Finding Faith

Page 85

A heated tear leaked out of the corner of my eye and rolled down my cheek. Another followed close behind, and I knew I’d never be able to stop them.
“Jimmy, baby, please go in our room. Mommy will be there in a bit to tuck you in, okay?”
I smiled down at my son as he took off across the living room and down the hallway. His tiny feet smacked against the floor and warmed my heart.
“Finn, I know what you’re thinking, but please don’t freak out on me. I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how. He’s all I have. The only thing I live for. Please don’t try to take him away from me.”
I stared back at her in confusion. I’d just gotten used to the fact that I had a child. Nothing she said was making it through my thick brain fog. I stared longingly toward the door the boy had run through.
“He’s beautiful,” I whispered.
She smiled softly and took my hand. It warmed my palm, so I linked our fingers together. When she pulled, I allowed her to guide me into her apartment. The door squeaked closed behind us before clicking into place.
My knees gave up finally from the shock, so I sat on her couch as she locked the front door and put the chain up.
“Of course he’s beautiful. He’s ours.” She smiled over her shoulder at me. I slid over when she took a seat beside me. “So what now?” she asked nervously.
I looked down at her hands and noticed she was wringing them so hard that her fingers were turning purple. Reaching out, I laid my hand on top of hers to make her stop.
“What do you mean what now?”
She looked up and her brown eyes connected with mine. There was so much fear in there that I wanted to pull her into my arms and smooth it away.
“Well, now that you know, we need to get Jimmy used to you. I know you’re going to want to see him, but I think we should get him used to the idea of you before we start with any kind of visitation. That is, if you want it.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and then sighed. “But most importantly, Finn, there’s to be no drinking and drugs around him. Promise me.”
My heart sang when she called him Jimmy. I wanted to kiss her for naming my son after me, but at the same time, I didn’t comprehend what she was saying. Visitation? Drugs and drinking? None of that mattered to me.
“I’m done with drugs and drinking,” I said sternly.
And I was. I had a son—an impressionable son that I wanted to shield from everything bad in the world.
“And as far as visitation goes, that won’t be necessary.”
Fear filled her eyes again and I could see her breathing change as she started to panic. She twisted her fingers again, making the purple shade return. Again, I laid my hand over her fingers to make her stop.
“Why? Are you going to try to take him?” she asked with wide eyes.
“No. Because once I buy a house, y’all are coming home with me.”
And they were. I wouldn’t have it any other way. The woman I loved and my son were not going to live in some shitty apartment. He was going to have anything he wanted, and she was never going to scrub another toilet again.
“What? But, Finn, we don’t even—”
I stopped her with my finger. Her warm breath tickled my palm, and I smiled down at her.
“You’re coming home with me. I love you and I love Jimmy. You’re my family and I want to take care of you. Let me take care of you, Faith. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
A tear slid down her cheek as she shook her head yes, and I captured it with my thumb.
“Yes,” she whispered against my finger.
I moved in slowly and replaced my finger with my lips. She threw her arms around my neck and kissed me back. I’d never been so happy. Everything I wanted was in my grasp, and I was determined to never let it slip away again.
I pulled back and rested my forehead against hers. Reaching in my pocket, I pulled out her cross. It warmed my palm as usual, and the blunt tips dug into my skin. I held her hand and opened her fingers. Setting the tiny cross in her palm, I closed her fingers around it and gently squeezed.
“I believe this belongs to you,” I said with a smile.
She opened her hand and ran her fingers over the cross.
“You kept it. I can’t believe you kept it.” She sniffled.
I tilted up her chin so I could look her in the eye. “I used to hold it every day and imagine it was you. I kept it with me everywhere I went. I really do love you, Faith. I always have and always will.”
Another tear dripped down her face.
“I love you, too, Finn. Forever.”