossomed on his cheek. He put his hand to his face, stunned by my action. “You do not get to speak to me like!” I stormed to the bed and yanked off the top blanket, took a pillow and left the room.
Clay followed me. “What are you doing? Maggie, stop! I'm sorry!” He begged me, trying to stop me from leaving. I swung back around.. “I'm sleeping on the couch. I'd rather sleep alone than share a bed with someone who has no respect for me!” Clay's face crumpled as he tried to grab my arm. “Please, Maggie. I do respect you! So much! I was being stupid. I'm just so scared of you leaving me. I guess I push and push just to see if I'm right and that eventually you'll walk away. I say these horrible things just to know if you'll take it. If you'll stick by me no matter what. But I was wrong! I shouldn't treat you like that just to prove some sick, twisted theory in my head. Please, don't leave me! I can't live without you!” That was the closest to honest he had been about his feelings in weeks. But at that moment, it was too little too late. I was beyond hurt and angry and I just needed some space.
“Then I guess you should have thought about that before treating me like your emotional punching bag, huh?” I left him standing there alone and went down stairs. The house was quiet and I quickly made my nest on the couch. I laid down, trying to calm the rapid beat of my heart. I waited to see if Clay would follow me, but he didn't.
