Finding Faith

Page 63

I said nothing. Instead, I turned around and left the room. I grabbed my purse and left without cleaning his bedroom. I was almost to my car when the tears came. At least I could be happy that I’d gotten out of there before he saw my tears. He was nothing like the guy he used to be. Although, the letter I’d gotten four years ago should’ve told me I was wrong about him.
As soon as I walked into the front door of my apartment, Jimmy attacked me with hugs and kisses. He erased every bad thing Finn said to me in that moment. I scooped him up into my arms and blew raspberries on his tummy. He squirmed out of my embrace and ran back to his toy box.
“You’re back early,” Mom said from the stove.
Whatever she was cooking smelled amazing but made my stomach turn. The thought of food made me sick. All I wanted to do was go take a hot shower and sleep.
“Grandma’s making meatballs!” Jimmy said as he ran around the living room with his dinosaur.
I silently wished I had a tenth of his energy. I laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek before I went to get a shower.
Once I was undressed, I took the time to look in the mirror. I really did look awful. I was twenty-one, almost twenty-two, yet I looked like a thirty-one-year-old who’d lived a rough life. I pulled the hair away from my face and looked hard at the circles around my eyes. I’d never worn makeup, but I was starting to think maybe I really needed it.
Finn’s words moved through my mind once more, and I hated myself for letting them hurt me like they did. I didn’t care about him anymore. At least that’s what I kept telling myself over and over again. I’d spent the last four years of my life hating him just to make it through the day.
Why did he have to come back into my life now? Why couldn’t I be cleaning for some old author or a really hip starlet?
I spent the rest of my night lounging in bed with Jimmy and watching cartoons. It had been so long since I’d watched an adult movie or TV show that I could almost forget they existed. I fell asleep to the soft rhythm of a singing dinosaur buzzing in my ears.
The rest of that week, every day was the same. I’d go to work and clean. Every now and again, Finn would say something hurtful or rude and I’d choke on tears until I could make it to Mom’s car and drive myself home.
On Friday, I met the rest of the band. They were all really nice and it was good to see Tiny again, even though he looked at me as if he’d never met me before, which only made me feel uglier and older. It had only been four years, yet even Tiny, who’d always been nothing but nice to me, didn’t even recognize me.
I’d never been so happy to see Friday. As soon as I was done with work, I picked up my check and paid bills. I spent the rest of the weekend spending time with my mom and Jimmy. I even got a chance to take him to the jump castle place that he loved so much. It was nice to have a little bit of money to have fun with him.
The following Monday, I was happy to find out that the guys were on the road again. I spent the first two days cleaning the condo, and on Wednesday, I even got to leave early since the place was already spotless.
I stopped by on Thursday and Friday to make sure nothing needed to be done, and then I spent another great weekend with Jimmy and my mom. I even took the time to go by the library and look into going back to get my diploma.
“I’m so proud of you, Faith,” Mom said when I told her my plan. “You’ve been through a lot, yet you still push hard for what you want.”
She kissed me on the forehead as she passed me. I was sitting at the kitchen table, filling out paperwork to go back to school.
The following Monday after I went and checked the condo and dusted, I stopped by the adult education place and got an appointment with the advisor. I’d never been more serious about getting back in school and making a better life for me and my son.
Tuesday, when I went to work, the boys were back. They were lounging on the couch and laughing about random stuff. The pretty blonde girl, Patience, was with them again, and I thought it was cute every time I saw her and her boyfriend, Zeke, the lead guitarist, being all sweet alone in the corner.
I longed for some form of male attention. Not sex so much, but at that point, someone telling me I was pretty would be enough. I felt awful all the time and it reflected on the outside. Now that I wasn’t stuck under my father’s thumb, I could take the time to clean myself up. Maybe dress a little better or put on makeup, but who had time and money for that kind of stuff?
“Man, I would’ve tapped that ass two times, and then when I was done that second time, I would’ve tapped it again since all good things come in threes,” the one named Chet said loudly.