Finding Faith

Page 19

When I got back to the kitchen, Finn was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed. He hadn’t heard me come in and he was facing the window with his eyes closed. The room was cleaned and all the cookies were in the oven. The smell of chocolate chip and sugar cookies filled the room. I would forever associate the smell with Finn, which made perfect sense since he was so sweet.
I smiled secretly at my thoughts. If I had ever told him I thought he was such a sweetie, he’d probably growl and do something ridiculously rude just to prove a point.
“Hey,” I said as I walked up to him.
He opened his eyes and smiled at me. He looked genuinely happy to see me.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. My dad wanted to introduce me to a new family who’s joining the church. And something kind of crazy happened.”
He turned, rested his elbows on the counter, and cupped his cheeks with his hands. When he smiled, one of his dimples was hidden behind his palm and I wanted to pull it away so I could see them both.
“My dad set me up on a date.”
His smile dropped instantly, and I thought for a minute that he’d ask me not to go. If he asked, whether I needed freedom or not, I’d skip the date. All he had to do was say the words, but instead, he started laughing. It felt like a slap in the face.
Why was it so funny that I could have a date?
“What?” I asked rudely.
“Nothing. It’s just…” He couldn’t finish his sentence he was laughing so hard.
“It’s just what?” I asked again, louder.
He was really starting to make me mad.
“It’s just go figure your dad would set you up with some church boy once I came around. Touché, big preacher man,” he said to no one as he shook his head.
He wasn’t making any sense.
“What do you mean?” I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms.
“Nothing. I think this is a great idea. I bet he’s really nice and clean.”
He was and I hated that he was. I hated even more that Finn thought I could only get a nice, clean boy. And even worse was that Finn was probably going to see him at Sunday’s sermon and I could only imagine the jokes he was going to make just to be a smarty pants.
“There’s nothing wrong with a nice, clean guy, Finn. Actually, I’d prefer them that way.”
The moment the words left my lips, his face dropped. I wasn’t sure if it was being around Finn or what, but I lied so easily and I hated it. I didn’t prefer any kind of guy, but I knew I liked Finn, which was dumb on my part since it was totally obvious that he didn’t feel the same.
He moved quickly and pinned me against the back wall. Kids’ drawings stuck to my back and a picture of a cross covered in hard macaroni noodles dug into my arm. I sucked in a shocked breath.
“Opposed to a guy like me, huh?” He stuffed his hands in my hair and forced me to look up at him. Stormy bluish-gray eyes stared back at me from under dark lashes. “Are you going to hide behind pretty boys with clean thoughts all your life? Because I know you’re not the saint your daddy thinks you are. I saw the hot look in your eyes when you thought I was going to kiss you. I know you secretly dream of dirty boys with filthy thoughts.” His eyes dropped to my mouth briefly and I held my breath. “I’ll tell you what… When you decide you can handle a real man, let me know.”
He released me quickly and stepped away. Cold air replaced his heat and left chills in his wake.
No one had ever talked to me like that. I felt disgusted. Not because of his words or the fact that I could feel his arousal through his jeans when he was pressed against me, but because it was the most riveting thing that ever happened to me. It was a rush, but I felt my high spiraling down the farther away he got from me. He was right. Maybe I wasn’t as holy as I’d tried to be my entire life.
We barely talked the rest of the time in the kitchen. He sat in the corner and cut his nails with a pocket knife while I pulled out the cookies when they were done. Once they cooled, we wrapped them in plastic wrap with little yellow bows tied around them. When that was done, we said our goodnights and my dad signed his paper for him to leave.
I watched him walk to his mom’s car as I followed my mom and dad to ours. Once he was inside, he looked back at me with an angry expression. I wasn’t sure what had happened, but then again, I was completely clueless when it came to guys.
The following Saturday night, I dressed in my white blouse and another dreaded khaki skirt. Once I was done getting dressed, my mom and dad sat in the living room with me as I waited for Stephen to pick me up. I actually felt nervous, and every time my dad turned the page of his newspaper, I jumped. He looked at me over his reading glasses like I was crazy before finally setting down his paper.