Finn
Page 38
"Again? Someone scared her before?" I think back to the night Andrew was waiting at her house and suddenly the whole scene makes a lot more sense. It also makes me so angry that I'm not sure I trust myself to even speak. "Please, just tell Rissa I'm here," I whisper.
"Why do you even care? You've obviously just been stringing her along. Otherwise, why would you invite her to stay with you and then scream at her to get out when she comes back?"
With a defeated sigh, I sit down on the step. "There's a whole story behind this but that story is for Rissa alone. I know you're trying to protect her and I'm glad she has you guys."
That seems to take some of the fun out of it for Tara. She scowls and then says, "Well, don't go getting all sentimental now. I'm having too much fun yelling at you."
I'm starting to understand why she's friends with Rissa. They have the same sarcastic sense of humor.
"You can watch us from the window while I talk to her and then I'll be out of your hair. But you don't have to worry. I've spent the past few hours in hell thinking that something happened to her. I love her more than I knew it was possible to love. And all I want is the chance to explain."
* * * * *
They leave me sitting out there for ten minutes before the door opens again. Gloria steps out on the porch and I immediately get to my feet.
"Miss Blake. It's nice to see you again."
Gloria looks at me for a long moment. "What's going on with you, young man?"
I didn't want to give this information out to just anyone but I'm incapable of lying when Rissa's mother is asking me to explain myself.
"I'm on heavy pain medication, ma'am. I thought I was dreaming."
She nods thoughtfully then opens her arms to me for a hug. "I'm glad I didn't misjudge you. You were always a good one. Come on in here then."
I enter the house and then take a seat on the couch.
"I'll go get Rissa." Gloria smiles kindly at me and then walks down the hallway and out of sight.
Now that I know Rissa is coming, I'm hit with a sudden case of nerves. I have to explain my erratic behavior and ask for her forgiveness. And there's no guarantee that she'll give it.
Rissa finally appears in the doorway. With no makeup and her wild curls pulled off her face, she looks so young.
There’s so much of the girl I loved still in her face. But for the first time I'm noticing all the ways she’s different. In some ways more fragile and in other ways stronger. I didn't think it was possible but the love I feel for the woman she's become makes the way I felt about the girl look like a crush. My first instinct is to protect her at all costs. I want to make sure that no one ever hurts her again, including me.
She sits on the other end of the couch. "I heard you were calling the office looking for me. I don't know why."
"That's because you have no idea how worried I was when I woke up this morning and you weren't there.”
She shakes her head. “But I was there. I got up to get ready for work and then you came out to the living room talking about buying me flowers. You were screaming at me."
"I don't remember any of that."
“What was wrong with you? I’ve never seen you like that.”
“Drugs do that to you.”
“You’re not …”
“A druggie? Yeah, I am. The pain pills that keep me sane also cause me to hallucinate sometimes. I’ve been hiding it from everyone around me. But just like always, you see the things no one else does.”
It's humiliating to bare myself like this to her. I would love to be able to stay a hero in her eyes but she's always been the one person that I couldn't keep a secret from. So my worst moments will always be played out in front of the person I most want to impress.
"I know I scared you and there are no words that can explain how shitty that makes me feel. I only came here to make sure that you're okay. And to tell you that you don't have to worry about me bothering you anymore."
"What?" She turns and looks at me, her blue eyes going wide.
“I’m not good for you. And you were right to run away from me.” I stand and Rissa jumps up as well.
"This entire time, you've been saying that this whole thing is unhealthy and I shouldn't be trying to hang on to the past. You're getting your wish. I'm terminating the contract effective immediately. I'll pay out the remaining balance for the next six months anyway since the breach is on my side."
I can't resist pulling her into my arms and kissing her forehead. She grabs onto the front of my shirt, hanging fast even as I'm trying to pull away.
"Goodbye, Rissa."
I wave to Gloria, who stands watching us from the hallway. Once I get outside on the porch, I take in a deep lungful of air, feeling like I suddenly can't breathe.
Every step I take away from the house seems to require more and more effort. Jonah is still parked alongside the curb and when he sees me, he starts the car.
No more revenge, no more uncertainty, no more jealousy. No more Rissa. Things will go back to the way they were.
Just before I get to the car, the screen door bangs open behind me. I turn to see Rissa running across the lawn. She stops right in front of me and pokes me in the chest with her finger.
"You know how I feel about charity. I’ll do the work that I’m getting paid for. But what happened yesterday, that can never happen again."
"Why do you even care? You've obviously just been stringing her along. Otherwise, why would you invite her to stay with you and then scream at her to get out when she comes back?"
With a defeated sigh, I sit down on the step. "There's a whole story behind this but that story is for Rissa alone. I know you're trying to protect her and I'm glad she has you guys."
That seems to take some of the fun out of it for Tara. She scowls and then says, "Well, don't go getting all sentimental now. I'm having too much fun yelling at you."
I'm starting to understand why she's friends with Rissa. They have the same sarcastic sense of humor.
"You can watch us from the window while I talk to her and then I'll be out of your hair. But you don't have to worry. I've spent the past few hours in hell thinking that something happened to her. I love her more than I knew it was possible to love. And all I want is the chance to explain."
* * * * *
They leave me sitting out there for ten minutes before the door opens again. Gloria steps out on the porch and I immediately get to my feet.
"Miss Blake. It's nice to see you again."
Gloria looks at me for a long moment. "What's going on with you, young man?"
I didn't want to give this information out to just anyone but I'm incapable of lying when Rissa's mother is asking me to explain myself.
"I'm on heavy pain medication, ma'am. I thought I was dreaming."
She nods thoughtfully then opens her arms to me for a hug. "I'm glad I didn't misjudge you. You were always a good one. Come on in here then."
I enter the house and then take a seat on the couch.
"I'll go get Rissa." Gloria smiles kindly at me and then walks down the hallway and out of sight.
Now that I know Rissa is coming, I'm hit with a sudden case of nerves. I have to explain my erratic behavior and ask for her forgiveness. And there's no guarantee that she'll give it.
Rissa finally appears in the doorway. With no makeup and her wild curls pulled off her face, she looks so young.
There’s so much of the girl I loved still in her face. But for the first time I'm noticing all the ways she’s different. In some ways more fragile and in other ways stronger. I didn't think it was possible but the love I feel for the woman she's become makes the way I felt about the girl look like a crush. My first instinct is to protect her at all costs. I want to make sure that no one ever hurts her again, including me.
She sits on the other end of the couch. "I heard you were calling the office looking for me. I don't know why."
"That's because you have no idea how worried I was when I woke up this morning and you weren't there.”
She shakes her head. “But I was there. I got up to get ready for work and then you came out to the living room talking about buying me flowers. You were screaming at me."
"I don't remember any of that."
“What was wrong with you? I’ve never seen you like that.”
“Drugs do that to you.”
“You’re not …”
“A druggie? Yeah, I am. The pain pills that keep me sane also cause me to hallucinate sometimes. I’ve been hiding it from everyone around me. But just like always, you see the things no one else does.”
It's humiliating to bare myself like this to her. I would love to be able to stay a hero in her eyes but she's always been the one person that I couldn't keep a secret from. So my worst moments will always be played out in front of the person I most want to impress.
"I know I scared you and there are no words that can explain how shitty that makes me feel. I only came here to make sure that you're okay. And to tell you that you don't have to worry about me bothering you anymore."
"What?" She turns and looks at me, her blue eyes going wide.
“I’m not good for you. And you were right to run away from me.” I stand and Rissa jumps up as well.
"This entire time, you've been saying that this whole thing is unhealthy and I shouldn't be trying to hang on to the past. You're getting your wish. I'm terminating the contract effective immediately. I'll pay out the remaining balance for the next six months anyway since the breach is on my side."
I can't resist pulling her into my arms and kissing her forehead. She grabs onto the front of my shirt, hanging fast even as I'm trying to pull away.
"Goodbye, Rissa."
I wave to Gloria, who stands watching us from the hallway. Once I get outside on the porch, I take in a deep lungful of air, feeling like I suddenly can't breathe.
Every step I take away from the house seems to require more and more effort. Jonah is still parked alongside the curb and when he sees me, he starts the car.
No more revenge, no more uncertainty, no more jealousy. No more Rissa. Things will go back to the way they were.
Just before I get to the car, the screen door bangs open behind me. I turn to see Rissa running across the lawn. She stops right in front of me and pokes me in the chest with her finger.
"You know how I feel about charity. I’ll do the work that I’m getting paid for. But what happened yesterday, that can never happen again."
