Finding Perfect
Page 25
“I hope.” Although Pia was starting to have her doubts. Maybe there was something wrong with her. “What if I can’t bond with the babies when they’re born? What if I can’t love them?”
“You won’t have a choice. You’re going to be a great mom, Pia. Stop doubting yourself.”
Pia put down the signs. “I want to believe you, but I can’t. Both my parents left me. So has every guy I’ve ever cared about. I want to think it will be different with Raoul and the babies, but I’m not sure.”
“Raoul’s not going anywhere. He’s a good guy.”
He was a guy who was marrying her to get a readymade family. Not because he was crazy in love with her.
“Besides,” Montana continued. “You never know how things are going to work out. My parents loved each other every day of their marriage. When my dad died, we were all scared Mom wasn’t going to make it. But he wasn’t the only love of her life.”
Pia hadn’t heard that. “What do you mean?”
Montana grinned. “She has a tattoo on her hip. It says Max.”
“Your Max?”
“No. He’s new to the area. The tattoo is old. Over the years, Dakota, Nevada and I have tried to find out who he is, and Mom isn’t saying a word. My point is, love happens. You’re going to do great with the babies and I’m guessing Raoul is going to fall madly in love with you. You’ll see.”
RAOUL PARKED IN FRONT of the large house. “I know it’s old,” he told Pia, “but I had Ethan go over the whole thing and it’s sound. The floor plan is great. Plenty of bedrooms, a large kitchen, which needs to be gutted, but then you could have everything you wanted. There’s a big yard out back, some great trees for climbing. It’s the perfect family home.”
He waited anxiously while Pia glanced at the three-story house with round eyes. It was in one of the older neighborhoods in town—an affluent section built in the 1920s. The second he’d seen the house, he’d known it was exactly what he’d been looking for.
“There are eight bedrooms, including three on the third story. The second story has a decent-size master, but I thought we could tear down the wall between it and the smallest bedroom to expand it. Upgrade the bathroom, make the closet bigger.”
She turned to him, her expression unreadable. “Because you have a lot of shoes?”
“I know you do. It’s a chick thing.”
“I guess it is.”
She didn’t seem that excited about the house. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Don’t you like the place?”
“It has potential,” she said, opening the car door. “We should go inside.”
He followed her, wondering what was going on with the women in his life. Dakota had returned to work the next day, but she still wasn’t herself. He’d asked what was wrong several times and she kept insisting everything was fine. Too bad she was a lousy liar. And now Pia was acting strangely.
He followed her up to the front porch. It was as wide as the house and several feet deep.
“Are you mad because I went looking at houses without you?” he asked.
“No. You said you were going to. It’s fine.”
He thought about mentioning he’d brought Peter with him the previous day and the kid had loved the house, but he wasn’t sure it would help.
“I know I’ve been busy,” he said as he fished the key out of his jacket pocket. “Having Peter around. His foster parents are due back in a couple of days. Mrs. Dawson has been investigating them and can’t find any kind of trouble, so he’ll be going back to them.”
She turned to him and pressed her hand against his chest. “Raoul, I’m not mad because you’re taking care of a little boy who’s hurt. I think it’s wonderful and amazing. In fact, I’d love to come to dinner with the two of you, before Peter has to leave. I’m not mad about the house. I’m not mad about anything.”
“You swear?”
“Yes.”
She raised herself on tiptoe. He bent down and kissed her.
The feel of her mouth against his, her body so close, made him want to pull her against him and take advantage of the empty house. One night with Pia hadn’t been enough. But until he talked to her doctor about when it was okay to seduce Pia back into his bed, he wasn’t going to do anything to put the babies in danger.
“Tonight?” he asked, knowing they were talking about dinner but wishing it were something else. “Sure.”
He opened the front door and led the way inside.
They stepped into a large two-story foyer. The formal living room was to the left, the dining room to the right. There was a study, an eat-in kitchen and a family room, all on this level.
“Let’s start at the top,” he said, pointing to the stairs.
“Okay.”
He led the way. At the top floor, he pointed out the three bedrooms. There were several large linen closets off the hall.
“If we give up this closet,” he said, pointing, “we can have a Jack-and-Jill bath. Now with three kids, it could still be a problem, so I talked to Ethan about turning this other one into a half bath. Just a toilet and sink.”
“Uh-huh.”
He showed her the three bedrooms. They were all about the same size, with sloped ceilings and bay windows with window seats.
“Great for reading,” he said.
“Especially on rainy days. You’d need a bunch of cushions, though, and maybe some blankets.”
He watched her cautiously. She was saying all the right things, but something was wrong. He felt it in his gut.
She led the way to the second floor. The master bedroom was in the back. He showed her the small bedroom that could be made part of the master suite, the hall bath that was huge and the excess of storage.
“It’s nice,” she said. “Lots of light and space. I really like the craftsman details.”
They went to the main floor. He told her everything he wanted to do in the kitchen. Then he led the way to the study.
“This room is great,” he told her. “I don’t usually like paneling, but the combination of wood and windows really works. There are plenty of bookshelves.”
He waited for her to walk in, but instead of looking at the room, she took a step to the side and tucked her hands behind her back.
“Pia?”
She seemed lost in thought. “You’re going through a real estate agent, right? Josh doesn’t own this house.”
“He recommended someone. His houses are all smaller. With three kids coming, I knew we’d need something bigger.”
She looked at him. “Did the agent say anything about the family who lived here before?”
“No.” His gut clenched. “Did you know them?”
She nodded. “My family owned this house.”
She’d lived here? Talk about being an idiot, he thought. “Why didn’t you say something? Why did you let me give you a tour?”
“I wanted to know what it would be like to be back in the house. I wanted to know…” She stared at the study. “My father committed suicide in there. I’m the one who found the body.”
PIA WAS PLEASED SHE could say the words without flinching. It was almost as if she were telling a story about someone else. Perhaps enough time had passed that the past didn’t have any power over her, although she had her doubts.
She turned her back on the study and walked into the living room. This space was safer, she thought. Fewer memories.
“I had the whole third floor to myself,” she told Raoul. “I slept in one room and had another set up with couches and a TV. My friends all came here because I had the cool parents who didn’t care what we did. We could stay up all night, talk on the phone, even steal liquor from the cabinet in my dad’s study. Whatever the hot thing was, I had it. Everyone envied me. They thought I was lucky.”
He didn’t speak, he just stood next to her, listening. She looked out the window because it was easier than seeing the pity in his eyes.
“It took me a while to figure out neither of them ever cared about me. I was just another way to show status. We only cared about how things looked, not how they were. I grew up selfish and mean. Having more clothes than I could ever wear didn’t make up for having parents who never loved me. I resented the other kids who were smarter, or had a great family.”
Involuntarily, she looked at him. Thankfully, there was no emotion in his expression.
“I was mean,” she said flatly. “I tormented everyone who wasn’t in my circle of friends. I made fun of them, spread rumors about them, told lies. And because of who my parents were, everyone believed me.” She tried to smile and failed. “You would have hated me.”
“I doubt that.”
“You would have. And I would have deserved it.” She was sure of it. “When I was sixteen, my father was charged with embezzling from his company. The news only got worse. He hadn’t paid taxes or bills. I don’t know where the money went. Maybe we spent it all. By the beginning of my senior year, it became clear that he was going to be charged with some serious crimes. Rather than face the felony charges, he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.”
Raoul reached out to her, but she stepped back. He couldn’t touch her—not now. If he did, she wouldn’t be able to get through the story.
“I heard the noise and came running. I burst into his study.” She paused, willing herself to say the words, but not actually remembering what it had been like. “It’s not the same as the movies. It’s not that clean. There was blood everywhere.”
She swallowed. “I called 9-1-1 and then I don’t remember very much. My mom left for Florida and I went into foster care. Everything was different. I didn’t have this house or half my things. And all those kids I’d tortured got their revenge. They made my life a living hell.”
She turned to look out the window again. “I don’t blame them. I deserved it.”
“What about your mom? Did you want to go with her?”
She nodded. “She wouldn’t let me. She said she needed time. There was no discussion about what I might need. She told me it was important for me to graduate with all my friends, and when I tried to tell her I didn’t have friends anymore she wouldn’t listen.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “I don’t know what happened to the house. If it was sold or repossessed or what. I finished school. My grades had never been better, probably because I didn’t have any distractions. I was voted off the cheerleading team, my boyfriend dumped me. I applied for a part-time job with the city, which is how I got involved with what I do now. My mother didn’t come back for my high school graduation and she made it clear I wouldn’t be welcome in Florida. I haven’t seen her since.”
She felt him moving toward her and even though she wanted to duck away, she didn’t have the energy. She was unable to move, even as his strong arms came around her and held her tight.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his breath whispering across the side of her face. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m fine.”
He turned her so they were facing each other and stared into her eyes. “You know what? You really are. You went through hell and survived.”
She shrugged out of his embrace. “Don’t be nice.”
“Why not?”
“Because then I might believe you.”
He studied her for a long time. She felt na**d and vulnerable. Alone. Broken.
Then he pulled her close again and held on so tight it was hard to breathe. She should have wanted to pull away, but it felt good. Too good.
“You can believe in me,” he told her. “I’m going to marry you, Pia. Nothing bad will ever happen to you again.”
She closed her eyes and let herself lean into him. “You can’t promise that.”
“I know, but I’ll do my best.” He released her just enough to cup her face in his hands, then he kissed her. “No one is ever going to leave you again.”
His words made her eyes burn.
He cleared his throat. “Given what happened this time, you should probably pick the next house.”
Despite everything she laughed. “You think?”
He kissed her again. “Are you going to be okay?”
She nodded. From the safety of his arms, she had a feeling everything was going to be just fine.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE BACHELOR AUCTION and talent show were being held in the Fool’s Gold Convention Center, a grand term for a cement-and-block-wall structure that had been planned as a big-box store. Twenty years ago some local contractor—long since out of business—had subscribed to the philosophy of “if you build it, they will come.” He’d built it and no one had shown up to rent the space. The city had bought the building and used it for various events.
The advantage was plenty of open space that could be broken up into nearly any size room. About ten years ago, the interior had been updated with a huge industrial kitchen and lots of bathrooms. Pia had taken over about half the building for the night. The place wasn’t exactly elegant, but it was functional and free, which was important, given her meager budget.
A stage had been assembled at one end, and several city workers were setting up chairs. Off to the side the banner proclaiming Fool’s Gold’s Bachelor Auction had yet to be hung and she did her best to avoid looking at it. Talk about a hideous event. The talent show was only going to make things worse. No doubt all the media attending would go out of their way to make the town look like a refuge for men-starved women of a certain age.
“You won’t have a choice. You’re going to be a great mom, Pia. Stop doubting yourself.”
Pia put down the signs. “I want to believe you, but I can’t. Both my parents left me. So has every guy I’ve ever cared about. I want to think it will be different with Raoul and the babies, but I’m not sure.”
“Raoul’s not going anywhere. He’s a good guy.”
He was a guy who was marrying her to get a readymade family. Not because he was crazy in love with her.
“Besides,” Montana continued. “You never know how things are going to work out. My parents loved each other every day of their marriage. When my dad died, we were all scared Mom wasn’t going to make it. But he wasn’t the only love of her life.”
Pia hadn’t heard that. “What do you mean?”
Montana grinned. “She has a tattoo on her hip. It says Max.”
“Your Max?”
“No. He’s new to the area. The tattoo is old. Over the years, Dakota, Nevada and I have tried to find out who he is, and Mom isn’t saying a word. My point is, love happens. You’re going to do great with the babies and I’m guessing Raoul is going to fall madly in love with you. You’ll see.”
RAOUL PARKED IN FRONT of the large house. “I know it’s old,” he told Pia, “but I had Ethan go over the whole thing and it’s sound. The floor plan is great. Plenty of bedrooms, a large kitchen, which needs to be gutted, but then you could have everything you wanted. There’s a big yard out back, some great trees for climbing. It’s the perfect family home.”
He waited anxiously while Pia glanced at the three-story house with round eyes. It was in one of the older neighborhoods in town—an affluent section built in the 1920s. The second he’d seen the house, he’d known it was exactly what he’d been looking for.
“There are eight bedrooms, including three on the third story. The second story has a decent-size master, but I thought we could tear down the wall between it and the smallest bedroom to expand it. Upgrade the bathroom, make the closet bigger.”
She turned to him, her expression unreadable. “Because you have a lot of shoes?”
“I know you do. It’s a chick thing.”
“I guess it is.”
She didn’t seem that excited about the house. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Don’t you like the place?”
“It has potential,” she said, opening the car door. “We should go inside.”
He followed her, wondering what was going on with the women in his life. Dakota had returned to work the next day, but she still wasn’t herself. He’d asked what was wrong several times and she kept insisting everything was fine. Too bad she was a lousy liar. And now Pia was acting strangely.
He followed her up to the front porch. It was as wide as the house and several feet deep.
“Are you mad because I went looking at houses without you?” he asked.
“No. You said you were going to. It’s fine.”
He thought about mentioning he’d brought Peter with him the previous day and the kid had loved the house, but he wasn’t sure it would help.
“I know I’ve been busy,” he said as he fished the key out of his jacket pocket. “Having Peter around. His foster parents are due back in a couple of days. Mrs. Dawson has been investigating them and can’t find any kind of trouble, so he’ll be going back to them.”
She turned to him and pressed her hand against his chest. “Raoul, I’m not mad because you’re taking care of a little boy who’s hurt. I think it’s wonderful and amazing. In fact, I’d love to come to dinner with the two of you, before Peter has to leave. I’m not mad about the house. I’m not mad about anything.”
“You swear?”
“Yes.”
She raised herself on tiptoe. He bent down and kissed her.
The feel of her mouth against his, her body so close, made him want to pull her against him and take advantage of the empty house. One night with Pia hadn’t been enough. But until he talked to her doctor about when it was okay to seduce Pia back into his bed, he wasn’t going to do anything to put the babies in danger.
“Tonight?” he asked, knowing they were talking about dinner but wishing it were something else. “Sure.”
He opened the front door and led the way inside.
They stepped into a large two-story foyer. The formal living room was to the left, the dining room to the right. There was a study, an eat-in kitchen and a family room, all on this level.
“Let’s start at the top,” he said, pointing to the stairs.
“Okay.”
He led the way. At the top floor, he pointed out the three bedrooms. There were several large linen closets off the hall.
“If we give up this closet,” he said, pointing, “we can have a Jack-and-Jill bath. Now with three kids, it could still be a problem, so I talked to Ethan about turning this other one into a half bath. Just a toilet and sink.”
“Uh-huh.”
He showed her the three bedrooms. They were all about the same size, with sloped ceilings and bay windows with window seats.
“Great for reading,” he said.
“Especially on rainy days. You’d need a bunch of cushions, though, and maybe some blankets.”
He watched her cautiously. She was saying all the right things, but something was wrong. He felt it in his gut.
She led the way to the second floor. The master bedroom was in the back. He showed her the small bedroom that could be made part of the master suite, the hall bath that was huge and the excess of storage.
“It’s nice,” she said. “Lots of light and space. I really like the craftsman details.”
They went to the main floor. He told her everything he wanted to do in the kitchen. Then he led the way to the study.
“This room is great,” he told her. “I don’t usually like paneling, but the combination of wood and windows really works. There are plenty of bookshelves.”
He waited for her to walk in, but instead of looking at the room, she took a step to the side and tucked her hands behind her back.
“Pia?”
She seemed lost in thought. “You’re going through a real estate agent, right? Josh doesn’t own this house.”
“He recommended someone. His houses are all smaller. With three kids coming, I knew we’d need something bigger.”
She looked at him. “Did the agent say anything about the family who lived here before?”
“No.” His gut clenched. “Did you know them?”
She nodded. “My family owned this house.”
She’d lived here? Talk about being an idiot, he thought. “Why didn’t you say something? Why did you let me give you a tour?”
“I wanted to know what it would be like to be back in the house. I wanted to know…” She stared at the study. “My father committed suicide in there. I’m the one who found the body.”
PIA WAS PLEASED SHE could say the words without flinching. It was almost as if she were telling a story about someone else. Perhaps enough time had passed that the past didn’t have any power over her, although she had her doubts.
She turned her back on the study and walked into the living room. This space was safer, she thought. Fewer memories.
“I had the whole third floor to myself,” she told Raoul. “I slept in one room and had another set up with couches and a TV. My friends all came here because I had the cool parents who didn’t care what we did. We could stay up all night, talk on the phone, even steal liquor from the cabinet in my dad’s study. Whatever the hot thing was, I had it. Everyone envied me. They thought I was lucky.”
He didn’t speak, he just stood next to her, listening. She looked out the window because it was easier than seeing the pity in his eyes.
“It took me a while to figure out neither of them ever cared about me. I was just another way to show status. We only cared about how things looked, not how they were. I grew up selfish and mean. Having more clothes than I could ever wear didn’t make up for having parents who never loved me. I resented the other kids who were smarter, or had a great family.”
Involuntarily, she looked at him. Thankfully, there was no emotion in his expression.
“I was mean,” she said flatly. “I tormented everyone who wasn’t in my circle of friends. I made fun of them, spread rumors about them, told lies. And because of who my parents were, everyone believed me.” She tried to smile and failed. “You would have hated me.”
“I doubt that.”
“You would have. And I would have deserved it.” She was sure of it. “When I was sixteen, my father was charged with embezzling from his company. The news only got worse. He hadn’t paid taxes or bills. I don’t know where the money went. Maybe we spent it all. By the beginning of my senior year, it became clear that he was going to be charged with some serious crimes. Rather than face the felony charges, he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.”
Raoul reached out to her, but she stepped back. He couldn’t touch her—not now. If he did, she wouldn’t be able to get through the story.
“I heard the noise and came running. I burst into his study.” She paused, willing herself to say the words, but not actually remembering what it had been like. “It’s not the same as the movies. It’s not that clean. There was blood everywhere.”
She swallowed. “I called 9-1-1 and then I don’t remember very much. My mom left for Florida and I went into foster care. Everything was different. I didn’t have this house or half my things. And all those kids I’d tortured got their revenge. They made my life a living hell.”
She turned to look out the window again. “I don’t blame them. I deserved it.”
“What about your mom? Did you want to go with her?”
She nodded. “She wouldn’t let me. She said she needed time. There was no discussion about what I might need. She told me it was important for me to graduate with all my friends, and when I tried to tell her I didn’t have friends anymore she wouldn’t listen.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “I don’t know what happened to the house. If it was sold or repossessed or what. I finished school. My grades had never been better, probably because I didn’t have any distractions. I was voted off the cheerleading team, my boyfriend dumped me. I applied for a part-time job with the city, which is how I got involved with what I do now. My mother didn’t come back for my high school graduation and she made it clear I wouldn’t be welcome in Florida. I haven’t seen her since.”
She felt him moving toward her and even though she wanted to duck away, she didn’t have the energy. She was unable to move, even as his strong arms came around her and held her tight.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his breath whispering across the side of her face. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m fine.”
He turned her so they were facing each other and stared into her eyes. “You know what? You really are. You went through hell and survived.”
She shrugged out of his embrace. “Don’t be nice.”
“Why not?”
“Because then I might believe you.”
He studied her for a long time. She felt na**d and vulnerable. Alone. Broken.
Then he pulled her close again and held on so tight it was hard to breathe. She should have wanted to pull away, but it felt good. Too good.
“You can believe in me,” he told her. “I’m going to marry you, Pia. Nothing bad will ever happen to you again.”
She closed her eyes and let herself lean into him. “You can’t promise that.”
“I know, but I’ll do my best.” He released her just enough to cup her face in his hands, then he kissed her. “No one is ever going to leave you again.”
His words made her eyes burn.
He cleared his throat. “Given what happened this time, you should probably pick the next house.”
Despite everything she laughed. “You think?”
He kissed her again. “Are you going to be okay?”
She nodded. From the safety of his arms, she had a feeling everything was going to be just fine.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE BACHELOR AUCTION and talent show were being held in the Fool’s Gold Convention Center, a grand term for a cement-and-block-wall structure that had been planned as a big-box store. Twenty years ago some local contractor—long since out of business—had subscribed to the philosophy of “if you build it, they will come.” He’d built it and no one had shown up to rent the space. The city had bought the building and used it for various events.
The advantage was plenty of open space that could be broken up into nearly any size room. About ten years ago, the interior had been updated with a huge industrial kitchen and lots of bathrooms. Pia had taken over about half the building for the night. The place wasn’t exactly elegant, but it was functional and free, which was important, given her meager budget.
A stage had been assembled at one end, and several city workers were setting up chairs. Off to the side the banner proclaiming Fool’s Gold’s Bachelor Auction had yet to be hung and she did her best to avoid looking at it. Talk about a hideous event. The talent show was only going to make things worse. No doubt all the media attending would go out of their way to make the town look like a refuge for men-starved women of a certain age.
