Fire Me Up
Page 22
"Warning, warning! Do not mention her butt! Whatever you do, do not mention her butt!"
Both Tiffany and I ignored Jim, Her head tipped to the side, her long blond ponytail swinging gently behind her. "It might help a little bit. What are you doing here?"
I yanked the sleeveless gauze blouse out of my skirt and used the silk scarf that I'd been wearing to confine my hair as a belt instead. "We're waiting on a friend who drives a taxi. We're going into the city because I have to deliver something to someone,"
"Oooh, a drive! I love to go for drives. I love to see people, and share smiles, and feel the warm glowing goodness that always follows me."
She waited, expectant.
My lips curved into a bit of a forced smile. I didn't want to be downright rude to Tiffany, but I really didn't relish the thought of being confined with her chirpy brand of self-centered altruism, either. "Er... we'd love to have you come with us, Tiffany, but the truth is, I don't know where to find the person I'm looking for, so the trip is bound to take at least a few hours. I'm sure you'd be bored, not to mention you'd miss the lunch banquet and some of the afternoon's workshops."
She clapped her hands together happily. "A long ride! That is even better, because then there are so many more people to see and share smiles and happiness with! We will be like butterflies flitting from person to person, bringing joy wherever we go. Thank you for the kind invitation to join you, Aisling. I do not mind in the least missing either lunch or a few workshops, and I do not have any appointments until the moon comes up later tonight."
"Uh—"
A car had pulled up while we were speaking, disgorging a couple of occupants, the driver coming around to pull luggage from the rear of the car while the man and woman went into the hotel. The driver, a handsome man with a brown goatee, turned to walk past us. Instead, the bags fell from his hands as he flung himself at me, wrapping his arms around my legs and saying something in fervent Hungarian into my pelvis.
"What the—hey! Get off me!" I tried to step backwards out of the man's embrace, but he just clung tighter lo me, speaking in between the kisses he was pressing into my stomach.
"How very curious," Tiffany said, eyeing the man doubtfully. She pulled a mirror from her purse and checked herself. "Most unexplained. This man, he says he wishes to have many sex acts with you."
I grabbed the man's ears and tried to push him off me. He just made kissy lips at me, his arms locked around the back of my legs. "Well, he's not getting any! You! Go away! No sex! Bad man! Leave me alone or I'll deck you! Crap, he doesn't seem to understand. Tiffany, you must speak Hungarian if you understood what he said?"
"Yes, my mother was from a small town near the Romanian border," she said, still primping as she frowned slightly into the mirror, "It does not make sense at all. Here am I, all sunshine and beauty and glorious Summer Eyes, and yet the man, he kisses her belly and not mine. My belly is very smooth and nice."
"Look, this isn't a—hey, hey, hey! No squeezing cheek, buster! This isn't a contest, Tiffany. Nor do I want this man's attentions. Would you please tell him to go away and leave me alone?"
She rattled off something to the man. He answered her as he shook his head, releasing one arm around my legs in order to grab my wrist and begin placing wet, smacking kisses along my hand.
Tiffany shrugged. "He says he will give you many fine babies. He says he will spend every waking moment making many sex acts with you. It is obvious to me that he is without his brains. I am a virgin. I have much charm and attractiveness, and my smile is very happy. It is impossible that he should desire you over me unless he is without his brains."
"No babies," I shrieked, pulling ruthlessly on his hair. "No sex acts! Jim, dammit, help me!"
"What do you want me to do, bite him?" Jim asked, sitting next to the bench, watching the scene with amusement glittering in its eyes.
"Yes, thank you, if it wouldn't be too much trouble," I snarled, pounding the man's head with my free arm.
Rene pulled up on the other side of the lust-crazed madman's car, his lips pursing in a silent whistle when he saw us.
"Right, that's it. No more miss nice guy." I brought the knee of my free leg up into the crazy man's jaw, his head snapping back with an audible grunt of pain. He fell backwards when I lunged sideways, but he didn't completely release me, one hand grabbing frantically for my ankle. I threw myself toward the taxi, trying desperately to shake him off. Tiffany had already entered the car, with
Jim right behind her. Rene leaned out the window as I staggered toward the taxi, the mad driver doing a commando crawl after me, refusing to release my ankle.
"You are having some difficulty, yes?" Rene asked.
"Difficulty? I don't know what you mean," I answered, whirling around to stomp my sandal down hard on the man's wrist. He screeched and let go of my ankle, sobbing into the pavement as I jumped into the taxi. "Nothing out of the ordinary as far as my life goes. Drive, please, Rene, before he stops crying about his hand."
Rene cocked his head for a moment as he listened to the man blubber, then shifted gears and pulled out. "He was sobbing most harshly about your rejection of him, Aisling, not because you stepped on his arm. Who is he?"
I tightened the strap on my ankle that the madman had loosened. "I have no idea. He jumped me for no reason. I've never met him before. As far as I know, he's just a taxi driver."
"One without his brains," Tiffany added, putting away her mirror and gifting Rene with a dazzling smile. "I am Tiffany. I am a professional virgin. If you were to choose between kissing Aisling's belly and mine, you would choose mine, would you not? My belly is very smooth and white."
Rene's glance flickered from Tiffany to me in the mirror. "A professional virgin?"
Her smile brightened until it almost blinded me. "Yes. I am very happy to meet you and bring you the joy of my beauty. You are friend to Aisiing and Jim the demon?"
"Rene is a very good friend," I answered, since Rene seemed to be a bit stunned by Tiffany's statement regarding her occupation. I should have known better, though.
Anyone who took Jim's existence in stride after only a few moments was not a man who balked at meeting a professional virgin.
Both Tiffany and I ignored Jim, Her head tipped to the side, her long blond ponytail swinging gently behind her. "It might help a little bit. What are you doing here?"
I yanked the sleeveless gauze blouse out of my skirt and used the silk scarf that I'd been wearing to confine my hair as a belt instead. "We're waiting on a friend who drives a taxi. We're going into the city because I have to deliver something to someone,"
"Oooh, a drive! I love to go for drives. I love to see people, and share smiles, and feel the warm glowing goodness that always follows me."
She waited, expectant.
My lips curved into a bit of a forced smile. I didn't want to be downright rude to Tiffany, but I really didn't relish the thought of being confined with her chirpy brand of self-centered altruism, either. "Er... we'd love to have you come with us, Tiffany, but the truth is, I don't know where to find the person I'm looking for, so the trip is bound to take at least a few hours. I'm sure you'd be bored, not to mention you'd miss the lunch banquet and some of the afternoon's workshops."
She clapped her hands together happily. "A long ride! That is even better, because then there are so many more people to see and share smiles and happiness with! We will be like butterflies flitting from person to person, bringing joy wherever we go. Thank you for the kind invitation to join you, Aisling. I do not mind in the least missing either lunch or a few workshops, and I do not have any appointments until the moon comes up later tonight."
"Uh—"
A car had pulled up while we were speaking, disgorging a couple of occupants, the driver coming around to pull luggage from the rear of the car while the man and woman went into the hotel. The driver, a handsome man with a brown goatee, turned to walk past us. Instead, the bags fell from his hands as he flung himself at me, wrapping his arms around my legs and saying something in fervent Hungarian into my pelvis.
"What the—hey! Get off me!" I tried to step backwards out of the man's embrace, but he just clung tighter lo me, speaking in between the kisses he was pressing into my stomach.
"How very curious," Tiffany said, eyeing the man doubtfully. She pulled a mirror from her purse and checked herself. "Most unexplained. This man, he says he wishes to have many sex acts with you."
I grabbed the man's ears and tried to push him off me. He just made kissy lips at me, his arms locked around the back of my legs. "Well, he's not getting any! You! Go away! No sex! Bad man! Leave me alone or I'll deck you! Crap, he doesn't seem to understand. Tiffany, you must speak Hungarian if you understood what he said?"
"Yes, my mother was from a small town near the Romanian border," she said, still primping as she frowned slightly into the mirror, "It does not make sense at all. Here am I, all sunshine and beauty and glorious Summer Eyes, and yet the man, he kisses her belly and not mine. My belly is very smooth and nice."
"Look, this isn't a—hey, hey, hey! No squeezing cheek, buster! This isn't a contest, Tiffany. Nor do I want this man's attentions. Would you please tell him to go away and leave me alone?"
She rattled off something to the man. He answered her as he shook his head, releasing one arm around my legs in order to grab my wrist and begin placing wet, smacking kisses along my hand.
Tiffany shrugged. "He says he will give you many fine babies. He says he will spend every waking moment making many sex acts with you. It is obvious to me that he is without his brains. I am a virgin. I have much charm and attractiveness, and my smile is very happy. It is impossible that he should desire you over me unless he is without his brains."
"No babies," I shrieked, pulling ruthlessly on his hair. "No sex acts! Jim, dammit, help me!"
"What do you want me to do, bite him?" Jim asked, sitting next to the bench, watching the scene with amusement glittering in its eyes.
"Yes, thank you, if it wouldn't be too much trouble," I snarled, pounding the man's head with my free arm.
Rene pulled up on the other side of the lust-crazed madman's car, his lips pursing in a silent whistle when he saw us.
"Right, that's it. No more miss nice guy." I brought the knee of my free leg up into the crazy man's jaw, his head snapping back with an audible grunt of pain. He fell backwards when I lunged sideways, but he didn't completely release me, one hand grabbing frantically for my ankle. I threw myself toward the taxi, trying desperately to shake him off. Tiffany had already entered the car, with
Jim right behind her. Rene leaned out the window as I staggered toward the taxi, the mad driver doing a commando crawl after me, refusing to release my ankle.
"You are having some difficulty, yes?" Rene asked.
"Difficulty? I don't know what you mean," I answered, whirling around to stomp my sandal down hard on the man's wrist. He screeched and let go of my ankle, sobbing into the pavement as I jumped into the taxi. "Nothing out of the ordinary as far as my life goes. Drive, please, Rene, before he stops crying about his hand."
Rene cocked his head for a moment as he listened to the man blubber, then shifted gears and pulled out. "He was sobbing most harshly about your rejection of him, Aisling, not because you stepped on his arm. Who is he?"
I tightened the strap on my ankle that the madman had loosened. "I have no idea. He jumped me for no reason. I've never met him before. As far as I know, he's just a taxi driver."
"One without his brains," Tiffany added, putting away her mirror and gifting Rene with a dazzling smile. "I am Tiffany. I am a professional virgin. If you were to choose between kissing Aisling's belly and mine, you would choose mine, would you not? My belly is very smooth and white."
Rene's glance flickered from Tiffany to me in the mirror. "A professional virgin?"
Her smile brightened until it almost blinded me. "Yes. I am very happy to meet you and bring you the joy of my beauty. You are friend to Aisiing and Jim the demon?"
"Rene is a very good friend," I answered, since Rene seemed to be a bit stunned by Tiffany's statement regarding her occupation. I should have known better, though.
Anyone who took Jim's existence in stride after only a few moments was not a man who balked at meeting a professional virgin.
