First Debt
Page 12
“Yes, I’m fine. Just stood up too fast, that’s all.”
I began counting down from ten silently. By the time I hit three, my vision suddenly shed the blackness, splashing colour and images onto my retinas.
I sighed in relief.
Swallowing back the small wash of sickness, I smiled at the maid and made my way to the double doors. I pushed them open, heading into the corridor.
The attack had been the first one today.
I didn’t want to admit it, but the last two days of peace locked in my room had done me a world of good. I would never tell the truth to Jethro, but my episodes seemed to have relaxed their lunatic need to torture me. Either a mixture of my new strength or just the vacation from overworking…my body had found a sustainable equilibrium.
For now.
Looking around, I frowned.
No one.
The corridor was empty with only glittering polished weapons and immaculate tapestries for company.
Where is everyone?
Mr. Hawk did say I could roam free. Should I see if that was true?
Hesitantly, as if I expected someone to jump out from behind a suit of armour and attack me, I drifted left—the same direction where Jethro had dragged me toward the exit and given me my one and only chance for freedom.
Peculiarly, knowing that I’d had my shot and failed granted a sense of indulgent serenity. I lacked that drive to run, because I knew there would be no point. As much as I wanted to escape, it took away the obligation of trying to get free by knowing it was impossible.
I couldn’t get it balanced in my head. But there it was.
Another truth I’d been made to face—another facet of myself I had to come to terms with.
Deciding not to go outside, despite the pleasant sunlight, I turned right down another corridor. Following the ribbons of pathways, I moved toward the bowels of the house.
After a few minutes, the rumble of voices came from an ajar door.
I froze.
I didn’t want to get caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to, but I couldn’t stop my abhorrent curiosity.
Tiptoeing closer, I peeked inside.
There were two men in leather jackets, laughing as they packed guns into a satchel. I leaned forward for a better vantage. Guns?
The floorboards creaked beneath my toes, whipping their heads up.
My heart sank. Kestrel and Flaw.
“Nila,” Kes said, dropping the bag on a wingback chair. Striding quickly to the door, he dragged me into the room.
The décor was best described as old-world comfort. A saloon of sorts with glass cases full of antiquities and soaring shelves of leather-bound literature. The huge windows permitted sunshine to illuminate dust motes and drench the slightly faded geometric carpet.
My skin tingled beneath his touch.
I backpedalled, tugging on his hold. “Let me go.”
Kes grinned. His broad jaw, dimple in one cheek, and muscular frame was so different to Jethro. Jethro was sleek, refined—a true diamond. Kes was more of a diamond in the rough.
His fingers squeezed mine in welcome. “A pleasure to see you again.” He poked his head back into the corridor. “And wait…no brother to fight for your affections?”
I couldn’t untwist my tongue to reply; my mind was otherwise occupied with all things deception. Kite. Is he Kite?
When I didn’t reply, Kes let me go and moved deeper into the room. Smiling, he asked, “Exploring the place?”
My heart raced at the way he watched me. Eager, interested, and…inquisitively kind. The crude text messages and short temper of Kite all tripped and tangled in my mind. He was such an arrogant arse via text messaging, but he seemed open and…understanding in person.
Of course, he understands. He’s been talking to you for a month. Having phone sex with you. Masturbating to the messages you sent.
I shuddered in disgust and embarrassment.
It’d been fun when we’d had the power of anonymity. Now, faced with what I’d said, it was downright mortifying.
How can I get you to admit what I know? Correct that—what I think I know.
How could I be so sure that the tall, strong Hawk before me was Kite?
“Cat got your tongue?” Kes cocked his head.
“I think she’s bowled over by your welcoming charm,” Flaw chuckled.
My attention diverted to him. To the biker who ruptured my life by planting false photographs and standing by as I fell prey to a heartless hellion.
I wanted to tell them what I really thought. I wanted to ask why they were being so nice to me all of a sudden, but the only word I could catch hold of was Kite.
Kite.
Kes.
Kite.
Get it together. Until you know for sure, don’t let on.
Straightening my shoulders, I inched forward. “No one has caught my tongue, and I wouldn’t kid yourself that I’m speechless thanks to a welcome from either of you.”
“Oh, she has a backbone,” Flaw said, grinning.
Kes’s golden eyes, so like Jethro, Daniel, and Mr. Hawk, searched mine. “She has more than that. Her entire body is made up of steel.”
My knees locked into place. I wanted to scream at him to speak the truth, then strike him down for lying to me.
What did that mean? Some cryptic clue that he knew I knew along with some vague acknowledgement that we weren’t strangers? That he was my…friend?
No, he’s not my friend.
He’s my enemy in disguise.
I couldn’t let myself be swayed by anyone’s motives.
Sticking my nose in the air, fully embracing an uppity heiress, I said, “You’re just like the rest of them.”
Kes blinked. “Pardon?”
“Don’t ‘pardon’ me. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
The messages, you idiot.
Flaw stepped forward, looking at both of us. Standing just outside my personal space, he extended his hand. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m Flaw. Real name’s Rhys, but we never go by birth names in this place.”
I couldn’t stop anger heating my cheeks. “You think I wish to shake your hand? The same hand that went into my room, packed up my belongings, and wrote a note to my father explaining my disappearance?”
Flaw held up a finger. “Technically, that wasn’t for your father but for the paparazzi who followed you around. But I will take responsibility for breaking into your room and packing.”
The way he talked and moved reminded me a little of my brother. Both were black-haired with lanky frames. A crippling pang of homesickness filled me. “Were you there?”
Flaw frowned. “There? Where there?”
I balled my hands. I didn’t remember him being there, but then again my attention at that welcome luncheon was skewed. I’d been more focused on the pieces of parchment rather than tongues. “Were you one of the ones who…licked me?”
Flaw had the decency to blanch. “No. I was overseeing a shipment for Jet. I heard about it, though.”
I laughed coldly. “Heard about it?” I shot a glower at Kes. His arms were crossed, looking pensive.
My voice ached with defiance. “If you’ve been told details of what happened, what is your opinion, from an outsider’s perspective?”
What are you doing?
The whole conversation had no point. I didn’t know why I pushed it. I just knew I couldn’t breathe properly ensconced in a room with Kestrel. I was argumentative, jumpy, and completely on edge.
Flaw looked at Kes, shrugging as if asking for guidance. Kes nodded, chewing on the inside of his cheek, obviously just as lost as I was with where I was going with this.
Taking a deep breath, Flaw muttered, “I was told why they did it—it was an icebreaker. To remove barriers between you and the brotherhood. I was told it was a onetime thing and from now on to treat you as one of us.”
“Better than one of us,” Kes murmured. “You’re our guest, first and foremost, and we’re responsible for your wellbeing.”
There were so many inconsistencies in that sentence; I didn’t know where to begin.
Didn’t he get it that I wasn’t a guest but a woman destined to die? I was their captive!
Ignoring Kes for now, I glared at Flaw. “That was the reason you were told. What about what you believe? Tell me if you found it acceptable. Tell me how you would feel if all of this happened to your sister or wife.”
Kes sucked in a breath beside me. “I see what you’re doing, Nila.”
I shuddered at the use of my first name. I’d been trying so long for Jethro to use it, yet his younger brother needed no such encouragement.
Abandoning my witch-hunt on Flaw, I turned to the man who made me itch with annoyance, intrigue, and temper. “What do you see, Kestrel?”
Kes’s eyes tightened; something harsh and hot flowed between us. Some resemblance of the kinky, sexual man from our text messages flashed, then was hidden. “I know you’re searching for validation of being debased in such a way. Regardless of what you think, it wasn’t sexual. Those men weren’t there to get off on tasting you. They were there to strip you.”
I laughed. “Well, they certainly succeeded.”
I was naked and had my first orgasm in front of them. If that isn’t the bare essentials of any human, I don’t know what is.
Kes continued, “What if I told you that whole thing wasn’t just about you? What if I told you the men who witnessed your nakedness and were privileged enough to taste you were now indebted to you?”
“Don’t talk to me about debts,” I snarled.
Kes inched closer, encroaching on my mental safety. “By seeing you struggle, by witnessing the power that grew in you with each round of the table, you earned their respect. You earned their devotion. And you were welcomed into our world with no barriers. That’s what the lunch was about. A power play where you gave up your power and gained theirs in return.”
I couldn’t stand his crisp, accented voice delivering something that shouldn’t make sense, only for it to resonate perfectly inside.
Murmuring, he said, “You can’t deny you feel different. Stronger. Braver. You were at your most vulnerable, but you survived.” Reaching up, he captured the ends of my ponytail cascading over my shoulder. “We showed you your true worth, Nila Weaver, and now you’ll have the strength to face the future intact and not break until it’s time.”
My heart stuttered then died. “You gave me all of that, just so I wouldn’t be broken for the final debt?”
The cruelty. The brutality.
Locking eyes with me, Kes whispered, “I give you my word. You are strong enough to get through this.”
The room faded until the only thing that existed was Kes and I. I didn’t know if it was the possibility of him being Kite that drew me to him or the empathy deep in his gaze but something was undeniable. The longer we stared, the more he drained me of fight and fortified me with courage.
“Forgive me?” he whispered.
“Forgive you?”
My mind skipped. Was he asking for forgiveness for licking me like his brothers or for deceiving me with text messages?
Either way, I had no willpower to offer him absolution.
Did I take a wrong turn somewhere? Had I entered an alternate universe where I was no longer a prisoner, destined to be a plaything for bastards, and somehow became an…equal?
Kes moved closer, his body heat making me quiver. “I understand why you can’t. I was selfish for asking something you can’t give.”
A crashing headache squeezed my temples. “I—I don’t understand what’s going on.” I flinched as the words spilled from my mouth, raining confusion and vulnerability.
Kes didn’t twitch or move away, only twirled his fingers in my hair. “You’ll understand, soon enough.” Closing his eyes briefly, he released my ponytail and took a step back.
Instantly, the real world swamped into being: sunlight, the feel of luxurious carpet beneath my flip-flops, and the crackle of wood burning in the large fireplace behind Flaw.
If this was another game orchestrated by the hellish Mr. Hawk, then he’d just won because Kestrel had drained me more successfully than anyone. He’d made me pliant and submissive. He’d done what no amount of fear or arguing with Jethro could achieve.
And that made Kestrel deadly.
My heart thrummed with true fear.
Another huge difference between the brothers: one used softness to control me; the other wielded frost and fury.
How naïve was I to believe Kes could ever be on my side. He was the polar opposite—the snake in the proverbial grass—just waiting for Jethro to fail, so he could sink his fangs of pity into me and bring me under his spell.
I knew without a doubt I had to understand my enemies, and quickly, before they manipulated my mind with falsities.
Taking a deep breath, I crossed my arms across my chest, wishing I had a jacket. The chill of my conclusions stole into my blood, making me shiver with trepidation.
What had just happened, and why did I feel as if I’d lost?
At least with Jethro, I saw him. We were evenly matched in will and temper. And we both conceded defeat with yet another challenge met head on.
Kestrel was dangerous.
Treacherous.
Skilled in manipulation so clever, my thoughts were enamoured and I had no hope of deciphering what truly occurred.
Flaw clapped his hands, completely dispelling the tense mood. “I’m glad that’s all resolved.”
Moving toward the wingback where a saddlebag revealed the muzzles of weapons, he plucked it off and patted the buttoned leather. “Sit. Hang out with us, if you don’t have anything else to do.” Shooting a look at Kes, he said to me, “Can I get a maid to bring you something? Coffee, tea, a snack?”
I began counting down from ten silently. By the time I hit three, my vision suddenly shed the blackness, splashing colour and images onto my retinas.
I sighed in relief.
Swallowing back the small wash of sickness, I smiled at the maid and made my way to the double doors. I pushed them open, heading into the corridor.
The attack had been the first one today.
I didn’t want to admit it, but the last two days of peace locked in my room had done me a world of good. I would never tell the truth to Jethro, but my episodes seemed to have relaxed their lunatic need to torture me. Either a mixture of my new strength or just the vacation from overworking…my body had found a sustainable equilibrium.
For now.
Looking around, I frowned.
No one.
The corridor was empty with only glittering polished weapons and immaculate tapestries for company.
Where is everyone?
Mr. Hawk did say I could roam free. Should I see if that was true?
Hesitantly, as if I expected someone to jump out from behind a suit of armour and attack me, I drifted left—the same direction where Jethro had dragged me toward the exit and given me my one and only chance for freedom.
Peculiarly, knowing that I’d had my shot and failed granted a sense of indulgent serenity. I lacked that drive to run, because I knew there would be no point. As much as I wanted to escape, it took away the obligation of trying to get free by knowing it was impossible.
I couldn’t get it balanced in my head. But there it was.
Another truth I’d been made to face—another facet of myself I had to come to terms with.
Deciding not to go outside, despite the pleasant sunlight, I turned right down another corridor. Following the ribbons of pathways, I moved toward the bowels of the house.
After a few minutes, the rumble of voices came from an ajar door.
I froze.
I didn’t want to get caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to, but I couldn’t stop my abhorrent curiosity.
Tiptoeing closer, I peeked inside.
There were two men in leather jackets, laughing as they packed guns into a satchel. I leaned forward for a better vantage. Guns?
The floorboards creaked beneath my toes, whipping their heads up.
My heart sank. Kestrel and Flaw.
“Nila,” Kes said, dropping the bag on a wingback chair. Striding quickly to the door, he dragged me into the room.
The décor was best described as old-world comfort. A saloon of sorts with glass cases full of antiquities and soaring shelves of leather-bound literature. The huge windows permitted sunshine to illuminate dust motes and drench the slightly faded geometric carpet.
My skin tingled beneath his touch.
I backpedalled, tugging on his hold. “Let me go.”
Kes grinned. His broad jaw, dimple in one cheek, and muscular frame was so different to Jethro. Jethro was sleek, refined—a true diamond. Kes was more of a diamond in the rough.
His fingers squeezed mine in welcome. “A pleasure to see you again.” He poked his head back into the corridor. “And wait…no brother to fight for your affections?”
I couldn’t untwist my tongue to reply; my mind was otherwise occupied with all things deception. Kite. Is he Kite?
When I didn’t reply, Kes let me go and moved deeper into the room. Smiling, he asked, “Exploring the place?”
My heart raced at the way he watched me. Eager, interested, and…inquisitively kind. The crude text messages and short temper of Kite all tripped and tangled in my mind. He was such an arrogant arse via text messaging, but he seemed open and…understanding in person.
Of course, he understands. He’s been talking to you for a month. Having phone sex with you. Masturbating to the messages you sent.
I shuddered in disgust and embarrassment.
It’d been fun when we’d had the power of anonymity. Now, faced with what I’d said, it was downright mortifying.
How can I get you to admit what I know? Correct that—what I think I know.
How could I be so sure that the tall, strong Hawk before me was Kite?
“Cat got your tongue?” Kes cocked his head.
“I think she’s bowled over by your welcoming charm,” Flaw chuckled.
My attention diverted to him. To the biker who ruptured my life by planting false photographs and standing by as I fell prey to a heartless hellion.
I wanted to tell them what I really thought. I wanted to ask why they were being so nice to me all of a sudden, but the only word I could catch hold of was Kite.
Kite.
Kes.
Kite.
Get it together. Until you know for sure, don’t let on.
Straightening my shoulders, I inched forward. “No one has caught my tongue, and I wouldn’t kid yourself that I’m speechless thanks to a welcome from either of you.”
“Oh, she has a backbone,” Flaw said, grinning.
Kes’s golden eyes, so like Jethro, Daniel, and Mr. Hawk, searched mine. “She has more than that. Her entire body is made up of steel.”
My knees locked into place. I wanted to scream at him to speak the truth, then strike him down for lying to me.
What did that mean? Some cryptic clue that he knew I knew along with some vague acknowledgement that we weren’t strangers? That he was my…friend?
No, he’s not my friend.
He’s my enemy in disguise.
I couldn’t let myself be swayed by anyone’s motives.
Sticking my nose in the air, fully embracing an uppity heiress, I said, “You’re just like the rest of them.”
Kes blinked. “Pardon?”
“Don’t ‘pardon’ me. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
The messages, you idiot.
Flaw stepped forward, looking at both of us. Standing just outside my personal space, he extended his hand. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m Flaw. Real name’s Rhys, but we never go by birth names in this place.”
I couldn’t stop anger heating my cheeks. “You think I wish to shake your hand? The same hand that went into my room, packed up my belongings, and wrote a note to my father explaining my disappearance?”
Flaw held up a finger. “Technically, that wasn’t for your father but for the paparazzi who followed you around. But I will take responsibility for breaking into your room and packing.”
The way he talked and moved reminded me a little of my brother. Both were black-haired with lanky frames. A crippling pang of homesickness filled me. “Were you there?”
Flaw frowned. “There? Where there?”
I balled my hands. I didn’t remember him being there, but then again my attention at that welcome luncheon was skewed. I’d been more focused on the pieces of parchment rather than tongues. “Were you one of the ones who…licked me?”
Flaw had the decency to blanch. “No. I was overseeing a shipment for Jet. I heard about it, though.”
I laughed coldly. “Heard about it?” I shot a glower at Kes. His arms were crossed, looking pensive.
My voice ached with defiance. “If you’ve been told details of what happened, what is your opinion, from an outsider’s perspective?”
What are you doing?
The whole conversation had no point. I didn’t know why I pushed it. I just knew I couldn’t breathe properly ensconced in a room with Kestrel. I was argumentative, jumpy, and completely on edge.
Flaw looked at Kes, shrugging as if asking for guidance. Kes nodded, chewing on the inside of his cheek, obviously just as lost as I was with where I was going with this.
Taking a deep breath, Flaw muttered, “I was told why they did it—it was an icebreaker. To remove barriers between you and the brotherhood. I was told it was a onetime thing and from now on to treat you as one of us.”
“Better than one of us,” Kes murmured. “You’re our guest, first and foremost, and we’re responsible for your wellbeing.”
There were so many inconsistencies in that sentence; I didn’t know where to begin.
Didn’t he get it that I wasn’t a guest but a woman destined to die? I was their captive!
Ignoring Kes for now, I glared at Flaw. “That was the reason you were told. What about what you believe? Tell me if you found it acceptable. Tell me how you would feel if all of this happened to your sister or wife.”
Kes sucked in a breath beside me. “I see what you’re doing, Nila.”
I shuddered at the use of my first name. I’d been trying so long for Jethro to use it, yet his younger brother needed no such encouragement.
Abandoning my witch-hunt on Flaw, I turned to the man who made me itch with annoyance, intrigue, and temper. “What do you see, Kestrel?”
Kes’s eyes tightened; something harsh and hot flowed between us. Some resemblance of the kinky, sexual man from our text messages flashed, then was hidden. “I know you’re searching for validation of being debased in such a way. Regardless of what you think, it wasn’t sexual. Those men weren’t there to get off on tasting you. They were there to strip you.”
I laughed. “Well, they certainly succeeded.”
I was naked and had my first orgasm in front of them. If that isn’t the bare essentials of any human, I don’t know what is.
Kes continued, “What if I told you that whole thing wasn’t just about you? What if I told you the men who witnessed your nakedness and were privileged enough to taste you were now indebted to you?”
“Don’t talk to me about debts,” I snarled.
Kes inched closer, encroaching on my mental safety. “By seeing you struggle, by witnessing the power that grew in you with each round of the table, you earned their respect. You earned their devotion. And you were welcomed into our world with no barriers. That’s what the lunch was about. A power play where you gave up your power and gained theirs in return.”
I couldn’t stand his crisp, accented voice delivering something that shouldn’t make sense, only for it to resonate perfectly inside.
Murmuring, he said, “You can’t deny you feel different. Stronger. Braver. You were at your most vulnerable, but you survived.” Reaching up, he captured the ends of my ponytail cascading over my shoulder. “We showed you your true worth, Nila Weaver, and now you’ll have the strength to face the future intact and not break until it’s time.”
My heart stuttered then died. “You gave me all of that, just so I wouldn’t be broken for the final debt?”
The cruelty. The brutality.
Locking eyes with me, Kes whispered, “I give you my word. You are strong enough to get through this.”
The room faded until the only thing that existed was Kes and I. I didn’t know if it was the possibility of him being Kite that drew me to him or the empathy deep in his gaze but something was undeniable. The longer we stared, the more he drained me of fight and fortified me with courage.
“Forgive me?” he whispered.
“Forgive you?”
My mind skipped. Was he asking for forgiveness for licking me like his brothers or for deceiving me with text messages?
Either way, I had no willpower to offer him absolution.
Did I take a wrong turn somewhere? Had I entered an alternate universe where I was no longer a prisoner, destined to be a plaything for bastards, and somehow became an…equal?
Kes moved closer, his body heat making me quiver. “I understand why you can’t. I was selfish for asking something you can’t give.”
A crashing headache squeezed my temples. “I—I don’t understand what’s going on.” I flinched as the words spilled from my mouth, raining confusion and vulnerability.
Kes didn’t twitch or move away, only twirled his fingers in my hair. “You’ll understand, soon enough.” Closing his eyes briefly, he released my ponytail and took a step back.
Instantly, the real world swamped into being: sunlight, the feel of luxurious carpet beneath my flip-flops, and the crackle of wood burning in the large fireplace behind Flaw.
If this was another game orchestrated by the hellish Mr. Hawk, then he’d just won because Kestrel had drained me more successfully than anyone. He’d made me pliant and submissive. He’d done what no amount of fear or arguing with Jethro could achieve.
And that made Kestrel deadly.
My heart thrummed with true fear.
Another huge difference between the brothers: one used softness to control me; the other wielded frost and fury.
How naïve was I to believe Kes could ever be on my side. He was the polar opposite—the snake in the proverbial grass—just waiting for Jethro to fail, so he could sink his fangs of pity into me and bring me under his spell.
I knew without a doubt I had to understand my enemies, and quickly, before they manipulated my mind with falsities.
Taking a deep breath, I crossed my arms across my chest, wishing I had a jacket. The chill of my conclusions stole into my blood, making me shiver with trepidation.
What had just happened, and why did I feel as if I’d lost?
At least with Jethro, I saw him. We were evenly matched in will and temper. And we both conceded defeat with yet another challenge met head on.
Kestrel was dangerous.
Treacherous.
Skilled in manipulation so clever, my thoughts were enamoured and I had no hope of deciphering what truly occurred.
Flaw clapped his hands, completely dispelling the tense mood. “I’m glad that’s all resolved.”
Moving toward the wingback where a saddlebag revealed the muzzles of weapons, he plucked it off and patted the buttoned leather. “Sit. Hang out with us, if you don’t have anything else to do.” Shooting a look at Kes, he said to me, “Can I get a maid to bring you something? Coffee, tea, a snack?”
