Finding Perfect
Page 16
And a way about her, he thought as he finished up and smiled as they applauded. Three nights ago, he’d stayed with her. Ever since his bed had been a little colder, a little more empty.
But he knew the value of going it alone and the danger of making something more than it was. He knew how a heart could be ripped apart and left for dead. No way he was going through that again.
PIA WAITED NERVOUSLY on the padded table.
“It’s okay,” the tech told her. “Ultrasounds don’t hurt.”
Pia eyed the wand. “There has to be a downside.”
“Sorry, no. We even heat the goopy gel we use on your tummy. This is one of the easiest medical tests.”
“It beats a barium enema.”
The other woman, Jenny her name tag said, laughed. “Have you ever had a barium enema?”
“I’ve heard rumors. They can’t be fun.”
“No, they can’t, but this is easy.”
Jenny pulled up Pia’s paper gown and squirted warm gel onto her lower stomach. Then she lowered the wand and rubbed it along Pia’s skin.
There was no pain at all. Just a sensation of something warm and flat moving across her. Okay, she thought. Note to self—ultrasounds aren’t bad.
A few minutes later Jenny covered her then excused herself. Pia lay there in the dimly lit room, doing her best to breathe. Soon she would find out if she was ready for implantation. If she was, then it was crunch time. Was she really going to go through with this? Have Crystal’s babies? Once they were thawed, there was no backing out.
Before she could scramble from the table and run screaming through the building, Dr. Galloway appeared.
“I heard you’re ready,” the doctor said with a smile. “Let’s see.”
She squeezed on fresh gel and studied the monitor.
“Very nice,” she murmured. “Yes, Pia. I would say we could implant tomorrow, if you want.” The doctor touched her arm. “We can also wait a month, if you need more time.”
Ready, as in ready? As in now?
Pia opened her mouth, then closed it. Her chest got tight, as if something heavy pressed down. She felt nauseous and light-headed. Ready.
“The e-eggs can be ready by tomorrow?” she asked, her voice faint.
“Yes. We’d schedule you back for right after lunch.” Her doctor put down the wand and wiped Pia’s belly. “You don’t have to decide today. You’ll be just as ready next month.”
True, but a month was a long time to wait. Pia was afraid she would freak out even more, or at the very least, try to talk herself out of moving forward.
She sucked in a breath and braced herself. “What time tomorrow?”
APPARENTLY DR. GALLOWAY’S definition of painless and Pia’s weren’t exactly the same. Having a catheter inserted was a borderline creepy experience, but Pia did her best to relax and keep breathing.
“All done,” her doctor told her seconds later. She stood and drew the gown down over Pia’s legs, then put a blanket on her. “Lie here for about twenty minutes to let things settle. Then you’re free to go.”
“And I don’t have to act any different?” Pia asked. “Avoid strenuous activities, that sort of thing?”
“I’d stay quiet for the next few hours. You have the vitamins I gave you?”
Dr. Galloway had given her samples the previous day, along with a prescription she’d already filled. She’d taken the first prenatal vitamin that morning, downing the pill with a disgustingly healthy breakfast.
“Yes.”
“Then that’s all you need for now.”
The doctor dimmed the lights and left the room. Pia tried to get comfortable on the padded table. She closed her eyes and placed her hands on her lower stomach.
“Hi,” she whispered. “I’m Pia. I knew your mom. She was amazing and wonderful and you would have really loved her.”
Thinking about her friend made her eyes burn. She blinked away tears and drew another deep breath.
“She, ah, died a few months ago. Over the summer. It was sad and we all miss her. Your dad is gone, too, which might make you think you’re getting off to a rough start. But you’re not. You see, both your parents wanted to have children. Your mom especially. She wanted to have all three of you. But she couldn’t, what with being dead and all.”
She groaned. Talk about screwing up the conversation. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I should have planned this better. What I’m saying is she really wanted this. She wanted you to be born. I know I’m not her, but I’m going to do my best, I swear. I’m going to read books and talk to women who are good moms. I’ll be there for you.”
She thought about her own mother abandoning her to move to Florida. “I’ll never leave you,” she vowed. “No matter what, I’ll be there for you. I won’t run off and forget about you.” She pressed lightly on her stomach. “Can you feel that? It’s me. I’m right here.”
Fear lurked in the background. The possibility of cosmic punishment for wishing away her pregnancy in college. But the truth was, she couldn’t change the past. She could only pray that the souls of the innocents were protected. That if anyone was to be punished, it would only be her.
“I’m sorry about that, too,” she whispered. “I was wrong.” Despite Dr. Galloway’s promise that it hadn’t been her fault, she couldn’t help wondering if it was.
She heard a light knock on the door.
“Come in.”
Raoul entered, looking impossibly tall and male. “Hey. The doc said it’s done.”
Pia tried to smile. “That’s what they tell me. I don’t feel any different.”
“Not hearing voices?” he asked with a grin.
“I don’t think hearing voices is ever a good sign.”
He pulled up the stool and sat, taking her hand in his. “Scared?”
“Beyond terrified. I was telling them to hold on tight and that I’d be here for them.”
He gazed into her eyes. “I’m going to tell you the same thing, Pia. Keep holding on.”
Once again she was fighting tears. “For Keith?”
“And for you. I need to do this.”
She managed a quivering smile. “So it’s all about you? Typical male.”
“That’s me.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “What happens next?” he asked.
She tried not to focus on the warmth of his skin and the way he made her feel safe. Even if Raoul lasted through the pregnancy, there was no way he was sticking around for anything else. Getting used to having him around wasn’t an option.
“I stay here until the nurse kicks me out. In theory I can go back to work, but I’m heading home. I’m going to spend the afternoon on my sofa. It’s the whole gravity thing. I want to give these little guys a real shot.”
“Okay. What are you in the mood for?”
For a second she thought he meant sex. The part of her that had been dazzled and satiated wanted to beg for a repeat performance. But there was no way they could do it. Not right after the implantation.
“Italian?” he asked. “Mexican? I’ll get takeout.”
Oh, sure. Food. “Either. I’m not that hungry.”
“You will be in a few hours, and you have to eat.”
“For the babies,” she said, keeping her free hand on her belly. “Do you think I should sing to them?”
He chuckled. “Do you want to?”
“I’m not very good.”
“You could give them a cheer. Do you remember any from high school?”
She laughed. “I appreciate the thought, but it’s even too weird for me.”
He stroked her cheek. “Look at you. Having babies. What would your friends say?”
“My current friends will be completely supportive. The ones who know aren’t even surprised. But my friends from before…” She sighed. “As I told you before, I wasn’t exactly the nicest girl in high school. Too much attitude and money. Not enough compassion.”
He looked interested rather than judgmental. “When did that change?”
“Early in my senior year of high school.”
The door opened and the nurse looked in. “You’re free to go, Pia. When you’re dressed, stop by the desk. We’ve made an appointment for two weeks from now.”
“Thanks.”
She sat up. Raoul brushed her mouth with his.
“I’ll wait outside for you,” he said.
“Okay.”
She watched him leave, then carefully slid to her feet and started to dress. As she pulled on her jeans, she realized she trusted Raoul to be there for her. At least for now. After all this time, it was nice to have someone to depend on.
CHAPTER NINE
PIA SAT AT A TABLE IN front of the high school stage. “You’re kidding, right?” she asked the mayor.
Marsha rested her elbows on the table and dropped her head to her hands. “I wish I was. I went to the bathroom. I swear I was gone all of two minutes. By the time I got back, they’d voted to have a talent show featuring the single women in town. I guess they want the busloads of men to get a good look at what’s available.”
When Pia had been asked to attend an audition, she’d had no idea what she was getting into. At least fifty women were here, which she found stunning, and not in a happy way. They were dressed in everything from tutus to shepherdess costumes. A few wanted to start by listing everything they could cook and/or bake. One woman even smiled broadly, saying she had all her own teeth and not a single cavity.
“Like that makes her good breeding material?” Pia asked, eyeing the crowd. “Tell me this isn’t happening.”
“I wish I could.”
“When did we get desperate? I’ve always known there was something of a man shortage, but so what? We’re happy—things get done. There are more women doing traditionally male jobs in town than probably anywhere else in the country. Isn’t that a good thing?”
Marsha raised her head and sighed. “I’ve been told that there are women who want to settle down—get married and have a family. That’s more difficult here. The choice is to pick from the limited stock on hand or move.”
“Stock on hand?” And women complained that men objectify them. “I don’t understand this.”
“Me, either, but it’s too late for us to stop the flood. Men are arriving daily.”
A young woman in her twenties got up onstage. She wore a pale pink leotard and a short, wrapped skirt. She nodded and music poured out of the hidden speakers. Within seconds, the contestant was singing and dancing to a popular Broadway musical.
“She’s good,” Pia murmured. “What am I supposed to do? Make notes on who I like best? Are we really going to have a talent show?”
“I don’t see any way around it. I’m just so humiliated.”
“Um, no. That honor goes to the woman who juggled pies she’d baked.” Pia had always loved Fool’s Gold. The town had traditions and polite residents. People cared about each other. Had a single chapter in a thesis and a busload or two of men really changed everything?
Maybe there was something in the air, she thought. Something promoting change. Look at her. Just two days ago, she’d had embryos implanted. She’d been there for the procedure and had spent the rest of the afternoon lying on her sofa, and she still couldn’t seem to wrap her mind around the concept. Being pregnant was just a word. More concept than reality. How could she possibly be pregnant?
Yet Dr. Galloway had put the embryos in her. Were they hanging on as she’d asked them to? Were they growing, getting bigger and stronger?
She touched her hand to her belly, as if she could feel them inside of her.
Scattered applause brought her back to the auditions. She clapped as well, then turned to find Marsha staring at her.
“Where did you go?” the mayor asked. “She was pretty good, so it can’t have been the singing and dancing.”
“Sorry. I’ll pay attention.” Pia picked up her pen and pulled the notepad closer. “Who’s next?”
Marsha continued to study her. “Is everything all right?”
“I’m fine.”
The mayor didn’t look convinced.
Pia drew in a breath. “Crystal left me her embryos.”
Marsha’s face relaxed into a smile. “Did she? I knew someone would get them. You must be very touched, and equally terrified. That’s a lot of responsibility.”
“Tell me about it. It’s not about owning the embryos. Crystal expects me to have her babies.”
Marsha nodded. “That’s a lot to ask of a friend. Are you going to agree?”
“I…” Pia drew in a breath. “I had them implanted two days ago. There were three embryos. They all survived the thawing, which I guess doesn’t always happen. We’ll know in two weeks if they were able to embed or implant or whatever it’s called.”
Marsha looked stunned for a moment, then hugged her. “Good for you. What an amazing thing to do. I’m so proud.”
The words made Pia feel good. “I’m mostly in shock,” she admitted. “Nothing about this is real to me.”
“That will take time.”
“I have nine months.” A number that she couldn’t relate to. Knowing the facts about a pregnancy was very different than it actually happening to her. “I guess even now my body could be changing, but I don’t feel any different.”
But he knew the value of going it alone and the danger of making something more than it was. He knew how a heart could be ripped apart and left for dead. No way he was going through that again.
PIA WAITED NERVOUSLY on the padded table.
“It’s okay,” the tech told her. “Ultrasounds don’t hurt.”
Pia eyed the wand. “There has to be a downside.”
“Sorry, no. We even heat the goopy gel we use on your tummy. This is one of the easiest medical tests.”
“It beats a barium enema.”
The other woman, Jenny her name tag said, laughed. “Have you ever had a barium enema?”
“I’ve heard rumors. They can’t be fun.”
“No, they can’t, but this is easy.”
Jenny pulled up Pia’s paper gown and squirted warm gel onto her lower stomach. Then she lowered the wand and rubbed it along Pia’s skin.
There was no pain at all. Just a sensation of something warm and flat moving across her. Okay, she thought. Note to self—ultrasounds aren’t bad.
A few minutes later Jenny covered her then excused herself. Pia lay there in the dimly lit room, doing her best to breathe. Soon she would find out if she was ready for implantation. If she was, then it was crunch time. Was she really going to go through with this? Have Crystal’s babies? Once they were thawed, there was no backing out.
Before she could scramble from the table and run screaming through the building, Dr. Galloway appeared.
“I heard you’re ready,” the doctor said with a smile. “Let’s see.”
She squeezed on fresh gel and studied the monitor.
“Very nice,” she murmured. “Yes, Pia. I would say we could implant tomorrow, if you want.” The doctor touched her arm. “We can also wait a month, if you need more time.”
Ready, as in ready? As in now?
Pia opened her mouth, then closed it. Her chest got tight, as if something heavy pressed down. She felt nauseous and light-headed. Ready.
“The e-eggs can be ready by tomorrow?” she asked, her voice faint.
“Yes. We’d schedule you back for right after lunch.” Her doctor put down the wand and wiped Pia’s belly. “You don’t have to decide today. You’ll be just as ready next month.”
True, but a month was a long time to wait. Pia was afraid she would freak out even more, or at the very least, try to talk herself out of moving forward.
She sucked in a breath and braced herself. “What time tomorrow?”
APPARENTLY DR. GALLOWAY’S definition of painless and Pia’s weren’t exactly the same. Having a catheter inserted was a borderline creepy experience, but Pia did her best to relax and keep breathing.
“All done,” her doctor told her seconds later. She stood and drew the gown down over Pia’s legs, then put a blanket on her. “Lie here for about twenty minutes to let things settle. Then you’re free to go.”
“And I don’t have to act any different?” Pia asked. “Avoid strenuous activities, that sort of thing?”
“I’d stay quiet for the next few hours. You have the vitamins I gave you?”
Dr. Galloway had given her samples the previous day, along with a prescription she’d already filled. She’d taken the first prenatal vitamin that morning, downing the pill with a disgustingly healthy breakfast.
“Yes.”
“Then that’s all you need for now.”
The doctor dimmed the lights and left the room. Pia tried to get comfortable on the padded table. She closed her eyes and placed her hands on her lower stomach.
“Hi,” she whispered. “I’m Pia. I knew your mom. She was amazing and wonderful and you would have really loved her.”
Thinking about her friend made her eyes burn. She blinked away tears and drew another deep breath.
“She, ah, died a few months ago. Over the summer. It was sad and we all miss her. Your dad is gone, too, which might make you think you’re getting off to a rough start. But you’re not. You see, both your parents wanted to have children. Your mom especially. She wanted to have all three of you. But she couldn’t, what with being dead and all.”
She groaned. Talk about screwing up the conversation. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I should have planned this better. What I’m saying is she really wanted this. She wanted you to be born. I know I’m not her, but I’m going to do my best, I swear. I’m going to read books and talk to women who are good moms. I’ll be there for you.”
She thought about her own mother abandoning her to move to Florida. “I’ll never leave you,” she vowed. “No matter what, I’ll be there for you. I won’t run off and forget about you.” She pressed lightly on her stomach. “Can you feel that? It’s me. I’m right here.”
Fear lurked in the background. The possibility of cosmic punishment for wishing away her pregnancy in college. But the truth was, she couldn’t change the past. She could only pray that the souls of the innocents were protected. That if anyone was to be punished, it would only be her.
“I’m sorry about that, too,” she whispered. “I was wrong.” Despite Dr. Galloway’s promise that it hadn’t been her fault, she couldn’t help wondering if it was.
She heard a light knock on the door.
“Come in.”
Raoul entered, looking impossibly tall and male. “Hey. The doc said it’s done.”
Pia tried to smile. “That’s what they tell me. I don’t feel any different.”
“Not hearing voices?” he asked with a grin.
“I don’t think hearing voices is ever a good sign.”
He pulled up the stool and sat, taking her hand in his. “Scared?”
“Beyond terrified. I was telling them to hold on tight and that I’d be here for them.”
He gazed into her eyes. “I’m going to tell you the same thing, Pia. Keep holding on.”
Once again she was fighting tears. “For Keith?”
“And for you. I need to do this.”
She managed a quivering smile. “So it’s all about you? Typical male.”
“That’s me.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “What happens next?” he asked.
She tried not to focus on the warmth of his skin and the way he made her feel safe. Even if Raoul lasted through the pregnancy, there was no way he was sticking around for anything else. Getting used to having him around wasn’t an option.
“I stay here until the nurse kicks me out. In theory I can go back to work, but I’m heading home. I’m going to spend the afternoon on my sofa. It’s the whole gravity thing. I want to give these little guys a real shot.”
“Okay. What are you in the mood for?”
For a second she thought he meant sex. The part of her that had been dazzled and satiated wanted to beg for a repeat performance. But there was no way they could do it. Not right after the implantation.
“Italian?” he asked. “Mexican? I’ll get takeout.”
Oh, sure. Food. “Either. I’m not that hungry.”
“You will be in a few hours, and you have to eat.”
“For the babies,” she said, keeping her free hand on her belly. “Do you think I should sing to them?”
He chuckled. “Do you want to?”
“I’m not very good.”
“You could give them a cheer. Do you remember any from high school?”
She laughed. “I appreciate the thought, but it’s even too weird for me.”
He stroked her cheek. “Look at you. Having babies. What would your friends say?”
“My current friends will be completely supportive. The ones who know aren’t even surprised. But my friends from before…” She sighed. “As I told you before, I wasn’t exactly the nicest girl in high school. Too much attitude and money. Not enough compassion.”
He looked interested rather than judgmental. “When did that change?”
“Early in my senior year of high school.”
The door opened and the nurse looked in. “You’re free to go, Pia. When you’re dressed, stop by the desk. We’ve made an appointment for two weeks from now.”
“Thanks.”
She sat up. Raoul brushed her mouth with his.
“I’ll wait outside for you,” he said.
“Okay.”
She watched him leave, then carefully slid to her feet and started to dress. As she pulled on her jeans, she realized she trusted Raoul to be there for her. At least for now. After all this time, it was nice to have someone to depend on.
CHAPTER NINE
PIA SAT AT A TABLE IN front of the high school stage. “You’re kidding, right?” she asked the mayor.
Marsha rested her elbows on the table and dropped her head to her hands. “I wish I was. I went to the bathroom. I swear I was gone all of two minutes. By the time I got back, they’d voted to have a talent show featuring the single women in town. I guess they want the busloads of men to get a good look at what’s available.”
When Pia had been asked to attend an audition, she’d had no idea what she was getting into. At least fifty women were here, which she found stunning, and not in a happy way. They were dressed in everything from tutus to shepherdess costumes. A few wanted to start by listing everything they could cook and/or bake. One woman even smiled broadly, saying she had all her own teeth and not a single cavity.
“Like that makes her good breeding material?” Pia asked, eyeing the crowd. “Tell me this isn’t happening.”
“I wish I could.”
“When did we get desperate? I’ve always known there was something of a man shortage, but so what? We’re happy—things get done. There are more women doing traditionally male jobs in town than probably anywhere else in the country. Isn’t that a good thing?”
Marsha raised her head and sighed. “I’ve been told that there are women who want to settle down—get married and have a family. That’s more difficult here. The choice is to pick from the limited stock on hand or move.”
“Stock on hand?” And women complained that men objectify them. “I don’t understand this.”
“Me, either, but it’s too late for us to stop the flood. Men are arriving daily.”
A young woman in her twenties got up onstage. She wore a pale pink leotard and a short, wrapped skirt. She nodded and music poured out of the hidden speakers. Within seconds, the contestant was singing and dancing to a popular Broadway musical.
“She’s good,” Pia murmured. “What am I supposed to do? Make notes on who I like best? Are we really going to have a talent show?”
“I don’t see any way around it. I’m just so humiliated.”
“Um, no. That honor goes to the woman who juggled pies she’d baked.” Pia had always loved Fool’s Gold. The town had traditions and polite residents. People cared about each other. Had a single chapter in a thesis and a busload or two of men really changed everything?
Maybe there was something in the air, she thought. Something promoting change. Look at her. Just two days ago, she’d had embryos implanted. She’d been there for the procedure and had spent the rest of the afternoon lying on her sofa, and she still couldn’t seem to wrap her mind around the concept. Being pregnant was just a word. More concept than reality. How could she possibly be pregnant?
Yet Dr. Galloway had put the embryos in her. Were they hanging on as she’d asked them to? Were they growing, getting bigger and stronger?
She touched her hand to her belly, as if she could feel them inside of her.
Scattered applause brought her back to the auditions. She clapped as well, then turned to find Marsha staring at her.
“Where did you go?” the mayor asked. “She was pretty good, so it can’t have been the singing and dancing.”
“Sorry. I’ll pay attention.” Pia picked up her pen and pulled the notepad closer. “Who’s next?”
Marsha continued to study her. “Is everything all right?”
“I’m fine.”
The mayor didn’t look convinced.
Pia drew in a breath. “Crystal left me her embryos.”
Marsha’s face relaxed into a smile. “Did she? I knew someone would get them. You must be very touched, and equally terrified. That’s a lot of responsibility.”
“Tell me about it. It’s not about owning the embryos. Crystal expects me to have her babies.”
Marsha nodded. “That’s a lot to ask of a friend. Are you going to agree?”
“I…” Pia drew in a breath. “I had them implanted two days ago. There were three embryos. They all survived the thawing, which I guess doesn’t always happen. We’ll know in two weeks if they were able to embed or implant or whatever it’s called.”
Marsha looked stunned for a moment, then hugged her. “Good for you. What an amazing thing to do. I’m so proud.”
The words made Pia feel good. “I’m mostly in shock,” she admitted. “Nothing about this is real to me.”
“That will take time.”
“I have nine months.” A number that she couldn’t relate to. Knowing the facts about a pregnancy was very different than it actually happening to her. “I guess even now my body could be changing, but I don’t feel any different.”
