Forever Innocent
Page 49
He lifted my legs and swung them across his lap. “You’re wearing entirely too many clothes,” he said.
“So, take care of it.”
Gavin slid his arm beneath my knees and stood, lifting me with him. He’d always been strong, but now the workouts and mass of muscles eclipsed the body of the boy he’d been at eighteen. I held on to his neck as we moved down the hall to his bedroom, ready to revel in another night where I didn’t have to think about anything but each moment as it came.
•*´`*•*´`*•
Sometime in the night I awoke with a pain in my side, like a stitch, but lower, in my abdomen near my hip. I crawled from the bed and padded to the bathroom, wincing at the light. On the birth control shot, I didn’t bleed often, but sometimes it came lightly. I wiped carefully, grimacing at the tiny smear of pink. That wasn’t typical.
I flushed the toilet paper, trying to calm my panic. Maybe Gavin should wear a condom, make doubly certain nothing happened. I had no idea when to expect cycles and wouldn’t know if I got pregnant any more than I had the first time.
Remembering the positive test, just a week after the SAT and that period where I’d smoked more weed than a 1960s stoner, made my breath speed up out of habit. I gulped in air, trying to slow it down. I’d just drunk a half bottle of wine, and that was no better if I got pregnant and didn’t know. I hadn’t learned anything. I hadn’t grown up one bit.
I knelt on the hard tile, trying to pull myself together. But my body was used to this, and as soon as my mind wandered, I realized I was holding my breath again and my vision dissolved into black and white.
I sucked in a fast breath. I didn’t need to hit the floor here at Gavin’s. I was done with that, totally finished. I had crossed the line, and I didn’t need this anymore.
The bed squeaked. Gavin. He might come in here, see me. I scrambled to my feet, wavering when the sudden movement made the spots come. I turned on the water and splashed my face. Control. I had to get in control.
Gavin’s head poked into the doorway. “You okay, baby?”
“Yes. All good.” The towel was rough against my skin. “Time to teach you about fabric softener.”
“That’s an extra fifty cents at the laundromat.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “But I guess you’re worth it.”
I turned in to him, accepting the comfort of his arms. I’d bring up the subject of condoms tomorrow.
Chapter 31: Corabelle
The week settled into a pattern. On my late work nights, we stayed at Gavin’s and he made dinner. On his late nights, we stayed at my apartment and I made something for him. We went to astronomy class together since it was our only class that day and we had time to get home and go to work separately. Tuesdays and Thursdays were my longer class days, and I stayed on campus since I was taking more coursework than him.
I started to recognize what he’d already seen that night of the ruined lasagna. We were back to where we were meant to be.
Friday morning, the astronomy professor gave us a star assignment to do over the weekend. “You will use the two pointer stars, Dubhe and Merak, to locate Polaris, the North Star,” he said and leaned forward on his podium to stare at us intently, as if imparting some great truth. “You may think you know where the star is, but I trust you will find in this assignment that you do not yet know your place on this earth.”
“He sounds like Dumbledore,” the boy next to me said, and I clapped my hand over my mouth to avoid laughing out loud.
Gavin looked down the row at me, scowling, and I sat back to keep him from staring. He hadn’t shown any jealousy back in high school, but he definitely seemed sensitive to it after the incident with Austin. I focused my attention back on the professor.
“You will use your hands and fingers according to this diagram.” The professor laser-pointed to the screen. “Which you will find on the class website. You will use the altitude of Polaris above the horizon to determine your own location on this planet.”
He killed the overhead. “If you have questions, see your TA. Good day, see you Monday.”
Gavin headed straight for me, glaring at the guy in the next chair. He picked up my backpack from the floor. “Ready?”
“Just a minute,” I said. “I need to pack that. Give it here.”
My neighbor walked away and Gavin settled into his seat. “Maybe I can get the TA to move me next to you.”
I ignored him and shoved my iPad in my bag. “You want to do this Polaris lab together this weekend?”
“Definitely. We should drive out of town a bit Saturday night and find a good place.”
“Sure.”
“You think you’ll be ready for the bike? You’ll love it, I promise.”
I slung my backpack on my shoulder. “Okay.”
“Perfect.” He held out his elbow. “To your chariot?”
I slid my hand through his arm. “Lead the way.”
“You two are just too cute,” Jenny said, falling in beside us. “Set a date yet?”
I nudged her. “Don’t be snarky.”
“It’s an honest question. I expect to be maid of honor. And Lumberjack can be my escort, since he was the one who got you both at the same star party.” She dropped behind us as we headed for the stairwell. “When are we going to double date?”
“Whenever you want,” I said.
“Oooh, I know!” Jenny said. “We should do the star thing together. He’s the TA. We’ll obviously get it right.”
“So, take care of it.”
Gavin slid his arm beneath my knees and stood, lifting me with him. He’d always been strong, but now the workouts and mass of muscles eclipsed the body of the boy he’d been at eighteen. I held on to his neck as we moved down the hall to his bedroom, ready to revel in another night where I didn’t have to think about anything but each moment as it came.
•*´`*•*´`*•
Sometime in the night I awoke with a pain in my side, like a stitch, but lower, in my abdomen near my hip. I crawled from the bed and padded to the bathroom, wincing at the light. On the birth control shot, I didn’t bleed often, but sometimes it came lightly. I wiped carefully, grimacing at the tiny smear of pink. That wasn’t typical.
I flushed the toilet paper, trying to calm my panic. Maybe Gavin should wear a condom, make doubly certain nothing happened. I had no idea when to expect cycles and wouldn’t know if I got pregnant any more than I had the first time.
Remembering the positive test, just a week after the SAT and that period where I’d smoked more weed than a 1960s stoner, made my breath speed up out of habit. I gulped in air, trying to slow it down. I’d just drunk a half bottle of wine, and that was no better if I got pregnant and didn’t know. I hadn’t learned anything. I hadn’t grown up one bit.
I knelt on the hard tile, trying to pull myself together. But my body was used to this, and as soon as my mind wandered, I realized I was holding my breath again and my vision dissolved into black and white.
I sucked in a fast breath. I didn’t need to hit the floor here at Gavin’s. I was done with that, totally finished. I had crossed the line, and I didn’t need this anymore.
The bed squeaked. Gavin. He might come in here, see me. I scrambled to my feet, wavering when the sudden movement made the spots come. I turned on the water and splashed my face. Control. I had to get in control.
Gavin’s head poked into the doorway. “You okay, baby?”
“Yes. All good.” The towel was rough against my skin. “Time to teach you about fabric softener.”
“That’s an extra fifty cents at the laundromat.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “But I guess you’re worth it.”
I turned in to him, accepting the comfort of his arms. I’d bring up the subject of condoms tomorrow.
Chapter 31: Corabelle
The week settled into a pattern. On my late work nights, we stayed at Gavin’s and he made dinner. On his late nights, we stayed at my apartment and I made something for him. We went to astronomy class together since it was our only class that day and we had time to get home and go to work separately. Tuesdays and Thursdays were my longer class days, and I stayed on campus since I was taking more coursework than him.
I started to recognize what he’d already seen that night of the ruined lasagna. We were back to where we were meant to be.
Friday morning, the astronomy professor gave us a star assignment to do over the weekend. “You will use the two pointer stars, Dubhe and Merak, to locate Polaris, the North Star,” he said and leaned forward on his podium to stare at us intently, as if imparting some great truth. “You may think you know where the star is, but I trust you will find in this assignment that you do not yet know your place on this earth.”
“He sounds like Dumbledore,” the boy next to me said, and I clapped my hand over my mouth to avoid laughing out loud.
Gavin looked down the row at me, scowling, and I sat back to keep him from staring. He hadn’t shown any jealousy back in high school, but he definitely seemed sensitive to it after the incident with Austin. I focused my attention back on the professor.
“You will use your hands and fingers according to this diagram.” The professor laser-pointed to the screen. “Which you will find on the class website. You will use the altitude of Polaris above the horizon to determine your own location on this planet.”
He killed the overhead. “If you have questions, see your TA. Good day, see you Monday.”
Gavin headed straight for me, glaring at the guy in the next chair. He picked up my backpack from the floor. “Ready?”
“Just a minute,” I said. “I need to pack that. Give it here.”
My neighbor walked away and Gavin settled into his seat. “Maybe I can get the TA to move me next to you.”
I ignored him and shoved my iPad in my bag. “You want to do this Polaris lab together this weekend?”
“Definitely. We should drive out of town a bit Saturday night and find a good place.”
“Sure.”
“You think you’ll be ready for the bike? You’ll love it, I promise.”
I slung my backpack on my shoulder. “Okay.”
“Perfect.” He held out his elbow. “To your chariot?”
I slid my hand through his arm. “Lead the way.”
“You two are just too cute,” Jenny said, falling in beside us. “Set a date yet?”
I nudged her. “Don’t be snarky.”
“It’s an honest question. I expect to be maid of honor. And Lumberjack can be my escort, since he was the one who got you both at the same star party.” She dropped behind us as we headed for the stairwell. “When are we going to double date?”
“Whenever you want,” I said.
“Oooh, I know!” Jenny said. “We should do the star thing together. He’s the TA. We’ll obviously get it right.”
