Finding Faith

Page 2

Amanda was constantly getting in trouble at school because she loved nothing more than to break the dress code by throwing in a pair of skinny jeans with her button-up top, or better yet, she’d leave too many buttons open, showing entirely too much skin for Principal Lynn.
I adored her, though. She kept me feeling alive, even if she didn’t know it.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” I shrugged.
“You never do anything with us,” she whined.
“I know, but—”
“But nothing. Look, I get the whole strict dad thing. I mean, seriously, look who you’re talking to here, but you can sneak out. It’s kind of a rite of passage for girls our age. Come on, Faith, please. You only live once and, honey, you ain’t living.”
My dad once told me that Amanda was a bad influence. I didn’t tell him, but that was one of the main reasons I spent so much time with her. I never stepped out of line and living vicariously through her made staying in line more tolerable.
“I can’t. If I could I would, but I really can’t. I have church Sunday morning and if I’m out too late on Saturday, I’ll never get up on time.”
She rolled her green eyes and exhaled loudly. It wasn’t technically a lie. I would be tired if I stayed out too late, but she knew the real reason I wouldn’t go and it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with my dad. She’d seen him beat me once when we were nine, but she never spoke of it. Maybe she thought I didn’t get beatings anymore now that I was older. She couldn’t have been more wrong.
“You go to the church, like, every day. I’m sure God will understand if you miss one day.” She adjusted her strap again and blew a stray piece of hair from her eyes. “Just think about it, okay? It could be fun.”
Going on a double date with Amanda, her new boyfriend Kevin, and his cousin Tony did sound fun. Everything sounded fun to me since I never did anything but go to school and church. So I did think about it. I thought about it all through dinner that afternoon and when I couldn’t think about it anymore, I went for the kill.
“Daddy, is it okay if I go out to a movie with some friends this Saturday night?” I poked at my untouched mashed potatoes and avoided eye contact.
It wasn’t an unfair request. Seventeen-year-olds went to the movies all the time, but I knew before I asked that he was going to say no. It never stopped me from trying. One day… one day he’d say yes and I’d have just one night of freedom. All I needed was one night.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” He said after he used his cloth napkin to wipe his mouth.
I didn’t bother mentioning it again. I’d learned long ago it was futile to argue with a man of God. No matter what I said, he’d have some way to associate my request with Jesus and whether or not he’d approve of my actions. That argument won every time.
Instead, I settled for homework on my older-than-dirt computer. I loved it and hated it. It got me what I needed, but only after taking forever to do so.
An hour later and I still hadn’t gotten past my sign-on screen. I was about to throw the computer from the desk when my dad interrupted. “What would Jesus do, Faith?”
Honestly, I hadn’t thought about what Jesus would do as I mumbled angry words and smacked at my computer. I had a paper due the following day and my ancient computer and dial-up Internet were making that extremely difficult.
“Sorry, Daddy,” I mumbled.
He patted my back as he walked by with his Bible in hand. He’d spent his time after dinner preparing for that night’s special sermon. It was more than difficult to focus on studying with him calling out the words of God as if he were already standing behind the pulpit.
“You almost done?” he asked a few minutes later. “Sister Francis asked that we arrive early for tonight. She needs your help preparing for Bible school.”
I wasn’t even close to being done. “All done.” I smiled sweetly.
Daddy always said church came first. God waited for no man. It didn’t matter that I had to sit up some nights past my bedtime just to finish a paper.
The church my dad preached at, Riverbank Baptist, was bigger than it used to be. Just a few years before, they’d added on extra rooms to the back, including a small kitchen for when we had big dinners. A simple redbrick building that was older than my grandfather stood tall in the middle of a large patch of grass. A tiny patch of rocks represented the parking lot. About seven cars fit in the space, which meant on rainy days, a lot of people braved muddy shoes for God.