For You
Page 120
Colt stopped Feb at the passenger side of the truck and waited for the old man to arrive.
“Colt, February,” Doc said when he made it, his face showing this wasn’t a friendly visit. He had something on his mind.
“Doc,” Feb smiled at him and Doc smiled back, then his eyes went to Colt.
“Let the dead dog alone, Doc,” Colt told him, he felt Feb’s body jerk in surprise at his side but he didn’t look away from Doc.
“I see, you two together, you worked it out. And you two here, I figure you found it in your hearts –”
“Nothin’ to find, Doc, let it lie.”
Doc stared at him then he looked at Feb then back at Colt before he said, “Boy–”
“She told you it was me,” Colt said.
Doc closed his eyes, opened them and said, “I know, man like you, even the man you were then, you’d –”
“She didn’t do anything to me, Doc. Let it lie.”
Doc got closer and his eyes slid to Feb and back to Colt and Colt knew what he was communicating.
Softly, he informed him, “The baby she had wasn’t mine.”
“Colt –”
“It wasn’t mine, Doc, let it lie.”
“She told me –”
“Let it lie.”
“Boy, you know now, I know you do, no denyin’ it, you got a son.”
“The baby was Denny’s.”
Colt watched as Doc took a step back, his face showing surprise.
“I reckon,” Colt went on, “she didn’t wanna tell you because either she was in denial herself or, if she told you she’d been raped, she expected you’d try to get her to report it, something she didn’t have the strength to see through. She picked me because she knew you’d let that slide and she picked Craig for the birth certificate because she wanted me and Feb to have no more harm. Now the bones are exposed Doc, let’s all let them lie.”
“I had no idea,” Doc whispered, pain stark in his voice.
“She didn’t want you to,” Colt told him.
“I coulda helped her.”
“We all could have, Doc, like I said, let it lie.”
“Rape?” Doc was still whispering but looking away, the pain now stark on his face.
Feb moved forward and gathered the old man in her arms and, to Colt’s surprise, he let her. He was old, that much was obvious, but he never acted it. Now he looked like a hundred years of life had settled in his soul.
“You couldn’t fix what you didn’t know was broken,” Feb said softly to him. “But you gave her the peace of mind she was askin’ for at the time.” She pulled back and looked at him before she asked, “And that’s a good thing, right?”
“Never easy livin’ with the knowledge that you could have done more, February.”
“Nope, you’re right,” Feb replied. “So you’ll have to live with the fact that you did what she asked, kept her secret, and, in a time when she was scared as hell, you gave her a little bit of feelin’ safe.”
Doc moved out of Feb’s arms and lifted a hand to pat her shoulder but his mind was active behind his eyes, sifting through memories, trying to figure out what he missed, where he’d gone wrong and what more he could have done.
Colt decided to put a stop to it. “Denny Lowe started to wage war awhile ago, Doc, with a lot of casualties along the way.” Doc looked at him and Colt continued. “None of us even knew he was doin’ it and comin’ out victorious. Don’t give him another victory, not standing yards from the grave of one he brought low. Amy wouldn’t want that for the rest of us left standin’. In fact, she died so that we could all let it go.”
Doc looked at him for a long time and he looked at him hard.
Then he said, “You were always a smart lil’ bugger.”
“Yeah, I think you mentioned that when I was about five and a fair few times since,” Colt told him.
Doc kept looking at him then he turned to Feb. “How’re you sleepin’, February?”
Feb moved into Colt, slid her arm around his waist and put her head to his shoulder before she whispered, “Sleepin’ good, Doc.”
Doc took them both in and said, “Two weeks ago, you asked me, I’da said I never thought I’d see this end for you two.”
“Drink it in,” Colt suggested, as he lifted his arm and curled it around Feb’s shoulders.
The pall on the day was lifting because the funeral was over, he was taking Feb to a home she was moving her shit into and he thought it was highly likely he had something to do with her sleeping well. All was not well with the world, but at least it was better.
Feb leaned forward and whispered again, this time loudly, “He’s very full of himself, Doc.”
“A good woman gives him her love, that’ll do that to a man, February,” Doc whispered back, also loudly.
Feb’s chin gave a startled jerk but Doc didn’t give her time to let his compliment sink in. He lifted his hand and then let it fall before he turned and walked away.
Colt watched him and saw his shoulders were drooped, his gait was slow and Colt knew his thoughts were heavy. He’d always liked and admired the man but this feeling grew watching Doc shoulder a dead burden that wasn’t really his. But, Colt thought, no good shepherd would let a member of his flock wander into danger without blaming himself for neglect, no matter if that flock was large and the lamb who wandered was acting out of his control.
Feb was watching him too as he got in his car, started it up and drove away.
She turned and looked up at him. “Do you think he’ll be all right?”
Colt reckoned Doc, being Doc, carried more burdens than anyone Colt knew because Doc collected them. Death for Doc would be a gift because, after, a man like him would be sitting right next to God.
“Yeah, he’ll be okay,” he answered Feb, tore his gaze from the road and looked down at his woman. “You need me to lift you into the truck again?”
She glanced around and then nodded. “But wait, like at the funeral home. I don’t want anyone to see you doing it.”
He wanted to hang out at a cemetery a lot less than he wanted to hang out and wait for all the cars to leave the funeral home, which was to say he didn’t want to hang out at all.
Therefore he picked her up, she gave a small, muted scream, grabbed onto his shoulders, he opened the passenger side door and deposited her in the seat.
“Colt, February,” Doc said when he made it, his face showing this wasn’t a friendly visit. He had something on his mind.
“Doc,” Feb smiled at him and Doc smiled back, then his eyes went to Colt.
“Let the dead dog alone, Doc,” Colt told him, he felt Feb’s body jerk in surprise at his side but he didn’t look away from Doc.
“I see, you two together, you worked it out. And you two here, I figure you found it in your hearts –”
“Nothin’ to find, Doc, let it lie.”
Doc stared at him then he looked at Feb then back at Colt before he said, “Boy–”
“She told you it was me,” Colt said.
Doc closed his eyes, opened them and said, “I know, man like you, even the man you were then, you’d –”
“She didn’t do anything to me, Doc. Let it lie.”
Doc got closer and his eyes slid to Feb and back to Colt and Colt knew what he was communicating.
Softly, he informed him, “The baby she had wasn’t mine.”
“Colt –”
“It wasn’t mine, Doc, let it lie.”
“She told me –”
“Let it lie.”
“Boy, you know now, I know you do, no denyin’ it, you got a son.”
“The baby was Denny’s.”
Colt watched as Doc took a step back, his face showing surprise.
“I reckon,” Colt went on, “she didn’t wanna tell you because either she was in denial herself or, if she told you she’d been raped, she expected you’d try to get her to report it, something she didn’t have the strength to see through. She picked me because she knew you’d let that slide and she picked Craig for the birth certificate because she wanted me and Feb to have no more harm. Now the bones are exposed Doc, let’s all let them lie.”
“I had no idea,” Doc whispered, pain stark in his voice.
“She didn’t want you to,” Colt told him.
“I coulda helped her.”
“We all could have, Doc, like I said, let it lie.”
“Rape?” Doc was still whispering but looking away, the pain now stark on his face.
Feb moved forward and gathered the old man in her arms and, to Colt’s surprise, he let her. He was old, that much was obvious, but he never acted it. Now he looked like a hundred years of life had settled in his soul.
“You couldn’t fix what you didn’t know was broken,” Feb said softly to him. “But you gave her the peace of mind she was askin’ for at the time.” She pulled back and looked at him before she asked, “And that’s a good thing, right?”
“Never easy livin’ with the knowledge that you could have done more, February.”
“Nope, you’re right,” Feb replied. “So you’ll have to live with the fact that you did what she asked, kept her secret, and, in a time when she was scared as hell, you gave her a little bit of feelin’ safe.”
Doc moved out of Feb’s arms and lifted a hand to pat her shoulder but his mind was active behind his eyes, sifting through memories, trying to figure out what he missed, where he’d gone wrong and what more he could have done.
Colt decided to put a stop to it. “Denny Lowe started to wage war awhile ago, Doc, with a lot of casualties along the way.” Doc looked at him and Colt continued. “None of us even knew he was doin’ it and comin’ out victorious. Don’t give him another victory, not standing yards from the grave of one he brought low. Amy wouldn’t want that for the rest of us left standin’. In fact, she died so that we could all let it go.”
Doc looked at him for a long time and he looked at him hard.
Then he said, “You were always a smart lil’ bugger.”
“Yeah, I think you mentioned that when I was about five and a fair few times since,” Colt told him.
Doc kept looking at him then he turned to Feb. “How’re you sleepin’, February?”
Feb moved into Colt, slid her arm around his waist and put her head to his shoulder before she whispered, “Sleepin’ good, Doc.”
Doc took them both in and said, “Two weeks ago, you asked me, I’da said I never thought I’d see this end for you two.”
“Drink it in,” Colt suggested, as he lifted his arm and curled it around Feb’s shoulders.
The pall on the day was lifting because the funeral was over, he was taking Feb to a home she was moving her shit into and he thought it was highly likely he had something to do with her sleeping well. All was not well with the world, but at least it was better.
Feb leaned forward and whispered again, this time loudly, “He’s very full of himself, Doc.”
“A good woman gives him her love, that’ll do that to a man, February,” Doc whispered back, also loudly.
Feb’s chin gave a startled jerk but Doc didn’t give her time to let his compliment sink in. He lifted his hand and then let it fall before he turned and walked away.
Colt watched him and saw his shoulders were drooped, his gait was slow and Colt knew his thoughts were heavy. He’d always liked and admired the man but this feeling grew watching Doc shoulder a dead burden that wasn’t really his. But, Colt thought, no good shepherd would let a member of his flock wander into danger without blaming himself for neglect, no matter if that flock was large and the lamb who wandered was acting out of his control.
Feb was watching him too as he got in his car, started it up and drove away.
She turned and looked up at him. “Do you think he’ll be all right?”
Colt reckoned Doc, being Doc, carried more burdens than anyone Colt knew because Doc collected them. Death for Doc would be a gift because, after, a man like him would be sitting right next to God.
“Yeah, he’ll be okay,” he answered Feb, tore his gaze from the road and looked down at his woman. “You need me to lift you into the truck again?”
She glanced around and then nodded. “But wait, like at the funeral home. I don’t want anyone to see you doing it.”
He wanted to hang out at a cemetery a lot less than he wanted to hang out and wait for all the cars to leave the funeral home, which was to say he didn’t want to hang out at all.
Therefore he picked her up, she gave a small, muted scream, grabbed onto his shoulders, he opened the passenger side door and deposited her in the seat.
