Flawed Heart
Page 9
“Don’t!” I scream so loudly my entire body starts to shake. “You do not get to try and explain yourself. I gave you a chance, Max. I gave you a thousand chances to let me in and you refused. Now you’re going to see how it feels to be on the outside.”
“If that’s the way you feel,” he barks. “Why the fuck did you come here?”
“I just wanted to . . . to . . .”
“See me?” he growls in my face. “See what I’m doing? See if I’m dating? See what happened to me? All of that, but you don’t want to talk to me. That’s not fucking fair. We can’t pretend we don’t know each other for the rest of our lives.”
“I just . . .”
He leans down closer until his lips are so close to mine I can taste his breath. “You just needed to see if I still affected you the way I used to?”
No.
No.
“N-n-n-no.”
God dammit. Now I’m stammering.
“If you could say that without stammering I might believe you, Blue Belle.”
“Let me go, Max,” I say, trying to stop my voice from shaking. “I’m done talking.”
“I’m not done, Blue Belle. I need more. I’ve spent five long fucking years wondering about you. Needing you.”
“You don’t need me,” I growl. “You pushed me away and now you’re seeking something you can’t get your hands on. It has nothing to do with need.”
“You know that, do you?” he says, staring into my eyes.
“Yes, I do. If you wanted me so badly, Max, why didn’t you chase me?”
He flinches. “Because I was in a bad place.”
“That’s it?” I laugh bitterly. “That’s the best you’ve got.”
“Yeah, Ana, it’s the best I’ve fucking got.”
“Let me go,” I demand.
He shakes his head and tilts his face until his lips are near my ear. “No, because you want this as much as I do.”
I shiver, but grate out, “No.”
“You’re thinking about the same things I’m thinking about,” he murmurs. “You’re wondering if I could fuck you as hard as I used to.”
I clench my thighs together as heat floods to my core. God damn him for getting this kind of reaction out of my body. I shouldn’t be allowing this. What the hell is wrong with me?
“You’re wondering if my cock feels as good inside your sweet fucking cunt as it once did.”
Oh my God.
“Your crude words won’t sway me,” I say, but my voice hitches.
He slides his tongue out and touches my earlobe. My eyes flutter closed, because the truth of the matter is that I do want what we used to have. I do dream about his body, his cock, his lips—everything about him. I try to remember how amazing he felt inside me, but I can’t. The memories are just that now—memories. I can no longer recall how he tastes, or how he feels.
“Funny that,” he says, letting go of my hands and reaching down, grabbing my hip. “I bet if I put my hands in your panties you’d be wet, Blue Belle.”
I swallow the thick lump in my throat, because he’d be right, and I don’t want him to know that. I go to pull back but he moves quickly, capturing my lips with his. I’m so shocked by this, so utterly shocked that I just stand there, numb and speechless. His lips are harder than I remember, but with his big body pressing mine against the wall, and his hot skin warming me, that just seems to fade away. I don’t care how his lips feel.
All I care about is how he makes my heart jump to life.
Kissing Max has always been one of my favorite things to do. Right from the start, having his lips on mine could make my day. I’d happily lay with him for hours, just kissing his lips, tasting his mouth, and being that close to him.
I remember the last time he kissed me—it was the night before he told me he didn’t love me anymore, where he fucked me so hard against the wall I bruised.
Our last kiss was a broken one.
Tears burn under my eyelids and I raise my hands, pushing him back. Everything inside me wants to buckle and kiss this man until neither of us can breathe, but I can’t. I just can’t. He broke my heart and there’s so much unspoken damage between us. Damage that even the most beautiful kiss can’t fix. Max steps back when I push, and I take the chance to slip out.
“Anabelle,” he says, his voice thick and husky. “You can run all you like, but you and I both know that we had something that can’t just be forgotten.”
I step back and wipe all emotion off my face. I don’t do this because it’s truly what I feel; I do this because it’s not that easy. I love Max; I’ve loved him for a long time, and he’s the only man I’ll ever give my heart to, but he hurt me, and I have a daughter to think about. I can’t just let him walk back into my life as if he never left – things have changed and he’ll need to accept those changes. If it were that easy, we wouldn’t be where we are. So I do the only thing I can.
“That’s a shame,” I say, my voice broken. “Because I already have.”
Then I turn and walk away, but not before I see the pain in his eyes.
Damn him.
Damn it all.
CHAPTER FIVE
THEN – College – Max
Two weeks after meeting Belle
“Wait up, Blue Belle!” I yell, running down the halls. My sneakers squeak on the polished floors as I pound my feet harder to catch up to her.
She’s got her head down, and is rushing away quickly. That’s unusual, because I know she would have heard me. We’ve been hanging out nearly every day for two weeks. Talking with her is effortless, and the more time I spend with her, the more I want to ditch everything and just be with her. She has a fucking grand personality, and she’s funny as hell.
“Belle!” I yell again.
She walks faster. Furrowing my brows, I pick up pace. As I approach, she starts running too. Her hair flicks out behind her as she darts out the doors and towards her car. There’s definitely something wrong. I put my head down and run faster, catching her just before she reaches the old, fucked-up car that she is forced to drive around. I catch her around the upper arm and she skids to a stiff halt.
“Belle,” I say, panting. “What the fuck?”
She doesn’t look at me.
I swing her around and my eyes nearly fall out of my head when I see her face. She’s got a dark bruise forming below her left eye, and it’s starting to swell shut. Rage, unlike anything I’ve ever felt in my life, rises forth and explodes as I bark. “Who the fuck did that to you?”
She looks down, and her lip trembles. Shit.
I reach out and take her chin, gently tilting her head back. “Blue Belle, tell me who did that.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she stammers out. “I probably deserved it.”
That’s the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard. Belle is like a kitten. She’s so damned cute you couldn’t possibly bring yourself to do anything to hurt her. She’s soft-spoken, gorgeous, and the best person I know. Every minute I spend with her makes me a better fucking person. So her words do not ring true, they simply make me angrier.
“Who. Did. This?” I grind out.
“If that’s the way you feel,” he barks. “Why the fuck did you come here?”
“I just wanted to . . . to . . .”
“See me?” he growls in my face. “See what I’m doing? See if I’m dating? See what happened to me? All of that, but you don’t want to talk to me. That’s not fucking fair. We can’t pretend we don’t know each other for the rest of our lives.”
“I just . . .”
He leans down closer until his lips are so close to mine I can taste his breath. “You just needed to see if I still affected you the way I used to?”
No.
No.
“N-n-n-no.”
God dammit. Now I’m stammering.
“If you could say that without stammering I might believe you, Blue Belle.”
“Let me go, Max,” I say, trying to stop my voice from shaking. “I’m done talking.”
“I’m not done, Blue Belle. I need more. I’ve spent five long fucking years wondering about you. Needing you.”
“You don’t need me,” I growl. “You pushed me away and now you’re seeking something you can’t get your hands on. It has nothing to do with need.”
“You know that, do you?” he says, staring into my eyes.
“Yes, I do. If you wanted me so badly, Max, why didn’t you chase me?”
He flinches. “Because I was in a bad place.”
“That’s it?” I laugh bitterly. “That’s the best you’ve got.”
“Yeah, Ana, it’s the best I’ve fucking got.”
“Let me go,” I demand.
He shakes his head and tilts his face until his lips are near my ear. “No, because you want this as much as I do.”
I shiver, but grate out, “No.”
“You’re thinking about the same things I’m thinking about,” he murmurs. “You’re wondering if I could fuck you as hard as I used to.”
I clench my thighs together as heat floods to my core. God damn him for getting this kind of reaction out of my body. I shouldn’t be allowing this. What the hell is wrong with me?
“You’re wondering if my cock feels as good inside your sweet fucking cunt as it once did.”
Oh my God.
“Your crude words won’t sway me,” I say, but my voice hitches.
He slides his tongue out and touches my earlobe. My eyes flutter closed, because the truth of the matter is that I do want what we used to have. I do dream about his body, his cock, his lips—everything about him. I try to remember how amazing he felt inside me, but I can’t. The memories are just that now—memories. I can no longer recall how he tastes, or how he feels.
“Funny that,” he says, letting go of my hands and reaching down, grabbing my hip. “I bet if I put my hands in your panties you’d be wet, Blue Belle.”
I swallow the thick lump in my throat, because he’d be right, and I don’t want him to know that. I go to pull back but he moves quickly, capturing my lips with his. I’m so shocked by this, so utterly shocked that I just stand there, numb and speechless. His lips are harder than I remember, but with his big body pressing mine against the wall, and his hot skin warming me, that just seems to fade away. I don’t care how his lips feel.
All I care about is how he makes my heart jump to life.
Kissing Max has always been one of my favorite things to do. Right from the start, having his lips on mine could make my day. I’d happily lay with him for hours, just kissing his lips, tasting his mouth, and being that close to him.
I remember the last time he kissed me—it was the night before he told me he didn’t love me anymore, where he fucked me so hard against the wall I bruised.
Our last kiss was a broken one.
Tears burn under my eyelids and I raise my hands, pushing him back. Everything inside me wants to buckle and kiss this man until neither of us can breathe, but I can’t. I just can’t. He broke my heart and there’s so much unspoken damage between us. Damage that even the most beautiful kiss can’t fix. Max steps back when I push, and I take the chance to slip out.
“Anabelle,” he says, his voice thick and husky. “You can run all you like, but you and I both know that we had something that can’t just be forgotten.”
I step back and wipe all emotion off my face. I don’t do this because it’s truly what I feel; I do this because it’s not that easy. I love Max; I’ve loved him for a long time, and he’s the only man I’ll ever give my heart to, but he hurt me, and I have a daughter to think about. I can’t just let him walk back into my life as if he never left – things have changed and he’ll need to accept those changes. If it were that easy, we wouldn’t be where we are. So I do the only thing I can.
“That’s a shame,” I say, my voice broken. “Because I already have.”
Then I turn and walk away, but not before I see the pain in his eyes.
Damn him.
Damn it all.
CHAPTER FIVE
THEN – College – Max
Two weeks after meeting Belle
“Wait up, Blue Belle!” I yell, running down the halls. My sneakers squeak on the polished floors as I pound my feet harder to catch up to her.
She’s got her head down, and is rushing away quickly. That’s unusual, because I know she would have heard me. We’ve been hanging out nearly every day for two weeks. Talking with her is effortless, and the more time I spend with her, the more I want to ditch everything and just be with her. She has a fucking grand personality, and she’s funny as hell.
“Belle!” I yell again.
She walks faster. Furrowing my brows, I pick up pace. As I approach, she starts running too. Her hair flicks out behind her as she darts out the doors and towards her car. There’s definitely something wrong. I put my head down and run faster, catching her just before she reaches the old, fucked-up car that she is forced to drive around. I catch her around the upper arm and she skids to a stiff halt.
“Belle,” I say, panting. “What the fuck?”
She doesn’t look at me.
I swing her around and my eyes nearly fall out of my head when I see her face. She’s got a dark bruise forming below her left eye, and it’s starting to swell shut. Rage, unlike anything I’ve ever felt in my life, rises forth and explodes as I bark. “Who the fuck did that to you?”
She looks down, and her lip trembles. Shit.
I reach out and take her chin, gently tilting her head back. “Blue Belle, tell me who did that.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she stammers out. “I probably deserved it.”
That’s the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard. Belle is like a kitten. She’s so damned cute you couldn’t possibly bring yourself to do anything to hurt her. She’s soft-spoken, gorgeous, and the best person I know. Every minute I spend with her makes me a better fucking person. So her words do not ring true, they simply make me angrier.
“Who. Did. This?” I grind out.
